Treasure
by hewhoistomriddle
Summary: The pirate-themed ItaHina that morphed into Akatsuki humor, action and adventure. Pirate!Akatsuki and Captured!Hinata. Discontinued. Outline posted.
1. Capture

**Title: **TREASURE

**Summary: **All is well for Hyuuga Hinata until she is captured by Itachi of the Sharingan and the Jolly Akatsuki. Sailing over the high seas with the most fearsome crew in the five seas with Captain of the Guard Neji and her own fiancé Uchiha Sasuke in pursuit, what's a lady to do? ItaHina.

**Warnings: **OOC (prepare to have these wonderful characters butchered). Swearing (Hidan). Honorifics. Clichés.

(author gnashes teeth) This is no longer a romance/humor oneshot. It is now a monster-sized, convoluted, mutant disaster of a story that has descended into somewhere between coherence and crack. Don't say you weren't warned.

Posted as a separate story because there's no point in violating Epitome. _Honest_, you won't believe its the same writer.

**Dedication: **Everyone who has written, loved, reviewed, or read ItaHina (in that precise order). You are the reason I write.

In retrospect, I should also dedicate this to coffee since that's what I was on while I wrote this, nine nights out of ten.

**Disclaimer: **Let's put it this way – all mistakes are _mine_.

**

* * *

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_Yo ho yo ho a pirates life for me._

**

* * *

**

_Rumors spread faster than Amaterasu._

Lady Hinata, privileged daughter of the powerful and affluent Hyuuga dynasty and successor to all its assets and holdings, shame and fame, had absolutely no patience for rumors.

Of course, this may have been due to the fact that not a few weeks ago, she herself had been the subject of quite a few particularly _vile_ ones after news let out about her engagement to the beloved prince of all the village girls' hearts, the strikingly handsome and debonair Uchiha Sasuke.

Apparently, despite her status, kindness and vehement protests against the engagement, she was not safe from the ones who dubbed themselves as the _FAN_girls (a tribute to the family symbol – _they thought they were being quite cute and clever for thinking it up_).

Rumor Number One: Hyuuga Hinata tricked Uchiha Sasuke into marrying her. A ludicrous rumor that refused to die until _Sasuke-sama_ himself refuted it.

Which the man refused to do, stating that he couldn't be bothered. In the deepest, most shadowed corner of her mind, a treacherous little voice sneered that Sasuke was just more comfortable believing _that_ as the truth behind their engagement rather than admitting that maybe he had scrap of affection for her.

Rumor Number Two: Hyuuga Neji, also of the Hyuuga, was _gay_.

This had much less been due to her cousin's effeminate hair, vanity and morning habits, which were admittedly _dubious_, and more to do with his obsession with his _duty_ ("It is my destiny, Hinata-sama.") which took him to various corners of the world, through enemy territory, harsh weather and cruel seas, in the company of _men_, strapping young sailors who probably didn't keep their shirts on once the ship left port.

After Sasuke, he was the candy among the young women of the village and, following a series of cold rebuttals and snappish rejections and a distinct lack of interest in anyone, was mourned as hopeless.

Really, what sane man would choose leading an armada over settling down with a nice lady and whiling away his (considerably massive) inheritance?

(In Neji's mind, what sane man _wouldn't_?)

Rumor Number Three: A known member of the dreaded Jolly Akatsuki – the most deadly crew in known history – was spotted near the town she was currently vacationing in. Now _that_ was just ridiculous.

Only a few weeks ago they had raided a fortress a long way south from their region, this she'd heard from Neji himself who was never known to speak falsehoods, and, unless they'd miraculously caught every tradewind to the north and suffered no injuries, it should take more than a month to travel from there.

What's more, everyone knew they were after the legendary "nine demon treasures" (what it was exactly, no one knew) and there certainly wasn't anything like that around here.

So, unlike the common salt-of-the-earth townspeople who'd barred up their homes and fled at the first whispers, the merchants, upper classes, and aristocrats stayed.

**

* * *

**

_Okay, maybe she should have paid more attention to that last rumor. _

Then, probably, she would have been spared this gut-wrenching horror of witnessing a town being burned town, dodging gunshots and clashing swords, and being knocked around by a steady succession of explosions.

She'd long been separated from her guards, one of whom had suggested that she dress herself like an urchin and run with the rest of the remaining townsfolk in hopes of not drawing more attention than necessary. _It had worked for the most part but…_

Unfortunately, she'd taken one of the dead-end routes and ended up dangerously near where the main fighting was commencing. Readjusting the dirty-brown hood, she pressed herself further in between the gap between two large oak barrels, willing herself to stop moving.

The moon was monstrously bright tonight and it wouldn't be too hard to spot even miniscule movements. _Just pretend you are a sack of potatoes. Don't mind me everyone._

A mad scuffle to her right caught her attention and she carefully peeked at the scene beyond the barrels.

Two men wearing the infamous red cloud insignia on their cloths were taking out soldiers left and right, easily gliding between rifle shots and brandishing blades. _Huge blades_. One of them, looking too much like Death's scythe for her comfort, caught the beam of a torch and momentarily blinded her.

By the time the spots disappeared from her eyes, the two men were right in front of her, grinning ferally. The way cats probably would when they finally cornered the canary.

Fear like she'd never known before (_not when she'd almost been kidnapped as a child, not even when Neji tried to kill her when he'd still had a grudge, not even when the FANgirls confronted her_) rose in her chest, making her heart slam painfully against her ribs.

_I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. Kami, please make it quick._

"Look what we have here, Kisame, a yellow-bellied townie who took a _seriously_ wrong turn somewhere…" One of them, Hidan, grabbed her arm, staining it something remarkably red, and forced her to stand, laughing harshly as she stumbled on her own feet.

Kisame chuckled darkly (alarming Hinata to higher levels – for there was nothing quite like two possibly murderous pirates laughing at you). _Poor kid was shaking like a leaf._

Suddenly, Hinata coughed, pulled out of Hidan's grasp and squared her shoulders.

Pale eyes then looked at straight at Kisame (_a good choice too, Kisame though – honestly, between shark-faced Kisame and choir-boy Hidan, he was _pretty_ sure _he_ was _less_ scary_), glaring magnificently.

_Or trying to._ Kisame almost laughed. The glare was much ruined by the kid's own features (soft, refined, _girlish_), small stature and the incessant _quaking_.

"L-let me go," Hinata did her best to growl, exuding as much bravado as she could. _Neji told you about these kind of people, show them you're afraid and you're dead before you know it! Impress them and you just might be spared._

At the thought of her cousin, her heart calmed down a whit, reducing the blood pounding in her head and allowing her to think more clearly.

"Let me go, you foul bandits!" She repeated, rather recklessly.

"Brave lad you got there, yeah?" Deidara had arrived (_Another one?! _Hinata's eyes snapped fully open), slipping out from between two burning buildings. He cut quite an impressive figure right there: glittering eyes, golden hair gleaming from the flames, guns and bombs strapped on his back. "I was starting to think there wasn't any spines in this town. They all ran away at the sight of _danna_ back there, un."

"Blondie," Hidan acknowledged, eliciting a fuming scowl from the, _well_, blond. "So you finished blowing up your half of the town?"

Deidara's insane grin was answer enough.

Hinata _had _faintly registered that the sounds of fighting were beginning to die down. The battle was already over. By daybreak, the beautiful and once-thriving town would be left in gunpowder and ashes, another one in a long line of Akatsuki's casualties. _Just like she would be if she didn't get a move on._

She contemplated just bolting, hoping to the gods that be they wouldn't bother to go after her, not when they probably had much booty to purloin. What could _she_ do, after all, a _weak tiny person_ like her (not counting her connections to the Imperial Navy and local military forces)…

That train of thought was abruptly and thoroughly demolished on strong, vise-like hand gripped the back of her squalid outfit and threw her down hard enough to bruise. That hand belonged to a fourth pirate, one she hadn't detected even a wisp of.

She shakily got her feet, regarding the newcomer warily. A lean figure wrapped in dark swathes of cloth in classical pirate style, bandana round his forehead, long dark hair in a loose ponytail, an unforgettable face – not just because it was impressively attractive (even in the sparse light), but also because it was _odd_: it had the stubble and the tan and the general messiness but the planes of the actual features were very well-defined and quite elegant.

_Heh, like a prince thrust_ _into bandit clothes. _She'd met princes in the flesh and they had _nothing_ on this guy, even dressed as he was.

Itachi didn't even glance at her perusing gaze before coolly stating that they were leaving. "Wrong information, the beast's treasure isn't here. We're loading up and going."

"Damn, right now?!" Hidan cursed crossly. "Ugh, just when I finally got free of that stinking sea shit…"

The other two seemed more concerned about the failure of their recon, but reluctant to bring it up when not in the captain's quarters. Paranoia does that to you.

"What about _it_, un?" Deidara pointed to Hinata. Hinata turned sharply to him, causing the hood to fall to her shoulders, fully revealing her face and hair.

"Shit, it's a girl!" Hidan bellowed, looking at her up and down in astonishment, not quite believing the skinny runt in the baggy rags they'd been playing with was, in fact, _female_.

Itachi finally spared her a cool sideways glance. "Leave her. She's useless to us."

"I don't know, she's kind of gutsy… Pretty too. We could always use another mole in the bars." Kisame suggested, giving her the once-over and nodding in approval. "Just have Konan train her into getting them drunk and giving them the eyes…" He fluttered his own lashes, much to everyone's consternation.

Hinata would have sweatdropped if the situation wasn't so dire. _Did she _look_ the part? _

Hidan chose just that moment to speak up. "What the hell?! No! She's a fucking _girl_! It's damn bad enough we already have Blue and _Blondie_!"

"I'm a MAN, un!" Deidara snarled imperiously. "I do _not_ bring bad luck."

Hidan cocked an eyebrow at him tauntingly. "_Suuure_ you don't."

Quick as lightning, Deidara punched him in the gut. Hidan sank to the ground before grabbing his scythe, murder in his eyes.

Hinata squeaked and, in a haste to get away from the rapidly degenerating fight, tripped over Kisame's sword and tumbled to the hard earth, narrowly missing Itachi who sidestepped.

"Hurry up, you mongrels. Captain's orders were to get to the ship as soon as we're done," He said, ever nonchalant to the ensuing fight, and departed as quickly as he came.

"Oi, you two! You heard Itachi, move it!" Kisame shouted, scooping up his enormous sword to his shoulder.

_Itachi, _Hinata noted the name, storing the information for when Neji finds her, as his duties as a special officer in the Royal Navy consisted of chasing after buccaneers like her current companions, he was bound to be summoned to this town. He'd be glad to get an ID on one of them.

If he found her alive, that is.

Dear _god_, she hoped they wouldn't notice her resemblance to the man who'd been doggedly hunting the Akatsuki since he got his own ship and who'd put many a lesser pirate behind bars.

That was her last thought before she was struck in the head and sank into unconsciousness, Deidara frowning at a shrugging Kisame over her prone form ("You're carrying it, un").

* * *

The craft was huge, even from a distance, and was the quintessence of everything a pirate ship should be, a sinister spectre that was elegant and timeless and dangerous. It wasn't exactly the first thing you'd want to see after coming to.

Hinata closed her eyes, barely repressing a groan at a throbbing spot on the back of her head, and wondered if she was dreaming. She delicately peeked again. _No, didn't think so, she had never been that lucky._

She registered that she was in a much smaller boat, sloppily propped out between a couple of rattling crates that smelled faintly of the pirate's lifeblood, rum.

The first vestiges of panic rose within her, for both herself and the people who depended on her being safe and not getting kidnapped. Well, not that there were many of them, but Neji and Hanabi and the rest of her family (and, maybe, a little, just a tiny bit possibly, Sasuke) would worry.

She had to get out of here. But where was _here_ exactly? There was hardly anything in the darkness aside from the lights of the boat and the Akatsuki mothership that would indicate the direction of the shore. And even if there were, Hinata could not possibly hope to swim her way home – unless someone fished in her bloated corpse that was riddled with disease and creature bites and delivered it to the Hyuugas.

And there was no chance of her taking the boat under control.

She was going to have to wait this out and pray for survival.

* * *

"I stand by what I said," Hidan thundered, the most vocal on not keeping Hinata. "She dies,_ end of story_. Anything less would be sacrilegious!"

Deidara snorted at the obvious exaggeration. He still hasn't quite forgiven Hidan's pokes at his masculinity earlier and was happy for a chance to rile up the silvery bastard. "I want _it_ to stay, un. It's interesting."

"It would be a waste if we don't use her," Kisame pointed out, honestly reluctant to kill the scared pale-eyed kid.

Pein and Konan, the two original pirates among them and who had the piercings to prove it, exchanged a glance and shook their heads in tandem, ever mistrustful of strangers.

"She'll just be another mouth to feed," Kakuzu complained as he glared at Hinata, perhaps disappointed at the utter lack of anything valuable on her. Hinata shrank away from him, a little unnerved at his masked appearance, horribly curious at how bad his face must be if he had to hide it.

"I don't care either way," Itachi drawled when Hidan turned aggressively to him, just _daring_ him to take up Deidara's side. "Do as you please." He waved a hand dismissively, looking almost bored as he leaned against the side of the ship. _You shouldn't have brought her in the first place._

Hinata threw him the most baleful look she could muster, more offended by his cold indifference than by Hidan's zealous gibes.

"_Walk the plank, girly._" Oh there was another gibe – wait – _what_?!

Indeed, the man was already directing her to a wooden board that stuck out of the ship and hovered over the sea. She'd been voted out.

Hidan's cackling was nothing short of diabolical.

Hinata felt the wetness at her eyes and swabbed at them before she even realized what they were. _Damnit, ladies do not show their tears! Not without a plan! _

She gazed back to them and gave the best kicked-puppy-dog performance of a lifetime, never mind that it would be lost to these vicious heartless brigands.

"Hurry now, we'll be entering shark territory soon." Kisame laughed.

Hinata was dismayed at the sudden betrayal by the one she labeled as her staunchest supporter. Steeling herself for a long, extended swim, she tentatively took a step forward.

She had gotten as far as three steps when two more men popped up: a short, very young-looking red-haired boy and a man with bandages all over his face, covering all except his right eye. Their gazes flicked to her then to Hidan, who reluctantly asked for their votes.

(Hidan's mind: _What is this? A democracy?!_)

"I agree with Deidara," Sasori announced immediately.

"You didn't even hear my side yet!" Hidan yelped in outrage.

Sasori shrugged. _So_?

"What is she, Deidara-sempai?" The other man asked, bouncing over precariously close to the plank. Hinata had never so grateful for the rigidly strict posture lessons the Hyuuga imposed on all its young ladies. It gave her an excellent sense of balance.

"A wench we picked up in town, un" Deidara replied. "We're deciding if we keep her or not. She's gutsy enough."

"Tobi likes her!" The other man announced cheerily, after a moment of thought. He almost went over to hug Hinata before Kisame and Kakuzu wisely grabbed him back.

Pein sighed, massaging his temples, and acquiesced. "Fine, fine – if you want her, there's nothing I can do."

Hinata sucked in air sharply. _Could she dare hope?_

"Well," Kakuzu mumbled, releasing Tobi once the hyperactive man calmed down enough. "I suppose we could always sell her on the black market."

Hidan raised his hands in defeat. "Jashin-sama, you might as well sink our asses _right_ _now."_

_Yes! Yes!_ She nearly didn't hear Deidara's victorious cry over the pounding in her head. The relief and exhilaration was so overwhelming that her knees wobbled and she began to feel lightheaded...

She _may_ have heard a panicked yell. She _may_ have felt them scrambling towards her. She _may _have seen Itachi jerk.

But she couldn't be _sure_… things were going hazy…

Darkness overtook her vision and she toppled down to the waves.

* * *

"Who fucking _faints _when walking the plank?!" Hidan nearly laughed in disbelief as they leaned over the rail, scanning the waves for any sign of the girl so they could fish her out.

"That certainly _was_ unexpected," Konan agreed grudgingly.

"You should've have brought her in the first place," Itachi repeated for what seemed to be the third time.

"Still hung up over that, Itachi?" Kisame raised an eyebrow at him. It didn't faze Itachi one bit.

"She was a stranger, scared out of her wits, likely useless in combat and probably unlucky," Itachi listed off calmly. "There were so many reasons to leave her but we _didn't_. Now we have another needless casualty."

"I'm just surprised at how quickly she lasted," Deidara piped up, voice still a little awed. "Even the last stray we picked up lasted a few days." He shrugged. "They usually wait until the first skirmish to die, yeah?"

"The girl was just out of luck," Hidan stated, smugly crossing his hands over his chest, uncannily pleased at the circumstances. _Jashin-sama, praise you for your wisdom that transcends my mortal limitations! You found the perfect solution!_

"Maybe not as ill-fated, as you think," There was a smirk in Konan's voice as she motioned for Sasori to turn the torch to something bobbing in the waves.

* * *

"T-Thank you," Hinata said automatically as someone passed her another dry sheet, her teeth chattering from being recently doused in the icy water. Fortunately, she had regained consciousness within seconds of hitting the ocean. She should have been more than able to swim her way up without the problem, but the clothes she wore soaked up the bitingly-cold water like a sponge and weighed her down. The knifing at her lungs and the darkness didn't help either.

The first gasp of air had been sweeter than anything her family's first-class pastry chef had ever cooked up.

Sasori and Kisame's combined efforts then fished her out. Her body was numb from the cold and she had no control over her limbs. Someone tossed a dry cloth over her and held the torch close that she might regain some feeling from the heat.

"Thank you," she repeated quietly but firmly, and they all knew that it wasn't for the blanket. _Thank you for rescuing me_.

Some of them froze in surprise. _Even if_ they did save her from drowning, it wasn't everyday they encountered someone so polite that she'd thank her captors (who really were the ones at fault here).

"We already decided to keep you, didn't we?" Konan smiled at her carefully but kindly, transforming from the iron bitch she'd personified earlier to someone much nicer. "We always _did_ try to save our strays, you know."

* * *

_Next Chapter: Meeting the motley crew – did she have to?!_


	2. Jolly Akatsuki

**Notes: **My take on the characters are mostly depicted here. If you think something's off – tell me. I can adjust a bit but I'll mostly be sticking to the profile I've (had to) made.

**Disclaimer: **Not mine. I'm not even sure the plot is mine. It sort of feels like someone else was living inside my head while I wrote this.

* * *

Hinata was not so much gently awakened by the rhythmic pounding of the waves as she was jarred from dreamland by a particularly violent turn that had her falling from the rather spartan bed she'd been assigned.

It was already morning but, as she took stock of her surroundings in dismay, it appeared that the nightmare didn't fade away with the sunrise. Last night had been _real_. She really _was_ sailing around with the most deadly notorious crew in history.

The universe must be laughing at her expense right now.

Her back ached from the uncomfortable bed, used as she was to silken comforts, but she reminded herself that at least it was a bed, not a dirty floor or crate, and it looked (felt, _smelled_) relatively clean. Unpleasant as it was, she'd _die_ before she complained.

Quite literally, possibly.

The woman – Konan (nicknamed _Blue_ – Hinata wished they wouldn't start calling her _Indigo_ now) – had even been so kind as to lend her some dry clothes, as loose and coarse as they were. The cloths were perhaps a sack in a previous life, but at least she was assured that they weren't stolen from some lady's dresser or that someone didn't die in them.

Tentatively she got up and shook off the surreal haze from her mind, lightly reprimanding herself for thinking about something as frivolous as clothes. Slowly, she made her way to the deck, desperate for the familiar scent of the sea air and, _well_, to see if she could do anything. She had always been against any form of inactivity and doing something, _anything_, would come in handy at lessening the bizarreness of the situation.

It had been innate in her personality to become as useful as possible and not become a burden, a trait which had baffled the servants and ladies-in-waiting, and it manifested itself _even now_. It wasn't necessarily _bad _as a character trait, it would look good after all if they thought she was a punctual and compliant person, but even _she_ had to admit that this was a new extreme.

It wasn't quite _morning_ yet when she stepped out and the sun's rays were only beginning to illuminate the sky.

It would have been _lovely_ if only the first sight that assaulted Hinata's eyes wasn't a naked Hidan.

"W-what are you doing?" She whispered, hand flying to her mouth, stumbling back and nearly losing her footing.

"Praying, you fucker, now shut the hell up." The apparently religious man snapped, keeping his eyes closed tight as he sat cross-legged on the deck, facing the sunrise.

She noticed the bizarre circle surrounding him and very gladly noted that he was only shirtless as opposed to being nude and was wearing an oddly shaped pendant. Ladies do not normally take to _ogling_ such indecent displays but… there were some impressive scars on his chest. She flinched at the thought that any one of those blows could have easily nicked his vital organs and killed him.

Again, she was reminded of just how dangerous present company was.

Feeling suddenly apprehensive, she surreptitiously slipped away and transferred her gaze to the surrounding ocean. Even with her rather exceptional vision, she could see nothing but water for miles around. Her shoulders slumped as she inwardly dealt with the firsts pangs of despondency and desolation.

_All in stride, Hinata. Just take it all in stride._

Hinata was thankfully a little more level-headed than a normal heiress, her numerous panic attacks the night before _notwithstanding_. Focusing on the situation at hand, she made a rough plan of what she should do. Or rather, what _Neji _would do if he were in her shoes. Her cousin had not been praised as a genius for nothing.

They already made it clear that she wasn't going to be dying anytime soon, at least not by their hand, at least not _intentionally_. So – she just had to watch her step. That would have to take top priority.

She wondered if she could charm them into trusting her, even _liking_ her, just enough to relax their guards and allow her to escape or even just to slip away long enough to get into communication with Neji.

_No,_ Hinata shook her head. _It was too risky. _There was no way she could fool all of them – she wasn't even confident she could fool _one _of them, they weren't the airheads she was used to dealing with – and, Hinata knew herself well enough to know this, she was much prone to _genuinely liking _the people she charmed to like her. And since she was already feeling very indebted and glad for Konan who did nothing more than act a little more caring than the rest of them, it would be rather counter-productive in the end.

_Neji, what would you do? _

Hinata imagined her cousin then, quirking an aristocratic brow at her, his eyes saying: _isn't it obvious?_

_Aside from fisting them all into oblivion!_ (Neji was also well-known in the Navy for his distinctive style in hand-to-hand combat: feather-light touches that could knock a man out.) _I can't very well do that! _Hinata sighed at the useless advice she was getting from her imaginary Neji, who was considerably more immature and less brilliant than the real thing.

_Maybe I should tell them… NO. _They most likely wouldn't believe her, not until they got reports of the Hyuuga heiress with her description going missing, which wasn't possible until they docked again. Much more worrisome if what they could do if they _did_ believe her: _sell_ her, _ransom_ her, _kill_ her on the spot.

Hinata shivered. She heard of pirates who cared less for the bounty and more for getting revenge on the noble families who, with their private armies and rapidly advancing technologies, were slowly entrenching on the pirate's way of life by taking all the loot for themselves under the guise of legality. Telling them was out of the question.

In fact, she actually had to actively hide her noble upbringing if she did not want to end up as chowder for the _vicious_ little fishes swimming innocuously underneath the brilliant blue of the sea.

_What to do? What to do?_

Her muddled thoughts stopped abruptly with Konan's arrival. The female pirate walked past Hidan without a second glance, used to such unconventional performances of devoutness, though her face did twitch a bit before smoothing out.

"Good, you're up – you have to do something." Konan said as she came closer, once more the all-efficient right-hand mate and iron-willed quartermaster officer of the ship.

"Help with breakfast?" Hinata asked, leaning forward, glad to start proving her worth.

"_What_?" The blue-haired woman asked bemusedly, and then she lightly laughed. "_No_, no – we need someone to carry the loot from last night to the ballast. We never got a chance to stockpile them with all that excitement." _Which you caused, _remained unsaid.

_Oh_. Hinata's heart sank.

She remembered the crates she'd been unconscious on. Great big stacks of it.

Her heart near imploded.

* * *

By the time she was done, she was bleary with fatigue. It had taken several backbreaking trips to get all the things into the brig, since she could only carry at most two small crates at a time. It shouldn't have been so terrible but all the other _strays_ were on shore doing spywork and the Akatsuki members were in a closed meeting. Plus, the things had been heavy – what did they contain anyway? _Boulders_?

Hinata pushed herself off the floor she was getting intimately acquainted with, considering the number of times she had to lie down on it. She staggered into the galley after she was done, thanking the gods that she found the place so easily by following the smell, intent on getting something to eat before she fainted.

She was rather surprised that she hadn't crumpled yet and was suddenly grateful for all those rigorous activities Neji and Hanabi pushed her into joining as well as for the arduous demands and expectations the Hyuuga set upon her – they built up _really nice_ reservoirs of physical strength and mental toughness that showed themselves at the most unexpected moments.

Misery, however, crept over her as she looked over the rations in the kitchen. There was nothing she recognized as edible, save for a couple of limp carrots and a rough crust of bread. There was something resembling stew in one of the pots, but it had long gone cold and there were things _swimming_ in it (and doing the butterfly by the looks of it).

Dejectedly, she picked up the loaf and bit into it. It tasted surprisingly good for being so old and stale but, _hey_, hunger does that to you. She wolfed it down and followed it up with a long swig of odd-tasting water, a little concerned at whose tankard she was violating and the sheer amount of microorganisms she was injecting into her system.

Feeling marginally better, she walked to her "room", perhaps she could lie down a bit before Konan swooped in on her again.

Alas, as expected, it was not to be.

She had not even got past a few feet from the galley when a number of footfalls from above indicated that the crew members were again up and about. Hinata wondered at the odds of avoiding them for the duration of her capture. Probably close to _nil_ – the ship was big, sure, but most of the space (she'd checked a bit) was composed of locked rooms and dusty musty storage areas. There weren't very many places to hide in.

A little on her way, she saw Konan _alone _carrying about two armload's worth of old scrolls, balancing them effortlessly. Without being asked, she offered to carry them and was given the whole stack save for three very old, very yellow ones which must have been of primary importance.

Konan was still perusing one of them even as she led a struggling Hinata to one of the nicer cabins. Konan's room was well-lighted and littered by countless scraps of paper – maps, notes, announcement notices, wanted posters, scribbles, sketches – and two of the walls were plastered with huge, detailed maps of the region.

"I handle most of the information, and the maps," Konan said as a way of explaining the messiness of her quarters and gestured for Hinata to just dump the scrolls on a structure which may be a table.

"Have you eaten yet?" Hinata nodded dismally. Then her jaw dropped Konan pulled out a tin of biscuits from a small cabinet and started nibbling. She tried not to stare too hard at it. "Fine, I'll show you around. Let's go."

* * *

"I'll tell you the rules here first – they're not _ironclad_ but you generally follow them if you don't want to lose a limb, and that's if you're lucky." Hinata nodded fervently and listened.

"First rule: no playing with fire. This really should have gone without saying but, unlike most people, Deidara doesn't understand the flammability of a wooden ship loaded with explosives. We were had to dock for repairs for nearly three weeks – all the time on enemy territory – _no one_ wants a repeat of that."

"No fires," Hinata agreed easily.

"Second rule: no shirking off duties, especially if you're on watch. It's damn bad to be caught unawares by a rival crew. Other duties – well, the others are going to be pissed if the routine is broken and you would not want that. It always ends in violence of the rough sort and they won't care if you're a girl. So you better do what you're told."

"I'll do my best."

"Third rule: do not go below the second landing. Seriously, _don't go_. It's not worth your life."

Hinata gulped, wondering what could be so bad that could warrant that kind of warning: cursed treasure? forbidden scrolls? A torture chamber? She nodded weakly at Konan.

"That's it. You're then free to do whatever you want."

_At my own risk, I'm sure_. Hinata thought sardonically.

"What about using swords and pistols? Surely there are rules against those when aboard? Someone could get hurt." _Namely me._

"Of course that's allowed," Konan looked at her, smirking knowingly. "Some of the crew can't sleep without being armed to the teeth."

_I see._ Hinata groaned inwardly.

* * *

"You're familiar with nautical terms – _starboard_, _port_ and all that? We use them sometimes." Konan asked once they reached the deck. It was near noontime and the sunny heat, combined with the refreshing sea breeze, was glorious.

"Yes," Hinata nodded, realizing too late that she should've said otherwise. "My cousin was…_um_…a fisherman."

A mental picture of Neji wearing fisherman garb entered her mind and she had to fight down a panicky wave of giggles.

Konan frowned at her. "It's all right. You can say it."

Hinata glanced questioningly at the taller woman. "_Navy_, right? Your cousin is one of _them_. It's not that important – unless you were going to sell us out. _Then _we'd have a problem."

"N-no!" Hinata shook her head vehemently, highly aware that she was lying.

"Believe me, you won't even get the opportunity." Konan said quietly.

Hinata gulped at the veiled threat.

"Now, Deidara's usually the one on lookout in the crow's nest – although almost everyone takes a turn." She pointed to the structure. Shielding her eyes against the sun, Hinata could just see the flap of his ponytail in the wind. "Deidara is very proficient at spotting enemy ships."

He was also very good at spotting what people on deck were doing as he promptly yelled down at them.

"She's _done_? Fuck, I was betting she wouldn't finish it until later, un!" He turned irately to Hinata. "You! Why didn't you work slower?"

Hinata honestly had no answer to that. Instead she tentatively waved her hand. "Ah, good morning Deidara-san!"

The man twitched at the use of an honorific and didn't return the greeting. Instead, he inspected her more closely through a sophisticated eye-scope.

"Kisame was right, yeah? You _are _a work of art." He grinned.

Hinata could feel the leer even from way below. But it disappeared quickly.

"And I _like_ art, un. I'm glad we kept it."

Hinata wondered if she should feel afraid or relieved. She chose the former.

_Better to be safe than sorry, right? _

She'd stay the duration of her capture always on her toes if she had to.

It would be like ballet.

* * *

Near the front of the vessel, they were met by the sight of Pein, who was widely-known to be the leader of the Akatsuki (and thus her cousin's ultimate goal) and Itachi, who was just as feared as Pein, at the helm.

Hinata remembered Neji complaining how little information the Navy had of the two – not even an accurate depiction of their faces – and how his fleet had to undergo intensive training to guard against all possible attacks since they had no idea of the enemy's strengths. He was going to pump her for information if she ever got back.

They turned as she and Konan approached.

Hinata blinked. _Twice_.

Sure, the night before she'd taken notice of his unbelievably elegant features but now, in the light of day…

_Itachi looked ridiculously like Sasuke. _

(And won't Neji be pleased as punch with this fact? He'd love to have a reason for having Sasuke's face plastered on wanted posters everywhere.)

Certainly, there were several subtle differences – his face was more mature, tanned where Sasuke had always been pale, strong where Sasuke had been almost (_almost!_) effeminate – but a stark resemblance was there. Of course, Sasuke would never be caught dead wearing dark-colored bandanas round his forehead or loose white tunics… which Itachi wore _very well_.

Oh_ dear god_ – and here Hinata thought she'd been born immune to the dark good looks which had taken many a fair maiden's heart (and turned said maidens into rather scarily obsessive and insanely jealous harpies) back home.

Well, it was somewhat impossible _not _to stare at least a bit and Hinata at least had enough common sense to smother the physical attraction before it had a chance to exist.

She shifted her gaze to Pein. The orange-haired man with an almost painful number of piercings scrutinized her briefly before letting Itachi take over the steering and spoke to Konan. "Well?"

"She's fine so far, but then it's only been a few hours," Konan reported, in a lower voice so Hinata couldn't hear. For all Hinata knew, they could have been deciding whether to drown or torch her carcass (_drown_ probably, because of rule number one). "I expected her to pitch a fit this morning, but so far she's been remarkably docile."

"It is quiet ones you should watch out for," Pain responded cautiously. So naturally that it was almost unconscious, he and Konan followed each other to a spot a little further away. "Information?"

"Her name is _Hinata_, last name… was obviously a lie," Konan's eyes narrowed slightly. "She looks fine enough and follows orders without complaint but I fear she's not up for what we want her to do."

Pein contemplated on her words, then he shook his head. "It is too early to decide."

Konan nodded deferentially.

* * *

While Konan and the captain had their conversation, Hinata kept sneaking cagey glances at the dark-haired pirate who was so effortlessly acting like she wasn't present.

"G-good morning, Itachi-san," She hesitantly greeted. Too many instances of meeting important, overbearing people had instilled in her the importance of remembering names in an instant. _Not that she would have forgotten_.

Itachi turned to her detachedly and held her gaze for a while, his expression indecipherable.

"Hn." He calmly turned away.

_Yes – _now_ she really _could_ believe that this guy was somehow related to Sasuke._

"_You know_, I have never been this far out to sea before," Hinata closed her eyes and made a silent plea for forgiveness for the _big fat lie_ she was about to play out. It was an enormous risk, but she might never get the opportunity to ask again. She opened her eyes wide in a fearful expression that was part-genuine.

"It's so far away from home. Where are we?"

Perhaps if it had anyone less sharp and observant than Itachi, it would have worked.

Itachi didn't pretend to misunderstand the question. He didn't even make a mocking reply that would give her an opening to diffuse the sudden tension. He simply let the awkwardness stretch out, acting unaware of it.

With only a well-timed silence and a slight slanting of the head, he made sure she knew she was caught. And still, his expression remained neutral.

_Oooh this guy was good._

Well, if that was the case, Hinata could play ignorance as well as anyone. She widened her eyes some more and summoned up the most cloying smile she could manage (the one that didn't look too much like a grimace). "H-heavens, you steer very well. It is no wonder you manage to move around so quickly."

Itachi didn't even grace _that_ with a reply.

"Might I try?" She debated taking a step closer but relented. "Just tell me where we're off to and I'll get us there!"

The nervousness in her voice belied whatever enthusiasm she injected into it.

"But the sea looks very nice, _ne_? Can you spot any islands from here?"

Itachi turned away, shaking his head imperceptibly at her ludicrous behavior.

Okay, she was _babbling_. No subtlety at all. All those years of being taught how to address people and converse skillfully in the highest circles of society dashed away in less than two minutes. It was pathetic.

And she had this very sickening feeling that he was more amused than anything at her.

She inhaled deeply, squared her shoulders and fidgeted.

_Fidgeted_. So much for being steady as a rock. Her ancestors may be turning in their fancy graves in mausoleums.

"You should stop doing that." Hinata stopped fidgeting, looking him in surprise. He was still facing the wheel. "You should not let people here see you nervous. It will be easy to take advantage of."

_And she thought she'd done well in hiding her anxiety._ "W-why are you telling me that?"

He thought a while before responding calmly.

"Because I feel sorry for you."

_Gee_, and didn't that make Hinata feel like the lowest, most pitiable thing in the world.

* * *

Kakuzu, who was supposed to be manning the deck in addition to being their part-time medic (though his procedures were so unorthodox and so painful that only the very desperate or unconscious were willing to subject themselves to it), was nowhere to be found.

Konan made a soft noise of frustration that bode very badly for the masked pirate and proceeded to direct Hinata down into the ship.

* * *

In the rooms filled with cannons, Hidan was very casually lounging around polishing cannonballs, _still shirtless_, his scythe within an arm's reach. Hinata resisted the urge to hide behind the other woman.

_Hyuugas do not hide._

It wasn't going to work. She stepped behind the blue-haired pirate.

_Hyuugas watch from a useful vantage point._

The air smelled faintly of smoke and gunpowder. Konan eyed the silver-haired man suspiciously.

"I didn't fucking do anything!" Hidan sat up and protested crossly, hands twitching towards his weapon. "It already smelled like a stinking bomb site when I got here!"

"Is that so?" Konan asked, voice carefully laced with doubt.

Hidan jumped up and towered over her threateningly.

"_You think I'm lying, Konan_?" He asked ominously. "Lying's against my religion, you know. Jashin-sama won't stand for nothing less than the bloody truth."

Konan stepped back unmoved.

"Fine," Konan conceded. They turned to leave. Hinata valiantly tried to keep her wobbling smile up as Hidan stared at her.

"Want _me_ to continue the damn tour?" Hidan asked, grinning widely and acting all affable now, tossing the rag he'd been polishing the cannons with. "I'll switch with you – I can't stand another five minutes in this stinkhole."

"We already agreed that _I_ give the tour. The rest of you are bound to scare her off." Konan sighed.

"Hey, hey, you talk like we're some kind of cruel assholes." Hidan complained sulkily. "We're not so fucking retarded that we'll upset the girl on the first day."

Hinata's eyebrows scrunched up at the man's twisted logic. Was he not the one who very gladly tried to murder her last night?

"Get back to work, Hidan."

"Fuck you, Blue." He sat back down, nevertheless. He turned to Hinata apologetically. "Oy, _girly_, thanks for letting me win one over Blondie. Great work. I fucking owe you, okay?"

He smiled. It looked absolutely beatific. It was disturbing.

* * *

While Konan was called away by Pein for some reason or another, Hinata wandered around the rooms where she should have met Sasori, a technician supposedly of unparalleled skill. Except that he was missing from the room.

She supposed it wasn't an uncommon occurrence for him to disappear, since it must be incredibly difficult to keep a craft of this magnitude in top condition, even for a technical genius, and so he must be all around the place all the time.

As she walked, she noticed, at the very back, there was a door leading to another room. It was small and quite unremarkable, and there was practically a sign on it screaming 'open me!'.

Natural curiosity and prudence battled within Hinata's mind. She crept towards it cautiously and tried the handle. It wasn't locked and she was still on the _second_ landing. Nothing forbidden.

_So…_

She only got a quick peek of the room, which seemed to be full of metal things, paint, oil cans, sawdust and huge lumps of something covered with thick canvas sheets, before she was roughly pulled away from the door.

Deidara reached past her and slammed the door close, his jaw rigid.

"No one messes with danna's puppets, un. _Never try that room again_." He was acting unnaturally grim. "You get me, yeah?"

Hinata shrank back and nodded feebly.

* * *

A while after Deidara stalked away, Konan took her back to the galley and introduced her to Tobi. He was a surprisingly pleasant and upbeat man – really, the only one who could be considered _jolly_ in their motley crew – and Hinata felt like she could actually breathe around him.

He didn't seem very dangerous.

That is, not until she saw Konan's well-concealed but unmistakable deference towards him, an attitude she'd only shown towards the captain before. Hinata made careful note of it.

"Tobi will make Hinata-chan something!" The bandaged man cheerfully declared, gathering up a bunch of condiments from the shelves.

Hinata flinched at the use of such a friendly suffix with her name. The last time anyone had attempted it without her consent had suffered a glacial reception at the Hyuuga household, who'd felt it an affront to their heiress and an insult to her position. Well, that _obviously_ wasn't an issue now since, _here_, she was heiress to nothing.

"No poisoning, Tobi." Hinata gaped at Konan. _Was she serious?!_

Hinata was no strangers to deaths by poison. Indeed, she'd heard of some of her more vindictive relatives dying from it and she knew how _unpleasant_ it was (_downright nasty_).

"_Eh_? Konan-chan wounds Tobi! Tobi is a good boy! He likes Hinata-chan!" As if to confirm the sentiment, he went over to hug Hinata once again, pressing her face firmly to his chest.

"Tobi would _never_ poison Hinata-chan!" _But clearly he wasn't above asphyxiating her._

* * *

In one day, Hinata thought, she'd likely uncovered more useful information about the Jolly Akatsuki than the Navy's best reconnaissance team could gather in a month. She wondered why didn't they just look for Akatsuki's _strays_ and interrogate them. Then she remembered Konan's warning and shivered involuntarily.

There had been _menace_ in those words.

_What a day. _She must be out of adrenaline by now, using all of it for all that hauling and walking and the occasional bouts into fight-or-flight mode. Konan had finally left her after giving her the cluster of duties she was expected to perform.

Apparently, even pirates were not immune to the sexist notion that women were to be saddled with the domestic duties. She was put temporarily in charge of maintaining the ship, this _huge_ ship with _death traps _all over it and _irate crew_ _members_ who would not take kindly to housekeeping services (_incompetent_ housekeeping services, she admitted).

The prospect was rather… _daunting._

(And it was unfit work for a _Hyuuga_.)

She would probably hyperventilate if she wasn't so tired.

Hinata crashed into her bed without another thought.

* * *

"I'm kind of impressed – she wasn't taken by any of us," Hidan drawled out, a little groggily as it was very early in the morning. He was sprawled on the deck, a bottle of rum and his scythe beside him. "I mean, not to be big-headed and all, but the wenches always find at least one of us worth flirting with, right?"

He paused, then cackled. "Oh, I'm fucking sorry, Kakuzu, I didn't mean to exclude you."

Kakuzu made a very rude gesture showing just what he thought of his fellow pirate. In his mind, Kakuzu cursed the fact that he was stuck doing the nightwatch with some of the more moronic members of Akatsuki for an indefinite period of time. Why couldn't he have been with Itachi or Sasori? At least _they_ were quiet.

"She tried with Itachi, un. I _saw_," Deidara spoke up from the rail he'd been leaning on. He yawned, irritated at having to pull back-to-back nightwatch duties for the week because of a retarded bet.

"And I _heard_ it." Kakuzu decided he might as well contribute to the conversation. "Believe me, it was only a sneaky way to find out where we are and where we're heading to. And it was _deplorable_ attempt."

"_Deplorable_? Big words, Kakuzu," Hidan laughed again. "Just say it was a disaster. Damn, I wish I saw that… someone _conning_… Itachi…"

"Had no idea who she was talking to, yeah?" Deidara shook his head in slight incredulity.

"See? I'm damn impressed."

"I'm more impressed she was still standing. You saw her, yeah? She was so white I thought she was going to pass out again." The blond yawned once more.

"Damn girl doesn't know her limits." Hidan took another swig from the bottle.

* * *

The next time Kakuzu looked, both his companions were fast asleep.

_Morons._ He thought.

* * *

_Next Chapter: Chores, a lesson in ecology, a ruse and an interrogation that is almost ridiculous – what had she gotten herself into?!_


	3. Chores and Interrogations

**Notes: **More character explorations! By the way, I'll use both _un_ and _yeah _for Deidara. I find it both funny.

**Disclaimer: **Not mine. Seriously.

* * *

Hinata's entire body was one big _ache_.

Her arms and back were sore. Her legs felt like rubber.

She was probably going to have muscles after this and wasn't that just _swell? _(Her seamstress will be horrified.)

The best she could probably do right now, however, was roll in bed and even that was excruciating. For once in her life, she wanted to throw a tantrum because she didn't want to get up.

In only a little more than a day, they had reduced her to this quivering mass of whines and uselessness and they probably weren't aware of it.

As she just lay there, Hinata tried to remember the last time she'd felt so wretched. It had been when Neji (funny how so many significant memories were associated with her cousin-almost-brother) was still angry at her and acting all misogynistic. He'd always taunted her then, calling her a failure and a coward and a waste for not being born a strong _male_ but a spineless _female_. He'd cruelly pushed her around, fully expecting her to surrender.

But she _didn't_.

Instead, she solidly punched him in the nose hard enough to draw blood. Granted, she'd felt quite horrified immediately afterwards and bruised her knuckles badly and landed herself a three-hour-sixteen-minute lecture on ladylike behavior, but it felt good to prove that she wasn't lacking as an heir simply because of her gender (though, in retrospect, she might be wrong).

She wondered if _this_ was a test as well to see if she'd give up.

So, with a defiant tenacity and pigheadedness that characterized _Hyuuga_ long before abstracts like _nobility_ and _elegance_ ever came into the picture, an inbred instinct that refused to let other people be right in their assumptions about her, Hinata gritted her teeth and pushed herself off the grimy bed even as her body screamed in protest.

* * *

She had expected to see him again this morning and was not disappointed. He was sitting at the same spot amidst the odd circle, scowling slightly when he felt her presence, probably complaining to his god about all the evils of women now.

And, despite the cold breeze, he was still _shirtless_.

"I'm shocked you're awake, girly." Hidan said after he finished his daily prayers and rituals.

Hinata stiffened. She had not expected him to address her.

He didn't even wait for her to reply. "Damn, it feels like my head's gonna fall off," He stood up a little dazedly. "Jashin-sama, why do you _torment_ your servant so? There is no fucking decadence in this at all!"

"A-a-are you alright, Hidan-san?" Hinata stepped a little closer.

"I just said I _wasn't_, retard." The man snapped.

Hinata ignored the slur. "I-is there anything I can d-do?"

"Yeah, shut up."

_You were the one to talk to me first_. Hinata pouted inwardly.

"F-fine, Hidan-san. I-I will go now." The stutter she thought she'd been rid of was definitely back. She'd noticed it yesterday and had hoped it was merely a temporary thing. _Apparently not_.

"Oy, I was fucking talking to you. Is that how you treat a superior, you impolite heathen?"

Hinata stopped midstride, wondering what one does when alone with a psychopath who kept contradicting himself. Nothing in the vast arsenal of social graces she'd been trained in and armed with would have prepared her for this. "N-no, Hidan-san. I-I thought you w-wanted to be alone."

"Just fucking stop talking like that. It gets on my nerves." Hidan took a seat grumpily, putting a hand to his head. He really did look worse for wear, ghastly pallor and dizzy movement and all.

"L-like what, Hidan-san?" Hinata thought back on everything she said, screened them for anything offensive and came up with nothing. She'd been perfectly civil – _courteous_ even. How could _he_ even think of faulting her on behavior? It was like the pot calling high-class porcelain black.

"Like _that_ – all damned polite and soft-spoken!"

_Ah_, Hinata suddenly understood. _Manners, which had been a part of her for as long as she could remember, had no right to be on this ship._

"I-I'm sorry, Hidan-san," She winced at the apology – a mistake – just after she said it.

Hidan scowled at her. "And stop that infernal cringing! Seriously, you make me feel like I'm about to attack you or something."

Hinata's innards felt like they were going to dissolve in panic.

"I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry." She wanted to curl into a ball.

"Now _what_ are you doing?" He asked irritably as Hinata wrung her hands in an effort not to poke her fingers together as she was wont to do in gravely critical situations.

Hinata just kept on apologizing, shrinking into herself with every word.

Hidan briefly wondered if her mind had gone somewhere and her body was on apology autopilot.

He sighed, taking up his scythe and retreating to his quarters before the hangover killed him. There were better times and places to deal with this wench.

_What a great way to start the fucking day_.

* * *

Hinata was repeating Hidan's sentiments in her head, although with much less expletives. The encounter had left her feeling quite forlorn. Hidan had acted as if she couldn't do anything, even _speaking_, right. Hinata may have been many things in life – shy, timid, an absolute _pushover_ (a long time ago) – but she'd never been made to doubt her ability to handle people so _badly_ before.

With a great storm cloud hanging over her head, she mentally scrolled over the list of duties she had today. She'd heard that menial labor was distracting and she _needed_ a distraction.

_Scrub the decks._

Hinata sighed in resignation, wanting very much to go on a tirade on bipolar pirates and wondering if her life was worth all this trouble. Then she remembered Hanabi and Neji and _home_ and _duty _and thinks that they had _better_ appreciate all the effort she put into surviving.

Three hours later, when she'd managed to remove the crusts of grime, mud, and salt (and dried blood and bits of flesh that may have been there for a long, long time) from about a third of the floor area, a shadow fell over her.

It was a welcome relief from the increasingly bright and blistering sun. Hinata pushed back a lock of hair that had escaped from the loose bun she'd tied it up in earlier to keep her hair from interfering with the work and away from the harsh lye. She looked up and saw only the dark outline of a person against the sun. She blinked at the brightness.

Then her mind processed the scene and she couldn't help but narrow her eyes as deep-seated Hyuuga pride kicked in and waged a protest (complete with megaphones and picket lines).

This _person_ had no idea what it meant to stand before her like this, when she was down _on her knees_ with hands scrubbed raw and up to the elbows in soapy water. This was almost _bowing_. It would simply _not_ do.

She quickly (painfully) scrambled up and found herself facing Itachi. He appeared to be on his way to the crow's nest, if the binoculars he was carrying was any indication, when he stopped by her.

"Y-yes?" She inquired.

"You should finish this later," Itachi nodded to the yet unscrubbed portions of the deck. "Get something to eat. You will not be able to finish otherwise." Then he left just like that.

Hinata's first thought was that perhaps they'd made a bet on this _too_ and considered finishing the whole deck just to spite him. Except of course, she'll never do that. She had enough sense to grab the chance for a break when it was dangled in front of her. God, she felt like a donkey grabbing for a carrot in moments like this.

Hinata sighed gratefully as neatly put away the scrub and pail and brushed herself off in an attempt to look presentable before heading to the galley. She only succeeded in splattering soap suds on her sacks – _clothes, _she meant _clothes_.

* * *

"I gather you're a masochist," Sasori commented out of the blue while he and Hinata ate the porridge Tobi had lovingly prepared. Or at least that's what Tobi called the stuff.

Hinata stared at him (stared _harder_, that is, as she had been looking at him before he blurted that peculiar remark, marveling over his relative youth). "W-what do you mean, Sasori-san?"

Privately, Hinata lamented that she hadn't meant Sasori yesterday. Despite (or maybe _because of_) his extremely disinterested attitude and the air of haughtiness that levitated around him (the one that said 'you aren't worthy of my attention'), she found herself relaxing slightly around him. Only by a few notches though, like he was merely a ravenous lion as opposed to a raging dragon.

"You worked hard yesterday so your muscles were repeatedly stimulated, contracted and relaxed. They must naturally be sore today, an indication that they are developing. Yet you still continue to do the same today. Do you enjoy pain, Hinata-san?" Sasori's voice was as blank as his face. The only thing that indicated his continuing interest in the conversation was his bored gazing at her, waiting for a response.

"O-of course not, Sasori-san," She shook her head to emphasize. "I don't think anyone enjoys pain."

Sasori raised an eyebrow. "Have you not met Hidan?"

"I-I have," Hinata scooped up more porridge.

"That was a rhetorical question, Hinata-san." Sasori chided lightly.

"I'm sorry, I misunderstood," Hinata wondered if Sasori made everyone feel like a dunce or if it was just her.

"Do you like art?" Another question from nowhere.

Hinata reminded herself that was not an heiress right now, not someone who'd been exposed to more than enough culture to last a lifetime. "I'm afraid I don't know much about art, Sasori-san."

_Lies_. They were starting to consume her.

"Pity, I like art," Sasori said nonchalantly.

Hinata barely succeeded in preventing her jaw from dropping at the wholly unexpected revelation. "D-deidara-san likes art too. Have you talked about art with him?"

"Deidara… has an odd idea of art." There was the faintest note of contempt in Sasori's voice that was enough to trigger Hinata's defensive side. She was oddly reminded of Sasuke for a moment.

"I-I suppose everyone has their own ideas, Sasori-san. When people share them, I think t-that is how they grow."

"Interesting view." Sasori stood up, his food barely touched. "I will take my leave now."

* * *

Back on deck and rag in hand, Hinata decided that Itachi was right. It _was_ impractical to do the scrubbing while the sun was still that high in the sky and beating mercilessly down on her like it had a personal vendetta. If Itachi didn't appear when he did, she'd have dreadful sunburn right now. If she dared, she should probably thank him.

She chucked the rag and went on to the next thing on the list.

_Clean out the ballast (storage rooms)._

Well, that should be relatively easier. _Death traps here I come._

Hinata wrinkled her nose at the now-familiar smell of rum and salt (_and gunpowder and blood_, but no one needed to remember that really) that permeated the lower landings of the ship as she waved the torch around. She suddenly remembered Konan mentioning how Deidara sometimes left explosives he'd experimented with strewn around in various storage rooms and clutched the fire closer. But… then again, she'd _be_ hailed as a heroine if she blew the Jolly Akatsuki sky high.

_Decisions, decisions_.

It wasn't a very difficult choice. Hinata had never been selfless in that dramatic way.

And Neji would resent her again for stealing his moment of glory.

As she entered the first room, Hinata wondered what _exactly _was she supposed to clean out. _Kami please, please not let it be bodies. _She gazed around and swallowed.

It _was _bodies.

A quarter of an hour later, Hinata's mind was still chanting _plague, plague, plague_ as she gingerly poked another dead rat into the steadily growing pile by the door. With every piece of vermin carcass added to the pile, Hinata's desire to fumigate the entire ship rose. She could almost understand why the first rule had been put in place. At this point, nothing short of purification by fire could make her feel clean again.

When the room had been cleaned out of rats and other junk (namely, droppings, termite-victimized oddities, garbage, old bottles of rum and just plain _junk_), Hinata was covered in dust and sweat and had a heap of things she didn't know what to do with.

If the Hyuuga saw her now, they would disown her. Probably.

Sasuke would claim to have never seen her before in his life.

…

"B-but we shouldn't dump it in the ocean."

"People dump garbage in the sea all the time. Besides, we've already done almost every illegal thing anyone could do. Dumping junk hardly matters."

"B-but – trash and e-ecology and –"

"Hinata, would you care to _eat _them instead?"

Reluctantly, Hinata tossed the sack.

…

There were twenty rooms in the second landing.

Three of them were stocked with weapons, the really sharp ones that were potentially fatal if, _say_, one pulled open the door they were leaning on. Or the really trigger-happy ones that flew at you filled with poison that just happened to be rigged to the door.

Hinata either had faster reflexes than she realized or Hidan had been utterly wrong about her luck.

…

All of the rooms had rats.

…

There were fifteen rooms in the first landing.

It should have been much lighter work as most of the rooms were crew's quarters and should be relatively habitable.

The crew had not been particular about what they wanted their housekeeper (_just say it, Hinata, Hyuugas do not run away from a word: maid-maid-maid_) to do so Hinata decided to merely get the old rum bottles and wipe off the dusty surfaces and… _Oh kami, how does one go about this_?

Hinata quickly found that she need not have worried. All the rooms, aside from her own, were barred.

There was even an intricate tripwire near Sasori's door that she spotted it just in the nick of time.

…

The third landing was the bilge. Hinata thought she could hear howling from down there.

Maybe the torture chamber theory wasn't so far off from the truth.

* * *

Dinner was an interesting affair, to say the least. It was the first time she was in the presence of so many of them for an extended duration since the night they captured her. Needless to say, she felt like a mouse (who was, by the way, already too worn out to run) in a company of ravenous hawks (despite their loud claims otherwise).

Not everyone was there though, for two reasons: the galley was too small for all of them and _some _(namely Kakuzu, Sasori, Itachi, Konan and Pein – okay, not _some_ – _most_) preferred eating alone from their personal stash of food, which they replenished with every venture on land.

Hinata wished she had the foresight to follow their example. If she had, however, she doubted she could have gotten away with it. Hinata was very well-versed in assessing social echelons, with more experience under her figurative belt than she cared to have, so she was very aware, that in that tiny, cramped, poorly-lit kitchen, amidst brutish pirates exchanging words over a sort-of-stew and rum, she was at the bottom rung of the hierarchy. It was an inimitable first.

Strangely, she didn't feel as scared as she should be. Is this what they called desensitization?

"Tobi will make something sweet for Hinata-chan!" The self-declared chef announced before anyone could get a bite in, looking very excited. Hinata tried to smile gratefully at him, purposely ignoring the horrified expressions on the others' faces.

"T-thank you, um, Tobi…_chan_." Hinata still couldn't believe how she allowed herself to get wittingly cornered by Tobi into using that. The man had been more devious than she realized.

Deidara had a brief choking fit. "_Chan_?You're _that _close, yeah?"

Tobi bounced over to the blond. "Is Deidara-sempai jealous? Does he want Tobi to call him Dei-chan too?"

Deidara's rage was almost palpable. His blue eyes were flashing dangerously as he reigned in his temper.

"Dei-chan… suits you, Blondie," Hidan hooted.

The galley, which had become a sanctuary of sorts for Hinata, suddenly became as perilous and tumultuous as an active volcano.

"W-what did y-you make me, T-t-tobi-san…_chan_?" Hinata suddenly out in a voice several pitches higher than normal. The tension in the room fizzled out a bit.

Kisame laughed throatily, taking a swig from his cup. Hinata vaguely remembered that the man had been nowhere to be found the entire day yesterday and most of today.

"Tobi will bring it out, Hinata-chan!" The cheerful man hurriedly left off to god-knows-where.

"Think you're some kinda peacekeeper, girly?" Hidan questioned, his eyes boring into her.

Hinata flushed. "I –"

"You should thank her, yeah? She just saved your sorry ass."

"Just whose ass did she save, Blondie?" Hidan's grip on the dinner knife shifted. Deidara's did the same.

"Oi, you two stop it or I'll thrash both your asses."

(Oh dear, Hinata thought, they'd rapidly degenerated into a discussion of people's behinds.)

The hostile pair sent Kisame a look just daring him to try. Having made their point, they backed off.

"Let's pick up where we left off this morning, girly," Hidan looked straight at Hinata. Eyebrows rose at that. Hinata's face burned at the implication. "Why are you up so fucking early? Like looking at me?"

She knew there was a reason why she avoided confrontations whenever possible, be it with high-ranking lords, their airheaded wives and overly sweet daughters or with unbelievably notorious criminals with large egos that needed to be continually stoked. Especially confrontations like this one where there was no politically perfect answer.

"N-no," Hidan frowned. Hinata gulped. "I m-mean –"

"Sorry, girly, much as it flatters me to have your attentions, I'm fucking devoted to Jashin-sama. You understand right?" _Okay, he was deliberately baiting her. How uncouth._

"Dumbass," Deidara muttered loud enough to hear. "Keep flattering yourself, un."

Hidan ignored him. "So what do you really think of me, girly? You're more fucking afraid of me than anyone else. It's annoying as hell."

_I have good reason to. _"She has good reason to." Kisame voiced out her thoughts.

"Shut the fuck up, Kisame. Do I have to ask again, girly?"

"I think you're very…uh…" Hinata tried not to think of the more obvious characteristics that would just make them roll their eyes and the more offensive adjectives which were _true_ but dangerous to her well-being. "… dedicated, Hidan-san."

_Did she honestly just say that?_

"Well, I think you're so fucking idiotic and goody-goody that you're just asking for someone to slaughter you," Hidan leered mockingly, cruel eyes glittering. "Care to be honest _now, _Hi-na-ta-_chan_?"

Hinata blinked. _That. Was. It._

Furiously, with tears stinging in her pale eyes, Hinata stood up and made as if to slap Hidan but stilled her hand in time. She lowered her voice into an upset whisper. "You didn't have to be so unpleasant, Hidan-san. I could have simply left if I knew you found my presence so pitiful."

Recklessly unladylike, Hinata stormed out (although she did ruin the dramatics a little by stammering a rapid apology to Tobi and his misshapen cake at the door before she went).

"Motherfucker," Hidan slapped his forehead. "Did I fucking overdo it, Blondie?"

Deidara nodded gravely (although his gaze was more on the monstrosity in Tobi's hands – it was the very antithesis of beautiful art).

"At least we found out she actually has claws." Kisame pointed out, making light of the situation. "That'll be useful."

* * *

"Did dinner go well, Hinata-san?"

Hinata jumped as the shadow with Itachi's voice walked to her, his ponytail dancing in the wind. She swiped at her eyes but didn't reply.

"Incidentally, superb acting back there. Perhaps it will take them until tomorrow morning to realize they've been thoroughly fooled." The voice continued smoothly.

Hinata's eyes widened a fraction. "I-I don't know what you're talking about, Itachi-san."

Itachi just nodded, clearly unconvinced. "It was a clever effort, a bit of a gamble, but it seems to have worked as you intended."

"I d-didn't intend anything. Hidan-san was – was –" Even now, she couldn't think of a word to describe him.

"He acted exactly as you and everyone on this ship expected him to. Why act so surprised, Hinata-san?" There was a note of taunting in Itachi's voice.

"E-excuse me, Itachi-san," Hinata injected misery into her own voice. "I am quite u-upset right now. I have to go."

"Stay," There was no mistaking the note of command no matter how softly the word was spoken. "I wish to speak with you and am in no mind to follow you anywhere."

"W-what about?" _Please don't let him mention that debacle she made of herself yesterday._

"To tell you the truth, I was supposed to grill you for information." He said it so nonchalantly he may as well have been commenting on the terrific weather they were having.

"Then you're not doing a very good job." Hinata replied, forgetting herself for a moment.

"On the contrary, I believe it would be more efficient this way. I think it rather pointless to try to deceive you and have all my efforts bested." He motioned for her to sit down as he leaned back, graceful as a cat. Hinata ignored the gesture and turned her face to the star-studded sky.

"You believe I'm that good?" She asked innocently. She nearly fluttered her eyes at him except for two reasons: there were some lines one should _never_ cross and it wouldn't work anyway (she'd learnt that much).

"I think it would be best if you do not lie, Hinata-san. I doubt it would result in something other than futility. Please save us both the trouble."

Hinata's eyes narrowed imperceptibly. She had grown up in a family of lie detectors and he thought she couldn't bluff her way past him? She'd never heard of Itachi of the Sharingan as an interrogator. Rather, Neji had discoursed (_ranted_, in all honesty) more on the enviable speed of his attacks and his skill in stealth and espionage.

"Last name, Hinata-san?" _Well, he certainly didn't waste any time._

"Nara."

Itachi looked mildly disappointed, but not surprised. "That is a lie, Hinata-san."

"Inuzuka."

"Lie."

"Hatake."

"Lie."

"Sabaku."

"Lie." _Crud, he was good._

"Namikaze."

"Lie."

"Uchiha."

"…Lie." _What was that pause?!_

"It's Uchiha."

"I admit, I can barely tell whether you're lying or not, Hinata-san. However, everyone has heard of the…Uchiha."

"What – you think I'm not good enough?" That stab had hit a little too close to home. A combination of being reminded of Sasuke's perpetual derision for all things _not-him_ and the implication that she, a _Hyuuga_, was not good enough to be _Uchiha_ made it irritating enough to spark her dormant temper.

"Not at all, Hinata-san." Itachi was unfazed, always acting the better man. This _pirate_ would have made an ideal diplomat. "In fact, I would be quite surprised if you weren't of aristocratic pedigree. You talk like a noble, Hinata-san."

"W-well, you do too, Itachi-san," Hinata responded automatically.

Itachi smiled thinly. (It was a small victory.) "Picked it up somewhere, I suppose. How can you _tell_, Hinata-san?"

"And how many nobles do _you_ know, Itachi-san?" She tossed back.

"I see that I have a slim to none chance of getting your name tonight." He sighed and shrugged his shoulders.

"It's _Uchiha_. _Uchiha Hinata_. You don't trust me at all."

"I have neither reason nor desire to. I will have the _Uchiha_ checked however – if you are so adamant at using that name." Then Itachi grinned, she could see it easily in the moonlight. It teetered on the edge of mocking. He _knew_ she was lying.

_It was convenient that so many girls wanted to use that name. If nothing else, Hinata could play along and pretend to be a FANgirl._

"If you did not act so subservient, I would have no doubts you are Uchiha or at least someone similar in status." His face was stoic once more.

"I'm so glad…" _To confuse you, Itachi-san_. "…you believe that much, Itachi-san."

"We will be docking in two days." It was a deliberate slip of information. "I suppose you will try to contact your family then? I advise against it."

"But I thought you didn't want me here, Itachi-san." Hinata's heart pounded in anxious anticipation, so loudly she feared he could hear it. It took much effort to keep her voice neutral. She smiled up at him gratefully. "I have to _try_."

"It's your funeral." Itachi returned calmly. Hinata's smile turned brittle. "You may go now, Hinata-san."

He waved his hand in dismissal.

"Incidentally, the deck is clean." She heard the words just before he disappeared again.

Thinking back on the conversation, Hinata felt like he'd gleaned more information than she was comfortable with.

* * *

Before she fell asleep it occurred to her that they were deliberately making her too physically tired and too psychologically traumatized to escape. They were just dastardly enough to do it.

And maybe she _was_ a masochist for putting up with it.

* * *

_Next Chapter: zealots, flirts and shamelessness. The last one may describe the writing style instead of the events themselves._

**Notes**_: _Yeah_, fanservice _to other Hinata pairings!


	4. Zealots and Flirts

**Notes: **Crack warnings.

**Disclaimer: **Not mine.

* * *

"You tricked me, girly." Hidan's words cut and sailed through the morning air and stabbed right into her, an almost physical force that made her step back. He was sitting at the same spot, _shirtless_, and looked as though he'd been waiting for her.

"I'm sorry," Hinata sighed, ducking her head in apology. "I didn't –"

"_Che_. Don't apologize – I would've done it too if it would save me from that sorry excuse for a cake," He glared at her accusingly. "You abandoned us back there."

"Was it bad?" Hinata'd brow crinkled in curiosity. She had _seen_ the cake after all and it _had_ been unbelievable – just the amount of froth on top... where had Tobi-san gotten so much sugar?

"Hell, it was worse," Hidan grimaced at the memory and gagged. "I'd choose arsenic over it any day."

"Surely it wasn't that bad," Hinata ventured, frowning slightly. Tobi had been trying to make _her_ feel welcome after all. She had been completely ungracious.

"Yes, it fucking _was_," Hidan contended. "If Jashin-sama had his way, he'd fucking smite that _thing_ into oblivion."

"Jashin-sama," Hinata repeated, stepping closer now that she knew Hidan didn't hold any significant animosity over last night. "Is he your god, Hidan-san?"

"Just Hidan, seriously, no fucking suffixes," Hidan grumbled then his face took on a level of seriousness she hadn't witnessed before. "Jashin-sama isn't _my _god – Jashin-sama is _the_ god. If only you damn heathens would realize that. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with all of you? You're all going to wait under you're burning in the fucking pits before you acknowledge him? Well, I tell you, girly, he ain't fucking merciful once you've been damned." He broke off, looking thoughtful.

Hinata spotted right away the slinking zealousness in his eyes and stopped the blitz before it came.

"I-I meant it when I said you were dedicated, _Hidan-sa_ – Hidan," She said the words strongly enough to pierce fanatical atmosphere that was taking over the man.

"So did I – I don't fucking lie, you know," Hidan riposted. "Since you're always so early – you wanna join me in honoring Jashin-sama? Mind you, it's fucking agony at first but it's a sure ticket to eternal salvation."

"I'll, _um_, pass on that – at least this time," Hinata warily eyed the innocent-looking but thoroughly malicious pendant handing from Hidan's neck, the same symbol she did not scrub off the floor, praying that she wasn't offending the ardent man.

"Fine – join all those heathen bastards in their ignorance. Don't come crying to me when you're all judged as fucking heretics," Hidan nodded to himself in absolute conviction. "Seriously, it appalls me how misguided you all are." He smiled his saintly smile again and Hinata relaxed.

"D-do you really believe yours is the only path to salvation, Hidan-san?" She asked. It was reckless of her – but she was fascinated.

"Hell yes!" Hidan answered without faltering, not even hearing the honorific. He then went on to a full sermon on Jashinism, its somewhat bloody ideals and excessive practices. He was a good talker, minus the cursing every other word.

And Hinata was a _very_ good listener (even _if_ she tuned out the part on virgin sacrifices).

All in all, it made for surprisingly good rapport.

* * *

Hinata, yesterday, had made it sound as if she completed cleaning out the ballast. However, one cannot _always _escape the truth and truth was, she was only halfway through the third room when the rats finally got to her.

Today, unfortunately, she had no dirty deck to escape to and must carry out the continued extermination of carcasses and illegal dumping into the ocean, the ocean fish lived in, the ocean people swam in, the ocean people get _food_ from – she swallowed the guilt. She could hardly expect proper garbage disposal units at this point.

Hinata was unto her fifth dumping when Konan approached her, her pretty, pierced face wrinkling at the smell of decay emanating from the sack, and called her to the captain's cabin.

Hinata's eyebrows didn't quite rise at this – she'd witnessed too many mindboggling things the past few days – but she was highly surprised. Of all the Akatsuki, Pein was the one she saw the least and had the least interaction with (in retrospect, she'd never directly said a word to him). She wondered what had she done to merit an audience with the man._ Perhaps she had dumped something important?_

Or perhaps Itachi had exposed her duplicitous behavior and all the falsehoods she'd churned out last night? On lesser ships, speaking untruths could be considered treason. She thought she'd presented herself rather well as a harmless person last night, not enough of a threat to merit more than an occasional check. Konan calling her now – it had all the signs of capital punishment. Hinata gulped, feeling that she really was in no condition to renew her acquaintance with the plank.

* * *

The audience with Pein really wasn't as ominous as she thought it would be. Rather than being hostile to her person, it was actually pretty enlightening. Konan had finally decided to clarify why they kept her in the first place, despite all her failings as a pirate (and as a human, in general). And apparently, it was high time to put her to good use (Hinata sweat-dropped – _what about all her efforts until now?_).

"In case you didn't get it yet, every once in a while, we pick up some girl –" Konan started, twirling around a paper rose which seemed to be made of a wanted poster of herself.

"Or boy," Pein interjected smoothly.

"Or boy," Konan amended. "Let them sail around with us for a while, order them around, see if they have what it takes, make them relatively loyal, then release them into the different hotspots to spy for us. It's useful, most of the time anyway."

_I'm loyal?_ Hinata's eyebrows _did_ rise at that. The Akatsuki had never been lax, this much she knew, both from Neji's descriptions and her own experiences, and to suddenly declare her _loyal_ when she was just waiting for a chance to bolt…

Konan addressed that issue of loyalty.

"Most of them find that working for us if far more profitable than any other job they might snatch up – that's incentive," Well, it wasn't incentive enough for _Hyuuga _Hinata. "And they know we'd have ways to gut them if they betray us, even if they found themselves under the protection of the entire navy." Okay, _that _worked.

"You're smart and tough enough, judging by your performance these past few days, most of the crew _vouched_ for that. And though we need to work on some things…" Hinata flinched inwardly at the stab at her pride – again, she was found _lacking_. "…congratulations, we think you're ready."

Hinata wondered if this new development was a good thing or a _very bad_ thing.

"Don't think this is a promotion." Pein stated quietly, so quietly it shouldn't have made her hairs stand on end. But it did.

The conversation, summarized and translated: _this is a test_.

* * *

"You do know how to flirt, right?" Hinata turned to Konan, wide-eyed, as they stepped up to the deck above the captain's cabins at the rear of the ship, a place rarely frequented by the crew and where they could be alone.

She _had_ suspected it would be like this but to have it spoken out so _plainly_ and actually _practiced_… even the Hyuuga, who prided themselves on educating their children as best they could, didn't cross the line when it came to schooling its heiress in the arts of seduction.

Astonishingly, Konan looked slightly uncomfortable. The blue-haired woman was actually averting her gaze past Hinata, looking distasteful.

"Y-yes," Hinata nodded, pink creeping its way onto her pale cheeks. _If you mean at parties with chaperones and bigwigs and gentlemen who wouldn't dare mess with my family. _Yes, Hinata's experience with the opposite gender was very much limited by the presence of intimidating men in her life.

"Show me then," Konan challenged in a dull voice.

"W-what?!"

"Flirt with me," The woman repeated. "If you're uncomfortable flirting with me… perhaps someone else? Other girls we've picked up had been uncomfortable flirting with someone of their own sex."

Hinata decided she would be a ten times more comfortable with Konan – she and Hanabi had teasingly done it with each other once before a particularly lavish garden party. And at least Konan didn't wear weapons around her – unless her mode of assault came in the form of vicious papercuts.

"Perhaps you could d-demonstrate first, Konan-san?"

Konan frowned. "We all have our own styles, Hinata. I want to see yours first. Flirt with me."

"B-But I don't know what you like!" Hinata wrung her hands.

"You can't expect to know your victim all the time, Hinata." The word _victim_ made Hinata feel like a vampire. "Just do what you think men would like."

Hinata closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and pretended she had Hanabi's innate confidence. She sauntered over to Konan.

"L-lovely weather, we're having, don't y-you agree?" Hinata tried to smile but the forbidding look on Konan's face halted the expression in its tracks.

"I _do _hope you're only joking, Hinata," Konan said warningly. "Although we may have run-ins with nobles occasionally, you will be dealing with pirates, thieves and thugs in taverns most of the time. You can easily pull off the charming innocent role which most of them are fond of playing with – _use_ _it_ and stop asking about the weather."

Hinata let out a feeble laugh as she felt her dignity _crack_.

Konan put a hand to her temple and closed her eyes. When she opened them, they were glinting with determination.

* * *

_Thirty minutes later…_

"Flutter, _damnit_, flutter! Think _butterflies_!" Konan, both as Hinata's self-appointed keeper and as a fellow woman, was appalled at Hinata's lack of skill in seduction. Her dormant feminine side was completely out. "Drape yourself around me and do the eyelash."

Hinata closed the space between them and, very stiffly, put an arm around Konan's waist, the other hand on her shoulder. Konan was unimpressed.

…

"Widen your eyes some – act like you're very awed and make him like a big man."

This one had been no problem. Hinata had been stoking egos since she was seven and her friends suddenly developed them.

…

"Now, follow this pose… This pose… This pose… Hinata, _do _smile when you do that, otherwise you shall look as though you are in pain."

…

"Now twirl around and laugh!"

When Hinata attempted the sassy twirl for the third time, not quite executing it artlessly enough on the first two, her mental Neji popped up to provide commentary.

"The rotation is all wrong, Hinata-sama. Your landing is quite unbalanced."

Mental Sasuke joined him.

"_Che_. So easy – I could have copied that move perfectly the first time I saw it."

Hinata silenced them both viciously. She was embarrassed enough as it was.

…

"Keep slipping them drinks as you ask – sooner or later, they'll spill."

"The drinks?"

"No – the men."

…

"When all else fails, call the crew member who'll act as your backup and muscle the bastard into talking."

"Why can't we do that in the first place?"

"Because then we'll leave a trail. But if they remember seeing the beaten-up bastard with a wench, people would simply assume some boyfriend or husband did it."

…

"Okay, one more time, I'll be the male." Konan lowered her voice and put an arm around Hinata's shoulders. "Hey _angel_, what's a pretty little thing like you doing here?"

"Uh, they kicked me out of heaven?" Hinata returned, her smile flawless as she stared intensely at Konan's face.

"…Hinata, that was terrible."

"I'm sorry, Konan-san." Hinata pulled away quickly, eager to reclaim as much personal space as possible.

* * *

"This is absolutely fucking hilarious." Hidan smirked as he watched the scene through binoculars, red-faced Hinata floundering around like a lost child and Konan trying to beat years and years of ingrained modesty and etiquette into submission.

"Hidan! Keep your eyes on the damn water!" Kakuzu's voice resounded from the shrouds connected to the mast.

_Damn you, Kakuzu_!

* * *

Hinata's eyes blurred with tears.

Sensitive as they were, they made chopping up onions for the crew's dinner more troublesome than usual. Tobi-san was also called to the closed-door meeting the Akatsuki were having – most likely about the newest venture on land – and it fell to her to carry out his duties.

She was proud to say she knew how to cook, at least in theory. Years of observing fine chefs _should_ have honed something in her after all. If only her first field trial wasn't to be served to the most lethal group she had ever known. But then, Hinata thought as she moved on to slicing some limp carrots, they might not even notice the taste, as obliterated as their taste buds must be by the alcohol they consumed.

…

"I detect a hint of poison in this and you'll walk the plank faster than you can blink." Kakuzu threatened as Hinata served up the meal. If Hinata had taken the chance to look around rather than keeping her gaze on the food, she'd have noticed _they_ were going to eat together. It was like a family dinner, seriously.

"Why?" Hidan asked the masked man. "Tobi does it all the fucking time."

"Tobi… is Tobi. We already know _not_ to trust him." Kisame answered, sending a disgusted glance to the man in question.

_And you trust me? _Hinata's mind ventured.

"We doubt you have any ability to produce a poison that we would not be able to recognize," Itachi said tonelessly, answering her silent inquiry.

"To hell with the poison! I've been sitting on my fucking ass in that damned nest all day and I'm starving!" Hidan grabbed his share, thanked Jashin-sama for the daily sustenance, and gobbled it down.

The rest of the Akatsuki followed suit (some more graceful than others).

They all froze at that first bite. Hinata tensed, anxiety gnawing on her insides that her meal wasn't up to par, that she might be indicted for trying to cause them indigestion… then Deidara waved her off rather insistently.

_Was the meeting starting again?_

Confused, Hinata left to the base of the crow's nest where her own meal was waiting to be eaten while she took over the nightwatch.

"Holy shit! This is the first decent meal I've had in ages! Seriously!" She heard someone – three guesses who – exclaim, probably thinking she was already out of earshot. She almost grinned. She _did_ miss being appreciated.

_Ah, the stupid little things that make you happy._

* * *

"You're cooking _forever_, girly, even if I'm gonna have to haul all that ratshit junk up myself," Hidan declared later on, when he and Kisame joined her on the nightwatch. "I'm never letting Tobi's bastard ass into that kitchen again."

"I-I'm glad you like it, Hidan-san," Hinata blushed in appreciation at the crude yet unknowingly sincere compliment. Hidan scowled at the suffix, then rolled his eyes and gave it up. It was, in all likelihood, hopeless.

Kisame put a hand to his chin, as if in deep thought.

"Since when were you two friends?" He blurted out after a moment.

"What the hell are you talking about?" The religious man frowned in perplexity. "I don't make friends with heathen shitheads."

"I c-concur," Hinata agreed weakly.

Kisame was amused, but not fooled. It was rather obvious since Hinata had stopped jumping every time Hidan opened his foul mouth that there wasn't as much antagonism, however onesided, between the two. He had to give the girl credit.

"You sure put him in his place last night, Hinata," Kisame chuckled. "It was too bad you weren't there when he realized it."

Hinata flushed at the reminder of the incident. "Ah, I'm sorry about leaving, Kisame-san."

"No problem," He grinned. "Though I feel sorry for the any creatures that encounter the cake we tossed into the ocean when Tobi wasn't looking."

"Damn you, fishface," Hidan growled as awareness dawned upon him and nearly fell off the rope ladder when he made a fist at Kisame. "Why didn't you tell me that? I actually ate that shit!"

"You're the fool who didn't listen," Kisame muttered under his breath.

* * *

"You're adjusting well – never once saw you get green around the gills," Kisame said finally, breaking up his and Hinata's staring match and mental scrutiny of each other (though Hinata would never profess that this was the case). He saw a girl who worked hard and didn't complain and that was enough for him.

After all, the Akatsuki had bastards like Hidan to deal out the mindfuckery and bastards like Itachi to do damage control if the girl proved to be more trouble than she was worth.

"I've ridden on boats before," Hinata answered, averting her gaze, gladly retracting her defiant side in relief.

Kisame's interest went up a notch. "What's the best you rode on?"

The_ Hyuuga Kaiten_, the best defensive ship in their fleet or the _Hyuuga Hakke_, their fastest offensive ship. "I d-don't remember the name, but it was a very big ship my father took me on. It was fast."

"Nothing compared to this, I bet – _this_ ship will be the best you'll ever ride. I rode with the Seven Swordsmen before – rapid fast and stealthy that one, but disgusting defense," Kisame made a face.

"I heard of them –" _They had distant connections to the Hyuuga before the go-between – a certain Ao – turned traitor. _Then Hinata's _mouth_ turned traitor and stammered up a name before her brain could catch up."One of them – _Chojuro_?"

"Heh," Kisame's eyes lit up. "You know a few things…"

Hinata started to chastise herself for the slip up but, when Kisame began to talk again of various ships and seas and famous pirate wars, almost unmindful of her burst of exceptional knowledge, she began to understand that _maybe_ not everyone on this ship was out to get her and _maybe_ this was just regular conversation.

It was when they were arguing about the best way to prepare a fish when Hidan yelled down from the nest.

"Will you two stop your fucking yapping already?!"

* * *

_Early Morning_

"I-I don't mean to intrude…" Hinata said before daintily covering her mouth and yawning.

"Geez, just fucking get on with it, we probably won't remember it later,"

"A-after Pein-sama and Konan-san, who holds the highest position?"

"Why do you wanna know?"

"Just curious." _To see who to offend least._

"Listen, girly, there ain't no hierarchy on this ship. Captain's captain because he's just that fucking _good_." Hinata didn't doubt it. "And Blue pulls rank 'cause they're _friends_ – all the way back to wherever, probably since the fucking womb."

* * *

"I see the shore," Hinata called from the shrouds. Hours earlier, Kisame had taught her how to maneuver her way around the ropes without getting tangled up in it.

Hidan looked at the horizon groggily, before grabbing a pair of binoculars and peering through them. "Son of a bitch, girly. What terrific vision."

Hinata gazed out to the vast expanse of sea and sky before her, blues and reds and purples and sunshine of a new day. In the distance, she could just about spot a scattering of islands.

_Victims_, her mind provided involuntarily. _Victims._

* * *

It was early in the afternoon when Hinata was roused from sleep when the ship abruptly stopped, throwing everything not fastened to the walls forward. She hurriedly shook off the drowsiness from her mind and picked herself up from the deck.

They were in a small cove, very cleverly hidden out of sight by surrounding rock formations. Behind her, Kisame and Sasori went already preparing the smaller boat for their venture into land.

Hinata lowered her head in dread and took breathed deeply. _Here was where all the games ended_. When they reached shore, she was either going to have to prove her worth or to try to flee. Either option was going to take all the energy, all the wits, and all the luck she had to succeed. Hinata somberly registered what she had of those three characteristics may scarcely be enough but, _Kami_, with the all the things it put her through lately, the universe _had_ to owe her.

…

It was the first time she saw her reflection so clearly in several days, always having to make use of either the water or the shiny surface of a breastplate she'd found, and the sight had her keeling over in shock. The momentous importance of first impressions and strong, beautiful fronts had always been emphasized upon by the Hyuuga and Hinata, though lucky enough to realize the importance of _looking underneath the underneath_ at a young age, was not completely exempt from this. The girl in the mirror – shabby clothes, messy hair, face flushed with sunburn, dark bruises beneath the eyes – looked worse than she expected.

_How can she ever hope to succeed with this face?_

(Mental Neji: _With that face, you are destined to fail, Hinata-sama. You cannot fight your fate._)

Konan stood behind her, watching with a critical eye, her hands hovering dangerously over a vat of powder, rouge and mascara. "It's not that bad, Hinata. I've handled far worse."

_Konan could never be accused of being an expert of making people feel better._

…

The blue-haired woman was surprisingly good at plastering makeup and Hinata was grateful for the thickness of the powders and the copious amounts of color and glitter that, albeit making her look like a clown, made her almost unrecognizable. Even Neji, with his immaculate attention to detail, would have trouble picking her out of a crowd now.

The _dress_ would certainly throw him, Hinata thought with a grimace. True, the outfit she had been wearing aboard the ship had been nowhere close to what a Hyuuga should wear, but at least it had been _decent_ and comfortably _loose_. This _one_ though…

"Konan-san," She hissed frantically, unable to remember when she'd felt so scandalized (wait, she _did_, just yesterday in fact when they'd been practicing reactions at crude jokes). "Is this supposed to be a _dress_?"

Albeit it wasn't like Konan's slimmer, willowy one, Hinata _did_ have a nice figure, even without the corset. But that didn't mean she was going to _flaunt_ it! Neji would have the heart attack that she was putting off if he saw her now – in a tight, white, revealing slip of a dress with ribbons where there should be cloth and ruffles where there shouldn't be ruffles! It truly was a _devil_ of a dress. The Hyuuga dignity might never recover.

But _damn_ if it didn't fit her perfectly.

…

"She looks fine." Pein commented, clinically observing Konan's work.

_Just "fine"? _Hinata had never been a vain girl but was well-aware enough that her superior pedigree had graced her with more than her fair share of fine features. _Lords_ had commented what a beautiful child she had been, _barons_ and wealthy _sons of merchants_ had rhapsodized on her alluring eyes and lily-white skin, _ladies_ had (through gritted teeth) commented on what graceful figure she made. More than that, Sasuke had said "_well, perhaps you're not ugly_" and, if nothing else, _that _confirmed that she wasn't just _fine_.

(Well, she wasn't exactly at her best that moment.)

Later on, Hinata would realize that Pein's reaction would be the best she could hope for from that group: a fair, positive comment among malicious leers, blasé glances, and a particularly scathing comment courtesy of Deidara ("Gaudy, un").

* * *

_Next chapter: First mission with Team Zombie! Yes, as I've said – more Akatsuki humor and adventure than romance. Don't worry – later chapters will be pure ItaHina interaction – sweet, adorable and endlessly hilarious if I can manage it. And yes, this story actually has a plot… believe it._


	5. Team Zombie

**Notes: **Mission underway. Please do not lose all hope for the "fight" scenes in this chapter. I'm trying to improve on it, though not very well.

**Disclaimer: **Not mine.

* * *

The Akatsuki mothership, now solely under Pein's protection, remained in a well-hidden cove that Deidara himself had bombed out from a conveniently-placed sea cliff made of easily-disintegrable limestone. Eight of them (Tobi also stayed behind – _to "bond" with Pein-sempai_) rode to the shoreline in the smaller boat.

A boat, Hinata determined when they were very close to landing, that was entirely too large. There was no way to reach the rocky shore without swimming (or, at the very least, wading) and ruining the costume Konan had spent an hour coordinating. Hinata did not want to go to shore at all for a stint in deception but_, if she must_, she much preferred to be in a comfortably dry disguise.

The quandary turned out to be easily solved, not by the resourcefulness and cleverness the Akatsuki was known for (their two big gun advantages over most pirates), but by sheer brute strength. The method was, to put it simply, _throwing_.

"Easy, yeah?" Deidara smirked when Hinata blanched. "Watch Konan – it's almost flying. Bend and crouch at bit towards the end and you'll be fine, un."

Indeed, Konan sailed effortlessly through the air like an angel in flight and landed gracefully.

"Your turn, _girly_," Hidan smirked. Without preamble, he and Kisame lifted her up by the legs and _tossed._

Hinata flew with all the gracefulness of a dying duck. Instinctively, she mimicked Konan's movement, shutting her eyes as the hard, hard, _hard_ rocky ground came closer.

Rather than crash landing, she found herself plucked from the air by a strong grip at the back of the dress and pulled backwards such that she landed butt-first into sand, Itachi towering over her.

"What the hell, Itachi?!" Hidan yelled as they prepared to toss Sasori (who did not wish to get wet and still maintained a straight impassive face despite sitting atop Hidan and Kisame's shoulders). Itachi ignored him and stalked closer to the water.

"Kisame," His regal voice carried out impressively. "I should hope your aim will improve by tonight or I will be forced to do the mission alone."

_Huh? _Hinata wondered what he was talking about. Then she saw the patch of sharp jutting rocks terrifyingly close to where she _could've_ landed. After she pushed herself up, Hinata started to thank him, but refrained when he looked like he wasn't even aware of her anymore.

"Whatever you say, Itachi," Kisame returned easily. "But you never know when you need back-up. Breaking into brigs isn't easy, even for you, you know."

"B-breaking into brigs?!" Hinata cried out weakly, then blushed for speaking up so suddenly. _They were going to a brig? As in a place swarming with guards and criminals?!_

"Only those two, Hinata," Konan explicated. "You're with Hidan and Kakuzu tonight, get your first tavern experience while you get something from the proprietors."

"Yeah, _girly_!" Hidan put an arm round her shoulder and leaned in close. "Welcome to Team Zombie. You, me and fucking Kakuzu – infiltrate one of those heathen places… Wait, _shit_, I actually remember this one…" He straightened up and put a hand to his chin. "The bastard's tricky… this could get fucking complicated."

Kakuzu nodded thoughtfully.

Hinata gulped, and remembered captain's words.

"_It would be best to remove from your mind any notion that we are tolerant towards failure," Pein had stated when he sent them off. "Don't think you can escape either."_

It seemed that whatever the man said, Hinata would take it to heart.

_I promise to do my best, _she'd replied unthinkingly.

She looked at her "team" and mustered up whatever resolve she had left and shoved her gnawing conscience to the back of her mind.

_Oh dear god. She was actually going to go through with this._

By tonight, Hyuuga Hinata would descend to the level of a common criminal and pirate.

Forgot rolling in graves, her ancestors would fist their way from the undead to haunt her.

* * *

It was a novel experience, walking through the slums of a fairly large town with two infamous men (one of whom failed spectacularly in keeping his weapon inconspicuous) just waiting for night to fall. Quite aside from it being her first brush with civilization in a while, Hinata had never been in the slums before. _Her father made sure of that_.

It was _nothing_ like Neji had said. But, then again, when Neji went to such places, he went in full military regalia with an armed troop. Obviously, his observations couldn't be trusted as the manifest truth.

Neji had certainly never described how you were stared at.

Hinata could feel the burn of people's dirty looks through the traveler's cloaks they wore (which covered the lower half of their faces and provided adequate anonymity) and blushed furiously at the huge dip in respectability. She was very well aware of what they thought of her, _thank you very much_, but she would not deign to correct them. No matter how desperately she wanted to.

She just bowed her head and tried not to flinch at the less-than-flattering names that were muttered under their breaths. _All in stride. _She thought in disgust.

…

Neji had never described how crowded it was.

"Fucking pagans," Hidan's face contorted as they squeezed past a gathering of people doing a sort of ritual dance. "Seriously, let's blow this town up once we get the damn thing. Too many damn statues of dead heathen bastards."

"Pein won't like that." Kakuzu murmured.

"Damn hypocrite – always acting like he's not the one who blew up a city before." Hidan crossed his arms and they lapsed into silence once more.

…

And Neji had never, never mentioned how lawless it was.

Out of the corner of her eye, Hinata kept seeing Kakuzu's hand flicker outwards as they passed through the dilapidated streets. With a start, she realized his pockets getting bulkier.

_Oh dear._

"Oi, Kakuzu, stop that!" Hidan hissed at his partner's sideline activities. "You want people to think we're petty thieves? If you wanted to fucking rob someone, at least set up a respectable ambush!"

Hinata sweatdropped. _Weren't they supposed to stay inconspicuous?_

"Seriously, what the fuck is with you and money? Petty godless things." Hidan continued to rant. He turned to Hinata. "You should have seen him the time he went on a fucking rampage just because he lost some doubloons."

"Hidan, _shut up_."

Thank _Kami_ Kakuzu did not lose his temper as easily as his partner did.

While Hidan put a handle on his tongue, Kakuzu continued to pilfer pockets around them, with deftness born of experience and extraordinarily long reach.

Twice, he'd caught others trying to pick _his_ own pockets and sent them home pissing their pants.

…

In the slums there were vendors everywhere, selling little trinkets and knick-knacks that fascinated Hinata. The problem was that every time she tried to get a closer look, the vendor would send her a contemptuous glare that made her feel like _she_ was the thief in their trio.

In this place, it was Kakuzu and Hidan who were treated with deference, because they were men with gold to spare, while she was nothing more than another unscrupulous woman off the streets.

_The irony was almost too ridiculous to contemplate on._

They continued to walk.

In that arrangement, there was no way she could escape.

* * *

The tavern was near the wharf, adequately lit and smelled of rum and salt and smoke.

_ASUMA._ The name announced in washed-out, discolored letters on a wooden sign beside the entrance.

"_In there is the infamous ShikaInoChou – the trio that deals with pirates from all over the seas, specialized in hoodwinking their customers and getting gossip, secrets, routes, statistics and whatever else. It's a real information hub – everything worth knowing is there. Get the original map and information on Kumo."_

"Oi, shed the fucking cloak and get in there, girly," Hidan ordered as he and Kakuzu furtively stationed themselves a short distance away from the possible entrances and exits. "Find the bastard Nara Shikamaru and pump him for information on Kumo."

"Y-you're not coming in?" She glanced from one to the other in bewilderment, trepidation rising.

"Nara knows our faces," Kakuzu answered through his mask. "We've fucked them over in the past and he'll remember that. They're probably still pissed at us. These things are what you strays are good for."

"B-But – I – " Hinata wrung her hands anxiously as she tried to stammer a viable excuse, cowering under their pressing gazes.

"C'mon, waltz in there and act like a lady! Sneak over to Nara, do your pathetic act and _get the fucking map_!"

_Real ladies do not waltz nor sneak anywhere. _Hinata was tempted to rectify, even as she cringed at Hidan's impatience.

"Three hours." With that, they disappeared into the fog.

Hinata looked desolately at the door, frowning at the uncouth chatter beyond it, before squaring her shoulders and _gliding _in.

There was a decent-sized crowd in the tavern: shady men in the booths, large loud men at the bar, an assortment of giggling, fluttering girls and intensely alluring women who wore outfits that made Hinata's almost modest.

There were a lot of them, surrounding the men and filling up drinks, barely batting an eye at her abrupt arrival. Some looked on with envy, others sneered, a few shook their heads in pity while fewer still sent sympathetic smiles. Guilt clawed at the base of her stomach at the last ones. It was at times like these that she really appreciated being born to a _good_ family (understatement duly noted).

Hinata felt completely out of place before she even got a few paces beyond the door. She put a hand to her blushing face in frustration, clueless as to how to proceed. Was she supposed to act confident and saunter up to the bar? Or was she supposed to act shy? Perhaps act impatient? Her head spun at the various options. Adding more momentum to the spinning were the tiny bits of consciousness that insisted that she adjust the dress, pull her hair out of the outlandish puffy style and, for heaven's sake, find something to cover herself with before the wolves get her.

_But then_, there was the sound of a scuffle and breaking glass and all thoughts completely flew out of her head as a man went sailing past her and slammed hard beside the entrance.

He sluggishly struggled to stand, using the nearly wall to prop himself up, and coughed violently.

"Oh dear! Y-you're coughing up b-blood!" Hinata cried in alarm, fretting at the dark splotches of red on his shirt. She tried to help him to a chair without touching him. The man looked down on himself and snorted drunkenly.

"The _hell_? It's wine, bitch, _wine_!"

It was then that Hinata noticed the smell of fermented grapes and sugar and alcohol and suddenly felt very, very small. People nearby stared at her, not even bothering to hide their snickering and guffawing. She went deep red in humiliation.

This was actually a good thing. _Humiliation _was something she knew very well. _Humiliation _was familiar. Hinata _knew_ how to deal with humiliation. _Humiliation _was something she could start with.

"Ah, how silly of me!" Hinata put a hand to her mouth and laughed airily, not quite successful in toning down a blush from shame and embarrassment. "I took one look and _simply_ panicked. Heavens, my heart's still going pit-a-pat. I think I need a drink." Still laughing, she walked over to the bar, sitting herself between a rather large man and a smaller one with two wenches draped over him.

Hinata, insides shaking, observed everything through half-lidded eyes as she pretended to take a sip from the tankard she'd been given. She waited a few minutes until things were relatively calm again.

_It was now or never_.

Turning to the large man to her left (she had no desire to break up the licentious display to her right), she pulled out a sweet smile. "E-excuse me, would you, by any chance, know N-nara Shikamaru-kun?"

_Warm and familiar, Hinata, warm and familiar_. Konan's voice chanted in her mind.

The man didn't answer but he turned attentively to her. His blond hair was long and spiky and his face was unusually kind for a man of his girth who frequented places like this. Hinata thought they would be more… _thug-like_.

"I-I heard so much about him…" She slowly poked her fingers together and channeled breathlessness into her voice.

She chose not to notice the slight narrowing of his eyes. After a short while, he seemed to deem her harmless enough.

"I'll take you to him," He stood up remarkably quickly for someone of his bulk and held out a hand to help her stand. Genuinely touched by the display of manners (dear god, how long had she gone without these little kindnesses?), she smiled gratefully at him and took the offered hand.

He expertly navigated them through the debauched throng of people to a darker, quieter section that looked as though it was built for the sole purpose of being a venue for shady deals. In the dimmest of booths, a young man – about her age, give or take a few years – sat, playing with a deck of cards.

Hinata had sudden visions of pineapples. _Bored black pineapples affixed with beady eyes and pierced ears and smoking cigarettes_.

"Man, I'd rather be playing something else…" The man yawned in boredom as he reshuffled the cards. "Yeah, Chouji? Is it that troublesome woman again?"

_Troublesome woman? Again? _Hinata wondered what the Nara was talking about. She peered at him closely from behind the Akimichi. He didn't look like she'd expected. In fact, if Kakuzu hadn't warned her about how awfully smart he was, she'd have pegged him for an average sloucher.

"Are you, by any chance, S-Shika-kun?" Done with her initial analysis, Hinata slipped out from behind Chouji and gave a winning smile.

_Shika-kun? _The man in question raised an annoyed eyebrow and snuffed out the cigarette. Very slowly, he lit a fresh stick and leaned back in his seat, pushing the deck aside. "Who wants to know?"

Hinata took that as a yes and a cue to start doing business. She took a seat across from him and artfully leaned forward.

"M-my name is A-Aka Nata and I-I've heard _so much_ about you…" Hinata averted her gaze shyly even as she gritted her teeth inwardly. In deceptions like this, timing and buildup were everything and she was _trying_ to make the best of both ladylike and unladylike techniques to get under his skin. After a few moments of deliberate gestures, she finally spoke. "You see…"

"Who's she, Shika?" A feminine voice asked sharply, sending Hinata's carefully weaved performance crashing. Feeling a momentary sense of loss and frustration, Hinata turned stridently to the interloper, a chilly, _purely Hyuuga_ retort on her tongue when she was suddenly bedazzled.

A strikingly lovely girl with blonde hair in a ponytail and iridescent blue eyes who seemed to brighten up the place just by being present was staring at her in askance. This was the kind of woman Hinata always (in vain) wanted to be and Hanabi promised to grow up into – strong and beautiful and _utterly intimidating_.

"Dunno," Shikamaru shrugged, looking annoyed at the blonde and her loud, untimely appearances. "Chouji said she wanted to meet with me."

"Should _I _talk to her?" The bright blue eyes glittered playfully, although there was an undercurrent of seriousness in her words. "I have ways of getting into minds, you know."

"Tch. Troublesome." Shikamaru complained, crossing arms over his chest as he glared half-heartedly at the female. "I'll deal with her. You take too long, woman."

"Hmph, fine." She swatted at the pineapple fondly then turned to Hinata cheerfully. "Nice to meetcha by the way. I'm Ino. I saw you earlier, helping out that ungrateful pig, nice of you." Hinata couldn't tell if her tone was teasing or genuine or both. "Hey, I got to be getting back there."

Ino masterfully twirled away, dragging Chouji with her.

Hinata skillfully changed tactics. If Shikamaru was _that_ indifferent to that blazing sun of a girl, then Hinata was almost sure he another one in the category of males immune to any feminine wiles. She decided to be more direct. "As I was saying Shikamaru-san, ah, _Shika-kun_, I heard you know a lot about K-kumo…"

"_Kumo_, eh?" One of his brows lifted and he sat up a little straighter. "For some reason, _you_ want information on the Kumo group. Wanna elaborate?"

_Experts in hoodwinking,_ Kakuzu's ominous words floated up in her mind. Hinata chose her next words carefully.

"K-Kumo…" She inhaled sharply. Then she searched for that perfect tone of vehemence – _Sasuke_'s would do very nicely. "They k-killed my uncle and nearly my f-father. I want – _need_ – to get b-back at them. For s-so long, I've wanted revenge..."

_Lies! Lies! Lies! _Hinata's inner self was hopping around at the sheer duplicity of her statements. _Who had thought up this preposterous overdramatic back story Konan fed her?! _

"Because not doing anything is a troublesome way to live, right?" Shikamaru drawled, taking a deep drag and breathing it out.

Hinata's eyes stung from the smoke and she had a near uncontrollable urge to cough. If this was Shikamaru's tactic to break façades, it was damn effective.

"Y-Yes," Hinata tried to wave the smoke away. "Please… _please…_ help me."

"_Tch_, I don't feel right letting a girl like you do this." Shikamaru grunted in displeasure. "You know Kumo's _connected_, right?"

"Yes," Hinata nodded fervently. Privately, she wondered what _connected _meant in this context. "_I don't care._"

"Do you even have a plan?" The man asked after a moment. Hinata could almost hear the gears running through his mind.

"O-Of course!" She nearly stammered. At his expectant look, she channeled her cousin's cold mistrust. Mental Neji applauded mordantly. "Pardon me if I don't tell you b-but I can't trust anyone."

"I understand," Shikamaru smirked, leaning back on the seat once more. "But I also doubt it would carry out."

"W-why, Shikamaru-san?" She asked with a hint of impatience, trying her best to keep the talk sounding real (it was a taxing effort). She mentally screened the conversation, wondering where she revealed any weakness that made him hesitate. "You don't think I-I could do it? I will if you would h-help me."

"You'll have to wait your turn. Kumo's been targeted lately – the map's already in _their_ hands." There was something superbly unpromising in the way he said the pronoun.

Hinata's blood ran cold. "W-whose hands?"

Shikamaru glanced around as if to check for invisible spies, leaned close and whispered very softly. "_Akatsuki_."

All scripts and borrowed emotions flew out of her head. The façade all but disintegrated. "T-That's _impossible_!"

Shikamaru frowned at her outburst. "It's kind of common knowledge that…" Again, he glanced around as if the men in question would burst on them at any moment (which was, actually, very possible). "…_Akatsuki_ has been hunting Kumo. The moment they heard we had information, they sent some lieutenants here immediately."

"B-But –" Hinata made some nonsensical gestures as she tried to process the bizarre new development.

"But what?" Shikamaru cut her off coldly. "I'm sorry – if there's anything else I can help you with…"

"N-no _copies_ at all?" She stammered in desperation.

Shikamaru shook his pineapple head, an amused smirk playing on his lips. He excused himself and joined Chouji at the bar.

Hinata sat there utterly confused. Had someone _impersonated_ Akatsuki? Improbable – it was too suicidal a move. Was Shikamaru-san _lying_? Was he trying to keep her from going after Kumo because of a misguided attempt to be _chivalrous_? Or did he see through _her_? But she'd given no indication of ever being connected with the notorious crew…

She _needed _to talk to Hidan and Kakuzu before she started worrying herself into a panic.

* * *

"What do you mean they already gave the fucking scroll to us?" Hidan yelled irately, jumping down from the crates he'd been sitting on, praying to Jashin, as he waited. "What the hell are we doing here then? Taking a fucking vacation?"

"Shut up, Hidan. You're too loud." Kakuzu materialized from wherever he'd been watching.

"I'm sorry, but that's what he said! They don't have anything!" Hinata made a helpless gesture, looking miserable.

"They have it," Kakuzu said. He turned around and, in a louder voice, called out to the darkness. "_Don't you_, Nara?"

Hinata turned around hastily when she suddenly felt the prick of someone else's presence behind her. Shikamaru, Chouji and Ino stepped out of the shadows. Shikamaru was at the front, mouth set in a grim line and face knowing and stance completely alert.

"Remember them Ino, Chouji? These were the guys who swindled me and Asuma a few months back. _Akatsuki_."

"You've fucked up. _Royally._" Hidan hissed sideways at Hinata, his hand tensing on his scythe.

"Nara is quite sharp. _Nata_ didn't stand a chance from the beginning." Kakuzu said coolly, his eyes warily watching the trio even though he didn't draw any weapons.

_Eh, then why did you send me in if I was totally outclassed? _Hinata thought sardonically.

She looked at Shikamaru. "H-how?"

Shikamaru rolled his eyes.

"It was _easy_. You tried to _help_ a man in a tavern, your _story_ was bull, and you _switch_ between two visibly different personalities. Your reaction to the bluff merely confirmed what I already deduced. I played along, hoping you would take us to _them_."

Hinata tried not to feel shame at how transparent and gullible she had been. Usually, she could see bluff very much like this one a mile away. As it was, even with all the warnings, she'd underestimated him.

_Darn, he is just like Itachi. All her trickery just bounced off him. Dear god, just how much intelligence do commoners hide under their hats? _She reprimanded herself for not recognizing it immediately. _As Hyuuga heiress, she must not allow_… but that wasn't really important right now.

Hinata _really_ didn't like the look of this arrangement, this three-on-three facing down of each other. It had all the indications of a bad fight waiting to happen. And while she was pretty confident that Hidan and Kakuzu could take care of their own, she really had nothing to defend herself with. Except her innocence, of course – but she'd already compromised _that_ fabulously, didn't she?

If Ino (dear god, _surely_ Ino would be her opponent) wanted to take her out, Hinata was pretty sure she'd flee, _damn the consequences_.

But then, Shikamaru was a pretty logical individual. Maybe as long as everyone kept their cool, something could be negotiated?

Alas, it was not to be. They had _Hidan_.

"You gonna take me, _fatso_?" The silver-haired man glibly asked, ever so casually waving his scythe at Chouji.

It suddenly felt like the apocalypse descended down.

"I'm not fat," The blond frowned. "I'm big-boned."

Hidan didn't back down even as Shikamaru and Ino made frantic _No!-No!-No! _gestures.

"You're more big-boned than fucking _whales_. That's some _serious_ bullshit there."

Hidan apparently wanted to hurry up his union with Jashin.

With a speed that belied a man his size, Chouji shot towards Hidan like a juggernaut.

Hidan jumped out of the way and laughed. "Bet ya can't catch me if I run in zigzags, you fucking tub of lard."

Kakuzu slapped a hand to his forehead. "Hidan…"

His partner turned to him. "What? It's true."

It was Shikamaru who answered. "Chouji knows his limits."

Hinata recalled spying a long-ago lesson in physics about mass and momentum – _and ways to counter that near-uncontrollable spin_. She opened her mouth to call out a warning, only of hear a sickening thump of flesh hitting flesh (and tearing and bruising and sending said flesh flying).

A pause.

"That _hurt_, you asshole!" Hidan called from where he was almost splattered (okay, that was an exaggeration). Hinata was surprised he was still conscious, let along seething and spitting in rage.

Negotiations were officially out of the window.

Shikamaru turned to Hinata, all grouchy and serious, and shrugged resignedly (this time Hinata didn't miss the alertness in his eyes). "Since your kind make up most of my business, I have _nothing_ against you as pirates, woman. Believe me, this is all _personal_."

Hinata blinked and then Shikamaru was already yards away, Kakuzu was on the spot he'd previously occupied. In a flurry of quick, clever moves with daggers that materialized from seemingly nowhere they attacked and parried and countered each other, taking the battle farther and farther away.

"I-I don't suppose we can just sit this out?" Hinata asked the woman opposite her, fumbling with her dress.

Ino shook her head slowly, a slow catlike grin overtaking her features.

Hinata felt a familiar cold chill sweep over her, breathtaking in its intensity. Hinata was reminded of the various contenders for Sasuke. Ino may very well have been a headof her own rabid group of girls in her day.

Lifting up her skirts, Hinata bolted.

She didn't make several yards when Ino was suddenly on her. She tripped on the hem of her dress just in time to avoid a violent backhand swipe. Ino stumbled over her body and was sent crashing to the ground.

Hinata, even with her lack of battle experience, knew an advantage when she saw it. She ran towards the pub, hoping for the safety of crowds.

Unfortunately, no one had quite made it clear to her that some men – _this drunken group in particular_ – simply did not have a dash of chivalry in them. And she was not aware that, by this time, Hidan and Chouji had already made it to the front of the building and were generating enough noise to attract attention.

Several took flight immediately once it was made known that a known _Akatsuki_ was in the vicinity. Some stayed to watch the noteworthy skirmish, watching from a safe distance. Some were rendered immobile by the spectacular amount of blows and swearwords flying around. Still others wanted _in_.

* * *

Several moments later, the pub looked as though it had been through a minor disaster (_or three_). Tables and chair where strewn everywhere, and Hinata was making very good use of them as physical barriers between her and Ino. Rum and beer and straight bourbon had poured everywhere, creating a large puddle that Hinata nearly slipped on several times. Several hangings had been torn down by Hidan's wildly swinging scythe, the same weapon also strongly discouraging would-be interlopers from joining the fray.

In the distance, marching could be heard.

"Make a distraction," Hidan growled just before he jumped on a table to dodge another punch from Chouji, a punch which would have knocked him out if it connected.

"H-how?" Hinata yelled back at him as Ino once again tried to close the distance between them

"Use your goddamn imagination!" Hidan swung his scythe horizontally at Chouji, who skittered back just in time, unlike a poor stool that just lost its legs.

Across the room, Shikamaru and Kakuzu were both relatively immobile, making only tentative moves which the other would effectively counter immediately.

"Jashin-sama will get you, fatso!" Hidan roared wrathfully as he deftly leapt from table to table (whooshing past Hinata and moving towards Kakuzu). Chouji was chasing him down and gaining momentum, knocking down chairs left and right. "You will _roast _when judgment comes!"

As though a light in her head suddenly turned on or some deep-rooted fighter instinct in her blood suddenly activated, Hinata suddenly saw everything with an utmost clarity that felt like divine revelation.

She positioned herself carefully.

It wasn't a very _imaginative_ move but was possibly the most stunningly brilliant, low-blow-_dirty_ trick she'd ever pulled in her life.

Very adroitly, Hinata stuck out her foot and _tripped_ Chouji as he went barreling past.

Chouji went _down, down, down_ and shook the building to its core.

Then he went rolling into Shikamaru who was still looking staggered at Hinata, as if not quite believing what she'd done. Hinata, who'd frozen stock still, couldn't blame him really – she was quite aghast herself at what she had just done.

"Move, girly!" Two strong arms suddenly hauled her towards the back. "Soldiers'll be swarming this place in a moment!"

Hinata glanced back to the trio even as she was lugged forward. Ino was already tending her two rather dazed friends lying in a heap, her arresting face all worried.

It was the last thing she saw before Hidan pushed her out the window.

* * *

ASUMA was built very near the sea, an excellently strategic location for catering to sailors and pirates alike who brought with them goods and gossip from all over the seas. For convenience, it was built near an alcohol bootlegging operation and a _girly _house. For even more convenience, it was build overlooking a shallow river leading out to sea for smuggling operations or easy escapes.

"You did _not _need to push me out that _window_!" Hinata murmured irritably, between wheezes, as they ran farther from the place.

"You're fucking alive, aren't you?" Hidan retorted angrily from the front.

"Well, _yes_," Hinata reluctantly admitted.

"Then don't complain!" Hidan groused. "We're all fucking cold and wet, _I know_!"

"I'm sorry," Hinata sighed, reining in her temper which had flared out unexpectedly the moment she was thrust into freefall.

Kakuzu motioned for them to stop and motioned to the trail of wet footprints leading straight to them.

Hidan glared at the imprints. "Hell, we need to slow down so they can catch up. We still need the fucking stuff on Kumo."

"Set up an ambush," Kakuzu ordered.

…

"We don't need to rush. They still need something from us." Shikamaru sighed exasperatedly as Ino cried for them keep up the pace. "Besides, we need to plan for an ambush."

"I'm so glad I work with you, Shikamaru," Chouji smiled over at his best friend. "Those three were scary."

Hinata would have been so surprised to hear those words.

* * *

"H-hello…" Hinata waved weakly from where she was sitting when the trio came into view. "C-can we just talk this out?"

_Decoy_.Hinata was thinking in disbelief. _I am being used as a decoy. Never thought I would see the day._

"Can it, woman," Shikamaru answered. There was a chill in his voice that made the estuary water sticking in her clothes feel like a lovely hot spring bath in comparison. "Tell your partners to come out now."

"T-they're not here. They _left _me," Hinata shakily stood up. "P-please, I know I can't really ask it of you, but t-trust me…"

Her opponents looked as though they wouldn't trust her as far as they could throw her. (But, considering Chouji's strength and her own size, if they ever decided that she was better as a projectile, she'd land _pretty far_.)

"L-look, you can even t-tie me up and everything…" Hinata held her hands out, then hesitated. "…um, can I-Ino-san do it?"

"No, Chouji, _you_ do it," Shikamaru commanded. Chouji stepped towards Hinata.

The moment the ShikaInoChou teamwork formation broke, Hidan and Kakuzu, in a perfect show of how not to be gentlemen, ambushed the seemingly defenseless Ino from behind (which truthfully had been the plan all along).

"Ha! _You fell for it_, you damn –" Hidan yelled before he suddenly found himself staring at the barrel of a pistol Ino had whipped out.

_Brilliant, Shika! _"One move, _matey_, and I'll send you to kingdom come," Ino growled. She glanced heatedly at Kakuzu. "You stay put too or I'll blow your partner's brains out."

Kakuzu actually considered it for a moment. "Heh, who knows, you might actually succeed where I haven't." Kakuzu said thoughtfully, not very concerned that his partner's neural bits might go flying at any time. He stayed put, however.

"Fuck you, Kakuzu," Hidan cursed, making Ino turn sharply back to him.

Because Kakuzu knew very well how Hidan's broken dam of an oral orifice could sometimes be beneficial, he quickly used the unforeseen distraction to his advantage and pulled his own pistol on Chouji.

It was _stalemate_.

Hinata felt sweat bead her forehead at the ensuing silence.

"I-it's just ink on paper…" She said nervously as she tried to placate the animosity between the two groups. Inwardly she flailed. _Why_, of all times, _did her audacious side choose to show itself? She could have happily continued on with her life without this outrageous show of boldness. _"I-It's not worth our lives…"

"She's right, you know," Shikamaru commented, walking towards her, all ready to reconcile.

Hinata turned to him hopefully. _A voice of reason!_

Then, very swiftly, he pulled a dagger on her, breaking the stalemate.

Hinata choked on the betrayal – _Et tu Shikamaru-san?_

"I'm willing to _talk_… but only with the lass." He faced Kakuzu and Hidan. "I still hate your guts."

Hidan hung his head in aggravation. "_Damnit_, you're still holding that fucking grudge? Seriously, I didn't mean to impale _him_ that bad. The bastard's recovered right? Sure, he might never move the same way again but…"

Everyone ignored him.

"We all know who is at an advantage here." Shikamaru said bluntly to the masked pirate, admittedly the more sensible one. "Consider how much you'll lose and how little you'll gain. You ought to _stand down_."

Hinata nodded frantically in agreement, beseeching Kakuzu with her eyes to have a heart and remember the old adage of solidarity, teamwork and never leaving a comrade behind.

"I'm willing to negotiate with her," Shikamaru repeated, more insistently. "You'll still get what you came for – _Kumo _information."

"I don't trust you," Kakuzu answered, the hand on the pistol didn't relax even a bit.

"You don't have to," Shikamaru riposted. Hinata whimpered as the cold metal against her throat shifted dangerously close to a jugular. Another fainting spell felt very close on the horizon. "I'm willing to forego my revenge if you let Chouji go."

"Kakuzu! Don't listen to him!" Hidan yelled out. "They don't have the guts –"

"One more word, bastard, and I'll have _your _guts," Ino snapped at him, just waiting for their leader's signal to pull the trigger.

It was Hidan's outburst that did it. Having had worked with the man for a _long_ time, Kakuzu was predisposed to believe that the best way to deal with critical situations was to do the opposite of what Hidan _suggested_.

"Tell the bitch to lower her gun."

Behind her, Hinata could feel Shikamaru relax somewhat.

Very shamelessly, and _no_ she did not care at all that she was already making a spectacle of herself, Hinata burst into tears of heady relief.

Much to Shikamaru's dismay.

"_Che_, troublesome."

* * *

"I never said I won't try to get _my _revenge," Ino declared frostily once they settled themselves on neutral territory (that is, the ransacked bar). She did a very good job of pretending they hadn't just tried to kill each other a few minutes back. "'Sides, it's just a _drink_. What harm it'll do you? _Unless_…"

Something gleamed in Ino's eyes malicious enough to have Hidan sputtering in outrage.

"I'll fucking drink it, bitch!" He roared from where he was tied up.

Looking on from where she was sitting, Hinata supposed she could learn a thing or two about _man_ipulation from the blonde girl.

"One drink – nothing poison mind, Kakuzu'll know – that's all," Hidan griped. "Damn stupid revenge. As if it'll affect me…"

"_Ino_…" Shikamaru frowned apprehensively.

"Don't worry, Shika," Ino facetiously waved his concerns off. "Chouji – you _know_ how good he is with anything consumable – and I have been planning this since they got you and the old man."

Shikamaru sighed resignedly. Chouji came with the drinks and Ino twirled around to serve them.

"Here ya go – it's all new and on the house, so you bastards be grateful – an Exploding Note and a Rasen Shuriken," She turned to Hinata like a tiger would turn to a doe, all playful and ravenous. "Nothing for you, _sweetie_, Shika stills wants to talk to you."

Hinata felt a flash of foreboding. Was it not blatantly obvious she was absolutely clueless about the whole operation? They wouldn't get anything from her even under _torture_.

Even as she prepared to gasp it all out – _the Hyuuga, the capture, the plot_ – she knew she couldn't, _wouldn't _say anything because it meant breaking her silent promise to _Pein-sama _and, even if she was willing to go back on her word (which was not her way at all), it meant living the rest of her life hiding under a rock in fear of retribution. Hinata was of no mind to be the object of anyone's revenge (anyone _else's_ – that is – but the girls who vied for Sasuke were easily taken care of compared to the Akatsuki).

A loud groan disrupted her increasingly panicky thoughts.

"Damn, what did you fuckers put into this? _Gunpowder_? I feel like I'm blowing into pieces."

Kakuzu – who foolishly allowed himself to be dragged into the fiasco by a monetary inducement – grunted from beside Hidan. "I think I'm about to have a couple of heart attacks."

Ino beamed. Hinata stared at her in morbid fascination. _Truly an example of the more frightening of the species._

"_Now_, woman, we'll _talk_." Shikamaru was clearly above using tobacco smoke and bluffs to demoralize her. Now he was plain using intimidation. Hinata would have loved to say she was completely unaffected by it, except that she totally was.

She gulped audibly as an imaginary garrote would tighter and tighter round her neck.

_After an hour or so of negotiation…_

Hinata was very determinedly standing her ground at the onslaught of Shikamaru's almost prodigious poking around and spouting off lies until they tasted like truth. Intimidation was pushed to the back of her mind as the situation became less and less a standoff between enemies and more and more like an audience with Hyuuga Hiashi on a bad day: cold, unnerving, and just a little short of offensive. But _damn_, the political pawn side of her really wanted to applaud the man's skill at manipulating conversations to his advantage while coming off as harmless.

"Damn women," Shikamaru grumbled as Hinata, by the skin of her teeth, evaded another pointed question. "Never known one who wasn't troublesome."

Hinata had a vague feeling that if only she wasn't there and thus made presenting a united front necessary, Ino would have attempted to pummel Shikamaru to the ground.

Shikamaru cut the crap.

"You're _highborn,_" By now, Hinata knew better and didn't even bother asking how he knew. Some people were just omniscient that way. "I can imagine how you're with them and why you can't escape, but how do you live with yourself doing these things?"

Hinata ignored the guilt tripping even as a silent scream of misery tore its way around her throat (_better question: how do I live without doing these things?!_).

"I only wish to live, Shikamaru-san. It is not your place – nor mine – to judge." _There_, a perfectly diplomatic answer.

Shikamaru was looking bored again. Hinata wished she had his composure – he didn't even blink at her reply and just kept right on throwing the spears into her conscience.

"We'll trade you this – Kumo information for information on Akatsuki's latest member."

_Did he mean her?_ _Seriously?!_

Hinata shook her head frantically. "I-I'm not… I'm not even sure if…"

Shikamaru gave her an undecipherable look.

"I'm willing to bet on it." He shrugged.

Ino looked up sharply at this, gave Shikamaru an intense stare that demanded he give an explanation later, and turned back to beating Team Zombie's men, who were currently unconsciousness but will definitely feel the lasting effects when they awoke.

What followed was another ten minutes of trying to protect personal information while Shikamaru milked it out.

_By the end of this_, Hinata thought, _I'll able to stand up to father and lie through my teeth without flinching_.

Shikamaru finally lost patience.

(_Or did he? _Hinata wondered suspiciously.)

"Meh, this is troublesome and I'm already sleepy – _I quit_." He crossed his arm over his chest and yawned. "The map's over there."

Hinata blinked the rather anticlimactic surrender.

"What are you doing?!" Ino protested indignantly. "This is _so _like you, Shika! After all that trouble too!"

"I got what we needed, woman," Shikamaru said, cool as you please even as the blonde stood there fuming. "And you got that bastard's –" He pointed to Kakuzu. "– pockets for property damage. Cut Hyuuga-san here some slack."

At the sound of the name, Hinata fell off her seat.

Shikamaru smirked knowingly. _Gotcha._

* * *

"Shika, _what are you doing_?" Ino asked in a sugar-sweet voice that Shikamaru had grown to dread more than any pirate. She had turned on him as soon as Hinata left, carting the rest of Team Zombie in a borrowed barrow.

"It's no problem," He said carefully, pulling an old scroll from his sleeve (along with an ace). "The original one's here. I've had a copy made of that map since before Akatsuki hunted Kumo. The copy's good enough that she won't get into too much trouble. We got our revenge. And we got something on both the Akatsuki and the Hyuuga – and don't go spreading that last bit, woman."

Ino shook her head in both exasperation and wonder. "Geez, Shika, for a lazy guy, you sure do plan ahead."

* * *

It was early in the morning when Hinata finally managed to drag the unconscious Hidan and Kakuzu to the place slated to meet the others. She imagined they looked like frightfully drowned victims from a warzone then – that would explain the spell of speechless gawking.

Konan stared coldly at the lot of them. "_Explain._"

* * *

Next up: _Team Art, the Suna crew, beach coffins and possibly flying spleens. Still under construction and more action then dialogue – unlike this chapter where its all talk talk talk._

* * *

**Notes: **Did I totally shame myself now? (flails) Yeah, I _blew_ Team 10.

Now, my reasons for posting this so soon: (1) SylvanDreamer dashed all my hopes of this becoming a oneshot instead of multi-chapter and convinced me to put up all the finished bits. She's read the skeleton of the entire work and always had better judgment than me anyway. Blame _her_. (2) More importantly, I'm feeling _really_ reckless right now. Honestly, what sort of person goes to a (totally awesome, open-field, _fireworks_!) concert on the eve of major _major_ exams? Yeah – I made about three hundred mistakes and totally screwed myself over and lost all self-respect. Might as well lose _your _respect too. I'm a fricken idiot (readers, do not follow my example). I still can't believe I'm writing _humor _– my total _fail _(right after the 300 mistake exam on the scale).

Don't worry, I will maintain my usual brevity and sedateness in other works and channel all insanity into this one.

Now, **REVIEW!**

**And, yeah, thanks for reading (this mess)! Many happy faces to you!  
**


	6. Team Art

**Random joke from a Youtube video: **_Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar – and doesn't_. If you get it, you're a nerd. But that's okay I suppose. They're cool in their own way. :)

**Notes: **Thanks for all the positive reviews. I'm so, so grateful. I hope this new chapter is enough to convey my utmost gratitude.

By the way, why do people seem to think I will abandon this? (Not that I'm discounting that possibility.)

_About Sasuke_: there will be _backstories_. As with Neji and Hanabi. But that's still some ways off (although there will be a very, very small hint in this chapter). Told ya the story was convoluted.

_In this chapter_: word vomit, some pirate politics, yeah-yeah-yeahs, more unimaginably insane plots and twisting canon lines out of context like crazy. And oh yeah, I'm -_still hopeless_- at fight scenes.

* * *

Pein didn't look amused.

Quite in fact, he looked positively livid as Konan finally finished relating the disastrous series of events Team Zombie and Hinata had instigated, only to end up failing miserably with a _fake_ map (_Shikamaru-san!_ Hinata groaned defeatedly. _Even so far away he managed to outwit her, the ingenious bastard_) and a couple of knocked-out Akatsuki. It didn't help the happily unconscious ones who had to be roped up the ship were the veterans rather than the rookie. It positively defied all existing pirate laws.

Pein stared at the three of them as though they were rats who'd managed to get past his guard and enter his immaculate cabin, despicable infestations that needed to be eliminated quickly and thoroughly before they started multiplying.

Hinata kept her eyes on the floor in silent terror as she waited for the hammer (more likely, the guillotine blade) to fall, vainly trying to keep her legs from shaking in face of the captain's intensity. She had no idea how credit and blame were apportioned among members of the team, but knew that, despite whatever, she would shoulder a king-sized share of the blame.

Because that was what men – or women in this case – on the bottom of the figurative totem pole do.

(One word: _doomed_. The universe totally skimped out on her.)

Kakuzu and Hidan stood flanking her, standing still in resentful silence, their ostensibly unruffled fronts broken whenever the ship rode past an irascible wave and they couldn't help but let out a pained groan as they staggered.

It was rather remarkable that those two were conscious at all. Hinata suspected that it was only because it was Captain Pein of yet unknown great abilities addressing them and, the moment the meeting was over, they would again be out like a light.

Hinata felt something akin to sympathy, even as a very small part of her still exalted Ino for being able to do so much injury without getting a hair out of place.

Hinata supposed she also had to be impressed by the defiance Hidan displayed under the circumstances. Even with bruises from all the beating he took marring his pale, now greenish skin and a couple of black eyes (he looked rather like a bruised eggplant), the religious man still managed to glare at Pein-sama as though it was the latter's fault that the whole mess happened. Unfortunately (or perhaps _fortunately_) for the religious man, he hadn't yet regained full control over his mouth to string anything more than incoherent sounds together.

After a short silence that only made the impending damnation more palpable, Pein-sama spoke, sending little spirals of dread into Hinata's bloodstream with every uttered phrase. The way her knees buckled – it was as if she was facing him in a one-on-one death match rather than being _reprimanded_ (Konan's words, not hers) in full view of the crew – not that they would help her in a death match.

Thank _Kami_ Pein-sama was not addressing her directly – she might have offended him again by fainting.

"While it was _mainly_ Hinata's fault for getting tricked in the first place," Hinata winced, feeling like a bystander at an execution hit by a stray bullet. "I'd expected _you_ to make up for her inexperience. I sent _you_ because _you'd_ won over Nara before and trusted that _you_ could do it again. Clearly, _I was wrong_. Hinata even had to carry _you _back. That is… beyond embarrassing."

He paused to let that sink in. Hidan's face – and presumably Kakuzu's if it were visible – was mottled purple.

"Do you know how many things could have gone wrong because of your idiocy?"

(Behind her, she thought she could hear Sasori spouting off a mathematical figure.)

"Tell me why I shouldn't strike you down where you stand. Let me hear your answer."

Hinata froze. Off the top of her head, she could list several reasons which she knew, even in her disconcerted state of mind, wouldn't matter a whit with Pein-sama. They'd all think her inane for even daring to try. She kept her mouth shut.

Hidan had no such inhibitions. Hinata thanked the gods that be that the man chose such an impeccable time to recover his ability to speak and plunge straight into mortal peril.

"Cause we're… we're the frigging… best… you could find…" He struggled to get the words out.

The stupor they were in must have been worse than anyone imagined because Kakuzu actually nodded in agreement.

"_Best_," Pein repeated contemptuously. "What _blather _when, in reality, you stand before me like a drowned _rat_."

(_Ooh_, Hinata had actually been right about that.)

"On this ship, I need strength, not just words. _Your answer is worthless_." Pein terminated all arguments there and then. The infamous captain was apparently a man made for rhetoric (and not the mind-numbingly boring type either) as he spent the next several minutes giving the zombies a severe tongue-lashing on inanity and insubordination before turning his gaze on Hinata.

She gulped, willing herself to meet his eyes but ended up unable to.

One glance and she knew all her prayers would be in vain. The captain wasn't about to exert any effort to be lenient.

"Had you handled it well, you would have been our contact in that place – an easy job."

_EASY?! _Hinata wailed inwardly.

"You are a catastrophe as a spy – an utmost failure in blending in, gullible enough to get fooled yourself, utterly useless in negotiations." Evidently, her pride was going to be ripped to shreds along with the rest of her. "Even absolutely blind and running with several handicaps, anyone of us here would have seen through the deception."

Even though his words were several notches kinder than what he'd barraged Kakuzu and Hidan with, Hinata felt herself melting into a puddle of retarded mush on the floor. Her dignity was a carefully-made house of cards that just got hit by a small, unforgiving tornado.

Pein continued to uncaringly diminish her self-worth with a skill that eclipsed Sasuke's at his worst, successfully convincing Hinata that she singlehandedly botched up everything that could be botched up and everything that couldn't.

Heck, if he wanted to, he could have her believing that she was the linchpin in starting the chain of hatred that would ignite the next war.

"…_failing_ like trash… neverending _flops_… _disgrace_ that never ends… only those are what strays _like you _can ever amount to." Pein glared at Hinata derisively. "Do you give up then?"

The part of her mind that hadn't receded into itself wondered what he would do if she answered in the affirmative.

Before she could utter the damning words however, Konan – like an angel from heaven heralding salvation – carefully interceded. At this point, Hinata didn't care if the action stemmed from pity.

"Pein, you don't have to go that far." Konan protested quietly. "It's not fair. She was up against that trio. _I _would have failed."

_Though not as marvelously, _went everyone's minds.

"The way I see it, Hinata actually did a pretty decent job at damage control."

Hinata looked at her in dumbfounded gratitude.

"Don't know why she bothered, cleaning up after those two morons, yeah. They're always flubbing up their missions anyway." Deidara spoke up from where he was amusedly looking on. _Easy for him to say –_ his mission had been plain breaking-and-entering – no fracases with lazy geniuses or inopportunely-placed rivers to fall in or murderous alcohol mixes.

Hinata frowned in consternation. While she _greatly _appreciated him taking the heat off her, however indirectly, he put the rest of the team down. And the pair beside her had _honestly_ been bawled out enough. She couldn't help thinking that their crew dynamics sure were dysfunctional.

(But they were _pirates_ – what did she know?)

The next person to speak was thoroughly unexpected.

"The information on Kumo appears accurate. It corroborates with intel reports from our scouts." Itachi, who was never the type to get involved if he could help it, said quietly from the bench where he was inspecting the little details of the map and other scrolls Hinata managed to procure. "They're excellent copies of the original."

Hinata gawked at him, wondering if he was saying things to assuage Pein's stabbbing or merely stating factual observations out loud at the inappropriate time.

Pein looked speculatively at him but didn't say anything.

Sasori sent him a questioning look: _what's your hidden agenda this time_?

"You may check for yourself if you wish." Calm as you please, he turned the parchments towards Konan and pointed out all the important points like an experienced navigator. The other crew members listened in, momentarily forgetting all about Hinata.

"Repeat the last part, Itachi," Sasori frowned when Itachi recapped. "I don't remember ever encountering them within that peninsula."

Kisame growled impatiently. "What are you talking about? This is where we had that arrogant kid and his ragtag band of bandits do the dirty work. One of them was that red-haired wench who kept coming on to you."

"Oh, I think I chose not to remember that."

"I know what you mean, un. I remember –"

Pein silenced all with a wave of his hand (slamming it on the wall hard enough to rock the ship, in Hinata's overactive imagination), reminding them that there was still a small matter at hand.

"Noisy frogs," He chuckled darkly. Only Konan seemed to get what was so funny about amphibians.

"Thus far, you've been useless. Do _you_ give up?" Pein asked Hinata once again, emphasizing that the question was hers alone to answer.

Hinata stared at the cold-blooded buccaneers who stood up on her behalf – well, _not really_ – but she'll take what she could of the comments not detrimental to her well-being. She was starting to feel the stirrings of hope that perhaps, contrary to what she expected, the crew won't be picking at the little pieces of left of her after captain was done. They were _helping_ her – a sense of teamwork manifesting itself – an occurrence nothing short of a cosmic power (or a shared understanding of how ruthless captain can be) could bring about.

_Thank you, the universe_.

She fleetingly felt emboldened enough to speak up for herself and took a deep breath (it might be her last after all).

"I – _I won't give up_. I-I'll do better n-next time. I'll just k-keep on getting b-better until I break this – _this_ c-curse." Hinata looked up at him with resolve. "I-If there's anything useful I could do, I-I'll find it."

A short silence followed that melodrama.

"How you grow on this ship is up to you." The captain said finally, turning his gaze away.

He may have smiled. (Konan definitely did.)

But that didn't mean he was going to go easy.

"What I mete out is only justice, but I understand if you'll hate me for it." He looked pointedly at Hidan at this. "Pain will allow you to grow."

Hinata blanched but Hidan only made a scoffing noise. _Don't I know it, asshole?_

"Nightwatch for the next two weeks." Pein announced.

Hinata thought that didn't sound so bad until Hidan groaned out loud. "Ugh, we'll be crawling the fucking walls by the fifth day. You're a fucking sadist, captain, seriously. Can't we just kill someone for you?"

(Or at least that's what he might have said in between incoherent growls.)

"Some kamikaze missions as well so you might learn some responsibility. I've been letting you goof around long enough. A few life-or-death situations might change that."

_Kamikaze? Life or death?! _Hinata's head snapped up.

"Damnit, how many lives do you think we have, _dumbass_?" Hidan grouched (inarticulately).

Hinata decided then that the kamikaze missions were possibly appropriate since Hidan seemed so inherently suicidal.

"There's a reason why you're Team _Zombie_. Aside from your faces, yeah?" Deidara muttered. "Always coming back alive when you should be dead."

"Deidara." Pein said warningly.

"I apologize, yeah?" Deidara leered, clearly impenitent.

"Hinata, work with Konan some more." There was blatant disdain in Pein's words. "Learn what the word _deception_ means."

How about _you_ learn what _mercy_ means?

(_No_, Hinata told herself, she did _not_ just have that belligerent thought. It would imply Hidan rubbing off on her and, of so many _bad_ possibilities, _that_ was the worst.)

"Why not make her work with Itachi, yeah? Isn't he the sneakiest little rat we have?" Deidara innocuously suggested.

Itachi didn't even twitch upon hearing that. Deidara scowled at the lack of reaction.

"I do not believe it would be very productive." The dark-haired man said in a blasé tone.

Kisame was more straightforward. "It would be like a butterfly teaching a worm how to fly."

Hinata frowned at the analogy.

* * *

_Backlash sure was a bitch._

* * *

_After the meeting:_

"Poise under pressure, then all fire at the end." Deidara said excitedly, after wildly mimicking the earlier scene with a flamboyant flair that had Hinata's brain reeling. "_I will b-break the c-curse, yeah_? It sounds like a line from a damn good book. I like it, un."

_What poise? What fire?! _Hinata wanted to ask.

"Maybe I should do that when I'm in trouble with captain, yeah?" The blond wondered.

"But sempai – you don't have any poise." Tobi butted in cheerfully.

Deidara's friendliness evaporated in a flash.

"Fuck you, you goddamn imbecile."

"But I don't like you that way, Deidara-sempai!" Tobi put his hands to his cheeks, ducked his head coyly and, to Deidara's utter horror, began giggling.

Hinata quickly edged away before things started exploding.

* * *

"You listened to my advice." Itachi observed flatly. He'd earlier ducked into the galley where she was blearily putting things together for a lunch and stayed there for unknown reasons, chewing on an apple that Hinata could _swear_ hadn't been before. (To her mental list of things Sharingan Itachi is, Hinata added 'magician', right after 'interrogator'.)

_You call that poorly-hidden threat advice?_

"Or perhaps amongst the bedlam you put yourself through, it simply never crossed your mind to try to escape or even to establish contact with your people." He observed further, looking like he didn't really expect an answer.

Actually, it _had _crossed her mind (dozens of times, she thought of it with every hard push to the barrow carrying her fallen team).

However, by the time she had the opportunity to get away, she looked so bloody awful that people would probably slam doors in her face, let alone believe her to have any credibility. The morbid part of her – the one that thrived on panic and her father's presence – also added that if she tried to flee, within a few hours (time depending on how well she covered her tracks) she'd be a corpse rather than a person who knew too much.

"You probably could have escaped," Itachi said thoughtfully. "It's not unheard of, even for us. There are sometimes captives intelligent enough – well, in your case, it was dumb luck – to actually leave. They don't think you know enough to be worth pursuing for more than a few hours – you could have left."

"Thank you for telling me this _now_, Itachi-san," Hinata did not dare to dwell on lost opportunities. Except it wasn't a lost opportunity, not really. Stranded in a distant town and with her level of skill (which was, incidentally, far below par), she really doubted she could have outran their bloodhounds even for a few hours. "But i-it had never been my intention to escape. I wanted to prove I could do it."

Well, it was partly true. A very small part, but _still_.

"You want to prove a lot of things." Itachi observed again, nibbling away without a care in the world. Again, he wasn't expecting an answer.

* * *

Hinata woke up late afternoon by promptly falling from the twine-hammock she'd managed to set up and line with thick cloth so it bore a feeble resemblance to a comfortable bed. It was becoming a habit to get up like this.

_Late afternoon. _Her sleeping patterns were getting absolutely skewered. And, once Pein's punishment came to pass, she won't have any sleeping patterns because, well, she won't be sleeping at all.

It didn't bode well for her, not by a long shot, but Hinata cheered herself up by remembering (and savoring) the delectable fact that she didn't have to finish cleaning up the lower decks. That moment, she badly wanted to tell Hanabi and the family matrons that it wasn't charming diplomacy or assiduous manipulation that was her saving grace in this world – it was the plebeian, menial and commoner ability to combine food and fire and make something edible. Nobles were going about teaching their next generation all the wrong things that will, along with inbreeding and unavoidable stupidity, result in their own extinction.

The thought of family stopped her in her tracks. _How long had she been gone now? _Five days? That was sufficient time for people back home to realize she was missing and for Neji to send out search parties (and for vapid FANgirls to celebrate).

Thus far, only she and the ShikaInoChou were aware that Hyuuga Hinata was traveling the seas with the Jolly Akatsuki, alive and (_about to go out of her mind_) well.

Oh, what she wouldn't give to see Neji facing off with the Shikamaru. She wasn't sure who would win but, either way, one smug bastard was going to be shown his place.

The vindictive thought flittered out of her mind as soon as she thought of it. It was extremely uncharacteristic of her but, _really_, she was hanging to the last threads of her serenity here. If she couldn't see the whole incongruous affair through a window of surreal hilarity, she'd be flailing around at every thought of home instead of keeping her (much-needed) wits about.

* * *

On her way to the galley, she heard voices.

(Not the ones that implied gradual loss of sanity, mind you, _real _voices from tangible sources. Besides, mental-Neji and mental-Sasuke called dibs.)

"I must admit I'm starting to get worried." Konan didn't _sound_ worried at all.

Hinata warily peeked in on them. Hidan and Kakuzu were still sprawled where they collapsed face-first after captain dismissed them, with Sasori and Tobi leaning over them, poking and pinching (in the non-lascivious manner, of course).

"Don't worry, Konan-chan! Tobi is sure Hidan-sempai and Kakuzu-sempai will pull through! Good boys always do!"

"Whatever their moral inclinations are, I concur with the idiot. Even with one foot in the grave, they will come back." Sasori stood up and neatly brushed himself off. "This is simply a matter of waiting for their physiology to restore its natural equilibrium. I may be able to hasten the process, if you would allow me to test a new method…"

"No – we have enough vendettas going on in this ship without you adding to it, _Akasuna no Sasori_," Konan said sternly. "We will wait for them to wake up on their own time. Perhaps we can leave Kakuzu comatose for a little while longer, he will go ballistic when he finds that he's been robbed."

Hinata couldn't stop the choked laugh from escaping.

"Ah, Hinata-san, were you wishing to assist in the resurrection of your less prudent comrades?" Sasori asked.

"But we already decided to let them sleep on, Hinata-chan!" Tobi merrily added. "They look happier asleep!"

There was something a little different in the air and it wasn't the smell of antitoxins either. The way they acted… it was a little friendlier, a little more respectful… they acted like she was a person now. Looking back, Deidara _had_ stopped referring to her as 'it' as well.

It didn't make sense – why didn't they disparage her even more for being a failure? It was as if Pein had praised her that morning rather than brutally obliterating her worth.

_How odd._

* * *

Had the morning really only been a horrible nightmare culminating every self-defeating thought Hinata ever had in her life?

Even Pein-sama didn't seem to remember the way it happened, the way he was acting: Untouchable. Terrifying. _Normal_.

"On the next island, you will meet our contact from _Kiri_." The pierced man stated evenly. "Itachi and Kisame found out that there has been an unexpected coup d'état on that ship and a new captain – a woman, remarkably – has taken over. Find out if this stalwart lass will be an inconvenience to us. She's been instigating a lot of changes including an embargo which may have far-reaching consequences."

"Persnickety bitch, yeah?" Deidara grinned. "Who do we hit, captain?"

"The contact is one of their land units who can be in the Gatou estate. _It is not a hit_." Pein affixed the blond with an uncompromising glare. "It is mere reconnaissance. The new destination is far better guarded than the last island. You must not draw any attention to yourselves. That is why you three are to go – you are the least recognizable amongst us."

_Least recognizable = Most harmless-looking._

He glanced at Hinata. "You will be the distraction. Deidara and Sasori will do the actual job."

Hinata actually preferred it that way.

"No failures this time."

"Don't worry, captain. We're not gonna act like those stupid assholes did, yeah?" Deidara clapped Hinata on the shoulders. "Hinata, welcome to Team Art!"

"Captain," Itachi politely interrupted. "If the only necessity is to blend into the scenery, it would be more convenient if _I _go."

Deidara jumped at that, his ponytail slapping across Hinata's face. "_Hell no_! It's our mission, un!"

"Itachi, you're far too skilled to be wasted on recon. We rarely disembark on this island and there are far more important things to be done. Also, do not forget you are a wanted criminal here for the stunt you pulled last time."

_What did he do? _Hinata wondered. _Burned a building down? Massacre a family? Caused a bloodbath via epistasis?_

"Indeed," Sasori spoke up for the first time since Pein called the meeting. "I wonder why you'd be willing, Itachi. Aren't you supposed to be on lookout duty tonight?"

Itachi shrugged, as if sleep wasn't something terribly important. Hinata could only pray that were the case.

"About that, Itachi, it seems that Hidan and Kakuzu are still incapacitated. You and Hinata will have to be especially alert later."

Hinata looked up. _So the morning hadn't been a hallucination._

* * *

"To put it simply, Hinata-san, it's done with." Itachi lazily drawled out.

_Huhwhat? _

Her confusion must have reached him somehow via telepathic link because he started to explain.

"No one repeats the incident because everyone knows you already understand what the Captain meant to impart. You did not need the fact that you're hopelessly inept drummed into your head at every moment."

Hinata sputtered. _Okay_, it was a _big_ mistake asking Itachi about the way the crew was acting. His matter-of-fact way of stating things was almost worst than Pein's cutthroat tirade.

But there had been no else to talk to and, _she had to admit_, the man had been nothing less than (callously) civil to her.

"Had you needed to be reminded that you drastically need to improve, everyone will be on your case faster than you can say." Hinata really could have done without the 'drastically', as flatly as it was said.

"I-including you, Itachi-san?" She couldn't help but interpose.

"But of course." He answered offhandedly. "Most of us appreciate that we need not bother doing that. It is unbearably difficult these days to find someone as acquiescent as you. That is why they act pleasant."

_Acquiescent? _He just called her a pushover. Was it just her or was the man even more condescending than her father?

_No – he was probably just telling the truth. _Hinata told herself glumly.

Itachi ploughed on. "And it is also because you survived a meeting with the captain and that is… excellent."

_Actual praise_. Hinata almost couldn't believe it.

In fact, she didn't. "C-can you repeat that?"

Itachi didn't bother replying.

All conversation dwindled down rapidly after that. Not that they had been speaking much to begin with. Itachi-san was heinously difficult to talk to, even when she wasn't as deathly afraid of him now as she'd been initially.

…

_Three hours later:_

"Itachi-san," She timidly called out. "I-Itachi-san, there's a s-ship I think."

"Itachi-san?"

Hinata looked over at him. Her jaw dropped.

The man was _asleep!!! _

In direct violation of rule number two!

And flaunting it in front of her.

Hinata took a step forward, hesitated, remembered the list of things Sharingan Itachi was, and decided to just watch the ship in the distance. If it came closer, she'd wake him (yeah right – she didn't have the nerve).

Hinata tried not to notice how utterly nice he looked sleeping (_which he shouldn't be doing at all_!) in the moonlight. She could only wish for a more attentive and less breathtaking companion the next night (and the next and the next and the – _ah, damnit_).

Hnata didn't realize it then but these nightwatch sessions with Itachi, just like her morning encounters with Hidan wherein her sailor's vocabulary expanded to unbelievable proportions, were going to be recurring events.

Of tantamount importance, yeah.

…

Itachi opened his eyes once Hinata turned away. He focused on the ship in the distance.

His gaze narrowed.

* * *

Hinata was indubitably relieved when the black, star-studded sky lightened to the softer hues of sunrise.

(It really was _lovely_ without Hidan ruining it.)

The vessel in the distance had long vanished away with the ocean mist.

"Hinata, hurry up, yeah?" She snapped around. Team Art and Itachi-and-Kisame (whatever their partnership was called – _goodcopbadcop_?) were already standing around the smaller boat they used to get to land.

Itachi looked very well-rested. Hinata thought she might resemble like a lethargic raccoon by now.

Deidara noticed her less-than-stellar enthusiasm. "Stay awake, yeah?"

Once on the boat, he admonished her again while putting the finishing touches on the gigantic clay bird he was carrying as a prop for his guise as a travelling merchant. Hinata, even in her somnolent state, noticed he smelled faintly of rotten eggs. Either he'd found some long-lost eggs in _her _galley or he'd been playing combustion again.

_Rules_, Hinata realized, _were made to be broken._

"Hinata, don't mess this up, yeah? Team Art has an almost perfect mission record."

"_Almost_ – because of a certain individual who was careless enough to leave his explosives lying around." Sasori interjected. "And led a trail straight to base."

"It was because you were in such a hurry to leave, danna!" Deidara gesticulated in vexation, sending bits of clay flying.

"Our team has a perfect record." Kisame boasted proudly.

"Pah – you get them easy. What's your task today, yeah? _Pickup and delivery_?"

"Try sneaking into a naval base and stealing their new artillery,"

Deidara's eyes filled with an unholy light. "Cannons? Wanna trade, yeah?"

_Who said naval base? _Hinata'd head jolted up.

"I would rather not," Sasori sniffed scornfully. "It pains me to have to handle obsolete technology."

Hinata slept right through the ensuing discussion about weaponry. It was a shame really, since it would have been the most productive conversation she could have ever reported to her cousin.

Neji, if he knew, could have killed her for missing it. As it was, they were both happily ignorant.

* * *

The boat wasn't any more successful in reaching shore as it was the last time.

And since Hidan was missing, it fell to Itachi and Kisame to cast her to shore. While they were gathering her up, she accidentally kicked Itachi's chest rather hard.

"Ow."

"Oh, sorry, I – _aah_!!"

The throw was lopsided. Itachi simply lacked the brute strength needed for propulsion. Hinata belatedly realized she'd been the test run. Despite all that however, Hinata flew a tad more gracefully this time, more like a dying _swan_ than a duck.

She landed quite painfully in a crouch, before stumbling forward and getting a mouthful of sand.

Sasori plopped on the sand next to her, a little unsteady but at least standing.

Deidara, _though_, landed on Sasori.

* * *

As they walked about town, Deidara kept on chattering away about the surrounding architecture.

"Remember the beach town we visited before, _danna_, that one wasn't too shabby, un. It was worth pillaging." He paused to admire a building of Spanish-colonial design before grimacing as he touched the brickwork. "This one's been around too long, yeah?"

"It does look like an ideal target for your brand of creative demolition, Deidara."

Hinata's mind spun. _Creative demolition_. Sasori talked as if blowing up massive numbers of places and people was nothing more than a phase Deidara had yet to grow out of.

But as one artist babbled on to another (a one-way conversation, assuredly), Hinata found herself feeling better about the undertaking. It certainly had much to do with the fact that she was wearing a modest dress this time and her hair wasn't in some poufy arrangement. She didn't look like lady, just a normal village girl, inconspicuous and harmless.

It was a much better deal all around.

Deidara, though, was getting more than just a few second glances. Even if he managed to _just barely_ avoid looking like a highly gay merchant, there was nothing low-key about the gargantuan clay bird he was carrying around.

And he misinterpreted the amount of nosy interest he was getting.

"Beautiful, yeah?" He posed conceitedly. "You all get a kick out of my art, yeah?"

Sasori, looking like an innocuous assistant (or runaway schoolboy, you decide), scoffed.

The surrounding crowd, however, actually took the time to smile at the three of them, especially at Deidara who displayed a hitherto unseen affability with common folk (if _they_ were being nice). He actually took the time to comment on decorations, encourage some youths and mingle with housewives over _babies_.

Hinata wondered if they ever suspected they were exchanging pleasantries with a homicidal pyromaniac who had taken out a good portion of their geography.

She knew people would be hardpressed to believe that the threesome who was oh-so-casually walking their streets were connected to the feared (and _revered_) Akatsuki, given the way they looked.

She and Sasori looked like young innocent _waifs_ (which she was, until several days ago). Deidara, with his slight build and unusual flamboyance and without the vast arsenal of firepower on his back, looked like he wouldn't last a minute in a fistfight.

In fact, if they were kids in an unruly playground, they'd be a prime target for bullying.

It wasn't long before someone thought to have a little fun with the newcomers.

"So, I was thinking, with Hinata we should rename it Team Primary Colors, yeah?" Deidara asked, mostly to annoy Sasori. "I mean –"

He stumbled on a piece of merchandise that hadn't been there before but quickly pivoted and recovered his center of gravity without any bodily or property damage.

Someone laughed.

Deidara marched up to him.

Hinata stiffened as the blond pulled the (_poor, unlucky, stupid, stupid_)man by the shirt to hiss in his ear.

"Try to trip me up, again," Deidara whispered ominously, looking just the slightest bit insane and murderous (truly only a fraction of his real self). "And I'll blow your head off, yeah?"

A pirate, even when acting vacuous and wearing asinine garments, was still a pirate.

* * *

"This contact… one of yours, yeah?" Deidara asked a little after they entered the affluent residential part of the town.

Sasori slowly nodded, not even facing his partner.

Hinata paused. _Sasori was a spymaster too?_ What an unbelievably multitalented person.

"Are you sure he's reliable, _danna_?"

"More reliable than you, _brat._"

Hinata's eyes widened. Despite how mature Sasori thinks he may be, wasn't it a little, um, _wrong _to call a taller and older man _brat_? She bit back a comment about respect.

The dynamics between the two were even more complicated than that between Hidan and Kakuzu. Not that _that_ partnership had been exceedingly difficult to understand. Team Zombie was rather easy to figure out actually: beyond doubt, whether reasonable or unreasonable, they hated each other's guts and acted accordingly.

Deidara and Sasori, however, gave off several hints that they were closer than most, regardless of their widely disparate and horrendously clashing personalities.

One of them must have noticed her pensiveness because they both stopped and raised eyebrows at her.

_No point in lying._

"I-I was just wondering why you t-two work together." Hinata flushed when Deidara's visible eye became calculating (_My, aren't we being noisy, yeah?_). "Uh, of course you don't have to answer that. It's just…" _Weird. _"…curious."

Deidara smirked.

"It's simple, yeah?" He enlightened. "Captain wanted a team that is the pinnacle of artistic perfection, unmatched by those hideous accursed fools."

_What?_

"It's a joke, Hinata-san, not a very funny one at that." Sasori said with his usual lackadaisical attitude.

"Right, right," Deidara murmured, still looking quite amused. "_Danna _and I go way back, un. We used to work with a bigger crew, but all of them were morons, yeah?"

Sasori nodded again, not breaking pace. For a sedate kid, he was surprisingly fast.

Hinata had to jog a little to catch up.

Deidara continued, engrossed in the memory. "We specialized in raiding boats carrying _art_, sculptures and paintings and others from all over the world. Never got caught, un."

Hinata wondered if they'd ever raided a Hyuuga ship. There was that one shipment of fine handcrafted dolls she and Hanabi (and Neji, but that was a secret she'd take to the grave) never received.

"Then Akatsuki goes after this shipment that we also wanted," Bright blue eyes darkened at the memory. "Danna and I – we knew we didn't stand a chance. Better to cut our losses and switch sides, yeah?"

"And the rest is history." Sasori finished tonelessly. "Yeah."

Hinata thought that maybe, if they kept listening to Deidara prattle like this, everyone would have a speech inflection by the end of the day.

_Yeah_.

* * *

"Kiri is a _connected_ ship."

Shikamaru's words popped into her mind and Hinata though she could just smell the tobacco: _You do know they're connected, right? _

"Like K-kumo is?" She blurted out. "W-what does that mean?"

Sasori actually stopped walking. "I forget you're an ignorant."

_I thought we were done with the insulting, Sasori-san._

"I suppose you should know. Connected ships – there are four: _Kiri_, _Kumo_, _Suna_ and _Iwa_. A fifth used to exist – _Konoha_ – but it grew too large and too powerful that it had to disband before it demolished itself from the inside. These are ships with scores of members, massive forces on land, as well as numerous connections with a local government. The underground of this town, for example, is mainly controlled by Kiri. Akatsuki, in turn, controls Kiri or at least we used to before the coup."

"Bah – connected ships are overrated, un." Deidara's face contorted. "The land connection just makes it easier for them to get money and goods, yeah? Spare me the goddamn shamelessness."

"Akatsuki can be considered a connected ship – we have _Ame_." Sasori reminded him.

"But we're not dependent on it, yeah? Them – blow up their connections and they're fucking lost." Deidara countered. "Our scheme's much better. We can take any connected ship easy."

Hinata frowned. While it was _undeniable_ that the Akatsuki were a powerful and rather rabid lot, there were just… so _few_ of them. They must have something up their proverbial sleeves if Deidara can declare victory over connected ships so confidently. Hinata wondered what their ace was.

Noticing her curious look, Sasori promptly whacked Deidara for perhaps saying a little too much.

* * *

The Gatou estate was disgustingly enormous: large, sprawling, wrought-iron gates and immaculate gardens at the front, sea cliffs and forests in the back. It took up a huge portion of the island.

Her father would _think_ it was brazen and repulsive, but out-loud he would _say_ it was extraordinarily spacious.

Hinata stood by the gates with the clay bird for company while her companions scaled the walls, looking for an entrance.

Sneaking in had been necessary, even if, _theoretically_, Kiri was an ally. Akatsuki just as much did not want to have their inside connections exposed as the estate owner did not want to see Akatsuki's faces (and attached bodies) within miles of his land. In short, everyone wanted to keep buried associations _buried_ – even if it was a real boon to communication.

As Hinata lingered, she took in the sights, feeling the tranquility that she though had been lost to her. Acting as a village girl, she was supposed to act as a distraction for any local soldiers passing by on patrol.

"_If you even think about escaping, remember that Itachi is here too." Deidara warned forebodingly. "He's the best –and last – hunter you'll ever meet if you try it_. _And Kisame can shred you to pieces, easy._"

There went _that_ plan.

But she was glad for the temporary freedom anyway.

Hinata didn't realize it but as she stood there in the dappled sunlight, her village girl guise was melting away. Back stick-straight and head tilted _just right_, she was all quiet grace and dignity that, if not for her plain clothes and the slight smile playing on her face, would have effortlessly set her apart from the rest of the people in the vicinity.

She might very well have had 'outsider' tattooed to her head.

After several minutes, along came a soldier.

_And his mutt._

* * *

He was about her age and boyishly handsome (_nothing _on Sasuke though – _dreamy, dreamy Sasuke with as much personality as she had bravado_).

"That's strange," He laughed when his rather large dog stopped smack in front of Hinata. "Akamaru led me straight to you."

_Eh? Is that some sort of line_? It sounded like something _she_ would come up with and goodness knows her lines were categorically horrible. A class all by themselves, really.

"Ah, h-he looks friendly," Hinata smiled at the dog.

"Oh, he is! Akamaru's perfectly friendly." The soldier cried proudly.

_Oh thank Kami. _Hinata sighed in relief.

"I guess he was just curious about you. Haven't seen you here before. We thought we knew all the pretty girls in town."

Hinata did what she always did when presented with a compliment: she blushed.

He noticed it and laughed. "I'm Kiba, by the way. And since I'm supposed to be looking out for any strangers, I'll need to get your name, pretty lady."

Hinata blushed harder – partly from genuine embarrassment, partly because Konan said it made her look _more_ endearing. She really did not want to go through with the deception but Kiba just made it sound like he was the one on patrol in the area.

It was a pity really – she liked his candidness. It was refreshing.

(True, the Akatsuki _were_ candid but, _more than that_, they were bluntly insulting.)

"I'm Nata. I-I'm supposed to meet with my brothers here, yeah?"

Oh god, _there it was_: the inconvenient little speech inflection that would someday be a liability in subterfuge operations when it became notorious enough. She could hear the orders being issued (in Neji's voice, no less): _if he says 'yeah' after a sentence, capture immediately._

"T-they're merchants, and I wanted to t-travel around with them." _Go on, Hyuuga Hinata, perpetuate the lie, you shameless witch. _She widened her eyes to further up the innocent façade. "B-But they're late."

"Oh," Kiba nodded in understanding. "I can stick around until they return. It's not easy being alone in a strange town, right?"

_Perfect. _Hinata will then just find a way to make him leave just before Team Art came back.

"Um, what do you call this place?" _Clever, Hinata, very clever. Never knew you had it in you._

Kiba spouted off a name that seemed familiar. Hinata decided she might as well milk the situation for all its worth. And she did so with an almost cold-blooded efficiency that scared her.

_Was she somehow born for manipulating people without her ever realizing it? _It was a sad thought and she banished it immediately. No, she was not kind of person. Maybe.

She asked if Kiba how far the town was from her own birthplace, under the guise of wanting to visit the latter.

"That place? It's way down south. Probably a good two or three weeks by carriage from the nearest port."

_Oh, _Hinata thought forlornly, her smile dimming.

"But you don't have to go there." Kiba said reassuringly. "This place is a good as – no, it's even better than that one! It's much safer here, there are so many bandits in that region."

_I assure you, I know. _Hinata appreciated the attempt to cheer her up.

"So, you guard this town by yourself?" She grinned.

"Yeah, got accepted into a squadron just a month ago, but me and Akamaru had been training for this our whole lives!"

_Admirable. _Hinata decided she'd give him something back.

"How about the s-seas?" She stammered, looking at the ground thoughtfully. "I t-think you should guard it better."

Kiba wasn't about to be fazed. "We have a darn good navy unit. I get what you're saying – people think this whole archipelago's a hub for pirate activity during the night…"

_During the day too. _Hinata wanted to add.

"… that's why me and Akamaru are always on alert."

"I-is he a watchdog?" Hinata asked diffidently.

Kiba kneeled down to his dog and beamed. "Akamaru here can smell a bandit or pirate a mile away."

_Really? _

_No kidding_?

Hinata resisted the sudden urge to laugh at the irony.

Kiba looked confused as to what was so funny.

…

_After several minutes of Kiba dominating the conversation while Hinata quietly listened (and interjected more artful questions):_

"Your brothers sure are late," Kiba said, looking around. "Want to go have lunch first? Mom always makes a ton of food at home."

Hinata normally would have been scandalized at the lack of propriety but as it was, she was thoroughly desentisized to matters such as those. Honestly, having done what she had very recently in life, going to lunch with a nice loud stranger doesn't even compare.

He'd been, after all, the nicest person she'd encountered since getting captured.

And she was getting hungry.

_Except she couldn't leave, darn it._

She wondered if Deidara and Sasori were done yet or if they encountered some nasty obstacles.

As if on cue, she spotted that unmistakable flash of blond and red hair bobbing up the brick wall of the estate (and assumed it was some sort of cockamamie plot to get across the high walls).

"Oh, I think they'll be here very soon. Y-you can go now." A little more loudly: "R-really, a hardworking _soldier_ like you needs to eat."

(The heads stopped bobbing.)

Kiba looked rather surprised at her abrupt exclamation. He frowned.

"I don't feel right leaving you here alone. What if some bad people come by?"

_They'll probably be my teammates._

"I'm sure my b-brothers will be here soon. And it's broad daylight – I'm p-perfectly safe. I r-really appreciate your help, Kiba-san."

_Just leave us alone now please, please, please. We're almost done with the mission and you soldiers –_

Hinata, horribly enough, caught herself thinking of the Akatsuki as _her _side. Even if it was _unintentional _– no! It was even worse if it was unintentional! That would mean she was thinking of them as her side _by default_.

She could feel sweat bead on her forehead.

No, no, no, _no _– under no conditions was she going to think that way. She wasn't supposed to feel any solidarity with them.

Kiba cut through her distress. "Okay," He said cheerily. "We'll be seeing you then. Say goodbye, Akamaru."

_The dog actually had the balls to lick her hand._

Hinata smiled. Being who she was, it would take a lot to impress her, but she found it adorable.

_A dog who was supposed to recognize a pirate from a mile away just licked the hand of one._

* * *

_Wait _– did she just refer to herself as a pirate?!!

* * *

"W-why are we traipsing through the estate again?" Hinata asked, utterly confused.

"Someone caught our scent, yeah?" Deidara snapped from behind. "Itachi – _the retard_ – didn't warn us this island was swarming with Inuzukas. Damn them and their dogs."

"B-but we didn't do anything i-illegal right?"_ Not this time, anyway. _

"In the case you haven't realized it yet, we _are_ trespassing right now." Sasori enunciated, carefully looking over his shoulder for a glimpse of their pursuers. "I must admit – their excellent canines are intriguing. They can follow the trajectory of a scent across a remarkable distance."

"Admire them later, _danna_, not when we're running from them, yeah?" Deidara huffed, panting in exertion from carrying the clay bird.

(Hinata was sublimely grateful he didn't make _her_ carry it.)

Real concern flashed through Sasori's eyes before being replaced by an angry chilliness. "Just drop the bird already, you stupid brat."

"No, un!" Deidara growled tenaciously. "It's too beautiful, yeah."

Because he was glaring at Sasori when he said that, he tripped over a protruding tree root. Hinata followed right after, hitting her shin hard enough to bruise. She gritted her teeth against the pain – it wasn't the worse she'd sustained over the past half-hour they'd been dodging soldiers in this offensive woodland terrain.

Since retrieving her (and, more importantly, the _bird_), Team Art had had gone to the estate and were currently aiming to escape via the forest-sea cliff route to avoid the perimeter set up around town by the local military units (plus an entire private cavalry – truly portentous, her father would be appalled at the waste of resources).

_All over an unfamiliar scent_!

This Gatou, Hinata decided, must be an obnoxiously paranoid man.

Granted, the scent was sulfur – but still, the reaction had been overblown. _No wonder Pein warned them to be careful._

It was Sasori's plan to escape through the forest rather than through town. Hinata assumed the redhead had some ingenious brain cooking up in his brain – or else they were screwed.

"I don't hear the cavalry anymore," Sasori whispered in relief. _In relief – _implying that perpetually calm, unruffled Sasori been agitated. Hinata took it as a cue to start panicking.

Of course, as it always is in the case of people who were starting to think they were safe, the vicious fates pulled out the rug from under them. How bloody divine of them.

In the distance, dogs started howling as they picked up a fresh scent and rapidly approaced their position.

Team Primary Color looked at each other and broke into a dead run once again (Deidara wilting under his statue).

It was quite unbelievable: dainty, well-bred and tremendously refined Hyuuga Hinata was being chased through the woods like an outlaw. If Neji ever heard of how his _dearest cousin_ (not that there had been many choices) was treated, the Navy and Military were going to have some issues (and _there will be head-biting_, seriously).

At one point, they had to hurriedly cross a small stream over some mossy rocks that were slippery as hell.

_Balance lessons_, Hinata thought, nearly in tears as she just barely avoided a broken ankle. _I'll never be adequately grateful for balance lessons_.

At another point, they were sliding down into a small ravine, getting all cut up by strews of loose rocks and twigs, banging into each other until Deidara finally got it into his mind to use the bird's outstretched wing to fasten himself on the steep slope.

Once he did this, Sasori and Hinata promptly grabbed unto the opposite ends of the bright green (_stylish camouflage, yeah?_) scarf he'd been wearing, nearly choking him before Hinata let go and grabbed Sasori's arm instead. He'd given her a withering look then: _can't you find another appendage to hang on?_

In any other circumstance, she would have been miffed at his lack of concern for her welfare but then she'd nearly wrenched his shoulder off – it was more than understandable.

At still another point, they went tripping over a poor unfortunate nest of animals. It might have been snakes. They will have to examine those bites later (that would be if they didn't cave in to poisoning first).

…

"Here," Sasori motioned for them to stop, his grand escape plan about to be revealed.

Deidara didn't care though, not when he could almost feel the dogs slobbering breaths on his neck.

"Up the tree, un!" The three of them scrambled up the tree.

Memories of a long-ago summer flitted through Hinata's mind and her body remembered enough to the clamber up the lower branches.

(_"Hurry up, Hinata-sama."_

"_We should leave her. She's such a girl."_)

Interlacing twigs clawed at her face and clothes and gravity worked against her, but Hinata persisted.

Deidara, who moved up so fast that he practically ran up the tree (clay bird notwithstanding), extended a hand to her and Sasori until they got to a respectable height covered by the dense foliage.

They climbed up further up though, hoping to get out of smelling range. Deidara was grunting as he struggled to pull himself up, _now _feeling the effects of a monstrous weight on his shoulders.

Hinata extended a hand to him, never mind that she herself was barely hanging on to the branches.

"Ah, these flowers…" Ahead of her, Sasori was smiling serenely as he fingered the bright red blooms of the tree they were in.

It was her first time to see him smile and it really was a _wonderful_ sight (_like sunshine, yeah_)…

_But why now, Sasori-san?!_

Without further ado, Sasori crushed the blossoms and slathered them all over himself. Like warpaint.

Hinata stopped and gaped. She briefly wondered if perhaps the genius had finally gone mad.

(Heaven knows she was close to doing so herself and Sasori's brain did run faster than hers – even if it was headlong into lunacy.)

But then she noticed the _smell_. It was the same overpowering scent that lightly permeated some parts of the forest, including this one, a sweet cloying aroma that hadn't been very noticeable before. Now though, it drowned out all others and reminded Hinata vaguely of powder rooms during parties (_ah_, such fond _distant_ memories).

Now she understood why Sasori-san wanted to escape through the forest.

_Obliterate their biggest disadvantage: their body odor._

(Yes, Hinata was aware how terribly vulgar that sounded.)

Simple and exceedingly brilliant.

_Balance lessons and flowering seasons_. She really was being saved by the most unexpected things.

Without waiting for an invitation, she enthusiastically grabbed some of the flowers for herself.

Deidara followed suit and, because he was an artist first and a man out for survival second, he squeezed the juice on his statue first before saving himself.

They could hear footsteps now.

"Once this is over," The blond was whispering rather fervently to himself. "I'm going to detonate this place, yeah? All of it except for this damned tree."

As the sound of pounding feet, dog barks and horse whinnies grew louder, they pressed themselves against the wood and held their breaths. Hinata didn't dare make a peep.

The dogs might have lost their smell advantage, but they could still _hear_. Sound, they quickly found out a few minutes into the chase, carried very well in a forest.

Around them, the leaves shimmered innocuously, almost mockingly, in the bright sunlight.

…

Hinata almost choked when she saw it was Kiba on the stallion, Akamaru at this side.

He certainly didn't look like the friendly, impulsive chap she'd known now.

_Right_, there was no finer way to alter a person's good opinion of you than stabbing them in the back – even if you didn't mean to – and declaring yourself affiliated to the things they abhor the most – again, even if you were most unwilling to.

He stopped right at the base of the tree they were hiding in.

"The trace ends here, Akamaru."

If Hinata wasn't frozen stiff and her tongue wasn't stuck somewhere way down her throat, she would have laughed. _He really did talk to his dog!_

Two more men appeared: big, bulky, brandishing pistols.

"Well?!" They demanded.

Kiba put a hand to his head and laughed sheepishly. "Dead end, I guess."

"Damnit!" In frustration, one of the men fired. There was a sudden cracking sound that reverberated throughout the forest and a deafening buzz like a mosquito had wandered very, very close of her ear as something shot not several inches from her.

A few leaves drifted down.

_Was that a… bullet… that just went zipping past?_

_Oh. Holy. Crap._

_Kami – they were shooting at her! _

Hinata flattened herself further against the tree branch in muted terror. _Why did everything have to turn out disastrously?_

"Oi, oi. Begging your pardon _sir_, but don't get too trigger-happy." Kiba said it lightly but his face was all seriousness.

It occurred to Hinata that this was a _golden_ opportunity here. There was a small army assembled in town that could potentially hold off any threat until she got back to home fort (provided they got past the fact that she'd been an out-and-out conspirator).

Itachi _had _said she wasn't worth pursuing, right? Right?

_But Deidara and Sasori were right there. _Hinata couldn't find it in herself to betray them immediately after what they went through (she might owe them a few lives and, astonishingly, vice-versa). Perhaps after a few hours she'd seriously reconsider it but, right now, _this was her team_.

_Oh damn her revolting sentimentality._

(Starting tomorrow, if she wasn't arrested or shot, she'd start the slow process of _slaughtering_ that trait.)

Anyway, down below, Kiba was successfully herding his superior officers away from the area.

Hinata wondered if Kiba knew she was there. She was pretty sure he did.

The flabbergasted face was a dead giveaway.

…

In life, nothing is for free.

For that behemoth stroke of good fortune that Kiba remained inexplicably loyal to their short sort-of-friendship, Hinata had hell to pay.

It was only appropriate that just after the soldiers left, the branch they were flattened on gave an ominous creak and, without further delay, gave under their combined weights.

_Oh but gods was Sasori heavy._

…

It was pretty uneventful after that, save for a short encounter with a nasty little fox that kept nipping at Deidara. Smelling heavenly, they managed to file past the perimeter of guards stationed at the back of the estate by crawling on their elbows through the undergrowth.

Steadily, the hard earth became coarse sandy ground as the approached the cliffs.

The redhead in front suddenly stopped.

"This sounds rather idiotic, considering where we just came from, but…" Sasori's lips actually twitched. "We're not out of the woods yet."

Deidara smirked at the awkward attempt at humor. "My, my, _danna_, aren't we being funny?"

Sasori glared hatefully at him, then turned back to that which had caught his attention.

* * *

From the cliffs they could see it, a ship that looked like a throwback to the great ancient Egyptian empire, cleverly hidden in the cove.

So very near them that Hinata could count the number of men on it. And it wasn't a very comforting number.

_It was the same ship she'd seen last night._ Hinata did not recognize it then but the duo obviously did now.

_Was it a mistake to not have awoken Itachi?_

"_Suna_." The chill emanating from those words made Hinata shiver. "Heh, good thing we explained it to you."

"Ah, _Suna_, good memories, yeah?" Deidara grinned broadly at the redhead. Sasori simply nodded. "Damn, what the hell are _Suna_ people doing here?"

"Perhaps they were doing reconnaissance on _Kiri _too," Sasori murmured, more to himself. "This is a regretful development. They have had something against us ever since we kidnapped their little protégé."

Hinata sweatdropped. It seemed like _everyone_ had grudges against the Jolly Akatsuki and _she_ was always getting caught in the crossfire.

"That one, un," Deidara pointed out to Hinata. He was referring to the red-haired man on the deck holding a parasol and conferring about _something_ with a burlier blond man with warpaint on his face (_like them_, Hinata reminded herself, _only his probably didn't smell of inflorescence_) and a blonde lass fanning herself.

"I wonder if he's still as bloodthirsty as he was as a kid. I recall him trying to rip your arm off." Sasori recalled the memory fondly.

"Impressive strength," Deidara gruffly admitted. "But the retard thought he was invincible. Found out that wasn't the case when we pried the location of the Shukaku from him, yeah?"

_Shuka – what?!_

"Took about – what? Three days for him to give, yeah?"

"He's certainly grown from two years ago – they must be treating him better. He looks relatively stable."

"Stable enough to be captain?"

Hinata couldn't make heads or tails of their conversation.

"We had better get out of here," Sasori moved to leave because, unlike his partner, he actually had a sense of self-preservation. "I can't estimate how much they've prepared for us this time."

Sasori was very nice to leave out that fact that he was defenseless, Deidara was weaponless and Hinata was absolutely useless – whereas Suna had weapons galore and may outnumber them twenty to one.

No sooner had they taken a few steps when a bomb exploded the ground in front of them. Apparently, the _something_ the threesome had been conferring about was _them_.

_When did they give themselves away?_

Hinata glanced worriedly at her suddenly tense companions.

_Now would be a very good time to reveal that ace, Deidara-san._

The Suna trio was moving towards them.

_Oh dear. Not this ridiculous three-on-three thing again._

Aesthetically, they were wonderfully balanced. There was clay bird vs. gourd-with-sand-bombs. There was Sasori looking disdainfully at the blond man's contraptions. There was her and _another_ intimidating blonde.

_Been there, done that, didn't end well. Overwhelming defeat. _

She could almost hear Pein chewing her out again.

"You piece of trash," The redhead – not Sasori – snarled at them as soon as they came within hearing distance.

"Now, now, _Gaara_, I thought you matured, yeah?" Deidara said with inappropriate levity.

Gaara smirked – then proved his maturity by sending hordes of men after them, rather than fighting them by himself as reckless impulsive immature brats are wont to do.

Even if it wasn't three-on-three, it still didn't end well.

It couldn't even be considered a defeat.

* * *

"That is what they call the beach coffin. Try not to get crushed."

Hinata was _trying _not to get crushed but the damn contraption was tighter than a corset. Any tighter and she'll heave her internal organs out. This crew definitely knew how to keep their prisoners incapacitated.

"It can squeeze out your innards," The blond man, Kankuro, said proudly. He need not have said it; the whole team already understood that with another unpromising _crack_ from the sophisticated mechanical cage.

(And Hinata, for one, did not wish to die by evisceration.)

Deidara mirrored her sentiments. "No thanks, yeah? I like my spleen where it is. No need to send it flying."

_Flying spleens, now _there _was an idea._

…

Hinata couldn't put a finger on it but there was something _big _going on between Sasori and Deidara.

The quick glances.

The lingering smiles.

The seemingly meaningless gestures.

The absolutely wicked gleam in the latter's eyes as they _non-verbally_ finished formulating _the _master plan (and possibly a couple more for contingency) to get them the hell out of there.

At least she assumed that was what they were doing.

_Kami, please let her keep at least a couple of limbs after the disaster came to pass._

…

At an orphic signal known only to the two of them, Deidara started distracting the surrounding group with some rather hard-hitting taunts.

"Hey, I like your ship, yeah?" Deidara whistled in admiration. "_Very original_. Preserve it in your memories, un. I'm going to destroy it."

Temari stepped up to belt him with her fan.

"Watch it, _girly-girl_, you might break that ugly little trinket, yeah?"

(In Hinata's view, there nothing _little _about the fan.)

Temari bristled but kept her cool. She stomped away to her brother's side, rocking the ship with every step.

"You could stand to lose a few pounds, yeah?" Deidara sneered.

Blood drained out of Hinata's face. _What better way to ensconce yourself into a woman's wrathful hostility? _Even she wasn't completely immune to those damning words – granted, she would sulk instead of flying wrathfully at the scoundrel who spoke them. Temari had to be restrained to be kept from doing just that.

Now Deidara, when he wanted to be, was even more magnificent at being offensive than Hidan. While the latter yelled out scornful profanities unthinkingly, Deidara relished coming up with cunningly artful insults that cut really deep.

As the Suna crew quickly found out. Really, the amount of bloodlust building on the ship was such that Hinata wondered why they didn't sink yet.

"Anyway, going back, this is a warning, un." Deidara blathered on, as if he weren't rendered helpless and in genuine danger of being castrated, mauled and dismembered. "I suggest you all hightail it before I do my self-destruction technique, yeah?"

Hinata _dearly_ hoped that he was bluffing.

By the looks on some faces, that wasn't the case. _Suna_ didn't put it past Deidara to blow himself up.

"Except you," He spoke directly to Gaara. "Captains should go down with the ship – your reason for existence. Using up to your last bit of strength to save it. Honor, pride and all that shit, yeah?"

Hinata, as occluded and tight as the beach coffin was, could not see nor feel her legs. But she could bet they were shaking in sheer trepidation as those teal eyes flashed.

"What worthless, old-fashioned ideas." Gaara huffed.

"RUN, UN!!!" Deidara suddenly boomed out.

Several stumbled back but no one ran. Hinata nearly had a heart attack.

"Danna, they're not listening, yeah?" Deidara said in disappointment as his bluff was called. "This is fucking hilarious."

"I'm beside myself with laughter, really." Sasori said in the most flat voice she'd ever heard him use.

"When you finally run, you should take _Nata_, un. She'll be better alive." Hinata had been waiting to get dragged into the mess, but it was done so unexpectedly that the words didn't really register until a few seconds passed. She turned to him, disbelief in her eyes. "She's prime spy material – had to fight off several other takers for her awesome abilities, yeah?"

_Now that was just bullshit. _

In shock, Hinata almost denied the assertion. But, for survival, she would go along with Deidara's half of the nameless plan (a_nd there went her lifelong covenant with common sense, yeah_)_._

"Ah, you poor girl, it must have been horrible for you." Temari shook her head in sympathy. Then her gaze hardened. "It's just too bad you got caught with them. Gaara?"

"Get rid of them," Gaara ordered.

"Bye-bye," Kankuro waved and grinned.

…

"Open the barrel! Blow our ship up, would he?! We'll show him _explosion_!"

The crew, still irate at Deidara's antics and with full consent of the higher officers, wanted to do away with him in the most appropriate way possible.

_Blow him away to kingdom come._

(Literally. Oh gods – what else could that statement mean?!)

Unfortunately, with the beach coffin on him, they could only go so far as to dunk his hair in the barrel of gunpowder. After much heated arguing (mostly over who would get to dunk the offensive blond), they finally decided to release him.

Deidara pulled away from his captors just as he was about to be shoved face-first into the tub of gunpowder.

(Hinata braced herself as the whole scene played itself right in front of her damnably observant eyes (burned itself into her retina, really), not even able to form a coherent thought. These kinds of moments, _when everything was so horribly outrageously morbid_, her mind just refused to shut down and spare her.)

His captors pulled him back until they were in a virtual tug-of-war with the blond's limbs.

Then, with stupefying dexterity and sensational use of momentum, Deidara stopped pulling away from his holders and used their strength to propel himself over their heads and unto their backs.

Amidst the chaos that followed, he managed to hold Temari hostage. Kami only knows how he did it.

Hinata reckoned he had been able to do it because Deidara was a genius, a bit touched in the head perhaps, but a genius nonetheless.

She let out a small inaudible scream when something sharp and pointy poked her on the back.

_It was a screw._

Only then did she notice that the beach coffin Kankuro had been happily crowing about – specifically, the one that had been holding Sasori – was reduced to large pile of metal scraps, nut and blots.

Sasori, while she'd been gaping like an idiot, had dismantled his cage.

The redhead, hiding behind her, murmured quietly something about how his hag of a grandmother being the original mastermind behind the beach coffin.

Hinata suspected she was just hearing things. _Surely there was no way –_

"What do you think we should do now?" Sasori asked her once she popped free of her confines. _Suna_'s attention was still riveted on Deidara, a long knife he'd managed to procure from somewhere, and Temari – whose pretty face was turning puce from indignance.

_What do you think we should do now?_

(Words had power.

Despite the considerable power her position offered her, Hinata was rarely asked to give _her_ opinion on an important issue. Only the clan's opinion mattered and most of her life, Hinata lived comfortably with letting them put their thoughts in her mouth and parroting their beliefs. At the very worst, she'd had to battle her own judgment in.

So being asked for her opinion, and by this genius of a boy _no less_, filled her with something very warm.

It felt like _worth_.

Now there was something worth thinking about later.

_But pushing away that tangent…_)

Hinata gawked at him. She had stupidly thought they had a plan.

_They were actually just winging it._

Sasori read her mind. "Well, we had a very good plan up to this point, but somehow it fell halfway through."

"L-let's just r-run, S-Sasori-san," Hinata stuttered.

"Splendid idea."

_Thank Kami Sasori-san agrees._

Deidara, finally noticing that his comrades were free, swung himself over to them, dragging Temari by the hair.

"No point in holding back, un." The blond (Deidara obviously) grunted when he heaved himself over to them. "_Suna_ has been hunting us since _that incident_ anyway. I got the rope, _danna._"

"Good, brat," Sasori said benevolently.

_What rope?! _Hinata felt her teeth chatter when _Suna_ turned its attention to _them_.

(Yes, Kankuro looked shell-shocked that they were mobile once more.)

"_Hinata_, get my bird, yeah?" Numbly, Hinata grabbed the clay bird lying (_waiting_) on the deck without a moment's hesitation (it should have been heavy but adrenaline gave her temporary super-human strength).

Deidara handed over Temari and the dagger _and the bomb_ (another magician, Hinata thought) over to Sasori.

"We're outta here, _danna,_" Deidara bid a showy goodbye before using the rope to swing himself and his (infernal) statue and Hinata, who _just in time_ grabbed unto his legs, ashore.

(It held, thank _Kami_.)

"Fine, I'll take care of this." Sasori nodded, now with one of Gaara's sand bombs on hand.

While they were swinging, Hinata realized something.

Half-baked plan or not, nevertheless, what they had done was an excellent show of teamwork. Whereas for Team Zombie it was their stark refusal to abide by the laws of mortality and die when they were supposed to, for Team Art it was the deadly combination of their specialized abilities that made them obscenely dangerous.

…

Sasori let go of Temari, who hurriedly went over to her brothers.

(If not for the dagger, she would have attacked him without a second thought.)

Nobody moved for him, wary of whatever he had up his sleeve. Sasori took a moment to study the bomb.

"Dense sand, I commend you. It had much improved, Gaara-san," Sasori smirked. "But here's an idea – use metal fillings rather than sand."

With a sardonic '_run, yeah'_ (a pale pale imitation of Deidara's earlier exclamation, but three times as effective), he casually tossed the activated (r_apidly modified with added bits from the beach coffins_) explosive into the open barrel of gunpowder – which had spilled over in the earlier bedlam – and grabbed for the rope.

Men couldn't jump ship fast enough.

…

_It was otherwise a lovely day._

The sun shone white-hot on their backs and faces and made the sand glitter (blindingly) like diamonds. The surf was a wonderful, inviting blue like the clear summer sky. In the forest, blue jays and robins were singing.

And half of _Suna _wasafter them in a potent rage.

Blood pounded in Hinata's ears as she ran along the steep cliffs atop the glittering beach, Deidara and Sasori streaming alongside her.

There was a bend ahead. The three of them rushed for it.

Beyond that bend, there was… _nothing_.

"_S-S-S-Stop!!_"

Hinata skidded to a halt. Sasori did just the same, screeching to a stop only a few precious centimeters behind her.

Unfortunately, even together with feet firmly planted in the sand, they were still no match for Deidara's momentum.

They went careening off the cliff.

…

Behind them, gleefully grabbing the chance for vengeance, Gaara of _Suna _started bombing the crag in memory of his crew (still sopping wet and unconscious and will probably develop a lifetime fear of gunpowder), destabilizing the relatively delicate formations and sending a tsunami of sand after the _hapless _Team Art.

Ingeniously, during mid-flight, Deidara had the three of them standing on his precious sculpture. Balancing precariously atop it, they miraculously landed in a sweet smooth arc and _surfed_ across the dunes as complete sandy chaos erupted around them.

_The bird had been good for something after all. _Hinata thought in the back of her mind. At the forefront of it, a shambled mixture of fear, exhilaration, fear, nausea, fear and trepidation fought for dominance (with fear winning, hands down).

"Astronomical, un!" Deidara looked as though he was having the time of his life. "Fantastic, yeah!"

Hinata decided then that Deidara wasn't just touched in the head. _He was absolutely insane_.

But, with the sand avalanche right behind them and grits flying at her face at skyrocket speeds, Hinata didn't dare open her mouth.

"You fool!" Sasori hissed loudly. "You realize we're going to be buried in several tons of sand after this?"

Hinata gulped hard.

"Don't worry, _danna_," Deidara cried happily. "We'll fly out of here, yeah?"

The blond maniac had that glint in his eyes that spelled destruction for everyone concerned.

Hinata gripped Sasori tighter, ignoring his startled grunt.

Deidara pulled out something that looked horribly like a fuse trigger.

(It hadn't been him that smelled of sulfur at all. _It was the statue._)

"I can't believe I didn't see this coming." Sasori face-palmed.

"**BOOM, yeah!!!"**

One second before the deadly sand fell in around them, the clay bird exploded.

The world shattered into a million pieces.

And they were _airborne_.

…

Fifty kilograms of potassium nitrate, charcoal, sulfur, flour and other highly volatile materials.

That was what was inside the _blasted_ fowl.

Reinforced synthetic materials and a thick layer of clay.

That was what hid the explosives.

"_It… floats?"_

That was the only thing Hinata could say.

"Un! My art can do anything!" The blond looked as though he just died and gone to pyromaniac heaven. He waved to the shore.

Deidara's hair kept right on smoking as he happily surveyed the destruction on the beach and the heap of sand covering the entirety of the _Suna_ vessel. The _Suna_ pirates turned away in disgusted defeat, never to be heard from again (or for a few more months, at least).

Smooth escapes.

Mission Success.

_This was the power of Akatsuki._

Hinata finally, finally fainted.

(Into the water, _again_.)

"Oi, oi," Sasori frowned. "She must think she's a mermaid..."

* * *

_While floating back to their meeting place…_

Deidara ruffled their hair, taking advantage of being the tallest in their team. "Good works, un."

Sasori looked murderous for a second before schooling his face into a blank expression once more.

Coming from him, that was probably an agreement.

Hinata would never forget today for as long as she lived, _which won't be very long if events like this kept happening._

"You cheated," Sasori muttered quietly. "You weren't supposed to bring any bombs."

"I am a _pirate_ – what did you expect, yeah?" Deidara grinned at him. "_Honesty_? Don't worry, _danna_, I acknowledge you're still better than me, un."

"I-I think you were both e-extraordinary…" Hinata put in quietly, flushing. "I-I'm sorry I wasn't able to d-do more. I-I really am s-sorry."

They both stared at her.

"As I recall," Sasori broke the silence. "You did manage to distract a soldier."

"B-But I didn't h-help at all with those _S-suna _pirates!"

"Hinata-san, for once, use that intellect which oftentimes eludes you," There was admonishment in Sasori's voice. "Deidara would have been furious if you interfered."

* * *

"How did your mission go, yeah?" Deidara asked as they drifted to the shore where Itachi and Kisame were waiting. As if he didn't see the assortment of armaments that hadn't been there previously.

"It was surprisingly easy," Itachi answered, casually sitting on a slab of rock. There was a very, very slight look of bemusement on his face when the remains of the sculpture washed ashore with the three of them sitting on top.

"For some reason or another, nearly all their forces were called out to the town. We could have walked in without any trouble." Kisame was definitely laughing at them.

"You," Sasori put a hand on Itachi's shoulder in a long-suffering manner. "…fucking owe us."

Everyone stared at him.

* * *

_Once they reached the ship:_

"You should brace yourselves, Team Zombie is on the rampage." Konan warned them, looking quite tired. "Men – I suggest you _dunk _them until they cool off."

"I-is that necessary, Konan-san?" Hinata asked, an odd mixture of relief and apprehension in her voice.

"Do you have any other idea what might quell their innate desire to kill, Hinata-san?"

Hinata shook her head.

"No choice, then – if you would, Kisame?"

After the males left to rein in Team Zombie, Konan faced Hinata and gave her what could pass for a smile.

"Improving, I knew you would do well."

_If only you knew, Konan-san._

* * *

_Next Chapter: Team Thug, scams, decoys, jails, and green beasts. You can imagine the ensuing chaos._

**Notes: **Realized another reason why I don't usually do multi-chapters. Trying not to make characters too far out and keeping them consistent is driving me absolutely batty. My respect for all multichapter writers just about tripled.

If Itachi seems OOC, there's a reason for it, _I think_. ItaHina development is still absent, oh the horror, but notice there is always misshapen chunks of it in every chapter.

If Deidara seems OOC – yes, I know I butchered him. I have no excuse.

If the Suna crew seemed weak, think of it as them just having a bad day.

Sorry – I can't do action scenes very well. My mind skitters away from violence. : )

**More notes**: Notice that the pace of my chapters are like parabolas - slow at the start, quick at the end - a nasty tendency of mine. Finished this chapter in class - while a guest lecturer kept on talking in_ mind-bogglingly straight English. _I was like_, wait up master you're not in an Engrish-spokening country anymore_, he lost me after a few minutes.

**I promise shorter chapters next time (no exceeding 5k words)! **The Pein scene was supposed to be part of Ch5 and the Kiba-thing just jumped in. This chapter just wrote itself – I deeply apologize.

**Told ya it was WORD VOMIT. Thanks for reading.**

**Review? **I would appreciate it.


	7. Team Thug

**Notes**: Ah, that was a while.

_In this chapter: _Hinata learns more about the world. (Goodbye naiveté.) Scams I scammed and mutilated. Disgusting characterizations (forgive me, Kakashi-sama, but I've turned you into an idiot for the sake of plotline). Blatant realities. I know I promised a short chapter but I gave you a whopper and that is with a lot already cut out. CRACK.

I don't like this chapter at all. It feels like a stupid filler masquerading as character development – Hinata needs to toughen up some. The quality of my work seems to dwindle with every update, I swear.

**Disclaimer: **If I owned Naruto, you'd be seeing a manga with stick figures instead of _awesomeness_. I'm grateful I don't.

**

* * *

**

_Why was she still awake at this ungodly hour? _Hinata asked herself, straining to keep herself alert for any speck of trouble on the horizon. For the past several hours, there were none.

The world was large, after all, and the rather ill-fated archipelago they were sailing in already had its seas and shores trampled on rather unashamedly on by likes of the Akatsuki, Suna and Kiri.

One more crew and the world just might tip over.

_So they weren't about to be attacked by anything from the outside_.

The _inside_, though, was another story entirely.

Actually, all the trouble that could possibly assail them was already on the ship, from the crow's nest – where Hidan was – all the way down to the bilge – where something much more troublesome was afoot.

_Not her responsibility._

With this excuse in mind, Hinata closed her eyes with the intention of meeting her lost-lost acquaintance, slumber.

She was in the midst of nuzzling a silky-soft cloud in dreamland when she was none-too-gently smacked awake by a follower of the most asinine and ferocious religion she'd ever heard of.

Hinata groggily realized something amidst the slaps: while sunburn hurt, windburn _hurt_.

Hidan finger's felt like a cross between lightning and lava on her cheek and she flinched.

"Morning, bitch," Hidan greeted, unaccountably jovial who someone who screamed bloody murder with every dip into the icy ocean last night. "You're blocking the fucking fireball and I can't do the ritual."

Hinata crawled away from where she was blocking the sunrise, still bewildered by the other's affability – if you could call it that – with her. It had started since they started lookout and, miracle of miracles, it hadn't worn off yet.

Hinata stared at him through sleep-lidded eyes. "I-is it always necessary to go about the ritual half-naked, Hidan-san?"

Hidan blinked owlishly. "Why? You want me to prance around in the fucking nude, is that it?" He actually _tsk_ed at her. "Didn't know you were such a pervert, girly. Told ya I wasn't interested."

She was being gravely misunderstood again.

And that's how Hinata knew it was going to be another one of _those_ days that promised to be memorable in their dreadfulness.

* * *

True to her prediction, an hour later in the galley, Hinata discovered a disaster so horrible that it put the wreckage they bestowed upon _Suna _to shame.

They were _out of food_.

In fact, in describing their provisions, _bleak _would be optimistic.

Hinata sucked in her breath a chill swept over her. _Was _she_ supposed to be responsible for that?_

It was _disgustingly_ negligent of her, even as inexperienced as she was in… domestic… chores. Was she expecting the ship cupboards to be some sort of cornucopia that would keep on refilling itself the way the Hyuuga pantry did after she and Hanabi repeatedly raided it?

_She was such a dimwit. _Hinata felt the sense of worth that was only just starting to peek out from the hole it buried itself in dive back under again. _One responsibility – only one! _

_A_nd she'd utterly failed at it.

Unless anyone suddenly showed cannibalistic tendencies, they were all going to starve soon.

_Her fault._

"_What a disappointment._" Mental Neji had regressed back to puberty age and was once again gladly opening that Pandora's box of stigma and self-hatred. "_From the time you tried to make a path of your own on this ship, you were setting yourself up for regret. You should be overcome with desperation by now._"

Mentally, Hinata glared imperiously at him. "Y-you, _kid_, are but a shadow of the Neji I know. I-I should not have to listen to you."

_That_ shut him up. What did he think she was – _twelve?_

He hadn't been able to deter her spirit all those years ago (though it still makes her sick to remember how close he'd gotten), he wasn't going to do so now.

_He was almost right about the desperation though_, Hinata admitted as she hurriedly ransacked every corner of the galley.

* * *

Hinata thought there had never ever been a misnomer as wrong as the _Jolly_ Akatsuki, especially when they were hungry.

"_Gruel? GRUEL?! _Is this some fucking joke or are you trying to get revenge?" Hidan's mouth was in a thin line that was worse than a manic scowl.

"I don't think this is gruel," Itachi interjected calmly, only a slight narrowing of his eyes showing his distaste at the weird, creamy slop she'd set before them.

(Yes, even those who claimed to have their own staples and were most unwilling to share, had run out and demeaned themselves to eating with the rest. That should have given her some warnings about their diminishing stock but she'd remained clueless as ever. So much for observant.)

Itachi was right – _of course _– but Hinata had yet to name the concoction. It was almost as bad as Hanabi's first and last attempt at anything culinary – lumps and water and possibly raw leather in a thick soup.

"I-it's…not…" Hinata's eyes quickly shifted from stony face to stony face to floor (which did a far better job of looking magnanimous – she _really_ should consider that relationship with it). "I-it seems that our supply of victuals…"

_Did the air just get colder?_ Hinata stopped stalling and decided that being upfront was better – no point in courting their impatience as well. She took several steps back and shut her eyes. "W-we are out of food."

The explosion Hinata braced herself for didn't come.

She wondered if this was the right time to beg – yes, _beg – _forgiveness. Slowly, she looked up. The crew was shooting Sasori looks with varying degrees of murderous intent.

_It hadn't been her responsibility after all._

"Damnit, redhead, I know you don't need to eat but the rest of us here are human!" Well, that was a disputable claim, especially coming from Kisame.

"I do eat," Sasori responded, slight irritation appearing on his young features. "I was a little distracted to remember taking a detour to a market."

A _little distraction_ – that's what he called that spanking catastrophe.

"Am I supposed to regret it?" The redhead asked dryly.

Hidan's face flushed in annoyance (Brain: _damn uppity prick_).

"Why you _little_ shit –"

The redhead seemed to take more offence at the slight to his height rather than at the one to his personality. Something a little more dangerous than annoyance flashed on his face.

Itachi promptly got up and left the cabin.

Hinata _longed_ to follow after but she was at a positional disadvantage: first-class seat to an _Akatsuki_ brawl.

_Chances of an innocent bystander leaving unharmed: zero._

(In retrospect, it was entirely her fault for not feeding them at once. She _totally_ _deserved_ getting dragged into this.)

A bowl of not-gruel went flying like the first shot in a devastating war.

Knives – for lack of better weapons – were drawn in lightning quick motions.

Battle lines formed.

Hinata unconsciously lifted up the ladle she was still holding like a feeble shield and, like a rookie gone astray into No Man's Land, waited for the inevitable blow to fall.

Someone stood up.

"Will you all _stop _it?!"

The cord of built-up tension snapped with a loud _twang!_

_Real power_ was when one delicate-looking woman could instantly take command over a hostile circle of felons, each more dangerous than the last.

Once assured that a gory carnage wasn't about to happen, Konan turned to _her_, a spark of expectation in her dark eyes. Hinata felt a frisson of something like a bad mix of terror and resignation.

"Hinata, in the next town, get some food."

Hinata nodded, a bit apprehensive.

_What did she know about choosing and purchasing rations?_

_Absolutely nothing. _

"The thugs will go with you."

_Was she so incompetent that she needed escorts?_

_Most assuredly._

"_T-thugs_?" Hinata repeated weakly.

"Hidan, Kakuzu and Kisame," The other woman explained, pointing an index finger to her head. "Anyone with more muscle than brains."

("Not counting Tobi, Mr. shit-for-brains himself, yeah?")

"Theoretically, everyone here has more muscle than brains, but your depiction is acceptable." Sasori threw in, effectively masking Deidara's words.

Hinata bit her lip, her overdeveloped sense of danger sending out alarms at the curious ensemble being sent out for _groceries_. Why the _four _of them in particular? Unless they needed to move a small mountain or something similar, two people should be enough.

Her extreme misgivings must have shown because Konan, as straight-faced as a professional poker champion, gave her a completely false, completely superficial reason about taking the opportunity to incorporate _normal _back into their lives.

Hinata _begged_ to differ: _Normal_ was three weeks away by carriage. Maybe four.

"Yeah, girly," Hidan butted in. "You must miss the fucking ennui of your landlubber life. 'Sides, we haven't done anything normal in fucking forever. I'm going, wholeness of human experience and all that shit."

"Shopping…" Kakuzu looked contemplative, his mind most likely flying along the lines of _budget_.

"I'm in," Kisame affirmed. "So long as we're not ducking into any more sweet shops."

_It has to be another bet_, Hinata thought, eyes narrowing ever so slightly (the fact that she was able to do this proves beyond a doubt that she had become desensitized to a dangerous new level – her epitaph will read: _Here lies Hinata, who really should have known better than to let her guard down_).

"I should remind you that the next town has one of the best battalions on this side of the ocean," Konan cautioned. "Watch out for the _Hound_."

_That she needed to capitalize that spelled Trouble._

* * *

Hinata put up her increasingly inconvenient hair in a messy ponytail and pulled back her bangs.

Kakuzu wore a different mask.

The relatively minute changes in their appearance – an agreement the newly-minted Team Thug (how was _she _a thug Hinata would never understand) had decided on to avoid easy detection – was offset by the rather drastic changes in the visage of their companions.

_Long silvery hair in a slovenly mess, inconspicuous clothes, the astonishing absence of a scythe_ – Hidan looked even more ridiculously angelic without the grease. A charming, charming angel who would probably affront all of heaven within a few spoken words and get drunk on their supply of ambrosia until they wisely decide to send him spiraling into damnation.

It was Kisame who wore the grease. He looked like bigger, bluer, uglier version of Hidan.

Needless to say, it wasn't Hinata's jaw alone that met the deck.

"_What the_ _hell_, yeah?" A dozen cannons could have fired at their vessel at the moment and Deidara, their best watchman, wouldn't have noticed.

Even Itachi blinked.

"You look smashing, seriously." Hidan said wryly to Kisame after looking him over.

"I'm smashed, yeah?" Deidara still looked gobsmacked.

_At least… at least they won't be recognized so easily. _Hinata sanguinely tried to tell herself, desperately wanting to remain optimistic that the whole operation – since it wasn't as _imperative_ as reconnaissance or pillage – will run smooth.

_Heck_, as long as it doesn't decline into another spectacular affray, she'd be happy.

Someone _had_ said that the basis of optimism was sheer terror.

* * *

"Hey you damn kids, we were stealing here first," Hidan sent them a look so dirty and menacing that several of the urchins clustering around the market square recoiled in terror.

Hinata closed her eyes and pretended she didn't see nor hear anything. Weren't they here to – and Hinata berated herself for ever believing they had the same definition of it – _be normal_?

One the more plucky boys, couldn't have been older than ten, stuck out his tongue out of his wretchedly pinched face before running off.

_It was a real eye-opener._

There were times when Hinata thought she knew so much about the world and there were times she felt like she _really_ needed to get a clue.

Her eyes clouded as she took in the air of abject poverty that always permeated a large part of all supposedly progressive and modern island townships. Sometimes she forgot how lucky she was.

It should have been a crime to be so ignorant.

_Darn_, she felt uncomfortable in that weird way that didn't have her blushing. Rather, it had her gritting her teeth in frustration. _Why did life have to be so needlessly complex?_

"They aren't so tough," Kisame murmured indolently, gazing at a group of teenagers bullying the kids Hidan had just frightened the life out of.

For the first time, Hinata and Hidan agreed upon the same reaction: _disgust._

"Tch, _amateurs_. Midget was right. There aren't any decent men in towns anymore. Fucking cowards."

"S-s-shameless," Hinata agreed quietly but firmly.

"We need money." Kakuzu announced in absolute insensitivity. Just like that, the vein of conversation leading to profundity of human wickedness and enormity withered and died.

And of course it came back. Only this time, human wickedness manifested itself in Hinata's own team.

"Let's just steal the goods – not everything has to be treated like damn mission." This came from Kisame, because we all know who his usual partner is.

"_Bounties_ – more money."

"Ambush a merchant wagon."

"What do you suggest, girly?"

(She was getting asked for an opinion again. _Whoa_.)

Hinata tried to gather her thoughts and, with all the inane suggestions they kept tossing out flooding her brain, came up with nothing plausible. "H-hire ourselves out? Do something h-honest? Um, y-you know, _wholeness of h-human experience _and all…"

They stopped talking. Hinata wondered if it was something she said or did she perhaps suddenly grow horns or had her veins bulging or something equally bizarre?

Kisame broke the silence by chuckling. "If it were only _that_ easy to make money, there'd be a lot less competition – not that they can be considered competition."

"You don't get rich by being honest." Kakuzu enunciated slowly.

_So you choose to trade in your morality? _Hinata's mind responded waspishly.

Then, like catching a glimpse of another world, Hinata realized that for some people, it had not been a choice. _There was simply no other alternative_.

(Although that most likely wasn't the case for most of Ye Jolly Akatsuki. With their abilities, they could have _easily_ made a living through legal means. They chose to trade in their moralities because they were just bastards that way.)

Kisame noticed her disapproving expression – very perceptive of him, most people never noticed it.

"What – you never had to find out ways to get money before?"

_Frankly, no_. Hinata shook her head.

Kakuzu looked at her like she suddenly turned into a novelty item. "Never had to do anything dishonest?"

_Nu-uh_. She shook her head again.

Hidan rolled his eyes. "_Che_, that's pathetic. How the hell did you live?"

Hinata mumbled something incoherent.

(Her mind, one word: --- _inheritance ---_)

"I'm appalled. You've had a fucking deprived childhood." Hidan waved off, not even hearing what she said.

_Deprived?!_

The religious was suddenly intent on teaching her something. This new _friendship_ of theirs was almost worse than their previous predator-prey relationship.

"Enjoy life, _girly_. I remember this one bastard, died young –"

"I suppose you helped with that." Kakuzu mumbled.

Hidan scowled at the interruption.

"Details, details – won't bore you with them. Anyway this bastard – never took time to do some merriment and regretted it in the fucking end, _Jashin smite him_. We will spare you that. Teach you to have some fun while reviving the ancient tradition of trickery."

"You mean _conning_, not a bad idea."

"You lack fucking _finesse_, Kisame, saying it all crude like that." Hidan grouched.

"B-but –" There was a word for this. _Hazard _came close.

"Think of it as practice," Hidan drawled, all charming smiles and personable demeanor, one would never know he was blatantly suggesting committing fraud. "Seriously, you won't learn anything if you fucking insist on playing it safe."

They had rather disparate definitions for _safe_.

"And be grateful we're going along with it, you unappreciative chit."

_You're _going along with it?!

Then Hinata remembered it was supposed to be _her_ responsibility to get food _at any cost_. She couldn't afford to be fastidious in their methods merely because of a _few_ ethical snags.

_It wasn't as if she could stop them really._

With a feeling she would regret the decision shortly on, she nodded and pretended she just hadn't been steamrolled into this travesty.

* * *

"Well, what's your dumb idea?" It was extremely nice of them to give her an opportunity to do things her way first. Unless it was a way of setting her up for a more dazzling falling-flat-on-her-face – a likely event.

Hinata was determined to make the most of the chance though. Perhaps, somehow, there was a very, very tiny chance she could enlighten them as to their degenerate ways.

(Ah, no one could say she wasn't warned.)

Hinata quickly scanned the area and her eyes alighted on a short, plump, moneyed-looking woman doing unimaginable torture to her poor feline.

_There. _

"W-why don't we help that woman with her cat?"

Her companions jeered at the task.

"Why don't we _kidnap _it? Bet you anything she'll pay to get the fucker back."

_Nevermind._

* * *

_Operation Imaginary Neighbor:_

Target:_ wealthy_ _desperate housewives._

"What a poor, ragged skinny little nothing… I feel rather sorry for her, darling," The matron of the house announced, looking over Hinata, who painstakingly maintained the distraught façade. "Really, how positively odious of the neighbors to hire this waif and go disappearing off to heaven-knows-where."

It had been Hinata's input that they victimize the opulent rich (_Gods_, forgive her for betraying her own kind but it was they who could afford losing some wealth to feed and clothe the Jolly Akatsuki, even if they weren't happy about it).

But now she was _really_ regretting it.

Mental Neji tittered sardonically. _To be pitied upon by some nouveau-riche upstarts, Hinata-sama, how monumentally humiliating for a Hyuuga._

Mental Sasuke scoffed. _An Uchiha would never stoop so low_.

Her mental apparitions were quite the unbelievable snobs.

_Although_, up to this morning when she'd been dealt with a good hard dose of reality, she really hadn't been much better off.

Only quieter (_maybe_) and far less vain (_definitely_).

"B-but I've come so far for t-this job," She bit her tongue hard to make her eyes tear. "C-can't I work for you? I-I'll do anything."

The woman sent her a look of false sympathy. "Very well, but you'll have to settle for a lot less what I'm paying the others."

"T-that's fine. Oh, thank you!" Hinata forced herself to bow low – more in apology than gratitude.

"Now you _must _start right away. You must work hard or I'll be forcedto let you go," The woman gathered her coat. "The other girls are in town right now and they'll be quite annoyed that I hired another one. I expect the house to be clean when I get back."

As Hinata sat there, waiting for the cue to start committing household robbery, she idly noted that the hangings weren't silk at all and there was the tell-tale untidiness that hinted at a house not very well-kept.

_What other maids_?

Yes, she was admittedly not much better off when it came to haughtiness.

Nonetheless, the knowledge that the matron had been intending to work her for nothing took a lot off her conscience. She felt just like a modern-day Robin Hood.

* * *

_Operation Gigolo:_

Target: the strapping young lad going through _katas_.

"T-that's really awesome," Hinata said in awe as the probably-nice young man Hidan pegged to be a sucker for puny, innocent girls like herself finished a sequence of swordfight movements.

_Hair toss. Flightly laugh. Tilt head just right._

Muscle memory was excellent when your intellect refuses to process or even acknowledge what you are doing. Konan will be pleased to know her training was formidable enough to render Hinata brainless.

The victim finally turned to her: a majestic picture of youth, strength… dear gods, he looked like he was about to keel over at any moment.

Wasn't it just like her team to have zero faith in her as a femme fatale? They deliberately sent her to a vulnerably sick chap that even _she_ might be able to muscle once the initial plan fell through.

"…what?" (_cough, cough_)

Undaunted (_or trying not to be_), Hinata tried her best to emulate her subconscious idol in all ways of seduction, Ino.

But Hinata wasn't blonde, blue-eyed and vivaciously beautiful.

So of course it didn't work.

…

And he had a girlfriend who wasn't puny or innocent at all. If Hinata hadn't made herself scarce when she did, there would have been major ass-kicking.

* * *

_Operation Gigolo 2:_

Target: the good-looking man with a scar.

"He looks gay, I'll go."

Hinata wondered how Hidan knew _that_ and decided she was better off not knowing.

* * *

_Operation Sue-the-Pants-Off-You:_

Target: watermelons.

They could hear it, the rough-tough rolling down the small hill of a large cart loaded with watermelons, moving so fast that the unfortunate vendor whose wares caught Kakuzu's attention couldn't hope to catch up to it before the entity crashed into a big, juicy mess.

Amazing what a small shove could do.

The plan had been to skillfully grab a couple of fruits before they erupted into pulp and juice.

Kisame decided to deviate. _Unexpected_ – it was only sometimes the guy could digress without foiling up a brilliant, brilliant plan courtesy of his brilliant, brilliant cohort.

He discreetly pushed Hinata right into the path of the rampaging cart.

Seconds before she died a gruesome death, in full view of several similarly-horrified, similarly-frozen onlookers, he plucked her out.

"_H-how could you?!_" Hinata whisper-hissed as she glowered fiercely at him, forgetting herself for a moment.

"I saved your life." He reminded, chiding her for the unnecessary fury.

"_You tried to kill me first!_"

"Deal with it."

Safely uphill, Hidan and Kakuzu caught on to Kisame's scheme (the other one, not the let-us-bully-Hinata-conspiracy).

"How horribly rude of you, sir," Hidan harassed the sobbing merchant. "The poor lass could have gotten terribly hurt, _seriously_."

"If it were I, I would have you jailed for such a terrible act." Kakuzu added in a severe voice.

_Hypocrites. Absolute hypocrites._

"But it was an accident!" The purveyor cried.

"And I suppose the sinking of _Kusa_ was a fucking accident as well?"

(In fact, it was. The incident still rules as Deidara's most devastating undertaking. Lost them a potential ally, that one did.)

"She ought to sue you!" Kisame bellowed as he marched up the hill, dragging a pale-faced Hinata along.

They got the day's profits and the four least-bruised watermelons for compensation.

* * *

_Operation Lost Items:_

Target: _swindlers._

"O-oh dear, I'm s-sure I had it just before I entered your establishment!" Hinata wailed in distress, waving her hands in flustered panic. She turned sharply to the smarmy jeweler. He'd been showing her his finest collection of gems when Hinata 'noticed' her non-existent engagement ring gone. "It is rather hard to miss it! Are you i-insulting my i-intelligence?"

_Be honest – say yes! Tell this distraught charlatan that you saw no ring!_

The shopkeeper did no such thing, ardent to please the "wealthy" woman who'd walked in looking ready to buy the world. Of course, it was all makeup and deliberate airing out of Hyuuga upbringing. It was marvelously remarkable how sleaze of all kinds picked up on it.

"Madame, I am sure it is here somewhere…"

She put on another layer of anguish.

"This is _terrible_! I must inform my fiancée _immediately_. _Please_, if anyone finds it, I am offering a great reward." Hinata named a sum that would have sent the man scampering all over the floor again if he wasn't so intent on maintaining respectability. "The ring – it's not worth v-very much, common amethyst – but it's been in his family _for so very long_."

"Do not worry, madame," The man slickly comforted even while Hinata could already hear the cogs of human greed turning in his mind. "I will definitely find it."

…

Once out of the shop and being reluctantly congratulated for the performance of a lifetime (ironically, she'd been playing a half-her half-Hanabi _– the very worst of them_ – persona), Hinata glanced at her bare ring finger.

Actually, she'd forgotten the real McCoy the night of the raid.

_Excuse her for having survival instincts._

That exquisitely beautiful, hideously expensive, elegantly old engagement ring Sasuke relinquished to her with a dire warning that the _one_ valid reason for losing it was having her whole hand chopped off and being debilitated such that she could not run after the perpetrators.

Remembering this little fact, Hinata wondered if she should be grateful that she was fairly far from any Uchihas at the moment.

_If they knew she'd lost such a valuable clan heirloom_…

Hinata shivered. Maybe she was a lot better off sticking with Team Thug until the end of her days.

(Maybe not.)

…

"What the hell is this?" Hidan coarsely yelled out, the rough sound grating on all the refined eardrums in that upscale jewelry shop, pretending to step on something. He deftly pulled out the ersatz ring Kakuzu had pilfered from somewhere. "Well, I'll be damned (_just fucking kidding, Jashin-sama_) – it's a pretty purple bauble."

The word _purple_ suddenly sizzled the jeweler's attention.

_Amethyst!_

"Oi, asshole, how much is this worth to you if I pawn it?" Hidan zeroed in on the target at once.

The man offered a generous sum.

It was rare, after all, that one came across a wealthy _tart_ who would translate sentimental to financial value in such profitable proportions. He could afford to be open-handed.

"Che, I'll give it to you for twice that."

The shopkeeper balked. _Generous _was one thing. _Gullible _was quite another thing.

"You can't possibly be serious!"

Hidan stared at him gravely.

"_I'm damn serious_. This shit looks a lot more valuable than you say." Hidan's amethyst eyes – oh look, they even matched the jewel – narrowed suspiciously. "Hey… are you trying to con me, shithead?"

He said it with such a straight face that Hinata's stoic, expert-at-lying-through-their-teeth relatives would get jealous.

Apparently, Jashinism's rules about lying didn't apply when it came to scams.

(_ten minutes of negotiation that could pass for psychological torture and had patrons flying from the shop covering their wives' ears_)

Hidan put a hand to his chin thoughtfully. "Fine, I'll give it to you for three times that fucking measly offer."

The shopkeeper was clutching at the counter, clearly at his wits' end. Darn it, at this point, he could afford to be gullible!

"_All right_ – _just give me the ring_!"

Hidan grimaced. "Shit, you realize just how fucking creepy you sounded? Like some crazy marriage-desperate bitch, _seriously_."

"Just… get out of here… please…"

As he handed over the money, the proprietor belatedly wondered if his ears would stop bleeding within the next month.

…

_Score!_

* * *

_Operation False Charges:_

Target: a great-looking couple out on a date.

"Sir, I'm sorry – there's been a crime in the area and we have reason to believe you're a suspect." Kisame indicated the crying Hinata who was being "comforted"by Kakuzu.

"What –" The tall man stubbed out his cigarette and regarded Kisame blankly.

"Better keep your damn silence, _sir_. Loose tongues can send you to the gallows, seriously." Hidan warned, standing opposite Kisame.

"But –" The couple matched frowns.

"Sorry to interrupt your outing, ma'am," Hidan wagged his eyebrows (going for _Operation Gigolo 3_!) at the rather beautiful lady. "If you don't mind I can –"

The advance gave the guy enough gumption to whip out his tongue. "_What the hell is going on here?!_"

The woman looked amused. "He's a captain… and the mayor's son." Kurenai explained.

Asuma's glare was impressive. "And I've never seen your faces before in my life."

The blood drained from all their faces. Hinata abruptly stopped crying.

"Well, ain't that a damn shame…" Hidan laughed, not looking at all abashed.

Before reinforcements could be called in, they fled.

The alley they were sprinting through lead to a wider road where a small coach was quickly passing.

Without breaking stride, the thugs hoisted Hinata up and tossed her (_silently shrieking, flailing_) to the top of it, jumping on immediately after.

"We'll be commandeering this fine vehicle, my good man." Kisame shoved off the coachman and took hold of the reins. Before long, he had them going at breakneck speed, causing a tumult in the town's streets as people, animals, other carriages and stalls jumped out of their way.

Hinata gripped the wood of the carriage roof so tightly it was a wonder it didn't splinter. The rush of adrenaline was, _and she loathed to admit it_, a refreshing change from all those years of living safely.

This time, at least, their illegal act didn't have _sudden death_ or _accidental murder _attached to it. Hinata wondered if this was what _they_ considered _normal_.

"Damn hair – gets in my fucking eyes…" Hidan moved up front with Kisame, lamenting the lack of long bladed weapons.

It was an almost clean getaway.

The most excellent irony of ironies was when the carriage finally lurched to a stop, their staggering momentum kiboshed by, of all things, a stray _watermelon_.

This is what they call karma.

* * *

The encounter with the captain, who fortunately lost scent of them, ended all sham activities for the day.

Best to get on with the actual shopping before Konan threw a conniption fit. Well, she wouldn't really – far too amateurish and undignified – but she could make you _feel_ it.

…

It was stupid – even after all those farcical cons – they had to steal the food anyway.

Kakuzu wouldn't hand over the money.

And the way he reacted when Hinata very carefully tried to pry it from him – he looked like she'd just suggested barbequing the captain over a bonfire.

"How'd ya like them apples?" Hinata asked tentatively, quoting a line she'd read somewhere as she pointed to some nice, shiny red apples on display, making an effort to sound perhaps more _pirate-y?_

_Didn't Itachi-san like apples? _

"Bah, landlubber food." Kakuzu scoffed. He grabbed some anyway.

It was only when Hidan attempted for some prime-quality scotch that Hinata warily drew the line.

"H-hidan! Don't d-do that. W-we did e-enough for today." Hinata scolded nervously, testing the precarious waters of potential new acquaintanceships.

"Seriously, bitch, do you have eyes at the back of your head or something?" The silvery man complained but he nonetheless threw the goods back to the display (and causing more damage than was necessary – she should have just let them take the bottle).

From the corner of his eye, Hidan watched the wispy little smile bloom on her face and smirked to himself. _Heh. Girly's a serious nutcase, and fucking amusing. Too damn bad she doesn't have a ruthless bone in that body._

_But she looks like she's having some fucking fun._

He considered the debt he owed her completely paid.

Quite apart from not telling lies, Jashinists always honor their debts.

Faithful that way, you know.

* * *

Hinata had never regretted her vacillating personality as much as she did now.

She should have just taken up Hidan's stand on going back to the ship directly instead of wavering with Kisame and Kakuzu's stipulations on visiting some ladies first.

"Fucking pathetic, aren't they, girly? Bastards weak for the flesh, I tell you."

Hinata, just realizing where exactly they were heading off to, felt like dying on the spot.

"It's none of your business, Hidan." Kakuzu growled.

"And that's why you'll burn in hell, you fucking hypocrite." Hidan snarled back. "Corrupt heathens – you wanna know how they go about it, girly?"

_Nononononononono!!! _Hinata felt faint.

"Treating it like loot! Paying for it, the bastards!" Hidan missed hearing Hinata's wail of agony and carried on. "Take Kakuzu," He glared at the man in question. "He's damned and still doesn't even know how to steal hearts to get it free at least."

Hidan paused and sighed. "I guess it can't be helped when you're ugly as fuck."

Kakuzu flipped Hidan off, sending the foul-mouthed man into more foul-mouthed-ness.

…

"Hey, babies, knew you'd miss me." Kisame grinned wide as the gates to Paradise (Seriously! That's what the sign above the door said: _Paradise_!). Hinata could've died as soon as she saw the looming edifice of the most bawdy, raunchy sort.

"Hey, bastards, some officers were trailing you." The man at the gates hissed.

"Oh crap – in that case..." The shark man eyes the large amount of fares they were lugging. "We'll come back for the goods later."

Team Thug left the money and the food and, for a while, Hinata at the whorehouse.

It took all of five seconds for Hinata to realize that she would rather be anywhere but at Paradise.

* * *

Hinata was beginning to believe she had the luck of the cursed.

As they walked hurriedly past one shop, Hinata caught their reflection in the glass panes: one pale-faced petite girl and three tall, menacing men stalking her to Paradise – it was no wonder those officers on patrol thought something was way, way off.

They'd caught a glimpse of the supposedly elite forces in their drab olive vests at one point as they walked randomly about town, doing all innocent tasks to throw the soldiers off.

Amidst the _chase – _that was paranoia talking – Hinata realized somewhat dazedly that she could actually be very useful sometimes. It was a concept that never occurred to her before, always only flitting at the very edge of her consciousness. Hinata _loved _the idea of being useful.

No wonder the Hyuuga all but banned such thoughts – they made her invariably reckless and were liable to get her killed in the future.

It was thanks to her that they'd successfully eluded all but the last two grittiest pursuers (_did they have a bet or something going on?!_). All that effort and time spent honing her covert skills and ingrained danger radar to elude angry nobles and tedious bureaucrats paid off.

_She was being useful!_

_A flash of memory:_ "If you join them, you'll just be a burden… you'll only get in the way!"

_Present time:_ "Hurry up, bitch! We don't exactly have all the fucking time in the world here!"

_Uh-oh. _That signal meant that it had suddenly shifted from _pursuing _to _capturing_.

Hinata was tempted to do the damsel-in-eternal-distress shtick or perhaps take one last shot at peaceful diplomacy with the trackers. Something _she _could do to _save_ (in the loosest definition of the term) them.

Quite honestly, Hinata had enough of being protected.

(Not that she was, because her companions weren't exactly gentlemen like that. But you get the general idea.)

"W-we need a d-decoy." She bravely proposed as they ducked into another large shop.

Hinata wondered if Neji or Hanabi could feel it, the way she tapped into their bravado and confidence and wit because hers wasn't enough. No matter how far they might be, these past few days she must be sucking their reserves dry enough for them to feel it.

"Good plan," Kisame approved. "You can play decoy."

Hinata stopped moving – she'd forgotten for a moment that among the four of them, she was the primary cannon fodder. _Oh damn her heroics._

A better man would have felt sorry for her predicament. Sadly, better men were rare these days.

"B-but they wouldn't go after me as o-opposed to you."

A logical defense.

…

But what was logic other than a flimsy veil before crackpots?

…

Soot to darken her hair.

Secondhand swashbuckling clothes, boots, sword and bandanna, all proudly displaying a caricature of the dreaded red-cloud insignia of the Jolly Akatsuki.

And the _pièce de résistance_ – a couple of lines creases on the bridge of her nose.

Hinata was (laughingly) dressed as Itachi of the Sharingan.

Needless to say, Team Thug's perception of Itachi was outrageous to say the least.

"Damn, girly, you resemble the wanted posters better than the real one does."

Hinata made a gurgling sound at the back of her throat. _Was that supposed to make her feel better_?

"If you get caught, just say you were doing it for fun."

_Causing mass hysteria for fun?!_

"Don't worry when they chase after you. We have a plan."

Now, if that were Sasori talking or even Konan, Hinata could have possibly believed it.

As it was, she was done for.

* * *

_Kami, why protect the guilty?_

The disguise worked. The _elite security forces_ actually fell for it.

That was why Hinata was getting hauled (that was a stretch – she was only getting herded, like a sheep) to prison by a droopy-looking spiky-haired soldier who didn't take perhaps more than a couple of minutes to completely outclass her.

Because of so little information on Itachi of the Sharingan and the rest of Akatsuki, he wouldn't believe her when she announced that it was just a trick.

Hinata hoped she wasn't ruining Itachi's fearsome reputation much. It would be awful if security suddenly grew lax because word got out that the infamous pirate was defeated so easily.

They were going to be in for a big, bad surprise if they ever encountered the real thing.

* * *

They _did _have a plan.

It just didn't work. It should have but it turned out that the _elite _were aptly named.

Now they were all going to be jailbirds.

"_It's not enough to be self-sacrificing, you have to be strong enough to make sure it actually comes to something. Bleeding hearts are fine and all but bloody fists are much more effective if you want to make a point. Really, Hinata, you should've already known that. Did you honestly learn nothing from your cousin or myself?"_

_Sasuke._ Sasuke had said that. She had admonished him then for taking to such a belligerent principle but now… now _it made sense_. There were times when congeniality was moot.

One of the bravest things she'd ever done in her life – there wasn't much for comparison – was _not _going to go to waste because she'd been too weak to finish it.

Without another thought to decorum or propriety, she attacked Kakashi.

(It served him right for being so carefree with supposedly dangerous convicts.)

_Hyuuga Hinata, what is with your digging your own grave?_

* * *

Hinata felt like she would die of shame.

She'd attacked someone…tooth and nail and clumsy fists… like some plebeian _brawler_!

Well, that turned out just swell, didn't it – only Hidan and Kisame had been able to escape.

And now she was in prison.

_In prison_ – oh the ocean of disgrace she poured into the Hyuuga name.

And the same person she'd attacked was just outside the cell, only just out of reach if she stretched her hand out through the iron bars. It was like having her indignity dancing itself in front of her, doing a jaunty little tango with her disgrace.

_Well_, she sure was getting her quota of life experiences in one day.

High-handed and self-righteous was _definitely_ the way to go right now. Any less and she'd melt into a dismal puddle.

"E-excuse me!" She called out, inwardly wincing at the loudness of her own voice injected with misery and self-righteousness and indignation. "W-we didn't do anything to merit incarceration! This –"

"…isn't fair." Kakashi cut her off.

Hinata blinked, then resumed her ad-lib defense tirade, this time putting a little remorse into it. Perhaps this man was one of those who liked handing out second chances to penitents?

"I know it was _t-terribly _uncouth of me to g-go at you like that –"

"– but you were following us without good reason." Kakashi interrupted once again.

Hinata's jaw dropped. She vaguely wondered if she was hearing things due to a certain lack of sleep. "H-how –"

"– do you do t-that?"

He got it right down to the stutter.

Kakashi looked straight at her. Hinata forced herself not to waver under the cool gaze, even when all her innards were shuddering.

"Oh, so you weren't going around town scamming people? And didn't you just try to spread hysteria by dressing up as an infamous pirate?"

Hinata didn't reply right away – she might blurt out something no one needed to know, her and Kakuzu's affiliations foremost.

"I-innocent until proven g-guilty, K-kakashi-san." She murmured quietly, the name she'd picked up along the way.

"You should quit as a lawyer," Kakashi returned, burying himself comfortably into a small orange book. "I have all the proof I need."

"N-no you don't," As Hyuuga heiress, Hinata was amazingly well-versed in law. Her father, unlike most, had always believed his daughters should have good minds, even when they weren't allowed to show it. "R-rules say that –"

Quick as a flash, Kakashi was standing in front of her, features – the one visible eye at least – dark, angry and ominous. "Quiet! _I_ am the rules here. Got it?"

Hinata shrank back, completely chastened.

* * *

From where he was sitting, Kakuzu observed her and her unconscious show of loyalty quietly.

What was this girl doing defending _them_, her captors? _Don't tell me she'd forgotten about that._

"Stand back, Hinata," He ordered and she instantly hopped to it. It was rather nice working with someone who didn't harangue every other second and mock your face the seconds in between.

He wondered.

And let the mask fall.

* * *

Kakuzu had a very large slice on his cheek, like someone had inserted a knife into his mouth and carved to the side, and the resulting pieces of flesh were held together by thick black threads.

Hinata paled. _Was this the result of a mission gone haywire?_

All the bravery that she'd stolen and used to sustain herself whooshed out of her.

Kakuzu seemed _mighty pleased_ with her reaction – had he been meaning to dishearten her?

Hinata sat down opposite him and closed her eyes, wondering what to do. Will the rest of Team Thug come back? Will the Akatsuki ravage the town now? Were they supposed to escape somehow?

"Yosh, Kakashi, my eternal rival!" There was a lot of smoke, a lot of sparkles, a lot of flurry as the self-proclaimed beautiful green beast made another memorable appearance by whirlwinding in.

(_Oooooh_. Ouch, that was a lot of friction there.)

Hinata would never forget the sight the rest of her life.

The most incredible eyebrows she'd ever seen in her life and a body suit in a violently hedonistic green that swamped her senses. Yes, she got (her retina trampled on by) _green_. She could see _beast_. But where the heck was _beautiful_?

"Hullo Gai." Kakashi didn't look up from his book.

Gai's enthusiasm was not dampened as all by Kakashi's dull reply. In fact, the flatness of his tone seemed to egg the beast on to greater, fierier heights.

…

Gai noticed Hinata.

"Kakashi! Youth and mistakes go together. You are just being your usual cruel self."

"Uh-huh." Kakashi turned another page.

…

"Gai-sensei!" A pretty girl with hair in buns burst into the jail without ado, as though it were customary to suddenly intrude into such a manly domain. Hinata would later learn her name was Tenten and she was the daughter of the local blacksmith. "Look, father taught me how to sharpen needles for our… embroidery and knitting sessions."

(Hinata gaped at the surreal connection between several feet of pure ball-busting manpower in an unlikely package and something as ladylike as needlework.)

Kakashi looked up and glanced at the pouch of sewing materials the girl was showing off.

"Embroidery and _knitting_, Gai? Those needles look a little too sharp for that." There was a bit of scathing in his voice.

Tenten smiled sheepishly but there was unmistakable pride in her eyes.

Then she noticed Hinata and her face fell in dismay. It was one thing to have two eccentrics (and a station full of men) know and witness one's tomboyish propensities but another _girl_?!

_That was just embarrassing._

(Never mind that said girl was in jail for assaulting – or attempting to – an officer.)

Gai detected her dismay and patted her head in succor, grinning blindingly.

"Ah, Tenten, such a bright and energetic flower you are! So much youthful talent _to be proud of_! We shall work on it tomorrow, ne?"

Tenten smiled deprecatingly at her _sensei_, but her eyes shone with gratitude.

Encouragement.

Affirmation that it was okay to be oneself.

Casual, almost messy, affection.

_Oh, there was the 'beautiful'_.

And, just like that, Hinata felt the sharp ache of gut-wrenching jealousy. Why is it she can't even remember her father doing something remotely like that?

Her own father had been rather merciless with her (wait, she wasn't that special, with _everyone_ in the family), if he was there at all, always vocal when it came to her faults and hardly ever churned out praise. In the twisted manner of thinking that all Hyuugas seemed to possess after passing the thirty-year mark, he'd honestly believed it the best way to raise her.

Though she may resent his approach in parenting, she understood that he did what he thought was best for her. But she did rather _long_ for them to have a warmer relationship (and she will never admit how deep that longing ran).

Ah, but that was the price she had to pay for her place in the world.

Like a beggar picking for any dregs of affection left behind, Hinata drank in – lapped it up, really – the continued conversation between Tenten and Gai. (For the record, it barely had to do anything with stitching – unless _axe _was another term for sewing scissors.)

Dear god, how long had she gone without such warmth? _Far, far too long_.

And, _how odd_, it made her feel even braver than she'd been earlier.

…

"Y-you know, our t-team won't leave us behind." Hinata bluffed, all ready to hard-ball with Kakashi again (_Oh, sanity, where art thou?!_). It gave her some measure of safety that he at least wasn't a pirate and could not kill her without incurring much wrath and bureaucratic paperwork. God knows how many murders the latter one encumbered.

His eyes flashed with something Hinata couldn't quite define.

"No, they won't." He said harshly. "You are hindrances to them now. The important thing is for them to resume the mission."

_The mission is moot. _Hinata wanted to retort but refrained. There was no sense in warning… _the enemy_.

(Darn, she really was thinking of the Akatsuki as her side now. It was a sobering thought.)

…

Kakashi's statement had put a trifle sense in doubt within her, however.

_What if they – well, she – really were just hindrances now? Would they consider it her fault for attracting trouble like a magnet?_

A shadow of uncertainty marred her features.

"They'll come." Kakuzu tried to assuage her worry in the bluntest way possible. "Kisame has sense, unlike my partner."

"What's with the '_unlike my partner'_ crap?! I ought to leave you rotting here."

They both turned to the window where a scowling face greeted them.

_Surprise, bitches._

* * *

"Hey," It was Kakashi's voice – the twang, the brogue, the burr.

Hinata hoped with all her heart that one of her companions just decided to suddenly practice ventriloquism.

Of course it was Kakashi. Though how he'd managed to head them off – a feat that only seemed possible through teleportation – no one will ever know.

"You were actually right earlier – I don't' have any proof against you." He (presumably) smiled at Hinata. "But that doesn't mean you can go."

"Look, you fucker, we don't want a bloodbath–" Hidan started threateningly.

"_We don't?!_" Hinata blurted out in astonishment. She gawked at the single most bloodthirsty man she'd ever met and wondered when he'd suddenly gone pacifist.

"_You_ want one?!" The rest of Team Thug stared at her. She vehemently shook her head, blushing furiously.

"The gallows are going to be busy tomorrow, with so many pirate _trash_ hanging around." Kakashi continued. "Anyone who's been incarcerated have to get an official pass from the officer-in-charge to avoid getting sent there."

That didn't sound good. The bloodbath might be necessary after all.

"I've already written them out." Kakashi pulled out a sheaf of papers from his vest. "Oh look, only _three_ passes – one of you will have to hang."

Hinata wondered if the authorities in this town knew that one of their own was a certifiable loony.

(They did. Two of them. Interestingly, on the same team: Paranoia and Pollyanna.)

Team Thug, minus Hinata, went for the papers at once. It made her wonder if they had an abject fear of hangings.

"D-don't! You could k-kill him!"

"It's the bastard's own fault."

"That's the general idea."

"We'll be f-fugitives."

"Makes no difference to me." To Hinata, it made all the difference in the world.

Kakashi fortunately had the advantage of having weapons. Plus, Kisame, Hidan and Kakuzu were all attacking him individually – there was no seamless flow at all in their movements. The four of them were in a deadlock.

Team Art's flawless synchrony flashed into her mind.

"Y-you should w-work together. Y-you're a _team_. A team only works if it _cooperates_."

Hinata carefully left out the part that she was part of the team as well. It was a tad hypocritical.

"What was that, girly? I thought I heard a fucking new word."

Teamwork was an entirely new concept to the likes of them.

Hinata bit her lip_. What should she do now?_

A brilliant, brilliant idea formed in her mind.

Hinata did not spend hours upon hours waddling through a thick fog of subtle, artful manipulation without learning a thing or two.

_Yes, this was for her team. _

But don't get her wrong, this was for her too.

She was starting to feel giddy at the burst of inspiration.

"Kakashi-san! G-give them the passes! I-I'm willing to get h-hanged!"

_Okay – that sounded so very wrong._

Hey, stopped them dead though.

In the ensuing silence, Kisame grabbed the papers.

"Seriously, girly?" Hidan looked nonplussed.

(_Too bad it wasn't Hidan_, Kakuzu thought.)

Kakashi appeared in front of her in a flash, brimming with the air of execution.

"You…"

Hinata cringed, waiting for the inevitable blow. It didn't come. The killing intent dissipated with a speed that gave her whiplash.

"…may go with them."

_WHAT?!_

"You're pirate trash." Kakashi explained happily, his single eye curling happily. "But you don't leave your comrades behind – maybe you're not that bad. I hope you just realize the error of your ways someday."

_Oh god_. A most unconventional and unscrupulous lazy lout of a soldier (though she had to admit he was _good_) was attempting to become _her_ moral compass.

_And he was getting it all wrong!_ This was her chance to finally _be free_ without any bad blood between her and the Jolly Akatsuki! She could have contacted Neji before her execution!

How could _Kami_ and Kakashi do this to her?!

She tried a feeble _"R-really?" _

_Say you were only kidding!_

But Kakashi was insistent on letting her go.

"You have found precious comrades."

_Whaddawhut?! Precious?!_

There was a spark in her eyes that told her he suspected more than he let on but enjoyed watching her suffer.

Unable to insist on being incarcerated again without gaining the suspicion of her _precious comrades_, Hinata went straight to simply cleaning up the loose ends.

"Y-you didn't s-see me."

"No I didn't."

Kakashi went back to reading his dubious literature.

Hinata breathed out, then smiled.

"Thank you then."

* * *

_On their way to picking up the food:_

"Hinata, you're the biggest thug of all."

"T-thank you?"

...

"Wanna go in, Hinata? I guarantee you'll have a warm reception in that costume. The ladies just _love _Itachi."

"N-no thanks."

* * *

_On the ship:_

"You brought _water_?" Sasori was frowning.

"Water doesn't stay good on the ship. Why do you think we've been conditioning you?" The word conditioning brought images of dogs to Hinata's mind. She pushed them away as the words shifted into understanding.

All that _bravado_ – it had only been the _alcohol_ they'd been furtively sneaking into her system (they were _spiking _her drinks – she wasn't even surprised anymore).

It was interesting that she was braver when intoxicated.

But, somehow, she also felt disappointed.

…

Then Itachi walked in.

He stared at them for a moment, particularly at the simulacrum (_the mockery_!) of himself.

Hinata, suddenly highly conscious of whom she was dressed up as, held her breath and waited for the fireworks.

Itachi merely smirked. "Inferior."

…

And, for once, Hinata didn't woe the day before she fell asleep.

That night she dreamt of home.

* * *

_Back at home:_

A day after the attack, a large army had gone into the town where Hinata was last spotted, overturned all the rocks and interrogated all the survivors, and found neither a trace nor lead on her.

And Neji was currently willing to do most anything to get Hinata-sama back.

Unfortunately, anything meant _anything_.

Hinata wasn't the only Hyuuga the fates despised.

Hinata obviously never realized her import with both the nobles and common people but, _as it was_, everyone was all in uproar for getting her back. The nobles offered their fleets and armies, the townspeople their wares and pitchforks and young men. The sudden unity was unheard of before.

_And he was going to deal with all of them. _Neji put a hand to his temples, a sudden headache forming in anticipation of the political dancing he was going to have to perform to their tune if he wanted to keep a civil uprising from breaking out.

Uchiha Sasuke was just the first of _many_.

It didn't help Neji any that the Uchiha bastard _insisted_ – with blows and political threats – on coming with on the crusade to find Hinata (or her body, at the worst, but no one _dared_ mention it).

For one, their two crews did not get along well.

The two of them got along _worse_. Their relationship had reached its peak a long, long time ago when the two of them plus Hinata had been staunch comrades in childhood. But ever since the first thoughts of 'alpha-male' crossed their innocent minds, it had all gone downwards from there.

And while Sasuke and Neji had been too obtuse to understand how valuable those bonds were, Hinata had been fairly broken up over the loss of that friendship.

_Ah_, but that was a ship that had already sailed and sunk – horribly, at that.

For two, their fleet became a very attractive subject for attack and kidnap.

_Uchiha_.

_Hyuuga_.

The unusually large emblems on the flags announced it to all, almost competing for the attention, and neither of them had any intention of bringing it down _first_.

Unfortunately, the highwaymen who previously wouldn't have dared now found themselves highly tempted at the sheer amount of ransom they could get for one kidnapping attempt. It would probably be enough to purchase a small country. Not to mention the laurels for taking on two almost-dynasties at once.

For three, Neji had not yet forgotten the time the Uchiha torched a ship just because he was a rebellious adolescent wanting to make a point. He didn't doubt that the psychopathic pyromaniac tendencies were still there. He didn't want Sasuke within a mile of the _Hakke _(_Kaiten_ however, Neji was proud to say, was pretty much safe from anything that Uchiha could pull out of his ass).

For four, it spawned a whole new slew of rumors. NejiSasu was currently the hot word in the town.

Even the mere mention of that had him suddenly hankering for an escape.

Nasty politics.

Overbearing families.

_Fangirls._

_UCHIHA SASUKE._

Neji – _dignified, courageous, master of the fist Neji_ – couldn't wait to set sail and run away as though a demon was at his heels.

* * *

_Next up: (drum rolls) __**Team Eyes**__! _(People must be rolling _their_ eyes by now, thinking _finally _the story is reverting back its original purpose, that is, ItaHina – who else would Team Eyes be? _Pein and Hinata_?!).

**Question: **Is this story still worth pursuing, now that it's descended into this pile of degenerate crap? Tell me honestly so we won't waste any time writing or reading. (I swear I'll edit this chapter – I freaking hate it. It's crack and not even funny crack at that! _Grar_. So why did I post it in the first place? I don't know.)

**Double Asuma**: I never gave the name in the Team Zombie chapter. Please join me in glossing over this minor detail.

**Neji-Sasuke-Hinata childhood: **more details _later._

**REVIEW! **If you don't, it's okay, I'll live. It's the same in elections: if you don't vote, people will still get elected anyway into public office anyway. If they _suck _(and most likely they will), you will have already given up your right to complain. If you're of age – I'm not so I can't lead by example yet – _please_ vote, even if you don't review.

Stop youth apathy, people.


	8. Team L'Eyes

**The Most Important Thing:** a Great Big Thank You to everyone who reviewed. You saved this author.

**Notes: **Before you all destroy me in turn for destroying Itachi's character, here's a feeble defense – my personal perception of Itachi is of someone self-sacrificing, brilliant, cool_ – but also quite a bit an evil bastard_. Which is good, because being _so_ perfect would make him… just boring.

(Wait! – don't lynch me yet.)

Prepare for a characterization of Itachi that is _callous-oddball-bastard_.

(Okay – lynch me now or read even just _one_ of the idiotic lines I gave him and mercifully do me in.)

**In this chapter:** _Lies_, _spies_, _chickens_, stallions and raging epidemics. Just plain weird ItaHina interaction. More crack than usual and stupider crack at that.

I'll be switching POV sometimes – you need to see Itachi's thoughts to get the plot – because _how else_ would anyone know what he's thinking. Hinata is observant but she's not Superman – wait, wrong cultural reference – I meant Edward Cullen.

I hope the context will make it clear whose POV it is.

**Disclaimer: **Not mine. In fact, I _disown_ this chapter. It's free for the taking.

* * *

_Starting with crack:_

Contrary to popular belief, the Jolly Akatsuki did not have small children for breakfast.

Dinner, maybe.

_Nah, I'm kidding._

That day, they had fricasseed chicken… courtesy of Hinata.

Or perhaps it would be more appropriate they had fricasseed Hinata… courtesy of the chicken.

The foul fowl, which had been set up to go off when the surrounding temperature was elevated – that is, when _cooked_ – had been _friendly_ gesture from Deidara. (While Team Thug had been gallivanting around town fooling, literally, around, Team Art went hawk at a local poultry farm.)

One moment it had been simmering… then it _sizzled_… from then on it was complete detonation.

Moral of the story: Never trust Deidara with anything avian ever again.

She really should've kept that sacrificial bird in its cage.

* * *

Sunlight flittered along the room as the ship coursed over the vast ocean. Sharingan Itachi trained his eyes on those ever-wavering triangles of light as Pein finished explaining his next task.

The mission was one of those more distasteful ones and Itachi deliberately let a flicker of discontent show.

The captain picked up on it immediately of course. "I know you would rather work alone, Itachi, but consider the ingenuity of this one modification to the plan."

Itachi had considered it and, _yes_, it was undoubtedly clever. But such excellent designs were wasted if the greater plot was completely asinine.

So Itachi zeroed in on that.

"I understand, captain," He began respectfully, looking straight at Pein. "Although I find it unnecessary to have to do a last evaluation before we dispose of the stray."

"Hm," Pein, _clever man_, wisely waited for further explanation before he gave a response. (This skill he learnt indirectly from Konan who, during their hellraiser years, showed him how being hastily straightforward could lose him his dignity or, more importantly, his balls.)

"It is an excess to hand out another chance when the stray already poses a significant risk to us." Itachi elaborated.

Pein nodded seriously. "So you also suspected something?"

"Since the beginning." Itachi answered impassively.

The captain regarded him with amusement. "Only you, Itachi, would distrust such a harmless-looking kid."

Itachi (might have) scoffed. "…not so harmless with the hidden affiliations. There is quite a lot more power there than is visible."

Pein was pleased to see that at least _some _of the crew wasn't going daft in this lull they were experiencing (he wondered briefly if he should instigate the free-for-all-brawling again before Hidan became too reckless). "I will trust your judgment, Itachi. Do what you see fit."

"Of course, captain," Itachi was much satisfied now for the wider range of options available to him with that decision. _Disposal _alone gave him little room to maneuver, workable but quite tiresome.

_Now for the complicated part. _

"Shall I call Hinata now?"

* * *

Hinata gritted her teeth as she rinsed out chicken blood and entrails from her hair. _Well_, won't this be a fine story to tell future Hyuuga generations – no, Uchiha – _no_, she might not survive that long anyhow.

It gave her a small measure of comfort that at least, if this rather sadistic streak of luck she'd been experiencing finally ran out and she died in one of the Akatsuki's cockamamie schemes (_heaven forbid_), the memory of all her mortifications will wink out of existence as soon as they found another stray.

She was that…_ transient_… to them. About as important and fleeting as a good bottle of rum.

Perhaps not a very long time ago, another urchin they picked up had also been cleaning out chicken blood (or worse) at this very spot, spewing anathema and malediction while imagining Ye Jolly Akatsuki, silently counting the days until they were judged to be trustworthy or not. Hinata didn't do _that_ of course, being naturally averse to ill will, but she could far too easily imagine anyone else doing it.

Hanabi, for example, will have already strangled all the remaining chickens (with her bare hands if need be) out of spite, like it was _their_ fault she'd gotten a little too ambitious in her cooking exploits and had a momentary lapse in good judgment.

"Damn, Hinata, you _reek_," Kisame's voice said from the doorway, grimacing at the strong scent of iron and singed hair permeating the air. "You smell just like Hidan after a raid – only worse."

_How nice of you to say so, Kisame. I fed you for this?_

"I-I'm sorry," Hinata looked up apologetically, face sopping wet.

"_Che_, at least you don't bleed all over the place like that bastard. He's always losing his head. I swear, he gets stupider with every battle – must be all that blood loss, huh?"

Ever since their encounter with the _Hound_ – Kakashi! That unbelievable man who let three known criminals and a (_oh gods_) budding one go – Kisame had also been very… genial. If genial was a general term for people who weren't more hostile than necessary.

That made a majority of them being _genial_ – scary nasty cruelly _brutally_ friendly – with her. It had taken her a while to notice, because… it seemed to make no difference really. There was a blurry line between nasty malevolence and good will on this ship.

Ah, pirate love.

_Oh god – she did _not_ just think that_. It was as nonsensical as the thought of Neji and Sasuke having an affair behind her back.

Kisame seemed not to notice her little dip into insanity.

"Anyway – the captain and Itachi want to see you," The shark man was saying as he grinned. "I don't know if I should say this but… it's been nice knowing you?"

Hinata was suddenly thankful for the acrid scent of charred innards – it stimulated her senses enough to keep the sudden spell of dizzy horror at bay.

Remember the thought of the majority of the Akatsuki being friendly?

_Well_. Those two were not.

* * *

Hinata blanched. _Kami, nooooo_.

_Why did she have to go with Itachi alone?_

He was a man who made a name among pirates when he was _thirteen_, for gods' sakes! It would be impossible for her to keep up with his face, er, _pace_.

There was no way she wouldn't flub up this mission and, in the meantime, possibly earn his everlasting disdain (not that she didn't have that already, what with that idiotic impersonation that was unmistakably Kisame's brainchild).

What sort of job would merit a pair with such a disparity in skill?

(An easy answer: _any job that needed a pair analogous with a bait-and-ruthless-fisherman duo_).

It didn't help that she was going into it _blind_.

Yes, that's what the pithy instructions were: _follow Itachi_.

How far?

_Apparently, to hell and back again. _If she read their dour, indomitable expressions correctly.

The second pithy instruction: _remain inconspicuous._

* * *

Deidara was doing a very good job of acting innocently unaware of any disastrous poultry by the time Hinata spilled out of the captain's cabin. He and everyone else were very happily enjoying their down time from the clandestine pirate missions that were, _in retrospect_, almost too covert.

(Whatever happened to that predictable breed of pirates that brawl, bellow and blow their way across the seas and yon ill-fated towns that people could hear or smell them coming a mile away?)

Everyone was in good spirits, and that meant they were even more gregarious than usual. Hinata wondered if it was worse this way.

"Yo, girly, looking great!" Hidan called from where, if she didn't know any better, he was _sunbathing_ on the deck. Her Kakashi-deemed _precious comrade _– and her mind still rebelled at the thought, if a little less vehemently now – leered at her. "Entrails are really you, you know? Hell, since we already let another fucking girl on the ship, you might as well fucking act it, accessories and all."

"I-I'm glad you think so, Hidan-_san_," She quipped, since it was only polite to return congeniality. _Congeniality_ – it was a safe word, despite being only a shade away from _Friendly_, and Hinata was fighting desperately to keep it from deteriorating into the _F _word.

_Friendly _was a dangerous point of no return.

"You're leaving the ship _again_?" Deidara spoke up, eyeing the small pouch Hinata had taken to carrying when venturing to land. It contained an insignificant amount of money, bandages and, for practicality, a couple of cherry bombs. "Damn, _judgment day _must be getting close, un. Looks like captain still can't make up his mind about what to do with you."

"Yeah," Kisame agreed. "A few more jobs than usual – Captain's taking a while with this evaluation. That's unnatural."

"As unnatural as your face, fishy," Hidan drawled, eyes closed as the sun shone on his saintly mug. "Captain's probably just come to his fucking senses and trying to get you killed, that's why he keeps on sending you out."

"D-don't you feel c-cheated that you don't get to k-kill me yourself, Hidan?"

Over the last few days, Hinata had quite accidentally stumbled on the way to deal with the religious nut. It was simple: for all his mention of the word, don't take him _seriously_.

"_Che_. _You _should feel cheated I didn't kill you when I had the chance, you might've had a fucking chance at redemption, _seriously_. If Itachi or some other bastard does it, you're heading straight to perdition, _girly_."

"H-how did you know I'll be working with I-Itachi?" Hinata asked, tilting her head curiously.

"Who _else_ would be working non-stop ever since we got into this archipelago?"

Now, Kisame had a point.

"Sides, high-and-mighty-pretty-boy Itachi still hasn't pulled babysitting duty, yeah?" Deidara smirked.

(Hinata's thoughts: _Who are you calling a baby?_)

Deidara's face turned contemplative. "You should have a name, yeah? How about Team Quiet?"

_It was somewhat fitting._

"Team Standoffish."

_E-excuse me?_

"Team I-don't-speak-to-you-unless-you-speak-to-me-first."

_Well, I'll speak to you… if I weren't so afraid you'll pull my tongue out for daring to._

"Team Look-at-me!-I-can-talk-fucking-better-than-you-damn-I'm-polite!"

_Now, that just wasn't her fault. In the Hyuuga social circles, she'd be cut down the moment she said anything inappropriate._

"Un! Team I-must-refer-to-you-with-an-honorific-a-hundred-times-before-I-finally-lay-off, yeah?"

_Hinata wasn't aware she and Itachi shared such disparaging qualities._

"Team I-must-stick-to-these-rules-but-I-can-break-these-ones–"

_If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be breaking any rules at all!_

And so the voluble duo continued tossing possible names back and forth, each one more imbecilic than the last.

"Team leave-and-let-me-do-the-fucking-work-you-goddamn-incompetent!"

"Team you-bastard!-I-can't-believe-you're-my-prince-charming!"

Hinata's jaw dropped. _How the hell did it come to that?_

Gradually, the same way a volcanic eruption must _gradually_ calm down, the foolishness dissipated and a few decent names started to crop out.

"Team Eyes… sounds about right, yeah? I still can't believe how quickly she spotted the little trick on the chick."

Lucky for her too, otherwise she'd be sporting more than viscera in her hair. Embalming liquid, probably.

_But…Team Eyes. _Somehow Hinata liked it.

"Team _Lies _might be more appropriate," A deep voice curtly cut in.

The silver-haired man whipped around, his scythe swinging within inches of Itachi's jugular. Itachi didn't show even the barest of flinches. "Itachi, you bastard, how long have you been standing there like a fucking stalker?"

He sent Hidan a baleful look. "I believe it was around _Team beauty-and-the-beast-but-who-the-hell-is-the-beast_."

Seriously, with a straight face.

Hinata stared at him, dimly aware that she might have a thunderstruck expression. Itachi was wearing some finely-fitting black trousers, boots, a katana at his waist and an impossibly white tunic (_impossible _because _she_ had ruined all the white stuff in the ships' laundry – he _had_ to have stolen it). There was a dark red bandana round his head and his face – free of stubble.

Clean-shaken, he looked even more like Sasuke than before, hence the _thunderstruck_. A damnably attractive roguish simulacrum of her also-damnably attractive princey fiancée.

_Oh boy_, Hinata thought, _were they going to be followed by girls everywhere. _

_Conspicuous? As if. _How he and Kisame could even walk around without arousing interest like a circus she'd never know.

Itachi noticed her gawking and placidly raised a questioning eyebrow.

"Y-you look like s-someone I know…" _But it's ludicrous to think you would be related._

"Indeed?" He asked coolly.

_Wait – _they were _probably_ related. Hadn't Sasuke done this also before?

(_"You really must stop being so recalcitrant, Sasuke."_

"_Indeed?" He asked amusedly._)

_Déjà vu._

"Touché, Itachi," Deidara smirked. "She's comparing you to some townie, yeah? I'd be insulted if it were me."

Hinata just barely stopped herself from commenting that _he_ looked like _Ino_.

A compliment, most assuredly.

* * *

_When Team L'Eyes (a compromise) finally set off:_

Everyone on deck turned en masse to set them rowing away. That is, Hinata despairingly rowing away while Itachi turned over plans in his head, seemingly unaware that he was being most uncouth.

"They look like fucking siblings."

"If that was the case… you don't think Itachi's going to commit fratricide later, yeah?"

"Who knows what the captain ordered?"

"I admit it is rare for Itachi to go on missions with strays."

"Tobi wants to go! Tobi had one good eye too! Even if he is a good boy that _does not lie_!"

"_Tobi_ –"

"Wait for me, Itachi-chaaaan!!!"

"_Geez_, someone grab that half-wit moron before he dives after them, yeah?"

* * *

_Was it her or did Itachi look just the slightest bit troubled?_

No, to tell the truth, he didn't look it at all – but Hinata was quite a bit better than most on picking up on the things that shimmered below the surface.

"Hinata," They'd dropped the honorifics completely now – and thank god for that too – because she had almost taken to referring him with _sama_. "Assume that everything said today is a lie."

_Ah. So that's what he said about Team Lies._

"Everything?"

"Everything."

By his expression, he was possibly regarding her almost sorrowfully or he was minding the warm weather. It was hard to tell.

"A multitude of men who would have otherwise shown promise had died because they rely too much on others and on their own limited perceptions. _Do not trust anything_."

Hinata was tempted to answer that a lot of people, also latently great, died too because they didn't trust _enough_ but, in this context, he made much a lot more sense.

She let her lashes fall over her eyes. "Fine."

Hinata thought she would have really made a fine picture of graceful, unquestioning obedience right then (if only she wasn't clenching her teeth over just how difficult it was to navigate them to shore, despite the sunny weather and tranquil drift of the waves).

Anyway, Hinata was happily content to play submissive to his rules.

_Do not trust – _fine, she knew how to heave her woefully trusting nature to the back of her mind better than how to punch out miscreants or other inane things the others made her do to sabotage her continued existence.

It wasn't unexpected that Itachi wasn't like the rest of the crew, who demanded _force_ and _action_ and gave her no room to use Hyuuga-style manipulation. From the start, she'd thought him more the type to demand precision and covertness, but was also too clever to give room for manipulation that wasn't his.

Not that she still had the heart to use that – during missions _at least_ – it felt like playing against her own team (yes, Kakashi's inadvertent lesson on teamwork had, _horribly enough_, stuck).

It was then that Itachi finally decided to give the huge volume of pathos she was churning out some attention and took an oar for himself. And, finally, the boat gained actual direction.

"It's a relatively simple mission." Itachi calmly commented.

First lie of the day and it completely went flying over Hinata's head.

(It would all go downhill from there.)

"_Um_…" Hinata hesitated. "W-we're not going to go to b-battle with anyone this time, a-are we?"

"Perhaps not, but then you always seem to bring about aggression in your missions. Please refrain from doing so this time." His face turned from blank to serious. "I abhor unnecessary fighting – it is a tactic fitting only for infantile children and national governments."

_Oh thank Kami they agreed whole-heartedly on that._

Hinata couldn't resist it (_muzzle, _must find_ muzzle!_). "S-so which category do your c-crewmates fit in?"

"_Our _crewmates, Hinata," Itachi corrected, a bit of amusement in his voice. "And that remains to be seen."

* * *

Itachi offered – rather blandly at that – but _no_.

Hinata would much rather wade to shore and be miserably-saltwater-wet than allow herself to be thrown by him. Physically or otherwise.

* * *

Once ashore, and not as soggy as she imagined, Hinata made to walk towards the town, but Itachi headed straight for the hills.

Literally.

And the structures were not so much _hills_ as they were the face of vast crag.

(Or _faces_, if you squint from the right angle.)

"I-I thought the target was in town."

"There is something I will have to check at the base first."

_Base _was a misnomer. _Top, summit, zenith… _any of these would have been a more appropriate term for it.

_Base_ was an uphill climb on a precariously rocky cliff.

Itachi was already starting to climb up, his slight lithe build just perfectly built for the harrowing ascent.

Now, Hinata wasn't afraid of heights… but _seriously?! _No one had told her they were going to make like lemmings.

It wasn't long before he realized she wasn't following. "Is there any particular reason you're not following, Hinata?"

_Oh gods_ – to face her, he actually let one hand let go of the rock face.

"I-Itachi, is there n-no other way up?" She asked squeamishly, a bit chalk-pale beneath the sunburn.

"It's not that difficult, Hinata." From where she was standing, his face was merely a silhouette against the sunlight but she thought he may have been rolling his eyes.

Perhaps it was the way he looked so comfortable dangling like a lizard on a wall.

Perhaps it was the way he hit just on the right balance between expectation and exasperation and disparagement.

Perhaps it was the way her memories blurred into the present and it was suddenly Sasuke hanging on the vast oak, teasing her that if she couldn't keep up, he and Neji wouldn't let her play _ninja_ with them anymore.

Heck, perhaps it was the _alcohol_.

Somehow Hinata managed to climb.

Thank _Kami _she'd worn trousers (black, worn, loose, cut off at the knee – it hadn't been by choice but who was she to complain).

* * *

It wasn't as impressive as she'd expected – a small wooden shanty a little into the forest atop the cliff – but it was very conveniently located and more than adequately hidden. The dastardly undergrowth made sure of it.

_A perfect place for espionage and hiding out from the law._

However, the place looked like no one had been hiding out there for a while. The door was barricaded and the place was overgrowth with weeds and ivy. No broken twigs, no smells, no sign of cooking or garbage or any other thing to indicate habitation.

Something cawed in the distance, an augury that sent a wave of icicle-sharp terrors down Hinata's spine.

_Something was very wrong here._

"No one is here." Itachi stated quietly.

"W-what a s-s-shame?" Yes, Hinata could definitely feel it now: a creeping, humming, _undulating_ air of pure malicious bloodlust and malevolence that made her feel like clawing her eyes out (and making their official team name controversial).

"Yes, a real shame." Itachi unsheathed his katana. It gleamed beautifully. "I'm afraid this is the end of the line, Hinata-_san_."

"Wha- wha- wha… d-do… m-mean…" _W-what do you m-mean?_

"The target is _you_."

_The target is you._

_The target is you._

_The target is you._

(Yes, she actually heard those dramatic echoes.)

_W-what?_

He swung the katana in a graceful arc.

Hinata's heart nearly stopped.

_It was a perfect place for killing captured heiresses._

* * *

Hinata came out from the sudden black out in her brain.

_Was she dead?_

_If she was_ – then Hidan was _right_, she'd done something so terrible to be sent to a place where her murderer was still looming in front of her, frowning thoughtfully.

"You must refrain from believing everything you hear. I specifically warned you to let go of all preconceptions." Itachi reprimanded lightly as he used the drawn katana to slice right though the wooden bar blocking the entrance.

_Zilch inside._

_Our suspicions are confirmed_, Itachi thought dully.

"The stray we must be seeing has, regretfully, already moved away."

_Without due permission._

_That traitor._

_Yakushi Kabuto._

* * *

_Going back in time to the place with triangles of light:_

"Remember the stray from Bellflower Pass?" Pein asked then remembered whom he was speaking with: the guy with a virtually photographic memory. "Nevermind, I shouldn't have asked. There have been disturbing reports."

Itachi's face didn't flicker once. "I see."

"You are to do the final evaluation, Itachi." He ordered. "Kill him if the situation warrants it."

"It warrants it, captain." Itachi intoned firmly. "That spy is already lost to us and exceedingly dangerous. I recommend sending the Hitman squad instead, and immediately."

In Itachi's honest opinion, Pein had already been uncharacteristically giving Kabuto too much leeway. But, then again, Kabuto had been an _exceptionally_ useful individual. If only his loyalty hadn't done a complete one-eighty.

"Kabuto has always been one of the best we've ever took on." Pein admitted, a bit acrimoniously. "If I send the hitmen, he will know we are hunting him and, unfortunately, we will be lucky to find him before he does us serious injury."

Itachi couldn't argue with that.

"You have always been best at handling certain delicate situations, Itachi." Pein never did flattery. It was simply the truth. "You are not too belligerent to make him hostile in turn, but you will not act so affable that it is obviously a deception."

Itachi knew it wasn't flattery. It was simply the truth.

"The very fact that I am the one to go there would arouse suspicion."

Pein paused, thinking over the idea he'd had a final time before letting Itachi consider it. "…why don't you bring Hinata?"

"Captain?" It wasn't so much a question asking what the girl would be for as it was asking Pein if he was still in touch with reality.

"_I know you would rather work alone, Itachi, but consider the ingenuity of this one modification to the plan…"_

Yes, Hinata would be a perfect smokescreen.

A convenient excuse for visiting – _Kabuto, meet your assistant_.

A wrench to any assassination – _for no killer worth his salt brought along a bungling novice to bungle away_.

It was such a brilliantly elegant idea that Itachi mildly wondered why it wasn't his.

In the five minutes Pein granted him – long enough to come up with some several dozen strategies for attack – he hadn't thought of using Hinata at all.

Now, the only complication was to keep the girl looking and acting the genuine stray (_relaxed and wary and just the slightest bit resentful_) to keep Kabuto from suspecting the smokescreen. It was something only Itachi could do, being a frightfully good manipulator of less-than-perfect situations, the illusionist nature that gave him the (honestly quite bothersome) notoriety.

He felt a trifle bit of self-deprecation to find that he was already going along strategies of how to execute the fatuous plot.

_And so we go._

* * *

_Well_. Things were suddenly becoming more complex than he imagined. As it was, they had to find Kabuto first.

And with every second that passed since he'd tested her aptitude for detecting bullshit, a test she'd utterly failed, she became edgier in his presence.

He _may_ have overdone it with the killing intent.

"We will check with the local medics first."

"O-o-okay." Hinata nodded apprehensively.

"After that, with the apothecary merchants."

"F-fine." Again with the almost-robotic reply.

"We might have to spend several days searching." _Another lie._ "Will that be a problem?"

Hinata made a noise like the little squeak of a dying mouse at the back of her throat.

"N-no, it's really n-no problem at all." She stammered out.

_She was plenty intimidated. That may pose a problem._

If Hinata was to be a satisfactory smokescreen, she must appear like she had already passed the Captain's judgment. It will not do to have her look like a filly about to bolt at all.

Itachi did _not_ want to be friendly with her. However, she seemed to take well to _that_ – given how her reactions with the crew progressed from complete fright to mere wariness.

_Wary. _Wary was good. Kabuto would believe _wary_.

Alright – _friendliness_ it is. There was no point in throwing away a mission simply because he was loath to interaction with strays.

She jumped back a few inches when he turned to her.

"I do apologize, Hinata." Itachi suffused his tone with a hint of compunction. He kept his expressionless face, however, because _looking sorry _would be overkill.

_Another lie._

And Hinata completely fell for this one as well.

The tentative little smile of naively-given absolution made him feel almost guilty.

Except it didn't really.

Almost nothing did, after all.

* * *

"Ah, we must stop."

Hinata glanced at him questioningly. Itachi's face was solemn and resolute enough to have alarms sounding in her mind.

Hinata quickly skimmed over the surroundings and braced herself (to _run_, that is).

_What? What? Soldiers? Bandits?! Enemy pirates?! What?_

And then Itachi abruptly turned and walked into the local sweet shop.

Eccentric didn't begin to cover it.

…

Never in a million years would Hinata have dreamed she would be browsing over candies with a legendary pirate with a most unexpectedly abysmal sweet tooth. If she ever got back home, she _must_ tell Neji to not bother guarding homes of nobility or garrisons – they should simply stake out the confectioneries.

_Aha._ Now Hinata knew for certain where Tobi had gotten so much sugar: Itachi's quarters.

If not there, from Itachi's bloodstream then.

"S-sticky oddities…" Hinata commented.

"But delicious." Itachi's tone was implacable.

"I-I'm sure it is, Itachi-san, b-but –"

Whatever else she could have said was blocked because he suddenly shoved one of those sticky oddities into her mouth.

_!!!_

(Yes, she was that speechless.)

The last person who'd ever forcefully fed her something other than ideals had been Hanabi and it was a luscious-looking tomato her sister had stolen from Sasuke. _"Gods, nee-chan, lighten up, would you?"_

Astonishingly enough, Itachi was saying the same thing now:

"You are entirely too tense, Hinata-san." His tone was reproachful. "If it helps, you may even think of this as a date." He offered quite generously.

Far, far, _light-years-far_ from being helpful, his words nearly had Hinata have an aneurysm right there.

…

And throughout their roving through town, we see Itachi as a true spymaster.

* * *

_A lie, a lie, a lie. _Hinata chanted, wishing she had her father's seemingly built-in lie detector.

Itachi was acting very much like his usual bored and isolated self. But it was _off_ somehow. The silence had a flavor to it that wasn't the usual detached one. There was actual acknowledgement that she existed and was _there_ and he couldn't ignore her.

If she were anyone else, she'd have thought it Itachi's brand of friendliness. But she was _Hyuuga Hinata_ and she'd grown up with manipulation and subterfuge as playmates (named Sasuke and Neji, interchangeable).

The only reason her dark-haired companion would have for being friendly was this rather thus-far-senseless mission.

So she will play along.

But she would be _wary_.

(And, thus, Hinata fell right into that one.)

...

_A lie, a lie, a lie_. He could almost hear her chanting. Even though he must admit Hinata also had considerable ability to keep her face stony (a trained ability, for certain), her eyes perpetually gave her away.

If he bothered, he might be able to read every thought that passed through her mind. _If _he bothered – and that was a ridiculous notion.

Itachi was inordinately happy that she was taking his words to heart. How many people had he offered that nugget of wisdom to, only to have his words spurned or forgotten once the façade went up a notch on the believable scale?

_Do not trust anything. _

_Incidentally, trust me least of all. _(This was the logical follow-up to the first but did anyone ever think it? _Nooo_.)

True, it was quite lamentable to be mistrustful of human kindness but such was life. Most of the time, individuals needed to be disenchanted to survive.

He knew of some prime examples.

...

"Long hair is quite an inconvenience." Itachi commented impassively when they observed, for the third time, a village girl was pulled back by her friends by the hair when she started gravitating to Itachi.

"S-speaking from experience, I-Itachi?"

His reaction was only a small crease between the eyebrows. Itachi looked like he couldn't even seem to wrap his mind around the idea that _his _hair was a problem.

_Of course not. _Hinata thought._ It does not even stick up like a duck's nether region._

Why were they even talking about hair? Surely, between the two of them, something more intelligent should come up?

_Oh yeah, because frivolous topics were safe._

It occurred to Hinata that he was waiting for her to continue the conversation.

It was a first.

Having always worked with either Hidan or Deidara, there had been no need for her to talk much or even at all. They had such large mouths to cater to their will every time something was in need of disdain (too artless, too heathen, too fucking _stoo-pid_).

(Hinata could swear they beat out Neji even on his long, drawn-out monologues on fate, or her father on Hyuuga prestige, or even Sasuke on ambition. _Gods, _her life was _that_ full of intensely focused men.)

Anyway, Itachi – who was incidentally refreshingly well-rounded – was still waiting.

"S-so, it's a warm day, isn't it?"

Konan was _absolutely right_. She _did _have a fixation with the damn weather.

…

_Almost delving into dangerous non-frivolous territory: ideals._

"I-I have my _pride_, though m-most probably wouldn't recognize it as it is different from a-arrogance." Hinata tried to defend.

"No such difference," Itachi responded coolly.

"Oh – _you_ wouldn't think so." She riposted bitingly. Then Hinata's brain caught up with her mouth. She buried her face into her hands. "I-I'm s-sorry."

Itachi gave _that _a trenchant reply. It didn't sting as much as it should have.

...

_Definitely delving into dangerous non-frivolous territory: current events._

"Y-you know, y-you act like I'm stupid."

"I expected you to be intelligent enough to be aware of it."

"S-so… you j-just don't like being straight with me?"

"As I don't with everyone else."

"Y-you're being truthful n-now, I think."

A pause.

"Would you care for another warning, Hinata? I rather thought I'd driven that point home."

_Stop believing what I say. Stop trusting me._

…

_Way sunk deep into really dangerous territory: opinions._

"I do think you must be a decent person." Itachi admitted unemotionally.

_That's it_? Hinata felt her jaw hang for a moment before schooling her face into a small smile and vaguely wondering if her brain was finally degenerating from lack of proper nutrition, because she actually felt _glad_.

_Decent. _Hinata had no idea if that was a compliment or an insult, pirate-wise, but she'll take it as the former.

"P-pardon my f-frankness, but I cannot s-say the same for you."

"Is that so?" Itachi asked, coolly amused. The girl was actually more entertaining than he had estimated (that's right, _estimated_). No wonder Hidan had stopped bitching about sacrificing her to Jashin.

…

As they continued exchanging repartee, Hinata noticed something.

Itachi's eyes were _black, black, black_ like Sasuke's.

Somehow she got the feeling that looking into his eyes would be very, very dangerous.

_There was a whole 'nother world down those orbs_. A place where space and time didn't exist and where she might inadvertently drown in if she wasn't careful.

(Right now, she was probably already up to her ankles in the black, black, black mush.)

...

"I've found out where he is." Itachi announced after ducking out of one of the lesser-known apothecaries. "The destination is far inland, however. Perhaps we might avail of some transportation?"

Hinata nodded, jumping up from where she was making light conversation with an old crone who had taken up Hinata's palm and divined that her future will be filled with great misfortune.

And people on the street called the woman a charlatan.

(Yes, ever since that excursion into the streets and mindset of the plebeian, Hinata had developed a rather active fascination in how the other half lived. Someone _please _save her from herself.)

...

"W-what do you mean we only have enough money for o-one horse?"

Itachi looked at her quizzically for a second.

"I mean we only have enough money for one horse." He explained slowly, as though she were a child. "As you know, I was unaware that our target has relocated."

"C-can't you steal one?" Hinata asked frowningly.

"Hinata, I think…" Itachi's voice was solemn. "That almost drowning did more damage to your brain than we first imagined."

_She was acting like a pirate. _That's what Itachi meant to say.

Darn if she didn't know it.

"Can you not _charm_ one into our possession?" Itachi asked tersely.

Hinata thought she should feel outraged at the _stab_ – everyone knew very well how adept she was in that respect (that is, not adept at all).

"A-are _you_ willing to?" Hinata responded, _this_ close to tartly.

He sent her a look that made her wish she kept her mouth shut. "Hinata, I must beg you not to act ridiculous."

_It was the alcohol, I swear._

"U-unless you completely missed K-Konan throttling me l-last time, you should know I c-can't." She argued pleadingly.

"It is too inefficient to have to steal one as well, as I have found out in my youth."

(One of Hinata's brain specters, perhaps _both_ of them: Wow, Itachi, don't go talking like an old man now.)

"It would be far better to rent a finely-trained stallion that will not be apt to attacking us along the way."

"F-fine then."

And that was how they ended up sharing a horse.

* * *

Hinata wasn't inexperienced when it came to horse-riding.

She'd ridden loads of times.

It just so happened she was rather _terrible _at it.

Like suns, the Hyuuga horses (horribly valuable pristine white thoroughbreds) acted like they had a personal vendetta against her even though they responded magnificently to Neji or Hanabi.

And whenever she went riding with Sasuke, which wasn't all that often, he kept them at a lightning-edge galloping pace just because he could.

(_How cruel_. He must think all that screaming was her having fun.)

So it wasn't at all surprising that she did not like riding very much.

…

Itachi kept them moving at a swift trot along the mountainside, handling the reins like a goddamned expert (reaffirming the suspicions that horses truly hated only her).

It was, for lack of a better word, _awkward_.

Although only Hinata could feel it. Itachi seemed quite incapable of feeling embarrassment.

_Awkward _was the way tendrils of his dark hair blown by the breeze tickled her cheek.

_Awkward _was the way she couldn't avoid smelling his distinctly male, distinctly dangerous scent.

_Awkward _was the warmth of his back that… _felt really, really nice_.

Hinata wondered why she just didn't pitch herself down the valley to save herself from mortification.

"You will fall off if you do not hold on tighter, Hinata." Itachi said evenly from the front. "I assure you my body will not break from your thug-like grip."

_What the f – okay, someone had been spreading rumors. _Hinata very briefly felt the sensation of wanting to strangle someone.

"S-sorry," She held him tighter, blushing furiously.

"Have you never ridden a horse before?" Itachi asked brusquely, one hand let go of the reins to grab her arms and wrapped them tightly around his torso.

_Great_ – now she was basically hugging him. _Itachi, couldn't you have just let me fall off?_

Hinata wondered how her face wasn't peeling off from the exorbitant amount of heat in it.

"I-I have." She tried to say it all indignant and pretend she wasn't at all affected by the arrangement they were in (she fooled no one).

_Not with someone who looks like you! _She wanted to add.

_Oh wait – no, Sasuke looks like you_.

_Even more wonderful_ – now even her memory was totally abandoning her. It was skipping off to where her good sense had gone.

...

She should not have allowed herself to sleep.

Never mind that it was his suggestion.

"_The destination is still a considerable distance away. You might want to sleep – I understand you do lookout duty every night now."_

It would be _so easy_ to snap her neck. Wouldn't take more than five seconds, even less.

It would serve her right for being too _trusting_.

Yes, he really should snap off that pretty little head now pillowing on his shoulder, if only to remind her just how dangerous the fire she was warming herself with was.

By fire, he was referring of course to Ye Jolly Akatsuki.

At the moment, _his_ crewmates were at their best – benign and in jolly good spirits, a warm friendly fire. But it was one that could easily flare up into a raging inferno the likes of which she'd never seen nor ever will see again. For sure.

This was _exactly _why he never allowed himself to be friendly with strays. Given amiability, they allowed themselves to relax and that made them _careless_ and _sloppy_ and invariably got them _killed_.

Either by the enemy or, more often, by a suddenly homicidal crew member who showed them precisely, mercilessly where the line-that-was-not-supposed-to-be-crossed was.

Itachi had seen it happen time and time again: Hidan and Kakuzu ganging up and disemboweling a stray for wasting money to practice amateur voodoo, Sasori quartering one for teasingly suggesting he go back to school like a good little lad (those exact words – no wonder the redhead had been merciless), Kisame drowning them, Pein completely crushing a whole herd of them…

It wasn't a mystery why the only strays that survived were the ones who never let their guards down – such as Kabuto – or the ones the crew didn't particularly like chumming with.

Unfortunately for Hinata, the crew quite liked her. That was her _hamartia_.

And, by the looks of things, she was falling straight into that snare of easygoing vibes.

_Do not trust anything._

_And you just might survive._

...

_Ohh… warm, warm, delicious warm._

Hinata snuggled closer to it until her forehead banged unto something hard.

Her eyes snapped open.

The thing poking painfully into her face, she realized, was the hilt of his katana.

_Oh dear god. _She'd been nuzzling a pirate, and _him _too.

(And now she was reduced to using pronouns. It was pitiable, but not unreasonable.)

"We are quite close to the destination." Itachi said coolly, gaze straight ahead.

Yes, Hinata could see it if she squinted – an outcropping of buildings in the distance – and she sighed in heady relief.

_Do. Not. Think. Of. The. Ride. Back._

…

"You are being entirely too careless." Itachi said coldly as he stopped the stallion in small clearing a short walk from the town gates.

_What had she done now?_ Hinata wondered.

"H-how?" Hinata asked perplexedly as she got off the horse. She made the mistake of looking into those almost-blazing dark eyes, forgot herself, and stumbled to the ground hard.

Itachi almost sighed – _how vulnerable had she been just now_? She'd created another perfect opening for an attack. Now that was just asking for it.

_Hm. _How unlike him to be so annoyed(_disgustingly maddened_)at her lack of awareness.

_Ah_, but until Kabuto was dealt with, he had to keep up the friendly charade. He outwardly smirked.

"I rest my case: _careless._" His tone was dispassionate.

"S-so I was a l-little _clumsy_ – not c-_careless_." Hinata defended, brushing herself off. "But I-I'm sorry for being an inconvenience."

"Oh, don't be," Itachi deadpanned. I imagine you can't help it."

If Hinata didn't know any better – and that was that Itachi didn't stoop to such lows when he could go even lower where it _really _hurt – she would have thought he positively reveled in her mortification.

…

"Should I l-look out now, Itachi?" Hinata stopped at the gates.

He sent her a look that was an entire conversation by itself.

It was a rare talent. Only _she _would be so unlucky to have gotten it from two different people. Because Sasuke also had that skill.

With a nervous laugh that sounding like kittens crying, she followed Itachi in.

* * *

It was almost a ghost town.

Houses were shut. Very few stores weren't closed. There were hardly any people in the streets.

Have they perhaps gotten wind of an _Akatsuki_ invasion? _No – impossible._

Itachi immediately walked into the only open shop on the street and came back looking… the same.

"It turns out there's a rampant epidemic in this town."

For someone who could now potentially be carrying a plague, he sure was calm.

"It would be best to avoid everyone to minimize the possibility of infection." It wasn't an observation, it was an order.

_No shit Sherlock._

"O-okay," Hinata nodded. "W-where is the fellow you have to m-meet?"

Wryly: "the hospital."

Hinata laughed weakly. _Minimize infection risk, huh?_

* * *

Itachi drew the strategy in stick figures. Perfect circles and straight elegant lines… but _still_, stick figures.

Hinata committed the plan to memory.

It was laughably simple: _meet, talk, run_.

She didn't even have to do a thing. Now if only she could believe it.

"If you have any objections, keep them to yourself if you may."

Hinata regarded him carefully, reluctantly amazed at the precision and swiftness with which he worked. While explaining the details, which he must have worked on while she was uselessly asleep because it included several adjustments for the new venue of operation, he hadn't faltered for a second.

One would think he was a machine (_a nice warm machine, _her mind interrupted traitorously).

Neji, Neji, Neji… what can I ever report to you now about Itachi of the Sharingan that will not break your teeny, tiny, icy, but still perfectly functional heart?

* * *

The hospital was such a cramped, tepid, lonely place – a simply _ghastly_ place to expire in, in Hinata's opinion. If she ever survived long enough to lay her hands on the Hyuuga's grandiloquent wealth again, she will have this entire place rebuilt.

Anonymously.

(_Pocket change_. The people in charge of their accounts will probably think Hanabi bought another outrageously expensive thoroughbred again. It was nice to know that neither of them wasted entire fortunes on anything as frivolous as dresses.)

It was the least she could do after making the place a locus for subterfuge.

…

The venue of operation was literally a venue of operation.

Hinata tried to reason with Itachi as they approached the entrance to surgery at the end of the gloomy corridor.

"T-that's dangerous! T-there's _sick_ people in there."

_Not to mention they were being opened up and having their guts strung up and blood spilling into buckets. _

Hinata felt rather queasy from thinking about it.

"I am aware." Itachi said very calmly as he continued to towards the door. "And I am touched by your concern."

Hinata's eye twitched. There was absolutely no inflection in his voice or manner, but she could feel the sarcasm all the same. Why was she even trying to warn him?

_Ah_, it was actually because she actually _knew _some aspects of disease cause and progression. Immunity and resistance and pathogenicity and all that – because Hyuugas teach their children _everything_.

(_Except seduction, yeah_.)

Itachi-san probably thought he was immune to disease. She knew better.

It'll probably be the death of him one day.

…

While Itachi was off getting himself infected – and eventually spread it to her, given close proximity because of equine circumstances – Hinata decided she might as well be of use and do some covert information gathering on her own.

From far away, of course.

Itachi had not ordered it, but he might appreciate the effort she put into sideline spying.

(Also, since the excursion with Team Thug, her ideas on legality had gone skewered somewhere.)

She wandered the hospitals halls trying to be as unobtrusive as possible.

* * *

Itachi mentally set himself up for a conversation which, in appropriate form, would have snakes flying, blood boiling and treachery swimming around like a happy, satiated shark. In reality, however, it would be all polite innocuous talk and shallow pleasantries and perhaps a little spilled over venom.

As expected, Kabuto was as Itachi had last seen him: _obliging, respectful _and_ endlessly smiling_.

He gave away nothing.

Neither did Itachi, of course.

…

"It's been a while, Itachi-sama." Kabuto bowed politely, eyes alight with curiosity. "Though I wonder why you – of all people – would be here."

_Dilly-dallying was out of question._

"Kabuto, _we_ need a reason as to why you left your post." Just the perfect tint of suspicious.

"Isn't it obvious? There are so much more sick people here." Kabuto referred to the sheer amount of patients under what-_should_-have-been-anesthesia. "I can hardly keep up a façade as a respectable medic – which you assigned me, by the way – if I didn't offer to help."

"And you did not think to inform us." His tone could have stopped a blizzard in its tracks. Kabuto winced.

"I did not know it was obligated." The bespectacled man said wearily, turning away. "Besides, it appears you have your ways of keeping up."

Kabuto was dodging well so Itachi smoothly switched tactics. He looked over to a heavily-bandaged man strapped, interestingly enough, by iron chains to the bed.

"You wouldn't happen to know what caused the epidemic? It appears quite exceptional."

Kabuto smirked. "Who knows what makes people break out in horrid marks and go into animalistic rages? I've known the latter one to be caused by, among other things, jealousy and heartbreak. It's an incredibly complex disease, Itachi-sama, and truly fascinating. Why else would I be staying here?"

_Why else indeed?_

"Sasori-sama would enjoy it, I think." Kabuto continued.

"Sasori, unfortunately, is reduced to a state where he can't come here himself."

_Probably getting hogtied by the thugs by now._

_Or blowing up at Deidara._

"That explains a lot." Kabuto nodded. "I wondered why _he_ did not visit."

Itachi didn't reply.

"I know the disease spreads by biting." Kabuto stated after a short silence.

"Biting?" Itachi arched an eyebrow. "What vector?"

"No vectors, just… people biting people. On the neck – extremely high mortality rate too at the initial phase of the disease."

"A new form of vampirism?" Itachi asked dryly.

Kabuto didn't slip one bit. "More of lycanthropy, I think."

…

_After three more minutes of psychological mumbo-jumbo:_

"There is another stray to assist you."

That threw Kabuto, as expected.

"Did he or she choose so for themselves?" The medic turned sharply to him, a careless mistake that allowed Itachi a glimpse of what was underneath the smiling mask. Not very harmless (and not very pretty either).

"_Strays were meant to follow orders and not think for themselves_." Itachi recited, face expressionless.

For the slightest moment, Kabuto's face darkened.

"Then they should at least watch their steps."

Kabto mumbled the words but Itachi caught them.

* * *

"T-they want us in q-quarantine?" Hinata asked as they walked hurriedly out the hospital. Well, Itachi _walked_. Hinata was more _dragged_.

For the most evanescent of moments, Itachi was tempted to tell the truth.

_No, Hinata, they want us in graves._

_Those are professional killers after us, not panicked nurses, if you cannot tell the difference._

_Kabuto had been lying in wait all along to pick off any visiting Akatsuki_.

No, he did not need to enlighten her on that.

* * *

Basically, Itachi executed the single most magnificent getaway-from-quarantine plot Hinata had ever seen.

It trumped by far that long-ago plan of Neji's where they'd jumped from the quarantine room window to a nearby tree and eventually caused a chickenpox (_chicken_! her mind squawked) outbreak in the Hyuuga compound and rapidly spread it to the Uchihas. It had taken a long-winded apology and _three_ temper tantrums to make the latter family believe it wasn't a declaration of war.

Anyway.

The plan should have gotten them out of the place without a hitch.

It was perfect, flawless, brilliant… and _absolutely in the wrong_.

Their information was completely inaccurate. And _no wonder_ - the blueprint they'd obtained must have been two _centuries_ old.

The _current_ town geography didn't cooperate at all.

(Itachi adjusted magnificently however.)

Where there should have been a small unplowed field, there had been a duck farm. And ducks, Hinata found out, were far more merciless than chickens, even rigged ones. There was nothing quite like being followed by a furiously quacking horde.

Where there should have been a bridge, there was a fortress wall that even Itachi, _lizard as he was_, didn't dare attempt to scale.

And here, there should have been a small shop with a backdoor escape, their last stop before they left the drearily sick town, they oddly found themselves _locked _in a small, cramped bodega with a chained-up backdoor stockpiled with crates of something that smelled sweet, juicy, fruity… _and utterly rotten_.

…

Outside, with the breezes, it had been bearable.

Here, it was all muggy, humid heat.

Hinata was sweltering.

_Long hair = inconvenience._

"I-Itachi, are we truly that d-desperate to avoid q-quarantine?"

"Yes, we are, Hinata." Itachi said unemotionally, from where he was sitting on a crate. He seemed to be as uncomfortably warm as she was, though he concealed it better.

_Well. Weren't they one hot pair?_

Just when Hinata thought the situation couldn't get any worse, Itachi made to remove his tunic.

The heat in the room suddenly became ten times worse.

_Melting_. That's what she was.

_Why_?! Why did the universe expend so much effort into trapping perhaps the only _unwilling_ girl in the entirety of it with one of the most hazardous men on earth, pheromone-wise?

(_Unwilling_ being debatable, as she was actually human.)

It was a divine joke in the same vein as the universe granting her the enviable position of Hyuuga heiress when she required very little to make her happy.

…

_After a while:_

"While I freely admit to enjoying silence, it would be nice to hear some intelligent input."

They must have really hit rock-bottom if he was asking her what to do.

She wracked her fatally-impaired mind (it was still going "_THAT is the back I slept on…"_ over and over).

"I-it might not work b-but…"

Itachi glanced at her sharply. "Don't second-guess yourself."

_Easy for him to say. _He probably never had a doubt his entire life.

"W-we could use the e-explosives Deidara gave me."

He gazed at her stoically for a second, perhaps finally noticing her diminishing sanity. "You are right. It will not work."

_That's why I warned you!_

…

There was a small window along the ceiling to allow light to filter in. it was perhaps large enough for a cat – or a chicken – to slip through.

Aside from the size, it was also far too high.

The crates surrounding them would have been useful if they weren't heavy as sin.

Itachi climbed atop the crate just below that window and motioned for Hinata to follow.

"Lift me up."

"A-are you c-crazy?"

"Merely a suggestion."

…

At about the same time she dared tap him on the shoulder, he turned around with his hand out in a gesture to offer another suggestion.

(Or to slap her hand away, it depends.)

Their fingers met.

What happened next was an electrifying jolt that shot all the way up her arm.

So sudden and…

_Horribly prickly_.

Itachi immediately put a hand to the wall.

…

Never in her life would Hinata have expected she would be playing _Janken_ with a notorious pirate to decide who would have to touch the door first to see if it could be tinkered with.

(They both still bit irritable from the bout with _static_ _electricity_.)

If she wasn't doing precisely that right now, she'd have thought the probability of it ever happening was negative one.

Darn, she kept _losing_ too. How did he keep predicting her next move so easily?

…

"W-would you care for some squashed d-dango, Itachi? I-I packed some, just in case…" _You go homicidal_. "…we get h-hungry."

She gingerly held out the stick in offering.

Itachi carefully took the stick and went to the door. He made to quickly remove the sticky balls before reconsidering and instead started nibbling on them while meticulously examining the chains.

Itachi used the stick to pick at the locks.

"A-are you doing what I think I see y-you're doing?"

"I find having a wide roster of abilities useful."

"B-but picking locks with a _d-dango stick_?!"

Oooh, Hinata did _not_ like the way her voice turned shrill.

_Why did pirates even have to learn lock-picking? Shouldn't they be blasting, slashing, cussing their way out of situations like this?!_

"Shouldn't you at least use the _sword_?"

_World, I beg you, please turn normal now._

"This," He pointed the suddenly dangerous-looking twig right between her eyes. "broke that first lock, did it not?"

_First lock – because there were a lot more. _

_This town was waaay paranoid._

"S-still…" Hinata was almost whimpering. _Almost_.

"Would you rather I shoot out black fire from my eyes potent enough to incinerate the wall?" Itachi asked, deadpan.

"…!" Hinata slowly backed away.

…

In the end it was like this: _too many locks, too few sticks_.

They managed to get the back door to open a great expanse of all three inches.

Just enough to pop the cherry bombs through.

_Duck_ behind the crates and wait for the world to go boom.

* * *

_Reaching the stallion, smelling of fruit:_

"I might have been exposed at one point." Itachi said, all too serenely. "I don't entirely trust the premise that the disease spreads through biting."

"W-we do not mention i-it?"

"We do not mention it."

There were times when the truth was never, ever meant to see the light of day. Hinata imagined that Konan will treat them like pariahs if she ever heard of it and would, in what was her version of quarantine, have them tossed overboard to be towed by a long thick rope around the waist when the ship went to sail.

But _was_ it worth risking infecting the already homicidal crew with a novel pathogen that made normal people intensely murderous?

Hinata began to have her doubts.

"B-but if we ever get s-sick…"

"Then I will write you a splendid eulogy."

_Yes. Of course _he _would survive it._

"M-maybe we should see the s-snake-man before we leave?" She tried to make light of the situation.

Itachi slowly turned to her. "Snakeman."

"Oh, I-I heard it in the hospital, t-two women saw him a man who they said resembled a s-snake who went around c-curing one of the afflicted."

…

It was unbelievable.

Perhaps the only sighting of _Orochimaru _ever in that town with some surviving witnesses…

And Hinata hears about it.

Hidan had been _dead wrong_ about the luck.

This was what _dozens_ of their spies never found out – _who_ was Kabuto affiliated with.

_Well_, that certainly ratcheted things to a new level of complicated danger.

_There was no way the medic would live now. _

"Excellent." Itachi breathed out. "Really, truly excellent."

…

Hinata thought she had finally gone round the bend because she was hearing the most extremely peculiar things.

_Where did that sudden mellifluousness come from?_

Itachi read her flummoxed expression correctly.

"I am testing out a new method of positive reinforcement." He deadpanned.

"I-I was just k-kidding – the w-woman said she only saw him once. H-he's probably gone by now."

_He is most likely long gone._

"You are being entirely too humble."

_Yup, definitely hearing things, _Hinata thought._ Humility – she had that in spades. Not to brag or anything._

"Whether the snake is still there or not, I will have to go back." His tone was detachedly firm. "I must ask you make yourself useful again and go to this location." He handed her a map. "We have reason to believe there is buried treasure there, dig it. It should not be more than six feet deep."

"S-SIX FEET?!" Hinata's eyes bulged. "And no shovels?!" He waved her away facetiously.

"I suggest you commence on it immediately then."

Hinata just stared at him, open-mouthed.

…

Itachi could see the a small park of suspicion forming. _Interesting, she suspected something._

_Correct_, of course: he _was _trying to get her off his back – not literally, though that would be preferable too _later_. Because, as it was said, novices do bungle up assassinations and he had at least three – _Kabuto and the two rather inept pursuers_ – to carry out.

Itachi hesitated then firmed his resolve.

All this dawdling around, while admittedly _remarkably interesting_, was losing them valuable advantage. There were still loose ends and loose mouths that need to be wrapped up. And _quickly_, before it spread like a cancer or something equally necrotic.

_It was time to pull out the big guns._

…

Hinata recognized benevolence when she saw it.

And that shining beacon of a smile turned full blast at her, bright and warm and arrestingly breathtaking, was not it.

This was manipulation, pure and simple and far too blatant.

If she didn't recognize a faux this transparent, then she _deserved _as bad as she got.

But _this_, even when she was completely aware she was being played, it was _working_.

It should be creeping her out, really, instead of drawing her in like a fly to the best of honeys – no, like a moth to flame – more precisely, like a staggeringly stupidly-flapping-around moth to a devastating firestorm.

Those bedamned eyes. She was up to her neck in the black goo and sinking fast. _This _was how Sasuke had nearly everyone falling to him like a ton of bricks.

Itachi wasn't even smoldering them the way Sasuke did when he _really_ wanted something (things like forgiveness when her fiancée was too stubborn to just apologize – he _smoldered_ his way into good graces).

Itachi's eyes, however, were just endless, endless black.

_Wait_, in that sea of darkness, there was glimmer of mirth there – he was likely laughing at how easy she was to lull into obeisance.

_Putty, _that's what she was. _Squashy, spineless putty. _Whatever happened to self-respect, Hyuuga Hinata?

It just wasn't fair the way he was manipulating her so easily and –

_A flash of memory: "I expected you to be intelligent enough to be aware of it."_

Wait. Had he been manipulating her all along?

_That almost-friendship…_

Somewhere along the way, she'd forgotten it was fake.

The thought was thankfully sobering enough to yank her back from where her consciousness was submerged in goo.

_Team Lies indeed._

…

Itachi could see the dawning awareness. Excellent – his woefully transparent attempt at deception had her questioning all the less obvious ones.

Itachi was not surprised at all that she'd been fooled by those. It was so atrociously easy for him to exploit the preconceptions of individuals to have them believing what he wanted them to.

But, _at least_, she didn't look like she trusted him now. Hopefully, she will take the same attitude with the rest of the Akatsuki.

Ah, the pains he had to go through to make her remember who the villains in this world were.

A small part of his mind, however, wondered why he even bothered. He had allowed so many of their strays to fall down the gully without batting an eye at their ignorance. But then, none of them were quite so illusory and – dare he think it – _intriguing_ as this girl who'd claimed _to his face_ that she was _Uchiha_.

And Itachi knew the _Uchiha._

_Did he ever._

…

Since Itachi clearly made it obvious that there was something about this abrupt change of plans that she was not privy to, Hinata decided that it was not her place to insert herself (_and probably much better off for her_) into whatever _secret_ mission he had concocted.

Still, he could have just told her to not interfere – she'd gladly follow that – instead of making her dig up possibly non-existent treasures.

Wryly, she gave him a salute (one executed so wrongly it had mental-Neji spasming in outrage). "Aye, aye s-sir. I will s-stay here."

"Of course you will – _I_ am taking the horse." Itachi said with an amused smile. _This _smile – not as overpowering, not as bright – heck, it was about as bright as a nimbus cloud – it was probably the most genuine thing he'd given her all day.

He was still looking amused when he began to step backwards towards the stallion, that he didn't see the large block of gravel on the path.

Hinata remembers falling from the horse because of him. The crunch sound was, therefore, gratifyingly familiar.

_Ah. Divine retribution._

* * *

_Well._

It turned out that Kabuto knew far more about the epidemic than he admitted to.

In fact, once Itachi finished torching the lab, the contagion should start abating.

It was a pity. Now Kakuzu was again their _only_ medic. _Although_… that could be good.

All the more reason to avoid needless fighting.

* * *

By the time Itachi came back and dismounted off the stallion, Hinata was standing in a three-foot-deep hole in the group, up to her elbows in dirt.

(Because, trick or not, direct orders were _direct orders_.)

"No treasure?" A full and languorous smirk. The one most people had to practice in front of a mirror several times to get right. "I had been sure it was right there."

Hinata's eyebrow felt a sudden urge to twitch.

You know those little nuances in a person's actions and expressions that gives you an idea whether they like or dislike or utterly despise you? Itachi didn't give off any now, despite the smirk.

"I suggest you find a place to wash up, Hinata." He looked pointedly (a feat – since his face was once again blank as a slate) at her earth-smudged hands. "I cannot have you ruining perhaps the only white shirt I have left."

* * *

_On the ride back, ignoring the awkwardness that weighed on Hinata like a dinosaur_:

"T-that was a s-simple mission." Hinata baited.

Itachi sent her a brief aloof look, much like the one he'd given her that pitiful first day, completely not falling for it.

_At least she knew better than to ask outright._

"Most tasks are, if only foolish actions or unavoidable obstacles would stop getting in the way." He responded vaguely. _Most, but not all. _Hinata will not realize how astoundingly complicated this one had been.

…

Well, wasn't this _surreal_? They were literally riding out into the sunset.

"L-look, r-riding out into the s-sunset." She commented wryly as she pointed to the big beautiful red blob in the distance. If it were anyone else's shoulder her chin was resting on, it may have actually been romantic.

"Yes, very dramatic." Itachi replied unemotionally, the orange red light illuminating his profile beautifully.

_Machine. He really was a machine._

Hinata couldn't help it. She laughed at the utter blandness of his tone.

The moment was so amazingly surreally happy and strange and just so far removed from reality that Hinata felt like a despicably cunning thief for snatching it.

...

It was already dark when they reached the dockside town.

"We'll have to pick up more supplies." Itachi said calmly.

(_More candy you mean. _Mental-Sasuke sneered in disgust at the idea of sweets.)

…

"Give me that." He easily pried the heavy bag of supplies from her.

"W-what?"

"You will just slow us down if you do not let me carry it."

_What?! Is he actually being –_

"In the meantime, you may carry the chicken."

– _nice? _

_Nevermind. _Hinata just knew there was some sort of stipulation attached to such a gentlemanly act. Because Hinata knew very well she was no one's princess here.

_But WHY the CHICKEN?!_

"D-do you always have to make everyone feel mediocre?"

"Last I checked, it was only you, Hinata." Itachi said in that matter-of-fact tone she'd come to associate with all the arrogant bastards in her life.

* * *

"Threat?"

"Neutralized, captain."

"I do hope you mean it one way and not the other, Itachi. I want _him_ – not his future generations – dead."

"No, sir." Itachi flatly replied.

_Really_, Pein picked the most inconvenient of times to find his sense of humor.

"But about his affiliations…"

* * *

"And what did you do, girly? Besides dancing out of his way?" Hidan asked dully during the bloodthirsty pandemonium the crew deemed _dinnertime_ (_chicken!_).

"H-he requested me to find some t-treasure buried into the ground." Hinata weakly answered. _That's all she'd been good for._

Hidan looked confused for a second and then he grinned ferally.

"Ah, clever bastard, making you do the dirty work."

"W-what?" Hinata did want to know what she spent a while breaking her back for.

"Girly, you just dug up a motherfucking grave."

_Okay – she didn't want to know._

_He's not serious?! _Hinata stared hard at Hidan. He was screwing with her. He _had _to be.

"Y-you _killed _him? K-kabuto?" She turned to Itachi.

"Was there really a need to jump to such a conclusion?" Itachi looked completely unrepentant and Hinata knew then that the thought of denying or making alibis for the whole situation never crossed his mind.

_What exactly had that mission been?_

She narrowed her eyes suspiciously at the dark-haired pirate.

He suddenly felt a million miles away again.

(_Ah_, if only that were the case in reality.)

* * *

Itachi was, in fact, dwelling on the reality that Hinata was still as forthcoming and friendly with the crew as before, not acting the slightest bit disillusioned.

_How disappointing._

He really should have just tried to snap her neck.

* * *

Later that night, when her mind finally brought down the shock absorber that kept the morbid thoughts at bay, it would hit her that she'd bantered around with – and played accomplice to – a murderer. She'd scream out loud enough to have everyone running above deck fast enough to witness her hanging haphazardly from the crow's nest she'd unwittingly jumped away from.

"It wasn't me!" Hidan snarled when everyone turned to him. "The shithead just started screaming like a freaking banshee." He glared at Pein. "I warned you, asshole, all this shit nights without sleep is going to turn us into fucking crackpots! Next thing you know, Kakuzu's gonna be running around fucking starkers and I swear I'll gouge my eyes out if I ever fucking see that!"

(Kakuzu contemplated on that: a little embarrassment for Hidan's eyesight – it was a bargain.)

* * *

_Judgment Day:_

The Jolly Akatsuki all looked mournfully at her as she was frogmarched to the Captain's cabin.

That was stretching it – they only looked perhaps a bit regretful. And that was probably because she hadn't run of novelty yet – what with her crazy record for attracting non-Akatsuki loonies, getting into dire situations, _surviving _dire situations and churning out increasingly exotic dishes.

(All, including the exotic dishes, she achieved unintentionally.)

"There comes a time when even the best of comrades must part, yeah?" Deidara winked at her.

_And how is that related to us? _Hinata wanted to ask.

…

"Two good missions. We ought to leave her now. Intelligence and prudence, not a whole lot of courage – she can replace Kabuto here."

"Even if I know she won't rat us out, I don't trust her to stay."

"So we'll keep here tethered then?"

"Yeah, she's coming with us."

…

_They didn't leave her behind_. Hinata was shocked that she wasn't as devastated as she should've been.

Ever since she became interested in how the other half lived, Ye Jolly Akatsuki were such fine, colorful, fascinating examples that it wasn't all a waste for staying with them.

_But – why?_

* * *

Later that night, as they switched tasks, she very carefully approached Kisame who was the person she could count on the most to give her a straight answer

Hidan would simply call her a retard for not understanding, Deidara would lie, Sasori would drown her in logic, Itachi would have her in a conundrum, Kakuzu would want a bribe for every truthful word, Tobi would say it was because she was a good girl and top brass would refuse to answer. _Wasn't it great that there was actually someone straightforward?_

"Y-you didn't leave me behind this time, t-though I was already g-good enough… _why_?" She worded carefully.

"Don't say you're not happy about it, I know you are," Kisame grinned.

Hinata thought there was no point in denying it. She _knew_ she _wasn't_ happy about it – right? _Right_?!

Kisame chuckled, catching the attention of the others who lingered on the deck. "We figure you're a lot more useful being carried around. You know, since Konan is getting a bit too well-known, sometimes at the last minute we need a lass to pry some secrets."

"Sometimes we use Deidara, if we're desperate," Sasori put in tonelessly, looking up from whatever new thing he was working on.

"Yes," Kakuzu smirked from above them, where he'd been keeping scout on the surrounding seas. "Most drunks can't tell the difference between a girl and an S-class missing nin anyway."

"A w-what?"

The three of them exchanged glances at Hinata's perplexed question.

"It's an inside joke," Kisame grinned. "We'll tell you the story sometime…"

It was rather odd, being so _genial_ with them. Because of her social status…

_She'd never been privy to inside jokes before._

It was such a sad thought that she suddenly felt a newfound appreciation for the men with her – kinship, friendship, or a distorted travesty of those two things.

_Point of no return. _Damn, she crossed it.

Who'd have thought she'd thrive in the most _adverse_ conditions – the demon's lair, the lion's mouth, the No Man's land that was the Jolly Akatsuki's _wickedly_ _evil _clutches?

Instead of the delicate little blossom everyone thought she was…

She was, apparently, actually the cactus.

* * *

**Notes:**

_So… _Did I or _Did I_ write the most stupidly laughable Team Eyes interaction _ever_ that I should just curl up in a dark corner and die?

I'll answer for myself: _Yes_. – hangs self in shame –

I can't believe I mutilated Itachi. Ah, I've reached the heights of _OOC-ness_. Don't worry – I will most likely _never_ do Itachi POV again.

Forgive me all you people who worked so hard to do keep ItaHina respectable – I feel like I just trampled on a lot of toes.

And that's the end of the **island arc**! Setting out to sea now!

**REV – **wait (pulls Haku up front, begs him to go _iceman_!) – _now_ let the flames rip, people, **REVIEW!**

_Next Chapter_: Sailing, training, and staggering realizations. And ItaHina development without all the idiocy piling on it.


	9. In the Waters

**Notes: **I'm alive! No, that's a lie, I'm dead. Undergraduate thesis defense – my very own beloved virus-producing transgenic plants! – just killed me. Because I'm an idiot who had to graduate as soon as I could manage. Nailed my own coffin, dug my own grave. This is a post-mortem repartee.

To everyone who'd been so nice – okay, okay, not another self-deprecating peep. _Thank you for pointing out that I was being a brat_.

**In this chapter: **Training, brawling, _relatively_, blatant fabrication of Akatsuki history and other… idiotic things including OOC Kakuzu and a decent Hidan. ItaHina that's hopefully not as cracky as the last [this chapter is not funny at all :(]. Immature and brutally ugly poetry. Written, hacked apart and ungainly inserted.

Sailing right into OOC territory, but I've stopped caring.

**Disclaimers: **Not mine.

**Alternative Chapter Title: **What Ye Jolly Akatsuki Does On Days That Aren't Slated For Killing, Raiding, Spying And Generally Balancing Out All The Good In The Universe (…ooh, that's a doozy.)

* * *

Life at sea… was gloriously hard.

Especially at present when they were in the open ocean, surrounded by nothing by vast blue gray sea and open skies, sailing so fast you'd think they'd have reached (and fallen off) the end of the world by now.

How did Neji, who had nearly the same pampered _in terra_ upbringing she had, _ever_ get used to it?

(But then again, she could swear she heard him break out in a chorus of _Hallelujah's_ after his first voyage but discounted it. Not her chillingly formal cousin. Now she knew it had been entirely possible.)

It had been only a little more than a week and she was already very nearly at the end of her tether at the wretchedness of their conditions. Everything stank of hardship and scarcity and _oily fish_.

_Gawd_, she actually _wanted_ to cry.

_Food_: If she and Itachi hadn't stopped for supplies, if Konan hadn't warned her to start skimping on meals and if Kisame didn't catch them some doubtful aquatic species so Hinata could prepare them fish-ala-Ciguatera, they would have been starving… two days ago.

It was only a matter of time before they degenerate back to survival-of-the-fittest mode and go competitively militant, even her. Hinata had never quite known starvation before. It was a dreadfully tactile sensation that made her want to go primal.

_Water_: Fresh, clean water seemed like a distant memory. What they had instead were barrels upon barrels of rum and ale, vats of collected rainwater and an ocean-full of cold, microbe-rich saltwater. Hinata's mind would longingly skip back to the happy days where she drank cup after cup of wonderfully clean tea with the ladies, waiting patiently for someone's bladder to perforate.

_Weather_: In the past few days, they'd been _followed_ by a small but viciously unrelenting squall. Lookout duty had been bitter cold nights in the drizzling rain, fighting to maintain visibility while water ran in rivulets down her face. Every morning when she came down from the crow's nest, Hinata was all stuffy noses and sore muscles and fever-induced delirium. She just might die of pneumonia and nobody _cared_. (Hell, they might celebrate, more food for them.)

Did they think she was _Hidan_ – who was either indeed under some Jashin-granted protection or had the most robust immune system ever built?

But more than all that, it was the change in the psychological atmosphere that had Hinata near breathless with anxiety-but-actually-looming-insanity as the expanse of ocean just grew and grew and _grew_.

The _paranoia_.

The _isolation_.

The feeling of smallness and sheer vulnerability.

For someone who was used to land, being _this close_ to the elements with only a handful of ruthless men she could (or more likely, _could not_) depend on, it was getting a little phobic.

Lost at sea without a mooring. Halfway across the world from the home she'd always known.

It made her a little (_a lot_) desperate for human contact – no matter how objectionable current options were – to, you know, make sure she hadn't actually gone comatose.

Hinata lamented her luck that she just _had_ to be one of the rare, rare strays they brought along on these unbelievably putridly awful seafaring journeys. _If she knew it was going to be like this… _

Hinata sighed in resignation.

Well, it wasn't as though she could change anything, considering the way she'd been bulldozed into nearly everything.

On the plus side, and this was a _very_ _relative_ plus side (the same way consorting with Ye Jolly Akatsuki was _relatively_ risky), the waves of terror had receded and her near-primal survival instincts finally took a rest as she grew fully-desensitized to the crew's _eccentrics_. Yes, _eccentrics_ – sheer proof of lackadaisical numbness if she ever needed it.

What she was doing, nothing short of kamikaze.

(If she ever got home, she'll probably never fear anything, short of a civil uprising, again.)

In fact, she could almost feel her personality bleeding through the full-scale armor she'd erected of soft-spoken politeness and sheer pimping to their satisfaction. The first she'd always somewhat been, the second was something a little more new.

Now, she was attempting to be sincerely pleasant to everyone – with the ulterior motive of waiting until their relationship were nice and gooey-warm and asking to be let go. (Nicely, no hard feelings, will write you often.)

A Herculean task, but since when had she ever balked at those?

(Many times actually, but she carried them out regardless.)

…

Her first crack at fitting in – admittedly not one of her better ideas – had been spotted immediately.

"M-m-motherf-fucker." _Oh dear god, forgive me, my dear sweet mother for invoking you in the most horrid manner._

"Hinata, you realize you look rather desperate when you swear like that." Amused derision colored his tone.

"What the h-h-hell do you mean, Sasori?" Hinata asked as glibly as she could manage, brushing back her hair from her face the way she'd seen Hidan do.

(Mental-Neji hissed like an angry cat at her deteriorating civility.)

"Doesn't suit you, yeah?" Deidara looked up from where he'd been thoroughly examining a new cannonball prototype. "Why the hell would anyone want to fit in, yeah? Stand out, that's what I say."

"And if you must try, I must beg you not to choose Hidan, _of all people_, to emulate."

"Or Tobi, for that matter, yeah?" Deidara made sure.

…

Her first try at establishing open communication lines hadn't worked very well either. You might even say it was such an unmitigated failure that there should have been fireworks.

Because, in the middle of chattering for all she was worth about some unconventional history (a topic she'd anticipated he'd at least be mildly interested in, given how even her most apathetic male consorts took some pleasure in discussing it), Itachi interrupted.

"Hinata, you should know I do not really care."

_How rude_. Itachi was not really the best choice for conversation, ne?

…

She'd tried to reminisce with them.

_That _ended up well.

She couldn't even bring up the phrase _fond memories _without conjuring up a sudden feeling of dread in her throat. Because she really didn't want to know what they might consider fond memories and because _her _fond memories might let them know a little too much.

It was a little hard troubling your true identity becomes a hazard.

…

Slowly however, through much painstaking observation and careful poking around using the best of Hyuuga wiles, she'd learnt bits and pieces about the crew and their dynamics (_appallingly atrocious_ – there were so many personal vendettas it was a wonder how they ever got their act together and became so successful).

She tried to tell herself it was still _intel_ for her beloved cousin but that was bordering a little on self-delusion. She probably won't ever tell – unless such knowledge like Deidara's ears went red when he was truly angry – saved a life or something.

Whenever she asked around, even so very casually, about their current destination (assuming they had one) or long-term plans (To _help_! To _help_!), their expressions grew shuttered.

_Not enough clearance. _

Yes, she really was the most horrid comrade and double agent ever.

* * *

The first really valuable piece of information she'd learned… was something so thoroughly personal that she really didn't know what to do with it.

Kisame's story came right out of the blue.

Well, not really.

Here were the events leading up to it: Kisame reeling in another malformed sea-beast, Hidan and sea-beast thoroughly hacking away at each other (Pein was right – Hidan was getting restless – what else can you expect from a man who was so thoroughly hedonist but remained celibate), Hinata mindlessly commenting on the barbarism of it all.

"It's not _barbaric_," Kisame growled in disagreement, looking amused at having to use such a sissy word. "It's just nature – we have to eat. True savages, Hinata, they're the ones who sit up in noble thrones and lie through their teeth about everything."

_Ah, several of her esteemed ancestors had just been called savage._

"Thinking men are the true beasts, because their crimes are out of malice. They have no excuse to be cruel."

_It's not that simple, Kisame. _Hinata wanted to defend. _Not everyone is like that._

Kisame mentioned a name Hinata might possibly had heard of, the _Mizu_ Daimyo. Where had she heard it?

"He had this sicko system for choosing his ranks – letting kids kill other kids to prove their strength? He treated everyone like damn animals. Others and myself rebelled at that since, you should know, there's a difference between honorable killing and just plain slaughtering."

_Was there? _Hinata asked inwardly, more than a little freaked out. This was not a conversation to be having over fish-gutting (a frightfully messy but necessary task).

"He started this dirty set-up to get us all killed. It was pretty good actually, even if I didn't think so at the time, while I was drowning like that," Kisame grinned in belated appreciation at the too-brutal scheme. "I've always had more energy than any man should have. Swam for fucking days to get to land. Of course, I went back and killed him – guy had it coming."

_Ah yes_. Now Hinata remembered where she heard the name: amid horror-struck whispers among the nobles.

(In the _Mizu _orphanages, there were songs of jubilance. _He's dead! He's dead! The tyrant is deeeee-eeead!_)

"Got me in trouble with _Kiri_, that one. He was one of their land connections." Kisame whistled. "And that's when the _Akatsuki _picked me up. 'Course, not in the way _you _pick people up. My ribs just about stopped hurting from this morning."

Hinata flustered red at the reminder that Konan was not above showing her all the dirty tricks of the trade.

_Of all the uncouth things to say._

* * *

Hinata sometimes wondered if she should write an autobiography: _My Days with Ye Jolly Akatsuki_.

(_Subtitle_: I have no clue as to how I survived one murderous plot after another.)

She'd jam it into an old bottle and toss it overboard for it to be archived and read and used as bedtime stories everywhere to scare children into being good and running at the first sight of the red-cloud insignia.

Let her be an example of what happens if they didn't.

Of course, with her luck, it would never be found or, if it was, it would be by an illiterate scoundrel who'd use it for to build a fire or as an...

"Asswipe!" Hidan yelled from somewhere beyond. Hinata covered her ears.

_Anyway_, she could even write it in verse:

_Foolish young lass of golden birth_

_Showed awful judgment and went up North_

_Panicked incoherent at first signs_

_Classic reaction of whom fate maligns _

_No (FREAKING) idea what had been attractive_

_But was suddenly taken captive_

_Stupefied with fright at her ridiculous folly_

_To be in the arms of Ye Akatsuki Jolly_

_A shark, a nut, a bomber crazy_

_A stony bastard, a genius, a man mad for money_

_A good boy, the captain and his… lady fair?_

_They deemed the lass worth a dare_

_She'll prove it true, this (unbelievably) insane _("Ass!" went Hidan's yell)_ lass_

_Take up the (figurative) sword and throw away class_

_Prove she wasn't theirs to (kill) mock_

_Be strong and steady as a…_

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCKKK!" Hidan's scream reverberated through the ship as a humongous mutant crab clamped down on him.

"…rock." Hinata sighed out loud at the profanities being grated out in excellent vocal range.

* * *

And then, perhaps seeing Hinata try and try and pitying her as she fell flat on her face _every time_, Konan had them doing mandatory _bonding_ activities. It was nice to know someone heeded her efforts.

Hinata could have loved Konan forever right then.

But she didn't. Because the blue-haired woman had them _training._

_Training. _What an awful concept. It felt very much like a noose tightening round her neck.

"T-t-_train_? _Me_?! With w-weapons?!" Hinata almost whimpered, wondering what she had done now to deserve this _promotion _as Konan called it.

_It's rare that the crew's willing to do this, Hinata. Just think, you'll be learning from the best there is._

_Really_. Hinata would rather jump over the side of the ship.

* * *

Hidan was all sunbaked and righteous that next morning, a barrel of scimitars and pommel sabers and katanas beside him, some dusty and some blood-crusted and some all bent out of shape.

She should've known they wouldn't be using wooden practice swords. But somehow, she'd still hoped. It was the optimism of the terminally insane.

"Is this t-truly necessary, Hidan? I'm not one for melee c-combat." She asked in a sapless voice. "Perhaps a-archery?"

_Long range, yeah, long range was good._

Hidan didn't offer her an answer other than tossing her a sword, one sharp enough to embed itself into the wood of the ship after she barely ducked it.

Hinata and pointy things that were more (or less) than a foot in length did not get along.

"You'd be fucking lucky if you even manage strong the bow before someone has your ass on a platter. I really don't care if you get yourself killed or whatever, girly, but that first outing? It could have been fucking disastrous. If the other shitheads think you're with Akatsuki now, and you go down easily… well _damn_ if I'm gonna let that happen. You'll ruin our reputation." He directed the scythe to her face in challenge, gripping it so carelessly it may as well have been a peacock feather. "Let's see how fucking pathetic you are."

_That's not a very nice attitude for a sensei._

From blathering out encouragement, Hidan went straight to attempted exsanguinations.

Hinata immediately jumped away in a noteworthy terpsichorean performance but, because of Hidan's surprising agility, it didn't do her any good.

She dodged just in time to avoid being mortally lacerated.

"Use the sword, dumbass." Hidan instructed as he continued chipping the deck where her head used to be as he and Hinata moved in an unreservedly graceless dance of strikes and sidesteps.

Hinata's blade, of course, was still jutting out from where Hidan had thrown it, waiting for her like an Excalibur.

Mental-Neji and mental-Sasuke were squawking as though it were their skins on the line.

_Duck, Hinata-sama, duck!!_

_Hinata, jump away!_

_There's an opening!_

_Grab the sword!_

It wouldn't budge. King Arthur she was not.

"Now, girly, first you should know what to do with the heathen bastard – do you kill him or do you just take his fucking head off?" Hidan started to say as he continued landing blows in an incredibly flippant manner. "But to lose to the likes of you…"

Here he sneered very unflatteringly at her petite, almost delicate build.

"They'll likely throw themselves off a goddamn cliff in shame – so you just kill, okay? Mortals have no damn right to grant mercy anyway." Hidan paused as his weapon nicked something fleshy. "Shucks, I got first blood and I wasn't even aiming. Go for the kill, girly, dish out all you've got, I can fucking take it."

Hinata stared in horror at the shallow-blooming-red cut in her arm which, with her luck, will probably turn gangrenous.

"Now, you should aim for the vitals. Those miserable assholes won't know what hit them – Well, they _would _but it wouldn't matter a damn anymore." Hidan paused for a second in recollection. "Liver. Lungs. Spine. Clavical vein. Jugular. Brain. Kidneys. And of course the fucking heart." With every vital point he enumerated, he had used the scythe to hit the corresponding part on Hinata, who had to grit her teeth to keep from crying out.

Amazingly, it was, in all probability, his illogical means of making sure she wouldn't forget the target spots. Well, she certainly wouldn't now – the bruising was undoubtedly going to last for days.

(As long as he was using the blunt end of the scythe, she wasn't going to scream. If he ever switched to the other end, she'd break his eardrums as her last act on earth, promise of a lifetime.)

_Now, Hinata-sama! _Was it her dizzily swaying head or was mental-acerbic-Neji sounding pained? _Trip him now!_

It was likely the former, because she was still disoriented enough to listen to the dicey suggestion. Very quickly, she shot out her foot, caught Hidan behind the knee and sent him sprawling.

_Over his own weapon. _In terms of drawing blood, they were even.

"Well, this is fucking interesting." Hidan grinned ferally as he shot up, unaffected as you please by the impaling. "You're not as bad as I thought. You want to hoist it up to a whole 'nother level, girly? Just say the word."

Hinata clamped her jaws shut, because he'll misconstrue any sound from her lips as confirmation. She had barely dodging his blows as it was, even with the help of her thankfully battle-experienced mental wraiths, and she'd already lost more than a few precious strands of hair in the aftermath of his swings.

"Tch." Hidan clucked in disappointment.

After a half-hour of sparring that went _this _close to being a case of accidental homicide, Hinata was ready to grovel at Hidan's feet for them to stop. She was tired, bleeding herself dry and looked a good imitation of things that go through shredders.

"Although we've still a fucking long way to go," Hidan began generously, his words contributing much to Hinata's unending dismay. "You are strong where it matters most."

Hinata blinked. The wounds suddenly seemed less painful. "Really?"

"How the hell should I know? I just fucking read it somewhere – thought it was something a milquetoast like you could appreciate. You damn pansies and your stupid sayings annoy me."

Hinata's first thought: _You READ?!_

Hinata's next thought: _Thanks, Hidan._

* * *

Konan's idea of crew bonding was an unending cycle of torment and suffering.

It was very much based on hell. For a woman who, shockingly enough, liked _angels _- she knew well how to made a good imitation of the _other _place.

For a moment, Hinata felt a rush of skittishness when she saw it was still Hidan standing there, his figure a little obscured by the mist (overcast skies today, that dastardly squall had found them.).

She felt a sudden need to feign sick (reconsidered due to recollection of that last panacea, which was more lethally potent than the original pathogen – guaranteed to kill the germs, with the unfortunate effect of also eradicating the patient).

"You'll have to work with obnoxious heathens today, bitch – sorry to break your heart."

He'd broken _that _already, thank you very much, with a painful jab bad enough to reach from sternum to spine. Her heart hadn't stood a chance.

_As opposed to religious headcases? It might be preferable_.

"Oi, Kakuzu! Hurry the fuck up! Your beloved gold can stand a day without seeing your face!" Hidan bellowed, clear as bells amid the roaring of the ship as it sailed over gray, murky water. "In fact, I bet they'd be glad for it!"

Kakuzu lumbered towards them, carting an assortment of handguns, pistols and what might possibly be cannons in miniature. Hinata's eyes bulged.

All she needed to croak now was a stray bullet to any of the ghastly purple hit-me-here-and-I-might-die spots Hidan inflicted yesterday.

…

"Focus, Hinata. Don't think on anything else, even on that loud retarded asshole behind you."

Hinata, who now had an audacious amount of know-how with regards to dismantling and loading firearms, flinched as the said asshole spoke up.

"Way to get her killed, Kakuzu. Stay fucking riveted to this, bitch, and wait for someone to catch you from behind."

"Still at aiming stage, Hidan."

"Fuck, you're coddling her." Hidan groused caustically. "Are you seriously gonna go through that bit step-by-fucking-step?"

"Ignore him, Hinata. The bastard has attention issues." (Hidan yelped in outrage.)

Hinata concentrated so hard on the marks floating on the water – junk Kakuzu tossed overboard for target practice, because while Hidan was tempting, he was a_ moving_ target – that she thought the veins around her eyes might pop.

She shot in a burst of sound and gunfire smoke.

The recoil nearly twisted her arm off.

It wasn't pinpoint accuracy, but the shot connected. In fact, it ricocheted and bits of shrapnel flew everywhere, nabbing them innocent fishy by-standers for dinner.

Stellar vision saves the day again.

Was this what Neji meant when he said he got by on natural advantage? She'd thought he'd been – erm – bragging again.

Kakuzu (might have) looked approving. "Not one of those who have to be at point-blank range to get a hit in, eh Hidan?"

Hidan must have been a lousy shot because he threw both of them a dirty look.

"Too bad you're only good for close combat, Hidan." There was a hint of relish in Kakuzu's voice. "Remember when you got yourself riddled with bullets before you even got close? Nearly ran out of thread sewing your ass back together."

"D-did it hurt?" Hinata asked, rather foolishly, before she could stop herself.

"After three rounds to the chest? He was too far gone to feel a thing."

_Ah, _such a dramatic story behind those scars. Her knees suddenly felt weak.

"I-I don't think I can do this, Kakuzu," The gun slipped from her limp hand. Of course, being constructed by an improvising amateur and still loaded, it fired, the slug missing Hidan by a few inches.

"Look who's blessed today," Kakuzu remarked sardonically.

Hidan scowled at what could rightfully be perceived as a razz to his faith. "Damn Kakuzu, you have gone so far off the heathen end that even Jashin-sama can't save you now."

He snapped to Hinata, not at all pleased by her lack of alacrity. "And you, girly! Stop acting weak!"

_Who's acting?!  
_

"_Tch_, you are." Kakuzu impressively answered her silent question (Hinata did not realize this, but her face had turned mutinous at Hidan's claim). "Stop holding back."

"I d-don't hold back." Hinata protested. "I _n-never _hold back."

"Haha, that's a laugh, isn't it Kakuzu? The cute bitch thinks we're retards."

(_Cute?!?!_)

"You're not aware of it, but you have a _will_ harder than Hidan's stupid head." Kakuzu whacked the latter for emphasis. Hinata was rather shocked at this fabrication - rubbing salt into wounds, eh? If she had _will_, she wouldn't be on this godforsaken vessel. "This far and not even a crack of complaint."

_Only a crack in the head._

"I half-expect you to dig in your heels if someone even remotely suggests giving up."

_I want to! I want to give up! But I CAN'T!_

_Because if I give up, what about the people who care about me? _

_Who will keep Neji and Sasuke and Hanabi in check?_

(Dear gods, the Hyuuga compound – _no, the entire island_ – must be up in flames by now. Multicolored rocketing flames, because her sister was involved and God knew at least one of them lived up to their names.)

"Is that fucking weakness?"

_Of course it is. _Hinata thought despairingly. If she had been any of the three strong-willed but rather irrepressible individuals she just mentioned, she'd _probably_ be back home by now.

Or at least went out in a dramatic burst of courage (or mulishness).

_Of course she was weak._

* * *

"Oi, _girly_, don't forget to thank him." Reminded the man who'd told countless others to fuck themselves as they were _en route_ to damnation.

* * *

"Hey, I said we would do some _sparring_, not slashing the sword around randomly. Were you hoping to _poke_ someone with that last move?"

Kisame's mocking leer eclipsed all acceptable boundaries of helpful. It was just being mean.

_I must agree, Hinata-sama, even my loyalty to our fraternal bonds cannot bar me from saying that was helluva pathetic._

_Outstandingly piteous, Hinata._

Now even her own mind-phantoms were turning back on her, very much like their tangible selves.

"I'm sorry, Kisame-san," Hinata said miserably, trying to heft the gigantic pillar they laughably called a sword. "The sword is too heavy for me to control."

"So get a new one." Kisame said impatiently. "You knew your forte was not in physical strength, Hinata, so why'd did ya get the big one?"

_You told me to get this one! _"Y-you said so."

"Never let the enemy dictate your moves, sweetheart."

_Enemy_ – their concept of teaching sure was ridiculous.

And _sweetheart?! _It seemed even worst that the other names she'd been called. Including _cute_.

"So – what are your strengths?"

_Diplomatic conversation _immediately sprang to mind.

_Tell him absolute defense. _Mental-Neji piped up.

_A knack for spotting opponent moves_. Mental-Sasuke said not a second later.

_Those are yours! _Hinata thought back to them.

_Tell him you were a juvenile bioterrorist! _They yapped together.

"I frankly have no idea." Hinata said out loud, although she had a sneaking suspicion that she had none. Yes, she definitely had none.

"Let's find out then."

Thirty minutes into the contretemps they jokily labeled as a spar, Kisame concluded that, no matter how elementary one explained the basic _katas_, some people were just too hopeless for words.

_Shoddy, shoddy, shoddy._

What was so bad about it was that she'd actually almost impressed him within five minutes of the fight, with an almost gentle tap at his shoulder blades as she danced away from Samehada. It had left his left arm feeling a bit numb.

_What a useful technique. _If she had gone for the right arm, Kisame though, Samehada would have flown away in one slow beautiful arc.

Hinata's subconscious told her this as well.

Mental Sasuke: _The right, you despondent ninny, couldn't you see he favored his right? Are you just that daft?!_

Mental Neji: _To think I let you bastardize the family technique_

…

Days of scrubbing the deck and roaming around during lookout gave Hinata a good idea of where everything was, and thus she was able to deftly use the terrain to her advantage.

"When did you learn to be so squirrelly?" Kisame asked as he lunged after her up the shrouds where Hinata – being small and unexpectedly lissome – had a marginal advantage. "That's it – use everything you can!"

Hinata wondered if there were merits to cutting up the ropes that Kisame was climbing on, but even the most concentrated of alcohols wasn't about to make her reckless enough to level the mast.

There were sure to be unspoken rules against that.

Pausing for thought gave Kisame the upper hand and unlike her, he didn't fear fierce retribution and thus had no qualms about cutting her ropes away.

"You don't have the luxury of stopping for even a second, Hinata!" He laugh-roared as his shredding blade swung.

Hinata tumbled down to the deck as inelegantly as possible when the tension suddenly went slack. Considering the height, she knew the possibility two broken ankles when she saw it.

That was why, almost unconsciously, she grabbed for Kisame when the opportunity presented itself and together they went falling.

Right on top of Tobi, _of course_. What an amusing pileup.

(For the record, the mast remained standing. Mockingly.)

* * *

Sasori didn't look one bit happy about having to waste his intellect on her for this larceny called bonding.

Neji wouldn't be too thrilled either, if he could see her now, playing terrorist with Team Art in the small, disorderly room that was the redhead's explosives laboratory.

(An explosives laboratory. On a ship. Pfft.)

Forget tea ceremonies and _ikebana _arrangements, Hinata was learning everything from pillboxes to regular bombs to nukes.

It wasn't quite impractical, just in very, very bad taste.

Sasori gestured for her to pass a large reagent bottle of yellow crystalline compounds.

Hinata smoothly handed it over to him.

"I advise you not to be so cavalier with that, Hinata," Sasori commented offhandedly. "That is trinitrotoluene."

Hinata looked bemusedly at him. "What, Sasori?"

"It is more commonly known as TNT."

"I-is that so?" Hinata asked nervously. Perhaps her one-time dream of blowing the Jolly Akatsuki sky-high might come to fruition after all, if accidentally.

Looking at her, Sasori was inherently reminded of clueless baby ducks…in formalin. _Innocence preserved._

"Do you normally make such a conscious effort to appear dim?" The nicer his thoughts were, the more caustic he had to be.

(Except when Deidara was involved, _then _he was naturally unkind.)

Hinata regarded him thoughtfully for a minute, a bit dejected, then forced herself to brighten up. "N-not this often."

Sasori's ruthlessly stoic face didn't change.

…

"Oi, don't treat my clay like dirt, un." The blond pirate carped when another end-product was deemed too inferior.

"It _is _dirt, Deidara."

…

"If I were female, _danna_," Deidara smirked so furtively the evil intent was almost palpable. "I would totally go for you, yeah?"

Sasori's face was the worst sort of forbidding.

…

_Lunch break, amid sworded-swordfish-seasoned-with-Sagitoxin:_

"Do you also do a-artwork, Sasori?" Hinata asked, rather bravely, rather insipidly.

"He spends a lot of time on his puppets, yeah?" Deidara butted in. "_Danna_ prides himself on being an artisan."

"Those _puppets _are eternal works of art," The redhead corrected. "Things that will certainly outlive all of us, beauty everlasting."

Reactions to that unorthodox statement:

_Not that they expected long life spans. _Hinata thought ironically.

"What beauty, motherfucker? Those absolutely hideous _corpses_?" Hidan laughed in disbelief.

"Of course they'll outlive us, given the amount of formalin and petrified wood you use, which are expensive by the way." Kakuzu said reprovingly.

"I still don't agree with that idea of art, un." Deidara huffed.

...

_Back to the bombs:_

"It's a skill that can let you determine if the person is lying or not." Hinata tried to insert chirp in her voice as she betrayed an age-old family secret.

(Mental-Neji was ready to turn her mind into a nuclear winter. Bombs in her hand, bombs in her brain, what a pleasing combination.)

"So, spotting the sudden irregularities in breathing, pulse and pupils, yeah? Convenient if you can't intimidate the asshole." Deidara contemplated on it.

Hinata was tempted to say that it wasn't really for use on assholes _per se_, but rather on dignified associates who might be screwing you behind your back. "You know how to do it?"

"Yes, the Byakugan. I know it."

Sasori walked in from where he'd gathered more raw materials from the absolutely-no-trespassing workroom. Never one to turn down new knowledge: "Byakugan – what's that?"

"A family technique." _Except now it wasn't._

"Oh," Sasori resumed his jaded façade. "I thought it was some rare form of dementia."

* * *

The second really valuable thing she'd learned… was a lesson in itself, which is unusual, because it was Sasori's and Deidara's chronicles, not necessarily pleasant but nonetheless memorable. The blond was only too willing to divulge them that starlit night after making about enough new artillery to take out a small village.

Nostalgia was in the cool salty night air, mingling with trinitrotoluene fumes.

This is _fact_: they both had a deep-running history with the _connected _ships.

Before Gaara, Sasori had been _Suna_'s prodigy, their groomed weapon. Imperious, genius and had a thousand tricks up his sleeve.

Deidara had been _Iwa's_. Mad, bad and filled to the brim with firepower.

(How the _hell_ did _she_ ever reach Akatsuki's standards?!)

"Think about it, _danna_, we could have been captains of _Suna _and _Iwa_. Mortal enemies and all, un." Deidara's Cheshire grin was accentuated by the moonlight until it ate up his entire face. "What a boon that would have been to our romantic affair. Though I do like the drama, gets the blood pumping, yeah?"

Sasori sent him a lethal glare. "Deidara, do you recall declaring I had every right to perform euthanasia once you started acting your hair color?"

Deidara paused, saturnine, good humor vanishing like a whip. "That was low, yeah? I never call you a hothead."

(Mainly because Sasori could never be mistaken for a hothead, Hinata thought.)

Sasori let a contrite sigh. "I apologize – I meant, once you started acting like Tobi."

"S-so why did you leave?" Hinata interrupted before it could get worse. She was, _after all_, with two prodigies who could have been mortal-enemies-cum-lovers in an alternate universe.

"Once _Suna _was not able to restrain me, I no longer wanted to limit myself to their level." Sasori uncaringly responded.

"That's showing them, _danna_. You choose your own place in life, yeah? Screw obligations." His partner blithely agreed.

Hinata's eyebrows shot upwards.

Hinata couldn't ever imagine abandoning responsibilities like that, leaving the Hyuuga out to dry while she gallivanted around on her own terms. It was unsettling to realize there were people who actually did that.

_Like you right now, for instance. Renegade, apostate, defector! High treason! _An inner voice cut in waspishly, still not over the divulging of family secrets.

She wisely tuned it out.

There really was a lesson to be learned here, but it wasn't for her.

(Perhaps, not _yet_.)

* * *

Welcome to Pirates 101 with Itachi-sensei. Course title: Lawless Amoral Combat.

(It sounded nearly as bad as that one time session of Psychology 101 – a.k.a. mindfuckery – with Ibiki-sensei. The man, as far as she knew, was currently still on the run from Hyuuga pursuers for it.)

"You are at a disadvantage. What do you do?" Itachi, never one to squander time or effort, asked immediately. He had no weapons on him. This session was going to be all hand-to-hand and, Hinata suspected, psychological.

She was a Hyuuga. She was ready for the latter. Bring it on.

"I-is that a theoretical question or a real one?" _First evasion, her win_.

"Assume the worst, Hinata." A biting smile twisted the corner of his mouth. _First pretending-I-didn't-catch-that-but-we-both-know-I-did, his win._

"Ah, I w-would run," Itachi, she could tell, appreciated honesty. Even if he rarely ever gave it in turn.

"When faced with stronger and wiser opponents, I recommend you cheat."

He made sense, of course, as he always did with everything that wasn't connected to sweets (there his brain rightfully went haywire). Pirate battles were just made for cheating.

These past few days, for example, she should have deliberately poisoned her instructors instead of relying on what the sea had to offer. Except it would only needlessly prolong the agony.

(Hinata, in all secrecy, had never been above cheating. This rakish trait she had even during her stint – okay, entire life – as a lady.)

…

Itachi was an excellent example of God-given ability gone way, way astray.

When the gods made _talent_ for bestowing upon humanity, they probably tested it out on Itachi first. That is why he had such a large, diverse repertoire of them.

(And why, she thought in resignation, some people had none. How terribly unfair.)

Take this new one.

"What the – _ravens_?" Hinata asked, flabbergasted as what she taken for a pointless gesture was actually a signal for aerial attack.

Black wings littered her vision.

"You should realize by now that they're quite useful," Itachi stood back as Hinata, being pecked to death, struggled helplessly to brandish the tenacious birds away.

"I imagined pirates would have p-parrots."

Through the haze of dark feathers she could see him gazing at her as though she missed something obvious, which made her feel, yeah, _that _small.

"Parrots… are loud."

"Yeah, I guess y-you're not the parrot type."

"An astute observation. I can see why I missed working with you, Hinata." _A fatal hit, his win, _she left herself wide open for that one.

_And these types of blisteringly sarcastic remarks were why she avoided working with him._

(In all fairness, those same gods didn't grant him as much subtle arrogance as he could have had, though he still had a liberal amount of it.)

…

There was a splashing sound.

"It seems that Hidan just jumped ship in pursuit of an elusive lobster."

"What?!" Hinata whirled about.

Itachi promptly clocked her. It was a weak blow, but so unexpected that she staggered to the rail.

"You are far too easily distracted." Itachi coolly reproved. "Unless you have established exceptional dynamics, do not concern yourself over your crew and their battles if your own is still ongoing."

"Well, f-forgive me for having a heart."

"And if you wish to retain that marshmallow organ inside your chest cavity, I suggest you pay attention."

"Constant vigilance, I-I see."

It seemed that Ye Jolly Akatsuki wholeheartedly believed in driving in lessons in brutal yet effective means.

…

Shortly into the training, his discerning eyes picked up on the frightfully few advantages she had – honed from all the years of dancing and evading politicos and society matrons – an exceptional flexibility.

(And won't Konan be glad to hear of it? "_Forget fluttering, Hinata, you can level up to slithering!_")

So, for the next few hours, the dark-haired pirate had her doing somersaults, flips and pretzelly sidesteps until all the blood rushed to her head and she was ready to tumble off the craft in utter dizziness. It was painful too – factoring in the numerous grazes and bruises that decorated her former-and-never-to-be-seen-or-heard-from-again unblemished skin.

He even taught her how to break a headlock.

Dear gods, the infamous Itachi le Sharingan had turned into her gymnastics teacher.

…

_On a break, yes, an actual break:_

"This may be a wholly new concept to you," Itachi intoned softly as he sipped what looked suspiciously like tea. If he was imbibing rum, it was fine. But _tea _– considering their diminishing rations – was a near-unforgivable act of selfish luxury. "You will have to rescue yourself."

He slated her, _temporarily_ she knew, to the role of hapless maiden waiting for them shining armor fellows.

Deliberately underestimating her as bait. _Well. _She wasn't going to bite.

"I-I realize that." Hinata replied charily, adopting her cousin's trademark stolidity.

"And what efforts have you poured forth in that direction?" Ah, here was the question she was expecting. Both of them knew he'd been referring to rescuing herself from _Ye Jolly Akatsuki_.

Recently, she hadn't put in much (any) effort at all. Ah, she did deserve being called hapless.

But that didn't equate to stupid. "Why should I tell y-you?"

"I might wish to help you." Itachi said vaguely, without a flicker of emotion.

That stopped Hinata short – shining armor fella was a tad unexpected. "T-that's unlike you," She considered him vigilantly, all sorts of disbelieving. "W-what do you have to gain from it?"

"Peace and tranquility that there is one less person liable to kill me in my sleep." She would have easily missed the sarcastic nuance if she hadn't been intently listening for it.

_Who was he kidding?_ "I-I doubt that is in the realm of possibility."

"I certainly wouldn't let _my_ guard down at such a frivolous reason as the impossibility of a notion."

There was an ominous inflection in his voice.

Was he threatening her?

Darn, and she thought they'd finally grown on each other. (Like parasitic barnacles, but _still_.)

"I-I'm not afraid of you." She, glutton for punishment as she was, mustered up a glare.

"Of course not, I never gave you reason to be."

_Interrogation. Threats. Assassination._ Add in his bright, shimmering reputation for ruthlessness. Right, nothing to fear really.

"I-I will rescue myself, thank you very much." Oh dear, she sounded prissy on that last word.

"That's a remarkable attitude for an _Uchiha_." Hinata was confused for a moment before she remembered that little prevarication. She forgot she'd prematurely taken on her fiancée's name. "They are generally a self-destructive lot."

_Oooh he got that right. _

…

Years of ingrained self-control and Hinata still couldn't stop herself. "Where did you get the tea?!"

…

"I suppose you are unaware that the crew is taken with you." Itachi mentioned as he corrected her slapdash _pachydermal _(how ever did he gain such a fancifully condescending vocabulary, pray?) footwork.

_Wow. _Itachi sure was prone to exaggeration when he wasn't being subtle.

Hinata blinked, lost concentration and stumbled over her own feet into her ill-placed tutor.

If that was how the crew felt about her – which was superbly impossible – then she feared seeing how they would treat someone they hated.

(A point for comparison: _Suna. _They regarded _Suna_ only as _aggravating_ little pests and buried them in sand for it.)

"I, however, fail to see what is so impressive. Is it my failing or theirs?" His questioning gaze was almost sincere.

Hinata clamped down her intrinsic self-effacing nature that was on the verge of refuting his previous claim. She might not have acted it for a while now, but she was still a proud, self-important _Hyuuga_.

She was not going to put herself down when he was already doing an impressively subtle job of it.

"W-well, I imagine I do have my own strengths…"

"Good judgment clearly isn't one of them." He _politely_ put in.

"I b-beg your pardon?"

"Beg away."

…

When Hinata failed that contortionist's nightmare for the fifth time:

"I-I'm sorry I'm not very good at this."

"That is the least of your problems."

_Ooooh burn._

…

Sunsets on the horizon were lovely. Orange-golden sunlight over calm salt sea. It almost made her forget they were all in dangerous execrable waters. Literally.

Just as she'd come to, unfortunately, associate sunrises with Hidan, her mind was building up on the link between Itachi and sunsets.

He had, for the time being, given up on her future as an acrobat-slash-pirate-monkey and was tossing her little mind games which were very much like that of the Hyuugas, except that these were far more challenging and…

…tremendously fun.

These were the type they'd bred Neji on – to sharpen his logic and acumen for strategy and to generally stimulate his neurons so they wouldn't go apoptosis as was the trend in nobility.

Hinata discovered that she rather loved them.

And Itachi had a such a vast array of them. She would swoon if it wasn't so inappropriate.

_Example_: "You are given a team of five," Itachi's deep, regal voice was appallingly apt for storytelling. "You will be given a list of their attributes – strengths, weaknesses, personality traits – construct a tactical formation for an ambush mission."

It was so fun directing missions when there weren't any consequences.

_Another example: _"You have two candidates for the position of captain – do you choose the rightful protégé or the up-and-coming new mate? Who is, I might add, quite young despite his _Flashy _reputation."

_Yet Another example_: "You have been presented with all the necessary clues for a deduction. Now, who massacred the clan? Was it the prodigious older brother with the erratic behavior? The overlooked younger brother? The friend who left a suicide note and went missing? The mysterious third-party no one had ever sighted? Or perhaps it was the mayor himself and his associates?"

_Many more examples later…_

Perhaps it was the novelty of actually hearing Hinata laugh – tinkling, choked, and croaked with disuse – as she sputtered out "What do you mean _The Real One Isn't With Them_?!", that some of the crew casually sauntered over.

Now here was a _real _bonding moment coming on, over civil intellectual conversation and shared laughter.

Of course that didn't happen.

A few minutes in and aggressions inevitably let loose.

"Fuck, Itachi's surprisingly strong for a _small_ pretty-boy." Hidan looked so very smug.

That wasn't fair. He was a giant like the thugs were, but he couldn't be called _small_ either. _Pretty boy_ she'd concede.

"I really should beat you to a pulp for that." Itachi said witheringly, then turned to walk away. "But I can't be bothered."

Before he left, he said this, so coldly that it took Hinata a few seconds to realize it was advice: "Remember this, Hinata. While it can be surprisingly useful to be emotional in battle, such that it sometimes grants monstrous strength, it is not something you can rely on. Power is merely secondary. Being able to survive – which we are all accomplished at – is far more practical."

He dismissed her _thank-you_'s with a lazy wave of his hand.

Because Itachi doles out favors when he feels like it and does not expect anything – even gratitude – in return.

_Peculiar_.

* * *

All this additional training did not mean that her grueling sessions with Konan – tangible proof that she had no prior idea of the heights mortification could reach or of the plethora of shades of red and puce that could exist – had ended.

_Interesting excerpts:_

"One more line like that, Hinata, and I will not be held responsible for any broken bones you draw upon yourself."

…

"You are not threatening them, for gods' sakes! You're seducing them! Do not confuse this with your other sessions!"

…

"Hey, I think you just blew me away when you walked in, lady."

"L-like a bomb?"

"Hinata, never say _bomb_. It makes them skittish."

Yes, that is why Hinata will never ever own up to knowing she could possibly rig explosives as well as anyone. She will be unfit to be wed, even to a pyromaniac like Sasuke. Forget _impropriety_, she was now a certifiable felon.

…

"You make my heart skip a beat."

_Only one? _Mental-Sasuke raised an eyebrow.

_Why not go for cardiac arrest?_ Mental-Neji added.

…

"Hinata, when they talk about their _swords_, it can mean either of two things. And the bigger one sword is, the smaller the other." Konan announced irreverently.

It just so happened that Kisame was passing by.

"What the _hell_ are you teaching her, woman?!"

"Only the truth."

…

"That sure is a mighty fine treasure _chest_."

_Choke. _All that stimulatory brain activity – courtesy of Itachi – and her neurons commit suicide anyway.

…

"And who are you, bonny lassie?"

"You can call me…" Hinata gagged on the next words. "…y-y-yours."

"You look rather like you're being marched to the gallows. I've been there once."

…

"Hey, laddie, I'm about to make all your prayers come true."

"Just remember not make any religious references when you're with Hidan."

…

"Innocence, Hinata, use your innocence!"

_She hasn't got any anymore_. Both inner voices declared.

..

Let's not forget the time Konan needed to consult with Pein:

"Itachi! Relieve me for a while."

The man walked over. Already familiar with her and Konan's daily doses of female psychopathy, he skipped straight to the where she and the Quartermaster left off.

Of course, it just wasn't the same. The horror was a dozen times worse.

"Hey," His – enviably long-lashed, just noticing – eyes were drowning her and he was not even attempting to show interest.

"H-has anyone ever told you how gorgeous you are?"

_Of course she'd blurt out the male's line. Ack._

Itachi's brow raised a fraction but he didn't miss a beat. "A lot certainly."

He smirked as he leaned down close enough to whisper stealthily to her ear. "Just between the two of us, Hinata, should I be your backup, we will not have to resort to this farcical display. I refuse to be associated with it."

"But w-what about information?" She slowly backed away, her pale blue-black face now joined by red. Pretty colorful, yeah?

"I am sure there are other ways."

Working with Itachi was suddenly a whole lot more attractive prospect.

If only it wasn't torture on the mind.

(And a bust to her pride that an uneducated boor kept on upstaging her on the mental front.)

* * *

It was later that Hinata realized they'd only taught her the _how's _of combat and deception, never the _why's_.

For such notorious pirates, they sure spent a lot more time in preparation and planning than in actual execution of those plans. How devious.

* * *

"It was inevitable that we come to this." Pein announced, effortlessly seeming as though he was standing above them when, in tangible reality, they were all on level ground. "Because everyone is growing fat and lazy."

_Fat?! That was impossible. With their provisions being what they are, everyone was going emaciated._

_And lazy?! Restless_ was a more appropriate word.

It wasn't very obvious, but most everyone was going stir-crazy with the lack of activity. Except Hinata, who had a different definition of _activity._

"If there are no objections," Here she desperately wanted to raise her hand but managed to obstruct the audacious movement. No one else moved.

Hinata squirmed uncomfortably. Wonderful, the great voice of reason had suddenly gone mute.

"Choose your teams."

"My call," Hidan, who was inexplicably made one team leader, bellowed.

"Ever heard of ladies first?" Konan, the other team leader, dryly asked.

"Ain't no fucking ladies here, Blue." Hidan grinned. His gaze fell on Hinata. "Girly, you're on my team."

Needless to say, Hinata was floored. She'd expected to be chosen _last_, if she was ever chosen at all.

Hidan shot right through her ballooning gratitude when he jeered at Konan. "Even with a goddamn liability my team will still take yours. I'm just saying."

_Ouch. _The euphoria had been evanescent at best.

"Pein." Like anyone expected otherwise.

"Blondie."

"Sasori." Konan countered, presumably to staunch Deidara.

"That pagan fucker over there." Kisame's mouth downturned.

"Itachi." Shrug.

"This ugly asshole to my right." Pointedly ignored.

"Tobi."

"Konan-chan!" Tobi scooted over to the bluenette who, of course, sidestepped the abomination with a grace Hinata envied.

"Join the fray, Hinata, yeah?" Deidara either sneered or gave her the ugliest little smile he could offer. "It's free for all. Sharpen your skills."

Hinata wondered if she was included in this just to make everyone else look brilliant in comparison. But then again, she reminded herself, this group didn't need comparisons. They were naturally lit up. Like fireflies. Fireflies with mega-wattage.

That was why she, who didn't even sparkle with reflected light, should be exempt from this endeavor – which Pein claimed to be good for skill building and ability evaluation and keeping agitation from stealing his crew's already subterranean good humor – this _full-out All-Akatsuki brawl_.

By_ teams_. They did like to pretend they had a concept of cooperation.

The world had its supply of strong, loudmouth women who thrived on this brand of irrationality. Too bad that number just didn't include her.

_Where was anesthesia when you desperately needed it?_

…

When Pein said that the only rule was _Do Not Sink The Ship_ (with a small add-on comment to _kindly _refrain from landing mortal blows), he really meant it.

Hinata rapidly got a grasp of how anarchic genuine pirate combat was.

If Hinata wanted to make a joke of it, she'd say it was very much like a schoolyard fight between adolescent archenemies.

If she was being optimistic, it was a bar brawl gone god-awful.

If she was being realistic, it made a gangland war look like a demilitarized zone.

For as soon as the brawl started, Hidan and Kakuzu – _teammates_ – immediately turned on each other (like irate newlyweds).

Meanwhile, Sasori and Deidara – _opponents_ – seemed intent on taking everyone else out through coherent teamwork before going after each other.

Itachi took up the crow's nest and simply burned down anyone or anything that got close.

"Shit, you're acting like an ass, Itachi!" Kisame, who couldn't get nearwithout being flambéd, complained sourly.

"Forgive me if I forget to bray." Said fire-man himself.

Pein didn't do anything at all. He sat back, cool as a cucumber.

Weapons whistled through the air. Cherry bombs went off. Ravens took flight. Everyone seemed to be everywhere at once.

All that repressed hostility went tearing through the cold salty ocean air and she and Konan were at the center of the storm.

Hinata had been a fool to believe it was _Mother Nature _she had to watch out for in the middle of the this marine wasteland.

Konan regarded the erupting pandemonium contemplatively and the next thing Hinata knew, there was a dull thud, a wave of painful incoherence, and _she_ was plastered against the wall.

"Not good enough, Hinata," Konan gently smiled at her, catching her in a tight hold.

_Don't think, Hinata. React. _The memory swam to the forefront of her stunned consciousness.

The chaos was catching, _infective_. She listened to the memory. Hinata flipped out of the blue-haired woman's grip using a haphazard combination of Hidan's and Itachi's instruction.

And readily fell into worst clutches.

…

"Outta the way, sonovabitch!"

Hinata danced out of Hidan's crash landing path just in time. Feeling like a matador. Who just dodged a bull with a scythe.

_Exceptionally broad visual range_, thank you.

…

"I'll fucking give you a piece of my mind."

"_Please. _You have none to spare, yeah?"

…

Hinata paused in her dodgy dodging, widely eyeing a different fight.

She was in their blind spot.

_Ah_, so perfect an opportunity.

_When everything else fails – actually, don't wait until that point – play dirty._

_Shall I – ?_

Hinata released a deep breath. _No_, unless she wanted to be dismembered in the aftermath, she wouldn't do it.

She will leave all and any testicles (_Hinata-sama!!! _mental-Neji yelped in anguish) alone.

…

Running away from Tobi, who turned out to be heinously difficult to lay a hand on, Hinata was hopping up some barrels when she slipped…

(_Ah. _Fate had convinced gravity to take up arms against her as well.)

…right into a barrel of alcohol…

…which promptly broke apart…

…and the liquid converged with the remnants of Itachi's flames…

…and turned the deck into an inferno.

And this was just the beginning.

…

"Ah, that was some good workout."

"I feel much relaxed now, yeah?"

The deck was in small, flickering flames and red embers. Splintered wood lay everywhere. Three men had gone overboard. More than a few people were missing their dignity.

And they called it a _workout_.

* * *

This time it wasn't fate.

This time it was Hinata who royally screwed herself over.

Because she was a ninny who'd let down her guard and forgotten that village girls were incapable of reading supposedly (rather, _supposed to be_) dead languages.

It happened very fast.

The yellowing antediluvian chart was tacked right there.

They were off in their own petty arguing (yes, the brawl worked, no one was getting unnecessarily fired up).

She'd asininely looked over the blotted, blooded ink-stain words and asked why the map gave such dandy flaky instructions – remove the seals, take three steps back and a ninety-degree twirl and… do the morning peacock, _what the hell?_

"You can read it?"

Hinata had a rather distasteful premonition of shit hitting the fan. _Oh crap._

"N-no, I was just l-looking." Even kiddie-Hyuugas would be able to tell she was lying.

"You understood it."

There was this thing about being the center of attention that Hinata hated.

(In the back of her terrorized mind Hinata wondered why she didn't think of pretending she couldn't understand the language that first unholy night. They might have left her alone.

She should have gone: _No comprenez no ingles, hai?_)

Somewhere, someone was leaking murderous intent, as true and fine and sharp-edged as Itachi's.

Hinata grew agitated, her dormant sense of alarm springing back to life seconds too late.

"Since when did little bitches like you know so much?" Hidan asked humorlessly.

"Yes, even the cleverest of village girls shouldn't know how to read even an inch of this." Sasori said quietly.

"Even the cleverest of village _boys _too." Konan put in, to be fair.

"Well… I h-had a professor for a neighbor and –"

Someone whistled softly, needlessly letting her know her story was unraveling faster than the masts had during the brawl.

"…I was tutored." _And by the best._ Not that it helped.

"You're…rich." From Kakuzu. It wasn't a question.

There wasn't anything to be gained by denying it.

"Y-yes." _And barring the total collapse of the world's economy, she would always be._

The leak of killing intent was suddenly chugging out like a waterfall with diarrhea.

Or maybe it was still just a leak. A gas leak.

"I had told you that." Itachi calmly interjected, impervious. "I accounted for the possibility of Hinata being wealthy."

"Wealthy." Kakuzu repeated, dangerously still.

"I must say I'm not surprised." Konan hmmed. "Though I don't entirely believe she is of Uchiha caliber – rather too deferential, don't _you_ agree, _Itachi_?"

"Will her family be looking for her?" A practical question.

"P-probably."

"If she is indeed _Uchiha_, they should have the necessary resources. But I doubt an armada is after us. The Uchiha are not so much loved."

(Unless its a FANgirl fleet.)

"Uchiha." The name threw a lit fuse right in front of that virtual gas leak.

Kakuzu's tight rein on his temper snapped. He gesticulated threateningly.

"Must have been so amusing for you, _princess_. Had fun playing _peasant_? Had fun playing _thief_? Don't stop there – play _beggar _too, play _whore_, play _graverobber._ Must have been a blast rolling in the mud with the pigs. Lying with the dogs."

Kakuzu was so obviously past logical that he was unaware that it wasn't exactly Hinata he was insulting anymore. Some of the others were bristling at being called farmyard animals.

"Was it a novelty to starve? To wake up in a sea of garbage? To sleep out in the cold? I'm fucking sure you had a great time laughing your ass off at the poor, sodding bastards holding you."

Yes, some were really beginning to take offense.

Kakuzu's voice petered down to deep and glacial, like he wanted to choke her by tone alone.

"Snobs like you, always thinking you're above the rest. You scornful contemptuous bitch."

Hinata was too shocked to take it to heart.

_Whoawhoawhoawhoa. _

This was _ridiculous_.

How did _she_ end up the villain in this?

Kakuzu must have misread all the signs because just WHEN did she do anything remotely snobby?!

(Or find her situation amusing? Too ridiculous to even contemplate on.)

"Y-you think I'm insulting you?" She was guilty of many things – ineptness particularly and uselessness generally – but not _this_.

(_Just shut up now. Let him go at you._)

"I-I'm not a s-snob. I just –"

(_Just be your usual excusatory self and apologize profusely. Or better yet, shut up._)

"We do not presume to know your intentions." Itachi cut in coldly, shutting her up himself.

But even he couldn't stop the words that were running away from her.

"I-I wouldn't do that!" For once… for once she would stand up for herself.

Kakuzu killed Hinata.

Or he attempted to. '_Nother day, 'nother stray._

When the dust cleared (an exaggeration – because the deck was as clean as it'll ever be after the en masse tidying up after the brawl), four Akatsuki were standing between Kakuzu and Hinata, impeding the forthcoming attack.

Kisame was standing in front of her like a shield. Deidara was pulling back Kakuzu from behind, heels digging on the floor. Sasori was grasping his hand. Hidan, his foot.

For once, Itachi and Pein looked taken aback.

Konan's eyebrows had potentially disappeared into her hair.

Hinata's spirit might very well have floated out into space.

Hidan was first to break the shocked silence.

"I fucking tripped. What's your excuse?"

Deidara shrugged rather uncomfortably.

Sasori's face was unreadable (unlike the chart, which caused this hullabaloo in the first place).

"Why did you jump in? More special treatment for the princess?" Kakuzu asked venomously.

"Lay off, Kakuzu, just lay the fuck off. Don't lose your head over it." It was so strange to hear Hidan, who blew a fuse on a regular basis, saying that.

* * *

The third really valuable aspect she discovered… was a scorching reprimand she unquestionably deserved.

Hidan decided to be generous with his partner's history, as he dragged her ship's rear for what could be a bitter confrontation during the nightwatch.

And he actually looked serious this time.

"It's not his fault, girly. Me? I don't mind it so much. But _you_ really hit a fucking nerve there. Fucking ass money whore heathen he may be, but he's serious about it. He had every right to gut you."

"M-money's not everything." Hinata defended weakly.

"Hey," Hidan's face took on a tinge of annoyance. "You fucking speak with that presumptuous arrogance again and I swear I'll gut you myself. Don't forget you've been blessed, girly."

And what a punch to the innards that was. It must be a prelude to the actual evisceration.

"I'm sorry." Hinata, this time, was genuinely contrite. It was an apology that seared itself into her soul, so unlike the many apologies she'd offered over the years.

Which didn't bar Hidan from treating it like dirt, of course.

"Don't apologize. Just don't do it again."

Another punch.

He waited a while for her to repent properly before turning on the charm once again.

"So… wealthy merchants or one of those dynasty families?"

_One of those dynasty families. The dy-nastiest of all._

"Merchants, of course." _Perhaps about four generation ago, an obscure branch._

What a dirty little liar she was. _Utter perfidy_. No wonder they kept her.

* * *

Two days ago, she'd circumstantially outed herself.

"My, my, the quality of our _nobles_ sure are going down, yeah?" Deidara leered amusedly.

Now she was getting all kinds of crap from it.

Ye Jolly Akatsuki were the epitome of _Schadenfreude_.

"C-can you please stop that? I-it may have been funny the f-first time but d-don't you think enough is e-enough?"

"Whatever you say, _liebling._" Hidan called over his rum, parodying her facility with languages.

(It was unfair. Considering his Exploding Note encounter, he should have been a total teetotaler by now.)

"Take it up with _el_ _capitan_." Kisame joined in.

It wasn't cruel, what they did. It would have been far better if it had been cruel but…

A far, far worse fate: she'd finally clicked into place.

(And, considering the exact place, she was much better disposed to snuffing herself.)

The _out_ had given her a past, an identity, a character flaw (in their eyes) and, consequently, a true-blue enemy. It shifted their perceptions of her to something more than just _transient_.

_Fitting in._ It was not exactly what she had in mind. All she was missing now was her own wanted poster.

Having a drinkfest session was certainly not what she had in mind either but did that stop them? No.

It was crude, boorish, and damningly plebeian. It was the most preposterous _tradition _she'd ever participated in.

But with it, and with the profusely exaggerated life stories they were exchanging once the throat-burning alcohol knocked out their common sense, she'd been elevated from _stray _to _comrade_. The already motley crew got even more aberrant.

_A shark, a nut, a bomber crazy_

_A stony bastard, a genius, a man mad for money_

_A good boy, the captain and his… lady fair?_

_Now throw in the whacko Hyuuga heir._

"If you wished to know, the most legendary of former strays is Haku of the Mist Demons. In merely five years, he ascended all the way to second-in-command." Sasori commented, stoic even when totally smashed.

"I-I couldn't replace Konan," Hinata (_oh the horror_) slurred politely. "Wrong c-color hair."

Yup, she was gone. She was completely gone. Over the edge. Goodbye. Farewell. Adios. Arrivederci.

___Lasciate ogne__ speranza, ____voi__ ch'intrate__._

Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.

(And was she ever going to regret it in the morning.)

…

_Wily fortunate onlookers who couldn't be dragged into the alcohol-chugging:_

Pein sighed into the cool night air, watching the kindergarten-worthy antics of his purportedly ruthless and fearsome crew. The drinkfest had turned into a disaster with baudy singing.

Konan turned to him curiously.

"It is times like this I almost regret agreeing to take her in."

Konan smiled gently. "_Almost_, right? You made an excellent line-up of missions, Pein, _exactly_ what Hinata needed to toughen up."

"The fact that captain would stoop to such a thing is telling." Itachi commented silently, being his usual observant self.

"And that is why I am captain."

* * *

The fourth really valuable thing Hinata learned… was unexpectedly, crushingly sad.

Konan had pulled her aside one session, finally attempting some _feminine_ bonding time – something neither of them will _ever _acknowledge but which they both _seriously_ needed.

It was about a boy named Yahiko.

It was about growing up in the blood-stained seas at the peak of the (highly emotional) pirate wars.

It was about friendship, an almost ménage à trios without the accompanying sexual relations.

(And here, Hinata thought they actually had something in common. Her mental mirages were unnervingly silent on it.)

It was about a double-crossing and the different kinds of bastards you might meet.

The treacherous bastard. The ruthless bastard. And, _most hateful of all_, the self-sacrificing bastard.

"Hateful, because you're forced to speak fondly of him even when all you want to do is yank him from the grave and punch his lights out," Konan stated tartly. "Who told that bastard he could get away with that?"

Anything Hinata could have said died in her throat in little word suicides.

Konan's face turned serious.

"What I learned from that, is that you can't let yourself just be saved all the time. There will be times that people will need you to be strong enough to take care of yourself." She whispered quietly in reminisce. "Why do you think I had you training? So you can save yourself from certain death. So you can save yourself from the guilt of having caused someone else's death."

And this:

"Someday people will depend on you to be strong enough to save _them_. It will be then that you will truly walk along the level path of comrades."

And this:

"I can fight, Hinata, I assure you. And I can let you fight instead of stooping to vacuous flirtations, but this is where the Akatsuki are sorely lacking, this is where they depend on us for."

And, finally, even though it was less _encouragement_ and more _emotional blackmail_, Hinata understood.

Heart and soul and bruised body into training.

* * *

A few days later – because there is nothing epically disastrous enough to mention in the interim – the world tipped over on its axis.

It was Deidara's fault. It was _all_ Deidara's fault.

He kicked the bucket.

Literally.

Itachi of the Sharingan, who had sustained nothing more than a few minor flesh wounds during even the most calamitous of skirmishes, might just possibly be done in by brain hemorrhage because of, humiliatingly enough, a pail.

Yes, Itachi took the _bucket_ to the head. Not as impressive as _bullet_ but it was close.

Considering that the blond had kicked it from the all-high crow's nest – all that potential energy – it was _very_ close.

"OH FUCKING SHIT!" Hidan yelled out.

"Why the hell are _you _crying out?!" Kisame growled at him.

"I fucking felt like it, shitface!"

Here was the scandalizing part – enough to blow all other absurd occurrences out of the water – it wasn't Itachi who'd been in the original trajectory at all.

Unsurprisingly, because bad luck really did follow her around like an overprotective cousin, it had been Hinata.

(So, wait, it wasn't entirely the blond's fault. Hinata and Tobi were implicated too. Tobi, because who else provoked Deidara to initiate the projectile?)

Hinata – who was torn between spasming over 'Darn and I promised I wouldn't let myself be saved anymore!' and spasming over 'What _what_ _what_ who the hell was able to kidnap the real Itachi?' – had frozen gobsmacked.

An emergency room medic, she was not.

By the time she managed to unlock her mouth, the crew had already crowded around Itachi's crumpled but shockingly conscious self.

"W-who?" She croaked out. Not even a _thank you_. How ungracious.

Itachi glared at her, a notable achievement, and misheard the words. Or maybe he thought the original question too nonsensical to address and skipped right to the point.

He answered the _Why_.

"I don't know," He gritted against the almost-concussion. "The body moved on its own."

Hinata thought:_ The _body, not _my _body, he was disowning it for its noncompliant stupidity.

"It's inappropriate to say this but… somehow, this feels intensely gratifying." Someone commented.

(In their minds, everyone agreed. Only human nature. And Itachi's face did _indeed _look funny when pained, all clenched teeth and flashing dark eyes and only the merest trace of smarting.)

"Itachi-chan…" There was something carefully blank about Tobi's usually cheerful voice.

"It must be because Itachi did not seek to assist during Kakuzu's murderous rage," Sasori went, feeling a supreme need to be an amateur psychologist. "His masculinity is threatened."

Itachi was coherent enough to raise an aristocratic eyebrow at that.

* * *

The fifth thing Hinata discovered… would no doubt have her kicked from upright and ass-tight social circles everywhere: uncensored freedom. Who else but from Hidan?

"Let me tell you something, girly. I can't be killed." He smirked one sunrise.

"Didn't stop of us from trying." Kakuzu put in.

"T-that's very nice, Hidan."

"I have a fucking vision, girly, something so much greater than anything you've fucking imagine. For that, I'll live forever."

"Oh…" _Just remain politely interested, Hinata. _

_Pretend you just weren't sacked by the strength of his purpose._

"With a vision, you can do just about damn anything." Hidan said with mulish determination. "Look at me, you know I'm from a fucking orphanage run by the most heathen narrow-minded bigots you've ever seen. They didn't allow us anything, so _fucking _military – no freedom of speech, no freedom of religion, no freedom to do whatever. Course, most of us were fucking little kids just scrambling for approval."

That sounded familiar.

"When I finally discovered the greater scheme of things, I fucking showed them that I couldn't care less about their rules."

_Or any rules whatsoever. _Hinata thought.

"That is why his current existence is the way it is," Kakuzu, who had settled for just trying to murder Hinata in her sparse sleep until further notice, said. "It is a resounding _fuck you_ to the entire system."

But… such freedom sounded just _sweet_.

* * *

_On a queer occasion where they actually talked i.e. nightwatch:_

"I realize that you _ladies_ were taught to smile disarmingly but somehow you failed that lesson." Itachi said flatly during one approach post-bucket.

Whoever kidnapped the real Itachi had returned him. Or, more likely, Itachi finally bothered to snuff the guy and return himself. Either way, he was acting coldly dismissive and acerbic and underhanded again.

No, _worse_, he was being _catty_. It was hidden very well but still, when compared to his once cold solitary personality, _ridiculously catty_.

Hinata squirmed uncomfortably, her smile becoming brittle._ Remember he saved your head from being cracked open. _He seemed to be making up for that bout into actual humane kindness by being doubly nasty.

However, unfortunately for him, Hinata was intent on being nice.

The advantage of having elevated status and being on _relatively_ equal ground, Hinata found, was that it gave a semblance of courage. You could fool around _a little_ without fatal consequences. Hinata was going to exploit that for all it was worth for a chance to be – _friends _was still too strong a word – with Itachi.

"Y-you must going blind, I-Itachi. I have a p-perfect smile," She grinned weakly. "D-did that bucket impair your optical lobes?"

Because somewhat-friends kid each other. _Carpe Diem! _(Emphasis on the DIE-m.)

"Does it truly amuse you so much?" He asked forbiddingly.

"Nope, I-I'm simply overjoyed that you are such a hard-headed gent." She was truly, truly pushing the boundaries here. This was not the way to make somewhat-friends. But considering how topsy-turvy everything was, it just might work.

That, or she was going to be, sooner or later, another bloated corpse.

…

"I don't think you're aware of what it means to live as one of us."

Hinata felt the faintest traces of irritation and squashed them down. Letting his words get under her skin would be a prelude to total failure in this game of verbal shots.

"E-excuse me, but have I or have I not been _c-chased_ down, _f-fired_ at, _i-imprisoned_ and _p-propositioned_ by seedy men – including y-yourself, if you wish – for the past few weeks?"

"I fail to see how I am included in your scant legion of conquests."

Great. That was probably the only thing Itachi heard out of all she said.

(Which, incidentally, she shouldn't have said at all. Her alarm system had gone totally out of whack.)

_Getting back on track (after assuring him that her retort was a mere flighty jest):_

"Y-you know how we _r-rich girls _are, too ignorant to be h-held accountable for w-what we say…"

Itachi's eyes told her he didn't believe a word of it but Hinata ploughed on.

"So, l-let us say, _theoretically_, I might w-want to be a pirate. W-what exactly am I unaware of? W-where am I l-lacking?"

"Hinata," Itachi said with all the gravitas and rumination on the ship. Or maybe he was just being grim. Again, hard to tell. "You lack… _hatred_."

Seriously. That little line should have come with a dark, eerie night in bloodbathed streets the way he said it.

_Hatred. Hatred. Hatred._

Hinata was so intensely reminded of Sasuke going through teenage angst that she had to blink.

"_Pfft_. H-hatred does not amount to anything." Hinata said with a flippancy that was ruined by the nervous quiver in her voice. "Y-you were the one who said to k-keep my h-head clear."

* * *

Itachi raised an eyebrow at how easily she dismissed the thing about _hatred_.

(Indeed, he'd disillusioned numerous brats with that shtick.)

And how easily – well, crests and troughs there – she was falling into the renegade pirate lifestyle.

There were moments where she, unless his flawless ability to read people was suddenly failing him, was genuinely enjoying her camaraderie with the Akatsuki. Enjoying it far too many moments for his liking.

The lure of the Akatsuki had once again been too enthralling. Or some people were just too stupid for words.

She was not supposed to forget that she was _captive_. He'd failed admirably – a historical event, for certain – at reminding her of that.

It didn't help that he'd _had_ to intervene with that ludicrous _bucket _affair.

What a rash act of foolishness that was. His outstanding castle of cards brought down by his own hand.

He was loath to admit it, but _failure grated on him_.

Even though the circumstances with this particular stray-turned-_semi-permanent-fixture_ had drastically changed, as evidenced by her continued survival even after Kakuzu went ballistic.

She wouldn't always be so lucky.

He frowned at Hinata, then calmly said. "I will offer you a word of advice." This time he was going to make it clear enough to penetrate to her _relatively_ rose-colored world. "You should not get attached."

"I-I have no illusions regarding what y-you have done – what you are c-capable of doing. A-and I k-know it's hard but I-I'll do my best."

She said it as if she was going to last.

"I must disagree, you have no idea about the heights of their capacity. _They_ are rough and may often act extremely foolish, but I assure you that no fool could ever survive the Akatsuki." Here, he forced himself to nonchalantly say it the way Hidan would, since Hinata seemed especially perceptive to that bastard.

"You're playing with the damn fire, _girly girl_."

Hinata tilted her head, regarding him curiously and noting his odd facsimile of chivalry (and queerly hilarious attempt at Hidan – it was good to know he wasn't all that talented). "Y-you're being nice."

_Well, wasn't this counter-productive? _Itachi wondered if he should allow himself to feel a little frustration. It was totally deserved.

The mood sobered quickly.

"Y-you know…I-I'm not giving up on you." Hinata gazed back at him with a sort of calm, unrelenting defiance. These were the times he could see the _noble _in her, that rubbishy sort of sense of entitlement to have her way _no matter what_. These were the times he would honestly believe she was Uchiha.

It was such a stark difference from the slavish persona she'd been wearing since setting foot on the ship that Itachi didn't have it in him to spoil it.

This failure he would just have to accept then. Regret later, most likely. If he knew how to regret.

* * *

Hinata steeled herself for the usual cold caustic response (something along the lines of "Now I suppose you've just announced you're my stalker. I suggest you get in line, _girly_.").

When it didn't come, she turned slightly to look at him, tilting her head questioningly. With a start, she noticed the catty disdain gone like a wisp from his face.

_Like a mask being slipped off._

There was something in his gaze that was calculating and very _intelligent_, but quite unlike the instinctive cleverness he always effortlessly draped out. No, these eyes were black chips of a mathematician's clinical logic.

Hinata had _always_ thought Itachi to be surprisingly good at deceptive mind games, and strategically brilliant, someone who could be considered on par with or even a little above herself. But no – this was _Neji_ level, navy captain strategist level.

He wasn't an uneducated boor who got his cleverness from experience.

She had _underestimated_ him.

Suddenly, the corners of his mouth twitched up in genuine amusement and he chuckled.

"Fine, I give up." He patted her head like a good pet. "Get yourself killed for all I care."

Blindsided by sudden comprehension, she could only stare at him, her jaw bobbing up and down as she tried to get words out.

"Y-you did all that _d-deliberately_!" All that _cattiness_ (those jeers, dismissals, arrogant swaggers, annoyed frowns, taunting grins and deliberate awkward silences – amazingly, she kept a tab in her head of it, or rather, her mental mirages did. Emotional warfare-wise, she had been totally annihilated) had been very _methodically_ planned and very _intentionally_ played out.

An illusion dispelled.

_He might even be beyond Neji level_, she conceded.

Now that was just _wrong_. Sasori-types aside – weren't pirates supposed to be _boneheads_?

Nonetheless, his rather active attempts – which had over the past several days _dumbfounded _the crew ("Is it me or is Itachi being _bitchy_?") – at spurning her almost-friendship _hurt_.

Why did he have to make her work so hard for that kindness? Not that she minded very much, but… it shouldn't have to be _earned_. This, even a rich bonehead like her knew.

"D-do you hate me, Itachi?" Hinata flinched as soon as she heard her own ludicrous wording. _Hate _was too strong and melodramatic a word.

"I _hate_ you as far as I could throw you, Hinata." Itachi answered blandly, _bored_.

(Okay, _this_ distaste was possibly genuine now.)

_Oh, _Hinata's shoulder's sagged in disappointment. He wasn't as muscular as any of Team Thug – but he could still pitch her pretty far, especially if they were, say, atop a cliff or…

"But," Itachi was speaking again and he was making a face. (Of course, _making a face _in conjunction with Sharingan Itachi meant there was a barely perceptible hint of wry expression of his features.) "I do not think I threw you at all."

It hadn't occurred to Hinata that Itachi had not been speaking in the literal sense.

* * *

"While I am sure you have your own array of talents, you are still unfit as a pirate. This is a highly inconvenient arrangement for both parties." He said all of it as a matter of fact. "I did wish for you to be gone from this ship but since you are so determined to stay," Hinata clamped down on a protest clawing its way out her throat. "I suppose it cannot be helped. Now, we must improve your host of faults so you may pass for barely acceptable."

It should have been insulting.

Still, Hinata was a full-blooded Hyuuga and she could hear what is not being said.

He wasn't making her earn anything then. Just reminding her of the status quo.

Now, however, he was acknowledging her as a comrade, a _lowly gormless one_ but still a comrade.

From what she could gather, he was all "I have a misguided sense of gallantry that will either beat you down to where you are safe or poke you to greater heights so you can be tough enough to be _relatively_ safe".

Oh for Kami's sake, he was exactly like all the men in her life – Sasuke, Neji, her_ father _– in that tough (_uber-tough_) love aspect. Decent guys in their own silly, roundabout, emotionally disastrous ways.

Pirates and nobles were not so different after all.

She should have recognized it _immediately_.

* * *

Itachi had not been exaggerating on her faults – because, really, the girl was a walking disaster victim – but perhaps he had downplayed her strengths too much.

It was not everyday people could deal so agreeably with Tobi when he was being _unusually _childish and wanted to take over the kitchen for another nightmarish pastry.

(Of merely peripheral importance, it was not everyday someone could firmly slot half the crew of the bloody fierce Akatsuki into protective roles, even if they adamantly pretended it wasn't the case.)

Sharpness and diplomacy and the gentle subtlety he never could quite perfect. That, he supposed, he could respect.

But… what the hell was Madara up to now?

* * *

The sixth thing she learned… was about the origins of Ye Jolly Akatsuki.

A certain Madara.

A fierce legend of the seas.

A deity among pirates.

A history maker.

A man surrounded by nearly as much rumors as Hinata's engagement was.

Feared, adulated… and gone.

"Who knows where he is now, yeah? He disappeared without a trace."

"Oh, I think he's still around, just watching us." Konan sniffed pointedly.

* * *

"I am aware I may be too good-looking to be unremarkable. But it works to my advantage."

Hinata choked on the arrogance. But then she'd had firsthand experience with that face (_Putty. _Mental-Neji sneered) so she could understand if only a trifle.

"Use anything and everything in your arsenal."

Itachi sure was pragmatic to a devilish extent, using his God-given good looks to disarm unsuspecting enemies of the female or gay variety.

Barring that crookery AND despite his reticence and coldness which were apparently not _acts_ at all, he was surprisingly good to train with.

(Every one of them was actually excellent to train with. Hinata was certain she was hovering between abysmal and just-pathetic now in terms of combat skill – dangerous enough if she ever got dragged by Hanabi into a catfight with some persnickety princesses again. Oh dear gods.)

What made Itachi's training better – or worse, from an alternate perspective – was that he also taxed her mental capacity with all the legerdemains he conjured up for her perusal.

It was creepy. It was like Sasuke with an added century of maturity and a touch of diabolic manipulation.

And _swarthy _skin. Which had a rather debilitating effect on her. It must be all those years spent in the company of individuals with skin fish-belly-white (and she knew what _that_ looked like now).

…

"You say _I'm_ smarter than most men and yet _I _chose to be pirate and, in your reality, _I_ made a mistake. Is it not possible that _they_ were the ones to choose wrongly?"

"But w-why did you choose such a d-deviant lifestyle?" Hinata asked bewilderedly. "N-not that there is anything wrong with it." She hastily added.

Itachi paused for but a second. "Wanderlust."

_Ah. _"Y-you have never f-found a land you like so much to s-stay?"

"Yes, I highly doubt I will ever be attached to any one place."

"Aye," Hinata grinned, nodding in agreement. "It's not the place that counts, it's the people."

But, considering current context, this was a laughable statement.

The corners of his mouth turned up slowly and, as though he found what she said amusing instead of sappily maudlin, he poked her on the forehead.

Hinata was taken so completely unawares that she felt like she'd taken a wrong turn somewhere and stepped off a cliff.

A weird and distinctly unpleasant sensation.

* * *

"I'm at sea."

"Obviously."

"I mean I'm confused, you fuckhead! Those two…"

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say Itachi got over his reclusive personality."

"Perhaps it was fate."

"Or we can simply attribute it to abhorrent bad luck."

The crew had obviously never heard of subtlety while eavesdropping.

Heck, they weren't even eavesdropping. Eavesdropping entailed a grain of stealth.

"I-Itachi, t-they think you're g-going soft." Hinata kidded.

"As if it matters to me to be judged by morons."

"Hey! Say that again you damn pipsqueak!"

* * *

The seventh thing she'd learned – it's _intel _value dubious – was that Itachi had a brother.

_A brother! _

What a cozy confessional this entirely too long, too Spartan sail turned out to be.

"I do not remember him much." _Lie_. Itachi remembered every single detail. A tiny, black-haired babe the last time he'd seen him.

Harmless as a lamb.

And Itachi had been irrevocably taken in.

* * *

_Back at home:_

Uchiha Sasuke's glare could have roasted a whole flock of lambs that moment.

_Damn that asshole Neji for sailing off. _That utter prick had used the cover of an ensuing storm to hurry off the behemoth Hyuuga fleet into parts unknown while the Uchiha ships sat at the other end of the harbor – because longest distance was the safest distance between the two crews – until they regained visibility in this infernal fog, something that was now apparently not a problem for the Hyuugas.

The flock of lambs being unavailable, he settled on glaring at the stone bust of an esteemed ancestor, waiting for it to sizzle with black flame.

Because _black _was all he felt right now.

(No racist implications either.)

Because Hinata was gone.

Somewhere out there she must be being _beaten_ (got that right), _starved_ (true, but everyone else was too), _molested_ (only verbally, and by Konan). Hinata may be sick and lonely and hurting (debatable).

Hinata was such a gentle soul, after all. Not at all like her satanic sister or obstinate cousin. He reluctantly had to admit however that, unlike those other two _Hyuugas,_ she would be absolutely helpless.

Like a freaking duckling.

(A flash of bittersweet-chocolate memory: Hinata waddling after him and Neji when times were still bright and good and utterly humiliating to remember. He had been _friends _with the asshole. Worse, he had even _looked up to _him, and not just because Neji was taller either.)

That sweet, if annoyingly meek, little childhood friend could be in agonizingly deplorable conditions right now.

_Or worse._

He would give most anything for confirmation that the rumors about Hinata's death were apocryphal.

"Oi, _teme_, your bitching is not going to help anyone." Naruto, who dogged him ever since that incident, had said. That ignorant _toad_.

Sasuke had replied: "Bring back Hinata and I'll calm down."

_Didn't anyone understand that?_

By the time he left, face all acid and all stone, the bust was in pieces on the ground.

In fact, half the floor was missing.

Neji had been right to sail away.

* * *

_Next Chapter: A SHORT interlude – jaunting off into haunted islands. Because every pirate story needs a haunted island scene. Right, Hidan, HAUNTED. Wooooo. _

**Notes:** Long chapter for the long update interim. I will be beyond shocked if you reached this point in one sitting and are not bored out of your mind. The plot is progressing… like a snail on sedatives.

Something not so cracky for once but twice as OOC. You might not like it though, since most of you seem to read this for the laughs. I will find my sense of humor again. Promise with good-guy pose.

By the way – this story will be, at the very most, 18 chapters. We're at least halfway through! Yay?

Thanks for reading. **REVIEW!**

I will check my email about... five days after I post this. Because, you know -_thesis_- it will be over by that time and I CAN BREATHE. Leave a review to make sure I would, you know, still want to. Breathe, that is.


	10. Interlude: Origins

**Notes: **I learned the value of backing up files now. I thank everyone who left feedback – I seriously would have abandoned this story if not for you. Do not underestimate the power of reviews.

Notice that I am an _undying_ Hidan fangirl, pardon the pun.

Lastly – and this is important, you have to respond – did my writing style change noticeably? If it did, would you prefer I continue the story in the new or old style?

**In this chapter: **Attempts at resurrecting a dying story, crack pairings, brutal OOCness. Crack. Language.

* * *

**INTERLUDE CHAPTER: **

**ORIGINS a.k.a. Team Art's First Mission with Ye Jolly Akatsuki**

* * *

_Many years before, when the world was essentially unchanged and just as easily festered with the evils of humankind…_

* * *

"I get that you want to start them _small_, Captain," Hidan's drawling voice carried well throughout the luxurious cabin, filling the beams and cracks with insanely devilish mirth. "But this is too damn cute. You're leaving the kids together."

Sasori and Deidara, being what one would consider _rookies_ despite their stellar qualifications for mass murder, only _twitched_ upon hearing this. What impressive self-control. The fact that they were tied up, gagged and blindfolded may have contributed.

Itachi, whose hands were very much free and who had not yet perfected the art of turning the other cheek – a skill he would improve upon many times over in the years to come – had to be restrained by Zetsu.

"Hold on there, small fry," said the man whose surprisingly gentle manner was offset by his monstrous appearance. "Hidan may be the most childish bastard you'll ever meet but he'll wipe the floor with you as it is."

The innocently-intended statement immediately fired up aggression in the ranks. Zetsu was extremely well-versed in being passive-aggressive, a skill that will shorten his lifetime considerably.

Having just been appointed by the Legendary Madara, Pein was still in that awkward position where he did not have bodily control of his singularly unstable crew.

Hidan certainly didn't help. Puberty worsened it.

Itachi, always so quick with his hands – to everyone's chagrin given his sullen nature– launched a dagger at Hidan, nicking his ear. The religious man screamed bloody murder.

Kisame, accustomed to adolescent rages by surviving six swordsmen going through that hellish stage when the world hated you – in their case _with good reason_ – and you hated it back, ducked swiftly and started mounting a barricade.

The would-be Team Art simultaneously made alarmed faces, of the _are-these-people-fucking-serious_ variety.

The only thing that prevented their ship from being even _more_ shorthanded was Pein and Konan's timely intervention with killing intent, and machine pistols. It cost a fortune in upholstery but this method of control was steadily imbibing docility in the ranks.

"Whosoever lays another blow will die," said Pein, straightforward in his youth, not yet realizing the value of _circling the prey before going for the kill _for inspiring loyalty in brutes. "As I've said, the former captain – goddamn him – left us a mission."

"What –" Kisame swallowed back his words as Konan pointed a rapier at his throat.

"_Let him finish_," the blue-haired woman murmured.

"Yeah, shut the hell up, Kisame," Hidan concurred. "You know how that bitch gets touchy when you don't listen to the Cap'n, ever since Yahiko kicked the damn bucket –"

Konan ground the sword into him hard enough to knock him off his feet. Years later, there will be attention-catching scars. Hinata had been mistaken about them being the result of some violent skirmish rather than latent stupidity.

"We will enter Kumo waters." Pein said loudly over the sound of Hidan gurgling on his own blood on the floor. He waited for the sound of dramatic gasps, unsurprised and a bit disappointed when they didn't come. Madara had never lacked for theatrics during his own mythical rule.

Let it be known right now that the Akatsuki and Kumo did not have good relations. Since time immemorial, Akatsuki had been messing the shit out of Kumo – blowing up their ships, ransacking their towns, pilfering their loot, pimping their women... On the other side, Kumo annoyed the Akatsuki by invariably thwarting all its attempts to place a man on the inside. The two factions had all the harmoniousness of oil and water, gasoline and a blowtorch, gunpowder and a lit fuse.

"I will emphasize this: this is not a looting mission. It is _infiltration_." There was a serious note in the Captain's voice that even Kakuzu, who had all the motivation of a sea-slug, stood to rapt attention. "This is the mission which will start _it_ all."

That "_it" _had a rather exciting ring to it.

"_Everyone_ will be involved, these two will work with Itachi," He motioned to the parties of interest, still chained to the floor where Hidan's bleeding had nearly reached them. This time no one made any cracks about _starting them small_. "It will require wit and strength which you _should_ have or _should _be able to develop before you're knocked off. Do not prove yourselves weak and impotent, young ones."

The three scowled.

"Your mission is sabotage. Unlike kidnapping, you need not take anyone alive."

"That makes it easier, un." Deidara grinned for the first time since shifting loyalties to the Akatsuki. _Bloodthirst_, rather than hormones, filled up his lanky form.

"The rest of you will do the borderline impossible: enter the heart of the stronghold, and steal the demonkeeper, the _jinchuuriki_, one of the guardians of the nine treasures."

Eyebrows raised all around.

_The nine demon treasures existed? _Suspicions arouse at once, and everyone waited for the unlucky punk to be the first to react. Unfortunately, Hidan was still to incapacitated to act the resident insurgent.

Sasori was the first to break the silence.

"Suna has one of the _jinchuuriki_," He stated this as a matter-of-fact, as though they were having tea in some summery alcove far away. "I do not know if he remained with that accursed ship."

"So _Suna _knew," Pein nodded like he'd expected it. "_Interesting_. Anyway, this mission takes place in enemy waters and requires subtlety. Therefore –"

He motioned to his righthand.

"Therefore it is lucky that Kumo doesn't know our faces – we will be entering as honored guests and leaving as the same. Anyone who jeopardizes our cover will answer to _me_." Konan, who was then known as _The Barbarian_ among pirates for her abundance of savagery, cut an intimidating figure.

No one so much as meeped (not that they would meep in any circumstance, because they wouldn't).

"The moment we enter Kumo territory, Hidan and myself will be Lord and Lady Waterdeaths."

At this unexpected turn, Hidan emitted a large, squawking sound.

"Waterdeaths – how inconspicuous." Zetsu complimented. The sad thing is…he was serious.

* * *

As they set out to land – after barely dodging the cavalcade of enemy ships and laundering the assortment of puffy artifacts that was the current trend among aristocrats appropriated from a number of vessels – Itachi blasély offered few tips on how to be _aristocrat_ which he likened to having a moral and intellectual disease.

The dark-haired boy, who has slogged through a life of nobility with much fortitude, suggested these things rather unhelpfully: "Cater to them with much pretension. Act as though this fictitious merger with Kumo were a deal that is beneath your magnanimous self rather than the intricate and destestable fraud that it is. Expound on the glory of being a blueblood. Do as you wish – you need not make sense."

"Damn you, you dumb shit," said Hidan dourly. "Since you know so much about how those pigs love to act, why aren't you doing this instead of me? Hell, I'm willing to babysit those traitorous fucks so long as I don't have to dress like a cockatoo!"

Unmoved by the expletives hurled at his face, Itachi glanced to Konan. "I believe a stage of the plan requires someone… larger." The last word came out a tad corrosive.

Hidan, languorously stretching out his chiseled build _a bit too smugly_, regarded him with faux sympathy. Being clad in only the bare minimum – having to wade out to land later as the last time they pulled the boat ashore they nearly missed the getaway window of opportunity – it was only too easy to see how _age_ butters one up before it starts gnawing and ravaging.

Hidan, _all aquiline lines and positively ripped_, was the Akatsuki poster boy before Itachi.

We cannot say for certain if this or some other moment was the instance Itachi secretly – very secretly and perhaps unconsciously – resolved to be absolutely breathtaking.

* * *

"Are you addicted to non-verbals, yeah? I can do that too." To back this assertion, Deidara made a grotesque face, eyes popping in agony, nose expanding to beaky proportions, feral new mouths ripping up from his skin – all in vain to wheedle a satisfactory reaction out of Itachi.

Sasori, wanting nothing to do with the fledgling rivalry, kept a lookout.

The three of them had entered the town under the guise of runaways. Being raised in veritable fortresses themselves, they had been unimpressed with the rugged stone towers and pervasive lines of defending sentinels.

"It's okay for a _connected ship_, I guess," Deidara had shrugged as they breached the walls riding anticlimactically in the back of an old merchant wagon. "_Iwa _had better. This one is too close to the coast, un."

"_Suna _had subordinate towns much better hidden," observed Sasori, tooting his own horn. "Our technology was much better as well. But I suppose Kumo has its own strengths."

"_Iwa_ allied with them during the last pirate war, un." added Deidara, running off with another tangent, showing all the makings of an attention deficit disorder.

It was a while before Itachi, who'd been pretending to be asleep so as not to share his own origins – a disturbing activity that was a growing trend among pirates, perhaps to make up for the salacious lack of friendly interaction – was brought into the conversation.

"I understand you weren't born into this life, Itachi-san," Sasori said, immediately trampling on what could be a sore point. "You may be far behind on these matters. As it is, we've the advantage over you."

Itachi regarded him amusedly before speaking. "You have as much edge as a pumpkin. You forget who has already been accepted into the Akatsuki and who is _still struggling_ for acceptance."

Anyone who might've overheard their conversation – in truth, there wasn't, Itachi made sure – would have thought it the classic conflict for the _top dog_ position among adolescent boys, a part of their wondrous journey to manhood. Anyone who knew better – the ones currently jamming themselves into garish courtier wardrobes – would've phrased it more similar to wolves lunging at each other's throats and would've been greatly entertained.

* * *

Konan, garbed in fine silks they've appropriated from the _Hyuuga Fleet_ – proven by the revered insignia that took seven loads of bleach to remove – a most ambitious endeavor, stared disdainfully at her reflection.

The rouge was beautifully applied, a feat considering the rocky trail their rented carriage had to take, but the face looked ready to gouge its own eyes out.

"I've had enough of this misery," Konan whispered miserably to herself, taking out the stud beneath her lip. She added it to the growing pile of piercings where there seemed disturbingly enough metal for sink a ship.

"Well so have I," Hidan said from across her, wounds all covered, dressed to kill – _perhaps literally_ – and would have been unforgivably attractive if he didn't look like he'd just been sentenced to hell or worse, like marrying Kisame. "And I'm fucking _hungry_. Stupid carriage, stupid Kakuzu, they're fucking late!"

Konan, who wisely tuned out at the first word, started to practice pouts at the mirror. She was, after all, a woman who took her duty seriously. "We should get a new girl."

"…for dinner," Hidan said dryly, realizing he was being ignored. He splayed himself out on the seat. It promptly split apart. He glared at Konan as though it was her fault.

"Thank Kakuzu. It was the cheapest he could find – _we're not investing on enemy territory_ – but it looks adequately grand."

"We're talking about the gaudiest paint job of this fucking century, seriously."

"I'm _sorry_ – did you expect elephants?" asked Konan with enough sarcasm to birth a legend. "Now _hush_."

* * *

"I think I should have the final say on this assignment," Sasori declared so firmly that the "_I think_" at the beginning of the sentence was cleanly vaporized.

"That final say would be '_I agree_', yeah?" Deidara was obviously used to the redhead while Itachi was still cowed by the insubordination.

"Sasori-_kun_," said Deidara, in the biggest mistake of the day so far. "Look, a chicken coop."

_Chicken coop_? Itachi stopped in his tracks. Chicken coop in pirate code translated to _school_. Alarm bells resounded somewhere in the screaming metropolis of his brilliant mind.

Somewhere along the way, they'd taken an inadvertent detour into a circle of hell.

"Wait, we should backpedal –"

A couple of well-intentioned sentries were already approached them without fear. Clearly, _age_ played a factor in radiating menacing vibes.

One asked, "Hey, kids, aren't you a little young to be skipping school?"

Something very cold – rage, defiance, _leftover hunger_ _–_ unfurled at the pits of their stomachs. Deidara clutched the backpack he'd been carrying a bit tighter.

The other guard – a nice man, really – exacerbated the situation to the level that usually ended with genocide. He turned to Deidara and casually mentioned, "A pretty young lady like you shouldn't be dressing like _that_ and hanging out with these boys."

An image of a mushroom cloud filtered quickly through the air, with something like Deidara's head shooting out to space. In reality, however, the blond only gnashed his teeth, albeit hard enough to crush steel bars.

Deidara, being a strategic genius and still retaining a semblance of self-sacrifice that will fade in due time, knew the opportunity for information-gathering when he saw it.

"I apologize, sir. My friends and I areee _looost_. My _paaapa_ said to meet us near the Cloooud Cave so we could go to our hooome far awaaay, across the sea where the sun riiiises." Besides crying like a little girl, Deidara was also shaking with the dementia of this entire farce.

(Years later, Deidara will stare at Hinata flirting with law enforcement with the grace of a mad cow and fragments of his self-respect will die one after the other.)

Unfortunately, the men weren't as stupid as they looked.

"Let's just check with the school, shall we?" Thus, the pirates were herded to the imposing edifice made for the brain-washing called education. Deidara, in childish retaliation, moved with a practiced, methodical insolence that was a weapon in itself.

* * *

"I'll have you hanged!" The illiterate little churl attired in the most dreadful rags he'd ever seen shouted, her twiggy hands like a hag's pointing threateningly at him.

"You and many others, bitch!" Hidan brandished his dagger – the scythe was ostensibly too recognizable – at her. In his other hand was the prize they'd both been gunning for – a basket of superior apple vodka that had fallen off a merchant wagon.

"You obviously don't know who you're dealing with, I'm –" The crone was now saying, in a voice which grated his spine.

"I don't fucking care – _I need this_," Hidan riposted, already feeling the strength alcohol in close proximity gives him. Konan was surely hunting him down for this little sidetrip and he'll need something to numb the forthcoming pain. Thankfully, Konan was as clumsy and slow and ox-like in her dress as he'd calculated.

* * *

"Welcome, Lord Jashin and Lady Blue Waterdeaths, we are _honored _to receive you."

_The man was as insincere as his face was disgustingly comical_, Hidan thought as he gritted his teeth in the manner of those badly brought up, looking down his nose at the man who've ordered countless raids on the towns Akatsuki controlled.

Even though ugly, he would be an impressive offering to Jashin.

"We thank you for having us," Konan said, straining to sound amiable. She was usually a much better actress, but it was only two weeks ago this same man had burned the town where she'd buried Yahiko. When the time came to vote which _jinchuuriki_ to hunt first, she admittedly hadn't been impartial.

"My council is out at the moment," – _plundering villages, kidnapping little girls _– "But we are honored to have you invest in a school in our land. It is rare to find such people as philanthropic and dedicated to education as yourselves."

"It is our pleasure to establish a school to help the disadvantaged and the underprivileged," Hidan announced smoothly, telling himself it wasn't a great big fucking lie, but a starling performance for a ham such as himself. Konan kicked him surreptitiously before he further damned them.

"Let us go to dinner to discuss this intriguing proposition, one of my protégés will be joining us."

Hidan and Konan traded conspiring glances. If information was right, _and it had better be_, that person will be the _jinchuuriki_.

The dinner was beautiful – steaming and shiny, spicy and scrumptious-looking crustaceans, meats of all kinds – if it hadn't been mostly drugged, as was most pirate fests, Hidan would have immediately dug in.

Beside the dinner was a blonde woman glaring daggers at him. The level of hostile contempt was familiar. Hidan immediately backed away like _whoa._

"Fucking shit, haven't we met her before?"

* * *

While Itachi deemed tact non-existent, Hidan courteously invited it in before pummeling it against the wall. This made him a danger to civil society but fortunately only an inconvenience to nobility who were used to overlooking disastrous personality in favor of material wealth.

"So, Lord Waterdeath – Jashin? Might I call you Jashin?"

"It is _Looord Jashin_, thank you very much." Hidan huffed snappishly, murdering the dulcet dialect of Kumo with his mocking articulation.

The Raikage remained unruffled. Konan, apparently prepared for either combat or inept social graces, discreetly poured a bowl of steaming hot soup into Hidan's lap.

"What the hell was that for, woman?"

"I'm sorry, brother." She certainly didn't look sorry at all.

"Blue doesn't need a reason," Yugito interjected cheekily, face still a little swollen where he'd elbowed her in the desperate scramble for free vodka.

The dinner progressed with excruciating slowness.

The monotonous exchange of lies was broken by the dramatic running entrance of perhaps the only honest person in the room. He pointed an empty gun barrel at the visiting nobles.

"Look out brother, it is me! Don't think you can stop Killerbee!" The raucous child swiveled around. His jaw dropped. "It's an ugly hag and a wanker! Who invited them to dinner?"

Raikage stuttered embarrassed apologies, offering more (drugged) soup as a distraction.

Yugito had Cheshire printed all over her face. Hidan was purple with indignation.

_That little shit…_

"My, my, _child_, such language is unbecoming," said Konan the Barbarian, picking up a gleaming knife and emitting killer intent like only the best boatswain in the seas could.

Within seconds, Killerbee ran out crying.

* * *

"That was _retarded_," Deidara growled, pulling the braids and ribbons from his hair, not feeling the ripping scalp at all in his humiliation. "They never let me do this in Iwa. I blew up _ships _there!"

"Are you complaining?" Itachi's voice was dangerously flat.

"You damn bet on that! They made us sit in class like half-wits! I have _never_ sat in a class before!" He seemed proud of this fact.

"I will relay your comments to the captain then." There was a sliver of contempt in Itachi's tone that made Deidara stop his ranting.

Sasori, who'd been made to recite a traumatizing amount of classical poetry detailing the glorious deaths of evildoers in the hands of children, voiced out his own thoughts. "If in the future we must target Kumo again, a map _must be_ procured. I don't care if we have to flay someone to do it."

Itachi, who had been repeatedly castigated – _and beaten in the head_ – for his scraggly hair, concurred.

* * *

Cloud Cave was a misnomer – it was, instead, a series of interconnected caves and abandoned mines that had housed more than its fair share of bandits and pirates. It reached very deep into the earth, probably the same place most pirates – or humanity in general – will end up eventually (except Hidan or especially Hidan, depending).

The entered the forest glade, where the reconnaissance team had hidden all the explosives needed to sabotage Kumo for the next several months, into that still silence in which men entered and never come out. It was their mission to smuggle and activate the collection into the caves.

After a few minutes…

"This is our dynamite pit."

Deidara slowly teetered past the edge of reason as he stared at what seemed to be a paradise of explosives. He swayed side to side in ecstasy.

"I'm staying with the Akatsuki." He finally breathed out.

The next instant, they were ambushed.

* * *

Hidan mockingly impersonated the peninsula's unofficial head of state, banging his fist everywhere and hulking around in exaggeration.

"_Che_ – captain can take whatever Kumo throws at us. Blue, I want _so fucking bad_ to kill them my hands are shaking! Look at this!" he held his hands out to his "sister". "Jashin spoke to me, Blue, he _wants _that fat feast as a sacrifice."

Konan, untouched by the dramatics, stood to summon the rest of the crew into the palatial thing that was their guestroom.

"I am very glad you are already acquainted with the _jinchuuriki_, Hidan," she said meaningfully, once everyone was in and Hidan had gotten over himself. "Because in the next stage of the plan – _you will court Yugito._"

Hidan snapped up so fast everyone and their grandmother got whiplash.

"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?" Hidan yelped in, _for once_, truly righteous indignation. "Do it yourself, asshole!"

"Why not you?" asked Konan, rather stupidly. A thousand reasons, wrestling among themselves, immediately sprang to everyone's mind.

"Hell, I can't even _stand_ her. If I must do this _for the sake of Jashin_, I'll prefer a real lady, not that murderous hag – don't tell me she didn't cackle when I reached for that steaming catfish eyeball pea thing whatever, because _she did_ – I'll prefer someone rich and classy, like a Hyuuga."

"We're not paying for a damn wedding." Kakuzu put in.

"There won't be any damn wedding! Hell no!" Hidan pasued. "Maybe if she'd been as gorgeous as she's malicious, you'd have fucking gone for it, Kakuzu? You'd have _interesting_ children, I'm sure."

Konan put her elegant head into her hands. "Oh give me strength."

* * *

Ultimately, it was through the never-sufficiently-acknowledged efforts of Konan that Hidan was coerced into accepting the plan. The stipulation was rumored to involved middle-aged harpies and to be so horrible in so many ways that it was never spoken of again, only shrieked in the middle of moonless nights.

Zetsu, who really wasn't the threat his obscene face indicated – at least not until he catches scent of human flesh – proved very helpful in relaying scandalously scorching information to the most viral gossipers known to man – not the maids nor the hairdressers, though these combated valiantly for second place – the elderly.

This was, according to their intelligence, the best way to lay the groundwork for whirlwind romances where the couple – oh, how the label _sizzled_ – mutually evaded each other as though one was the plague and the other the apocalypse.

* * *

Hidan proposed the seaside outing with a look like someone just died. On second thought, scratch that last bit. The invitation came out magnificently slurred because of all the gnashing teeth.

On her part, Yugito was pressured by the Raikage to accept because he _approved_ of the strong young man with superb strength of character – he was clearly _deaf_ from all the cannon battles he had lived through– and seemingly endless money coffers.

They spend the next morning walking along the sundrenched shoreline – surrounded by rocks so treacherous blood was found on the beach nearly every morning – trailed after by the three-man crew (plus Killerbee) which called itself Team Samui and Hidan's own entourage (minus Konan, who claimed vampirism to avoid going out).

(Defying all odds, Killerbee and Kisame got along very well.)

Yugito's hair looked like it was powdered in gold. Hidan admitted that he might have been a bit harsh in declaring how it reminded him of dried up tentacles of old sea-witches. However, in the splattering sunshine, it made him ill just looking at it.

Once they were at a sufficient distance, he balled a fist at her. "Would you stop the exaggerated weeping _please_?"

Yugito continued to pretend wiping at tears. "I-I'm sorry. I just thought I'd never see this bastard again, but suddenly people are talking about us getting married!"

Hidan rolled his eyes under the guise of finding interest in some capriciously-shaped clouds. The moment he relaxed his arm, Yugito flipped him over.

"That, bastard, is payback." She put a foot to his chest, unwillingly impressed by the rock-hardness of it. "I don't know what you and your sister are getting at – if you're a new breed of golddiggers, we'll kill you, understand?"

She walked away. Hidan yelled after her.

"If this is about the vodka, I like – _oh fuck _– pretending I'm a crude drunk peasant every once in a while!"

* * *

"Come on, we'll take my," Hidan gagged on the next word. Someone up there hated him. It made him insane to even consider it might be Jashin. "…magic carpet. I'll show you the fucking world, seriously. We'll even play it by whim – let your…_heart_…decide and all that shizz."

Yugito considered a moment. "It can't hurt, right? It's a whole new world – I swear, everything has gone batshit topsy-turvy."

* * *

"See the linen? These horrible images in embroidery were stitched by Kumo's prisoners in their leisure time. Imagine the volume of hate needed to produce this grotestque reptile."

Hidan snorted. "It can't be too hard if _you_ inspired them."

* * *

"Fuck, between him and her, I couldn't get a decent breath in there!"

"So you didn't enjoy the theater?"

"It was only funny when the dying bastard suddenly choked on his own spit and keeled over before someone got the water. Serves him right for fucking up comedy."

* * *

"It wasn't s'bad as I thought – _die in impenitence, you herd of heretics_! – fucking fanatics." Hidan remarked, coming out of the temple entirely refreshed. "I was much more entertained by the sermon than that comedy, especially when the fucker started breathing fire on the front pew–"

"I told you that was a _terrible_ accident. The man was _terribly_ hurt –"

"Jashin's will, you unbelieving heathen. Don't fucking tell me you didn't laugh."

* * *

"You couldn't hit water if you fell off a boat. You're pathetic with guns," sneered Yugito, stumbling upon an immutable truth.

For once, she was smiling. Hidan grudgingly smiled back, crushing the pistol barehanded.

From the sidelines, Kisame and Kakuzu grudgingly held thumbs-up signs.

* * *

"Your posture is shit. I'm not marrying a fucking hunchback!"

"It's only for a photograph! Where is Lady Blue, anyway? She is needed here."

"Blue is positively hostile to photography," Hidan explained smoothly. Unfortunately, he wasn't exaggerating one bit.

"Did you just _propose_?"

"Shut the fuck up. I don't know what you're talking about, you retard."

* * *

"The reconnaissance team. You were supposed to already have left this island." Itachi raised a questioning eyebrow, effortlessly keeping his voice neutral.

"But we like it here. Good food, good women, all the ships we need. Unless, of course, _the Akatsuki offers a better deal._" All around, the captors raised their cutlasses in accord.

They were bold, brazen, smelly men with terribly misguided ideas about the ferocity of Pein's elite, simply because the feared Madara flew the coop for more daunting horizons.

Prodigy minds clicked in the ringing synchrony of understanding. Three pairs of eyes lowered to properly ruminate on the implications of what was happening. _This was treason._

"What would you consider a better deal?" Itachi said it casually, as though he wasn't being held at gunpoint.

"More loot for one – but you _children _don't need to know. We can wait to deal with the higher ups."

"You think _I'm_ not of authority?" Itachi asked, eyes fractionally wider than before.

"I'm a pirate, boy, and I've been working the seas while you were still eating your own shit," The coarse one replied. "I've seen hundreds of you who think you've got what it takes."

"We've got it, un," Deidara smirked arrogantly, a mad light dancing in his eyes. He dropped his hands slowly.

"Keep your hands up, missy."

"My legs are itchy, yeah?" The snarl ripped out from Deidara's throat with exceptional vehemence.

_A touch._

_An explosion._

_A scuffle._

* * *

"March!" Deidara punctuated the word rather effectively with a gunshot. Really, he was enjoying himself way too much. He fired another round into the air without abandon, prodding hysterics out of men twice his size. "If you drop _even a single one _of those pretties, your head will come off, yeah?"

The bullets sparked off the roof of the cave, scattering bats and bits of rock everywhere.

"Are you able to navigate this cave with all that paraphernalia?" Itachi asked dubiously, perched atop a rock, lit torches in each hand.

"Nothing's stopped me before," responded Deidara, even as he was buried beneath a mountain of equipment. "Hey you! If you're gonna die of blood loss, step aside! Don't hold up the line!"

* * *

"I'd rather die than follows these," The man glared venomously around. "These kids!"

"Is that so, yeah?" asked Deidara, popping up at his shoulder like a malignant tumor. "Why did you say so?"

"No!" I-I didn't mean it!"

"What's going on?" Itachi stepped up, crunching over rocks, not yet as phantomly as he will be years later.

"Isn't it obvious? He can't make up his mind because he doesn't have one, yeah?" Deidara said with a chilling mirth.

* * *

"Might I ask – have you ever gone mad with the eccentric desire to do good deeds?"

Itachi pondered deeply on that for a split-second, a face swam into the forefront of his mind – a terribly ugly one pinched in a tantrum – before he imperceptibly shook his head. "No."

They started gunning down the wall of traitors.

* * *

"Bow your fucking head or lose it!"

"You are the worst fiancé I've ever had." Yugito's voice was muffled and garbled by the gag.

"That's damn great, seriously – just keep on walking, woman, the little kits will be looking for you soon."

Someone came running through the dark, serpentine labyrinth of the Kumo sewers, sloshing mud and other unmentionable things all around. It was Kakuzu.

"Deidara's already blown out an exit straight to the beach. We're making a run for it – all hell's broken loose in Kumo. Barricades are being put up right now."

"How dare you infiltrate the land of my ancestors? The Raikage will make you pay – you'll suffer for every cent you'll charge." Yugito's voice was getting steadily weaker with the intense amount of dope in the cloth stuffed into her mouth.

As the shaft of light at the end of the tunnel gradually grew wider, the would-be Team Thug – young and shirtless – walked faster, dragging Yugito behind them.

Out on the sand, Konan and the triumphant adolescents were waiting.

Suddenly, a strong quake shook the whole island, waking everything that had managed to sleep through the ear-splitting shriek that reverberated through the atmosphere when someone discovered Yugito's kidnap. (While Itachi was fairly good at copying handwritings, enough to forge an elopement note, they hadn't had a sample.)

The bombs had gone off. _Presumably_, the way hairline cracks formed on the ground and the way Deidara bounced around.

In the distant horizon, the Akatsuki ship loomed, waiting for its wayward crew.

In the opposite direction, the Raikage and his entire cavalry of brutes raced towards them.

Konan, Kakuzu, Kisame, Zetsu Hidan, Sasori and Deidara hightailed it to the ship.

Itachi, not looking the least bit panicked, followed suit.

* * *

"You can't help but feel for his ability to rise from the dead, yeah?" Deidara sounded awed as Hidan's heart restarted under Kakuzu's rather savage version of healthcare.

"Truly the only reason he stands before us today," agreed Kakuzu, finishing up the stitches before Hidan woke up and tore them all open again. "Who knew the Raikage would be suspicious? We'd been damn careful."

Deidara's jaw dropped at the inaccuracy of the statement. Anyone would half a brain would've been suspicious.

"He might not have gotten away if you had not rigged up the shoreline," Sasori said quietly, unused to offering sincere compliments. Deidara beamed at the acknowledgement.

Zetsu patted him patronizingly on the head. "Hidan? I don't think so. This man survives everything. He did a great number on the Raikage."

* * *

Groggily: "Where's she?"

"Hidan – they've already dragged her to the bilge, you know the things that happen there."

They waited with bated breath for his reaction. Loudmouthed and open though he was, Hidan had always been very inconveniently unpredictable.

His eyes sharpened to a startling clarity. His face scrunched up with an undefinable expression.

"Did you say someone _manhandled _her? And I fucking _missed _it?"

* * *

"It's a fucking pity your tongue isn't as loose as your morals, you heathen."

"You couldn't have helped me, just a little?" Looking very much like the bitter hag he'd initially thought her to be, Yugito regarded him with enmity, contempt, and something very much like hurt. "I thought we – there was _something_."

A wry smile pulling on his lips, Hidan turned his back to her and screamed fanatically to the heavens: "This face belongs to _Jashin_, bitch, _body and soul_!"

Of course, this didn't mean anyone else within hearing range was spared, not his crewmates who could have done without this quotidian experience, not Yugito.

* * *

Pein compliments Team Kids and stress importance of working as a team despite all the hatred harbored between them.

"You have all accomplished the mission splendidly, although I did have to save you all in the end. This is Ye Jolly Akatsuki, where the elite are gathered and loyal and true to each other… most of the time…a family." Pein said with a straight face.

"One I'd like to massacre, from time to time" muttered Itachi.

He commended everyone with words too gratuitous to be earnest, congratulated jobs well done, fine leader, smooth operations, yadda yadda.

"Sasori, your genius will be of much use to us. We shall spare no expense for your experiments."

Kakuzu paled instantly.

"Deidara, the amount of fire in you can burn the ship down."

Pein must have been a bit of a clairvoyant because that very night, the big, beautiful new ship which – once repaired, will serve them for many, many years – burst into a joyous festivity of flame and explosions.

Ye Jolly Akatsuki had no choice but to continue hiding in enemy territory where the lot of them were hated to a _marvelous_, if not _awe-inspiring_, degree and headhunted for three weeks.

Much later, Hinata will ponder on the Jolly Akatsuki's liberal paranoia whenever entering enemy waters.

* * *

_**End.**_

**Notes: **In other news… OMFG! Chapter 501! –foams at the mouth-

Love it or absolutely hate it to cinders, _please_ tell me. **Review!**


	11. Haunted Island

**Notes: **Written between fever-dreams and gut-puking. Dengue, it's a bitch. I also apologize for the last chapter – I was already feverish when I posted it and missed all the spelling and grammar things I normally comb over. It's training for TOEFL's, which scare the shit out of me. I hope I don't live to take them.

**Warnings: **Horror, not for the…faint-hearted.

**Disclaimer: **Not mine.

* * *

**Haunted Island**

_...because every pirate-fic needs one._

_

* * *

_The island was really nothing more than a spit of land in the middle of the sea. A fleck of land obscured by a thick white feathery mist like icing on a mossy cake.

_Cupcake_, to be more accurate.

It was a tiny blob of marsh and rock that most seafarers and cartographers wouldn't bother noticing, a wayward islet that in sheer _optimism_ hadn't yet realized it should be on its way to the bottom of the ocean.

From afar, where it was so _small_ against the slate blue sky, a speck on the horizon, it wasn't worth the attached notoriety.

Quite in fact, Hinata could have fallen in love the moment she set eyes on it.

It was _land_, and it was _green _and it was tangible proof that the gods didn't decide to end the world by _deluge_ again, as she had been theorizing with every day she saw nothing but water for miles around.

She never thought she'd be so glad to see _soil_ in her life.

Hidan, however, absolutely refused to set foot on it. He'd rather _starve_, he claimed, something the rest of them weren't as paranoid to continue suffering. Hunger, the great motivator.

"_Ill-repute _doesn't even begin to fucking describe it!" The silver-haired man shouted, gesticulating hotly, reminding everyone of exactly who put the _irate _in pirate. "By Jashin, you unbelieving fuckheads, we should get the hell out of here! I don't care if we having to fucking _swim _away!"

"You don't honestly believe the legends of a haunting, do you?" Konan asked exasperatedly.

_Haunting? _Hinata's ears perked up.

"Or the witches?"

_Witches? _Her eyes widened.

"Or the demons?"

_DEMONS? _The island suddenly didn't seem as charming as it seemed grisly and sinister. It had been the film of desperation over her eyes.

_Were they serious?_

Seeing her telltale expression of disquiet wariness from the corner of his eyes, Itachi slowly inclined his head in what could pass for a nod.

(It said a lot about their unconventional anti-dalliances that he could read even her stoic game face near-perfectly now. He was starting to tell between her degrees of embarrassment, from merely shy to _mortified_ to Kami-can-I-please-move-to-another-universe? She, on the other hand, could tell he was _nodding_. It was rather grossly imbalanced.)

"I'm sure that whatever apparitions you associate with this island are mere figments of your retarded imagination, Hidan." Sasori grunted impatiently. "You are thinking illogically."

Hidan rounded on him.

"Well, how do you explain those fuckers' disappearance the last time you needed to stop by here to, midget? Were four hundred pounds of vanishing asshole also my goddamn imagination? A sure swell way to sacrifice some good men there. _Way_ fucking logical."

"That was circumstantial." The redhead said, with enough starch to make loaf of bread embarrassed. "Besides, this place is of unparalleled convenience for storing supplies."

"Circumstantial, my ass. They were drooling like rabid dogs, you remember, enchanted by the resident _brujas_, maybe even fucking possessed."

_Possessed_? Hinata took careful note of Hidan's pallor. _He wasn't kidding._

"Are you afraid your god is unable to protect you, Hidan?" Kakuzu asked, innocently enough.

Hidan turned an ugly puce. Then his eyes suddenly gleamed as he regarded the masked pirate with a dangerous glee.

"You're being possessed by those damn demons, Kakuzu, trying to lure me to put Jashin-sama to the test, _eh_?" He brandished his scythe, making them all jump back. "I'll have your head, asshole! I'll fucking exorcise you _right here_!"

"Hidan will definitely not be going then." Pein sighed, as Hidan chased Kakuzu around the newly-reconstructed mast with an unholy light in his eyes. Everyone momentarily recalls the good ol' days when Hidan was still too _chill_ to be bothered by idiocy.

"I was not about to suggest it." Sasori, who looked like a diminutive cabin boy rather than _ad hoc _mission leader, said. "The supplies which must be retrieved are relatively light. For this, speed would be prioritized over muscle. Although I am _certain_ Hidan's spooks are entirely flights of fancy, I would like everything done as soon as possible."

"He creeped you out too, yeah?"

"I merely remember the foul slobbering." Sasori's mouth tightened in disgust.

"What, you forgot the _gnawed out organs_?"

* * *

_Why?_

_Kami, why?_

_Why_, of all characteristics, did Sasori need a team that was lightweight?

Oh yeah, it was because the island really _was_ a bog and anyone as heavy as Kakuzu or Kisame would most likely punch a hole _straight through it_ before reaching the solid rocky center.

And why did he also need a team with exceptional vision?

Another rhetorical question. Sasori had explained it clearly and succinctly: the supplies were hidden in all manner of paranoia. And no one really knows what happened to the map.

(Hinata prayed she hadn't inadvertently tossed it overboard.)

_Lightweight._

_Exceptional Vision._

Both this attributes pointed all fingers rather unfairly to two people to go along with Sasori, who knew the terrain best, and Deidara, who would provide all the firepower necessary to totally topple the place.

Hinata, while not inclined to believe in hauntings, being a firm follower of the saying _seeing is believing_, was also not too set on deliberately tramping into a place that would possibly make her reconsider that old adage.

Her survival instincts rebelled at the idea.

But it had been a very quiet rebellion. Not even a word of dissent as she got dragged into what should be _retrieval_ and could turn out _ghost hunt_. Curse her meekness.

God may bless the meek, but Ye Jolly Akatsuki trampled them underfoot.

That is why she now found herself in the smaller boat with Itachi, Sasori and Deidara, riding amidst dark, churning waves towards horrorlandia, asking Kami why this was happening to her. Were her identity and survival issues _in this world_ not enough that supernatural had to added in as well?

But maybe she was getting ahead of herself.

_Yeah, right._

If nothing else – and certainly nothing else – she'd learned to watch out for preemptive strikes from the training with Akatsuki. It only required being overly sensitive and horribly pessimistic. There was no such thing as getting ahead of oneself.

Everything that could happen… will happen. The only thing she could do was anticipate how to deal with it.

So…

_Did anyone bring cloves of garlic?_

No – they ate those _too_ (and consequently held zero conversation for half a day afterwards – for pirates, who were supposedly infamous for their down and dirty ways, the Akatsuki were surprisingly sensitive to hygiene, thank _Kami _for that).

She looked up and glanced around.

Her companions were intensely quiet as they gazed at the destination, possibly mentally going through all possible disasters that may occur, from hemorrhagic fever to native _jujus _to underwater volcanoes.

Such prospicience.

_Three geniuses in the flesh and two in her mind. _What was she, some kind of flypaper for geniuses? They _all_ gravitated to her, without necessarily liking her in the process.

And, in stark contrast to the genius thoughts that were probably running marathons in their heads, all Hinata could think of were dancing shadows and tricks of light.

And cheap, plebeian methods for warding off bad spirits. Garlic indeed.

She could not deny that Hidan had her spooked and recalling all kinds of ghostly tales from her childhood: hunched crones and disembodied bloodsuckers, demonic babies and giant hairy tobacco-smoking men in trees, bony wraiths and snakemen necromancers, fathers in tutus and uncles in drag…

(Wait, no, the last two were nightmares.)

Her teeth chattered in remembrance, breaking up the solemn quiet of the boat.

"You know, _someone _doesn't fit in here…" Deidara commented offhandedly, staring daggers all the while at Itachi, who was acting very well like the blond didn't exist.

Hinata pointed questioningly to himself, feeling quite left out on the mental front.

"Not you, Hinata, you balance out very nicely," The blond reassured. "Someone else is a black splotch on the beautiful artistic canvas, yeah?"

"Why don't you be more direct?" Itachi asked, with a harmless smile so cold the surrounding water should have, by all accounts, iced up.

But, _ah_, this was unusual. He was, for once, not acting as though Deidara's dig sailed merrily right past him.

Was it actually getting under his skin? _No_, this Hinata was sure of, it just _wasn't possible _to get Itachi to acknowledge a barb.

Was Itachi also so disconcerted that he too needed to fill in the large, gaping spooky air with conversation?

The thought made her want to bask in the moment. It was so rare that Itachi acted more human than devilish automaton. A fact which Deidara was also acquainted with. The sudden twist in otherwise normal proceedings shoved him into a situation with no ready comeback.

His mouth flapped open a few times before Hinata, _without a scrap of decorum_, put in some unsolicited input.

"I-It's the hair."

"Hair?" Itachi said in an obnoxiously self-satisfied manner, though his eyes remained flat like he couldn't bother investing more interest than what he was already showing. "How _juvenile_. We're not thirteen anymore."

"It's not the hair, un. Don't be a retard." The blond snapped waspishly at Hinata. "It's just that Itachi never fits in. He ruins the harmony of everything, yeah?"

Well, that was rather unflinchingly honest.

"T-that wasn't necessary," she rebuked weakly.

"However, it is generally regarded as true. I am used to it." Itachi feigned indifference – well, actually, it wasn't _feigned_.

"So you should be, yeah? Freaking alien."

"W-what is it with your p-preoccupation with estranging I-Itachi?" Hinata asked, frowning. "W-we are a _team_, not _h-him _and _us_."

"Fine, fine," The blond acquiesced. "There is no _him_." Here, he put a hand to Hinata's chin, pulled her close and smirked. "_Us_, however, can be taken into consideration, yeah? How about it, Hinata-_chan_? You, me, _fireworks_?"

Cue in crimson blush even when all she wanted to do was face-palm. Deidara – _the little slut_ – was fond of little jests like this, blissfully ignorant that she was, in fact, happily engaged.

Okay, _happily_ was strangling the truth a little. But still.

"And what a frightful sight that is," Itachi said, looking towards the island. The absolute snark in his voice, however, gave no doubt to what – or rather, _whom_ – the comment was directed. He and Deidara stared balefully at each other.

Somewhere above and between them, lightning crackled.

"_Children_…" Sasori muttered.

* * *

The beach where they landed was all wet, dirty sand covered with slimy, dead seaweed and jellyfish remains, and rotting oysters that indicated a shellfish pandemic of sorts.

"Ladies first."

The sentiment wasn't as gentlemanly when it was singularly for using her as a trial run, in case they've stumbled onto a spot of quicksand or something.

"U-uh, _n-noblesse oblige_?" Hinata gingerly stated. She might as well have been talking to three statues for the reaction she got for that statement.

Doing a perfunctory scan of the surrounding area, Hinata carefully disembarked and waded to shore. Her foot sank into the moist sand, which had all the consistency of mousse, with a squelching sploosh.

"I-It seems okay," she said through the mist, voice weaving in with the soft sounds of the surf.

The three males joined her ashore, heaving the boat behind them where it threatened to carve out a new river delta along its trail.

"We'll split up from here."

"S-split up? I-is that prudent?"

"Into pairs, standard procedure."

_You HAVE standard procedures?_

"Deidara… with Hinata," Sasori picked, so each pair would have the necessary eyes and muscle and lack of unnecessary animosity. "I will endure Itachi myself. You all know what to watch out for?"

_Incidentally, no._

"Ah, w-will you please refresh me on it?"

That meeting – ever since the words _off lookout duty _hit her ears, Hinata had been oblivious to everything else for a short while. Of course, during her state of blissfulness, all the important mission details sailed right past her.

Their expressions might not have expressly said "_ignorant skank"_ but they were clearly towards that direction.

Hinata gave her best effort to look contrite.

"Tch, just follow me, yeah?" Deidara scolded. "Better make fast, as _danna _said."

"We will start from the opposite end," said Sasori.

Without further ado, they split up.

The Itachi-Sasori team trudged stealthily along the beach, presumably towards the other side of the island, until they disappeared into the fog. Hinata and Deidara, meanwhile, crept of to the edge of the gnarled forest and marshy vegetation that looked just as dead as the beach and plunged straight in.

The boat creaked where it floated, as if reminding them that they still had a lifeline even they skedaddled fast enough.

* * *

"I'm worried," Pein admitted as he stared out over the jagged horizon. "Perhaps the supplies were not worth it."

* * *

An hour into the swamp, Hinata wondered if Hidan wasn't greatly gladdened by the fact that he had a convenient excuse for not going on the mission.

_Crates._ They were supposed to be looking for rotted wooden boxes containing a mélange of things, the least important of which were hardtack and dried meat – only nutrition after all. It shouldn't have been difficult to find – the malodorous scent of desiccated animal alone should have provided a trail of black flies – fat and having the buffet of their lives – to follow.

Yes, the stench was there – dank and bitter and unbearably musty. And the insects had to be present somewhere, she could feel the pinpricks on skin and the steadily worsening itch that would, perhaps, be somewhat alleviated by drowning herself in calamine.

But Hinata could see nothing but a chiaroscuro of pale, artificial-looking, green-tinged sunlight and cool mist and slimy mossy things that dripped into their hair as they went deeper. Like the island was salivating on them, tasting them and commencing the initial digestion process.

There was nothing _resembling_ crates – only the slimy chocolatey mud of the marsh and their own ankle-deep footprints. The ground had been soft when they first entered and, being particularly charitable, had just gone boggier and boggier since. Hinata and Deidara had chucked their sandals long ago when the blasted things refused to be unglued from the watery black muck.

(If they ever came across powdered glass, their feet were done for.)

"Disgusting, un." She heard the blond mutter from behind her as he kicked at the sludgy ground, splattering bits everywhere. "Useless stuff – not even _clay_ – just decaying matter without any form of usefulness…"

Hinata resisted the urge to wonder exactly what sort of decaying matter she was plodding her way through and dearly prayed it wasn't of her own species. Instead, she carefully alerted the blond's attention to a gnarled mangrove with an X mark carved on the trunk – one of Sasori's landmarks. The angry face sketched below it [8-(], she decided to ignore.

They slithered closer, narrowly avoiding tripping headfirst into a small murky saltwater – like someone had a pissing contest in it – puddle colonized by massive fungal species of the noxious variety.

A thousand eyes followed their small but highly embarrassing movement, unbeknownst to them.

* * *

The X led to nowhere.

If _nowhere_ were the remains of a stream, water to mid-calf meandering ever so slowly, ever so languorously that it may as well have held still for water striders to use as a dance floor. Above them, gnarled mangrove tress and dead gray bushes created an arboreal arc that fractured whatever stubborn sunlight bulldozed its way through the mist.

In the distance, they could hear crickets chirping to the beat of bongo drums and rustling leaves.

They were now walking slowly in great lurching strides, praying not to lose their balance.

"Are they sure we're in the correct _ocean_? Seems like this place hasn't been disturbed in years, yeah?"

"N-no, I think s-someone had been here. T-there's a t-trail cut here." But maybe that was just wishful thinking.

"Heck, we could be following _danna's_ trail for all we know." Deidara grumbled hopelessly, having reached the limit of his patience, not that he actually had to _reach_ – it wasn't that long.

"W-what happened last time?" asked Hinata, architect of her own misfortune.

"You want to hear about that _now_, un?" Deidara regarded her unflatteringly, like she'd lost the few brain cells she had left.

Hinata, swallowing all manner of sense, nodded stubbornly.

"It was a dark and stormy night, un," Deidara began honestly, realizing he might need this kind of masochistic therapy too. "Everyone was complaining about Tobi's fucked-up cooking again – rightfully so, since his meatballs made sunk more ships than danna's latest stuff at the time. Zetsu – you've never met him – was 'specially sick, yeah? He kept groaning on about how he'd rather eat human flesh."

The hairs on Hinata's neck stood straight up like the finest troops in the Navy when the commander comes around.

(_Witch,_ mental Neji chanted, eyes comically wide and freaky.)

"Anyway, we docked here, lots of strays that night jumped ship like the devil was chasing them. Of course, that had been either Hidan or Konan – in the rage of those who don't age gracefully, un – trying to maim each other in the dark. Turns out the devil was on this island, because none of them came back. Next day we found them as danna said: damn disgusting."

* * *

Deeper in, the ground started getting a semblance of being solid. By this time, however, Hinata's skin was crawling so much she thought she could see it traipse past her.

Deidara, while prone to going off on tangents nobody cared to hear about, had been a vivid storyteller. An unnerving silence followed his tale.

It wasn't supposed to be this silent.

Suddenly, in the corner of Hinata's eyes, something _moved_.

"_What was that?_" She asked in a voice that would shatter the eardrums of dogs, sticking so close to Deidara that they might never come undone again.

"You shouldn't have asked, retard," Deidara hissed, looking a bit wild-eyed himself, making no effort to shove her away. He looked around, slapping Hinata with his matted hair, then cursed colorfully.

"A-are we lost?"

Hinata had dreaded this probability, dreaded it like her first public "date" with Uchiha Sasuke eons ago, when the very sky seemed to catch fire from all the fangirl rage.

"The damn place can't be more than two miles across, un. How the hell can we get lost?" Deidara whisper-yelled. This was really his way of saying '_yes, we're completely lost_'.

And there was _something_ out there. Something she couldn't see but could _feel_, something she wanted desperately to see and not see at the same time. _It_ was watching them. _It_ was stalking them.

It was _chasing _them. _Oh god._

Her guts, quite aside from complaining they were hungry, were telling her to run.

Deidara felt it too, the way his arms suddenly rippled in goosebumps.

"Hinata?"

"Y-yeah?"

"Who, out of the two of us, do you reckon is tastier?"

"So you get that feeling too?"

They jumped faster from squelchy hummock to ever-more-mushy hummock, no longer at odds in terms of ideals but a solid team in the face of pure terror.

Flying across a sunlit-clearing, Hinata finally saw _It_ in stark clarity – their pursuer was wearing some sort of headgear of the horticultural variety. No wonder she couldn't spot him earlier, he blended very well with the surrounding gothic foliage.

"Aw shit, un! It's ZETSU! Run, un!" Deidara's voice had a quality to it that reminded Hinata of the travelling circuses she had visited very young, _stab-quick and heart-stopping_, it made her want to cry.

Instead, she pragmatically ran faster, keeping pace with the blond.

Up, up they went, up a tree and finding it could not support their collective weights, splashing into a scummy pond of rotten frogspawn, crashing into rotting logs, stumbling face-first into squelchy sticky mush, leaping over great big toadstools…

"He was supposed to be dead, yeah?" Deidara huffed, hair whipping behind him.

"Y-you were sure h-he was dead?"

"The body was lifeless on the ground, yeah?" Deidara swallowed, as if not yet ready to acknowledge the next thing he was about to say. "And the head… was hanging from a tree."

Suddenly, _clammy hands grasping at her skin. _Hinata let out a bloodcurling scream.

Then, the swamp exploded.

* * *

Deidara had probably turned cupcake-island into a doughnut in the admirable effort to lose the bludgeoning, pursuer. Hinata was so happy she didn't even care that she will probably never be free of slime the rest of her life.

Adding to her happiness was the sight of Itachi and Sasori walking straight ahead. She actually felt like waving out to them like a loony war bride.

Deidara did it first. "Danna! Itachi!"

The two ignored them, _very rudely_, and continued to walk to a small crevasse saturated with smelly, stagnant and slowly-swirling water.

_Surely that wasn't where the supplies were hidden?_

"Danna, where the hell are you leading us?" Deidara called out angrily, clearly frustrated, his voice echoing eerily through the ravine.

The duo simply continued walking. Still feeling the remnants of their fleeting camaraderie, Deidara and Hinata shrugged at each other and followed.

Someplace in the back of Hinata's mind, a grand old piano began to play the type of haunting music that should never be heard outside a classical concerto. It replaced the carnival theme.

It wasn't long before Deidara and Hinata,_ twin souls in misery_, realized that that they should have hightailed it.

Itachi and Sasori _weren't leaving footprints_ in the soft mush. Upon close inspection, their faces were _blurred_, like and worse, _smiling_. The figures they were following _cast no shadow_.

Like a wave of horror it hit them: _They were seeing doppelgangers_.

Completely knackered, Hinata could think of nothing but _what the hell?_

She took three steps backward, in cold sweat, feet sinking into the mush.

The mirage turned to them and, as if sensing its trickery uncovered, streamed a myriad of locusts, wasps and worms from its abyssal grinning mouth.

* * *

Deidara turned doughnut island into a crescent.

One minute, they were both standing on solid ground. The next, they were hanging by a fallen tree over rushing water, watching a portion of the island float away. It was too ridiculous to process.

The branch started creaking precariously.

"Don't let go, okay?" Hinata huffed in exertion, hands already slick and slippery with all sort of disgusting things.

"The hell? You're the one holding me up, retard!" Deidara snapped, swinging angrily, exacerbating his own situation with all the will of a suicidal. "Don't even think of letting me go, yeah? If I go down, we're _both_ going down."

Despite the thought that this might be the most needless thing she ever did in a history of stupid needless things, Hinata still found the energy to frown at his lack of gratitude. Such is the pettiness of heiresses.

The branch broke.

Deidara had the shrillest scream Hinata heard in her whole life and, considering how often she'd been in the company of Uchiha Sasuke, whose own shriek his followers cannot hope to live up to, _this_ was saying something.

The ground was soft where they crash-landed, leaving two human-shaped imprints in the mossy mud.

Hinata, looking up at the ever-dark sky, seriously considered that possibility of being cursed.

In confirmation, the sky flashed with jagged lightning and thunder boomed and a heavy rain began to fall, turning soft earth into rivulets of mud.

"_If only…_" They could ask for some divine intervention at this point, despite their many sins.

"_Don't_ – that's one phrase you can't ever say in situations like these, yeah?"

Somewhere near, a scream reverberated.

Like men (badly) possessed, Deidara and Hinata wiggled out of all the splintered wood and looked around in blind panic.

No matter what angle you look at it, the entire experience had been a show of horror like no other except for the stormy night Tobi sleepwalked like an axe-murderer on the loose.

Without warning, the ground opened up beneath their feet and began sinking them in sweet peristalsis, churning queasily, bubbling noxiously.

_Quicksand! _Deidara's baby-blues, made more vivid by indescribable fright, widened in neverending terror.

Hinata frantically looked for something to hold on to, ears filled with a strange buzzing_._

_Buzzing._

The quicksand pit was – some sort of insect nest.

_Insect. _

_Nest. _

Hinata had not been of those women who ran screaming at the sight of creepy-crawlies but _this – _along with those horrible simulacrums of the other pair earlier – was all her demented nightmares incarnated.

She did not want to die by digestion. She did not want to die. After all, she had only just begun to harbor hope of a peaceful – or at least non-apocalyptic – resolution to her days with the Akatsuki, had only just begun to regard the hellride as a fruitful learning experience, had only just begun to – _and she will never admit this_ – enjoy it on the peripheral.

They were heartless, heartless bastards who could, for any of thousands of shallow reasons, skewer her bodily over a rotating spit (as they would anyone else including themselves), but made the otherwise difficult life at sea tolerable.

Hinata _really _didn't want to die.

* * *

_Crack. Crack. Crack. _The soft sounds of something slowly breaking stirred Hinata out of her state of unconsciousness.

They were hanging upside down by their ankles.

(Again, she was wearing cut-off trousers, possibly Konan's or Sasori's or even Deidara's or Itachi's. Anything that didn't reek had been pretty much free for all. Anyway, she shouldn't even be thinking about _laundry_ at a time like this.)

She looked around while all the blood rushed to her head, rendering her more than a little blind and woozy. It was some sort of underground cave. Two lumpy glowing spheres at either side of the chamber provided a flickering, sinister illumination. The sound of dripping water echoed across the empty space.

It was dank and deep and moss was growing thick like Elizabethan carpeting on the walls. They'd apparently landed somewhere in wintertime. The air was almost as cold as the depths of humiliation she was regularly subjected to.

The cave reeked like high heaven of rotting corpses.

Beneath them, barely reaching the tips of her hanging hair, a cocoon pulsed like a slowly-beating heart. Whatever it was, Hinata tried not to imagine claws.

She tentatively turned to her companion, taking deep shuddering breaths. Her ability to take terrible shock in stride had much improved.

"_Dei_–" Looking very anemic, Deidara still hadn't come to.

_Kami, please let him be okay._

"D-deidara –"

Deidara snapped one eye open, looking as though he'd just been praying. This analogy is, obviously, impossible and, hence, stupid. He grinned lazily at her, ridiculously happy about something she couldn't fathom.

"Hinata, we're in deep shit, yeah?"

* * *

Hinata came _this _close to wetting herself (and, considering her current position, that would have been _very_ bad) at the sight of the newcomers suddenly dropping in, literally.

By some unexplainable, unfathomable miracle, Sasori and Itachi had also been _captured_ by whichever otherworldly creature or sicko that terrorized the island (and Hidan's itty-bitty black heart, by extension) – and there went all their hopes of ever getting out of here.

Itachi and Sasori were barefoot as well, with their trousers rolled up to their knees and just as muddy – no, ever _muddier_ – than Deidara and Hinata. If their manner weren't so distinctively _them_, Hinata and Deidara would have assumed they were the things from the swamp, given new form and mobility.

"What happened, un?" demanded Deidara, unjustly indignant.

Sasori scratched the back of his head, looking embarrassed. "We… panicked."

Somehow, incredulous was inadequate to describe Hinata's expression. _Sasori? ITACHI?_

Sasori and Itachi, despite their relative youth which she shouldn't even _consider_ in the first place, were abominably relentless whenever delegated to the role of prey. They never paused, they never made incompetent mistakes like bombing themselves out of commission, and they counter-attacked whenever possible. Hinata, on principle, did not openly respect pirates but the fact the duo were as trapped as they were – minus the hanging – impelled her to think incoherently about impending apocalypse.

Deidara made a strangled, snorting, choking sort of noise, as though he couldn't believe that happened but, with all the shit going on, by now _anything_ was possible. "What did you do, yeah? Jump head-first into a bog?"

Sasori made a face that plainly indicated that, _yes_, that is _exactly _what happened.

"That… sounds about right." Itachi confirmed verbally, suavely fixing his hair amidst crisis.

"Even I am at a loss," admitted Sasori, crashing down exhausted. He couldn't seem to care less that two members of his team were _hanging by their ankles_ and in need of immediate help_. _To distract himself from admitting that, for once, he really was to blame for all the disasters in the world, he glanced around. "A _cave_ – it brings back memories."

Deidara paused in looking murderous and spared a shamelessly gleeful smirk. "Fun times, yeah?"

"Perhaps," Itachi's mouth was turning up at the corners. Hinata wondered if it was her imagination running wild and creating all sorts of imbalances in the world – which is more likely – or did she really see Itachi _preen_. Her three companions looked absurdly young in that one moment.

Imminent death notwithstanding, she felt happy that a little unity was finally breaking through. "Y-you do like each o-other!"

_Utter silence._

"I do hope your optimism is not catching." Itachi sighed tiredly, putting a hand to his muddy face. Coming from him, who was both master and miser of non-verbalisms, this was quite an extreme gesture.

Team Art nodded vigorously in agreement.

Someone started humming the funeral march.

"Stop that, un."

* * *

The man in the black hood descended the hidden stairs quietly, without the pomp or pretension of most overloards. The pirates (_and Hinata_) had to marvel at his classy entrance, wrecked only by the obscene creaking of whatever he was dragging around. The man was tall, but not imposingly so, and moved with the meticulous efficiency of well-paid secretaries or executioners.

"Let us go, you stupid fuck!" Deidara yelled immediately.

"That is a rude assumption," The man replied calmly, dropping his load. Training both eyes on it, overwhelmed by her own curiousity, Hinata saw that it was Zetsu or what-had-been-Zetsu-but-is-now-an-empty-carcass and promptly gagged on her tongue. "I am neither stupid nor a fuck. I am an entomologist merely trying to study in peace and isolation. It is fortunate I managed to control the insects before they finished digesting you – after that convenient tragedy a long while ago, I have been developing a method to quell their bloodthirst. You should thank me. It is entirely your fault, of, course, for very brashly interrupting in their mating season."

"The hell we're thanking you," Deidara growled, swinging angrily. "What the hell is wrong with you, letting out those creepers? You think you own this island, punk?"

"As a matter of fact, I think this island is legally under the name of the Aburame clan. I have every right to terrorize you here. Now you know what fear tastes like. Perhaps that will discourage you from trespassing too often."

_Taste? _Hinata wanted to scream. She had _chewed_, _gnawed_ and had "fear" _stuffed down her throat_.

Itachi murmured something in a voice so venomous that everything in his immediate vicinity should have spontaneously disintegrated.

"You're not in any position to interrogate me," The man smirked, showing just how laughable he found the situation. "You are entirely too sick and exhausted to fight. My mosquito colonies boast some of the most debilitating diseases existing today. I beg you not to irritate me. I wouldn't want to leave you hanging." He tapped a heel against the bug-infested corpse. "This one… irritated me. He had been acting very much like a dog. By the time I regained my sense of charity, _well_, it had simply been too late."

Hinata tilted her head in fascination. For some inane reason, while her three comrades suddenly tensed up at the admittedly cold-blooded tale that was unfurling, she was not scared at all now.

There is a phenomenon, in which two people who have never known each other, or have nothing in common, find an affinity with each other that is so attuned, an instant camaraderie, at there is an almost audible click when they realize it.

_Click._

"Y-you wouldn't h-hurt us," Hinata said suddenly, because this is Hinata and she wouldn't know the meaning of the word _restraint_ if her life depended on it…_and only when it did_. It was only in near-death situations that her bravery took root and exploded up into the sky.

"You wouldn't hurt us," She repeated, just to make it clear.

The man regarded her as a specimen surprisingly worthy of study, as though she had suddenly developed a fascinating mutation like horns or a curly tail or an actual spine. "I can easily do so. Bees. Wasps. Worms under your skin, chewing at all manners of organs."

"N-no, you would not," Hinata met his gaze unflinchingly, surprised at herself. "Y-you are going to let us g-go, completely h-healthy. It's an offer you _c-can't _refuse."

The three of them tried to not act completely cowed. Hinata's newly-discovered mercenary attitude was an unprecedented surprise. The heiress was either _batshit insane_ from all the mud or this was the simply the natural order of things under the banner of legal society: Hyuuga dominating Aburame completely and utterly.

"What she probably means is, you let _us_ go, she stays –" Sasori misinterpreted, glancing at the thing-formerly-known-as-Zetsu with disquieting fascination. "Hinata is dead useful, you know, or useful dead, whichever the case."

Shino waved him away facetiously. "I am not interested in you three, anyway – you are already dead to me."

_Already dead to me. _On the island, where the boundaries between reality and non-reality swayed like bureaucratic loyalties, the words rang with an undeniable truth.

* * *

"He really was very nice, you know, to let us go," Hinata insisted, as they trooped out of the cave, holding hands – _Hold hands. That is an order. You may cut off any fingers you wish later. –_ to avoid getting lost in the darkness. Hinata, for all her latent and suspiciously nonexistent charm, had not been able to convince _Shino_ to send his insects on a kamikaze mission to help them out of there.

_(Bats, you know_. He had explained, almost apologetically that Hinata mistook her stuttering for offense and started fervently apologizing herself.)

"_Nice?_" Deidara snorted disbelievingly. "Oh, sure he's nice. Gush all you want about the guy who near had us for pet food, yeah? Retard."

"Oh – s-sorry," Hinata quickly composed herself. "But I _liked_ Shino. He was very nice. I knew he wouldn't have hurt a fly."

"He's an entomologist, _of course_, he wouldn't hurt a fly. I can't say the same for us."

"H-he wouldn't have, I-I'm sure."

"It didn't seems that way to me. He just ran out of space for us, is all – I wonder how many corpses he's already got stashed, about fifty from the smells alone…"

"I t-told you that odor of rotting flesh was from a specially bred plant for his insects." In truth, Shino had been smiling with exceeding creepiness as he said this, like the way Tobi did under his mask.

"Details, details," Deidara waved them away.

* * *

Sasori paused at the entrance to another freezing, slightly underwater cavern. Not a minute too soon as well, as he was mere inches away from those deep holes which presumably lead to the center of the earth.

"Ah, yes, I remember now. I know exactly where our supplies are."

"_Sheesh_, danna."

* * *

Sticky porous rocks provided enough suction for them to scamper up like walls like crippled iguanas. It was possibly a good thing the island was sinking – although it implied a bad investment for the Aburames – they didn't have very far to climb.

Minus the strong possibility of losing grip as she wormed her way through all the little tubelike openings in the rock and breaking her head on a stalagmite – Hinata thought the entire spelunking experience quite astounding. It was absurd how much she had missed by being a lady.

_The recklessness. The adventure. The freedom._

It didn't mean, of course, that she wouldn't give civilization up for anything given a choice, but it was marvellous every once in a while to do crazy things like this. This was a once-in-a-lifetime and thank goodness for that. Hinata was not partial to ever traipse over an army of bones – if it hadn't been so cold their breaths came out in fogs, Sasori would have insisted on plundering those bones back to the ship as well – and bat guano ever again.

As they progressed, the cave floor became ever the more steeper – in fact, the incline became so sharp it rivaled Itachi's left profile. The rock became less porous, more slippery – in fact, as slippery as Hyuuga nobles caught in scandalous affairs with either pretty young things or public funds. Stakes began flying out of walls at regular intervals. The machinations were oddly familiar – in fact, they had _Sasori_ written all over them – and that was how she knew they were fairly close.

Hinata didn't dare so much as to breathe out of place, afraid of triggering anything.

* * *

Apparently, Shino monopolized all the running water on the island – letting everything else stink up – and stuffed all of it down in the underground river. The current was strong and fierce and if only they had seen that last trap coming, they would have enjoyed watching it flow by rather than getting caught up in its freezing vortex.

Nobody was pointing fingers but it was _all _Hinata's fault for having the reflexes of a grazing cow. One wrong move and the rest had gone as nature (and Sasori) intended.

Death by drowning was a terrible – though strangely beautiful and oddly poetic – way to go, and the waters were all for imposing their authority over their weak and tired mortal bodies. The ebb of the whitewater was continuous punctured with the bubbles of her screams.

_I'm sorry, _Hinata wanted to say, clearly seeing mental-Neji's worry-stricken face pooling above her. _It was I who told everyone how cute you looked wearing a ballgown and I authorized the public use of the Hakke and it was me who accidentally left your books not in alphabetical order …_

As the list of regrets went on, Hinata realized mental-Neji was looking less worried and more bored. She stopped, feeling strangely at peace.

_Take care of yourself, Neji, you are more an asset to the Hyuuga than I could ever be. And, please, for everyone's sanity, do watch Hanabi carefully –_

Mid-vision, Sasuke's face replaced her cousin's – for some unknowable reason, as profound things never passed in the space between her and her fiancé – and Hinata was queerly relieved.

His eyes, so dark and impossibly sexy in that lovely, distorted face, were saying: I won't let _you _drown.

* * *

Flying out in a flurry of waterfall, Hinata hanged long enough in mid-air to catch a quick glimpse of the island's great vista. Ghosts and stench aside, it was a humbling sight.

Then, one by one, the four of them hit the water with a painful, resounding crash. To be more accurate, it was really only Hinata. The others had lived near bodies of water for too long and had had to suddenly jump ship enough times to dive in quite smoothly.

Floundering in the saltwater, for they were in the calmer ocean now and therefore at risk with sharks, rays and saltwater crocodiles, Hinata struggled to remember what it took to float.

Beside her, Sasori popped up, along with Deidara and several of the crates they had successfully retrieved. Their meat and hardtack would undoubtedly be salty and ruined, but there was no doubt the Jolly Akatsuki would ravage the kitchens for them anyway.

(Earlier, and this is no lie, as Hinata crashed headfirst into the wood while being chased by Zetsu, she had wondered at the nutty taste and if something could be done to improve the texture.)

Itachi, however, wasn't coming up.

"No!" Hinata cried, splashing aimlessly and without particular direction. He had saved her from drowning, after all, and Hinata always returned favors ten-fold whenever possible. "I-itachi!"

"He was a good pirate," Deidara bowed his head. "I will give you tribute." His eyes glowed suddenly. "Let's blow up the island, yeah!"

"Much as I'd hate to disabuse you of that pleasure," A voice fresh from the water commented, er, dryly. "But I'm very much alive."

* * *

"Damn, I'd take off everything but…" Deidara cocked his head to Hinata, who was steadily going into a yet undiscovered shade of red from all the shirtless pirates in immediate vicinity. Unlike them, she didn't have the luxury and _lack of shame_ needed to shed all the clothes that smelled like swamp muck.

It didn't help that she was perched on Itachi, riding piggyback on all that smooth, slick skin, cool like satin, lots of sharp planes... Itachi was wearing his chain necklace. She wanted to bite at it, seriously.

_Watch it, Hyuuga Hinata, your inner slut is emerging._

Hinata, fortunately, had more than her fair share of survival instinct and self-restraint, and unnaturally kept away from the siren call which would have defeated any other woman in her position. She squirmed uncomfortably.

"Are you just pretending to get an easy ride?"

"O-of course not! B-but p-please put me down! I can w-walk!"

"I doubt that," Sasori said from upfront, carrying more crates than he looked like he could carry. "Just carry on with the look out – _one spider, one tiny fly, one ant _– say so. I do not believe that man is above ambushing us."

* * *

"You're alive," Hidan said breathlessly, shirtless out of shamelessness rather than necessity, staring at them in disbelief. "Oh my god."

* * *

End.

_Next Chapter: Man-made uprisings and natural disasters. And, finally, a glimpse into the past._

Random quote: _"You can wear my heart. It's made in your size."_

**Review!**


	12. Story Barebones

**Notes: **I am honestly being leeched alive by this story, every sentence has to be dragged out, and I'm crazy-busy with my first adult job - **THIS STORY IS THEREFORE DISCONTINUED**. I'm posting the complete outline, however, which is actually the story itself in its bare bones (with a few fleshed-out scenes) so you won't keep wondering.

I'm so terribly sorry, but you all go "unleash your imaginations" and try to follow the haphazard outline. Freak out at how cluttered my mind is.

**WARNING: **SCATTERED SCENES, AUTHOR NOTES, RAW DRAFTS

**Disclaimer: **Not Mine.

* * *

**THE MADARA CHAPTER**

* * *

**LINES TO INSERT:**

"You will find that self-discipline is rewarding."

"This looks like it came from the Stone Age." "Yes, that was the most civilized of eras." Tobi said, as though he'd been there himself.

Itachi made a particularly soulless gesture of consent.

With one breath, he'd adulterated the language about six times.

"How rapidly your morals degenerate." "Trained by the best," she immediate fired back, momentarily out of her mind.

"I don't feel so fresh." "Fresh? What are you, a damn fruit?"

"Fired!" "From a cannon, un."

"You are an impertinent girl," Madara observed.

* * *

Hinata woke up one morning to see Hidan arguing with a motherfucking legend.

She didn't know him, of course, but the man was entirely too comfortable around the psychopathic Jashinist to make her wary. He stood grandiosely at the rail, backlit by the sunrise, giving him either a flaming aura or the impression of being barbequed, chin too high and pose too relaxed to be anyone safe or sane.

[HINATA IS SPOTTED]

"Who is this?"

Hidan, in the suddenly awkward position of politely introducing two people he hated to the guts, scowled at her existence.

[HIDAN'S INTRODUCTION; DESCRIBE MADARA]

[HINATA RAISES EYEBROW - ISN'T MADARA VERY OLD? HOW COME THIS ONE LOOKES LIKE HE's YOUNG?]

"Oh, how very interesting."

[MADARA FIRES OFF A LOADED, POLITICAL QUESTION]

Muscle memory is, honestly, a terrible inconvenience. Hinata was immediately transported to a library far, far away, getting diplomacy drummed into her head. [ADD FUNNY]

[HINATA BLURTS ANSWER]

Madara nodded like he saw past her all along – which was entirely possible by the way – a feline smile stretched across his lips, but he kept silent.

Hinata felt chills racing each other down her spine as she remembered her history. Infamous Captain Madara, during the days of his youth and casting mayhem over the oceans and men _into_ the oceans, always had his equally-feared first-mate Izuna raise a flag.

This is what the flag says: "Some are born great. Some achieve greatness by slitting the goddamn throats of those born great. I have done both."

It wasn't the most conceited banner in the world – upon reflection, it was – but it garnered points for sheer, in-your-face intimidation.

* * *

"Madara," Pein traced the word slowly and painfully, looking like he was about to have a headache. "What are you doing here? I heard you were searching for something on the other side of the world. There were reports you had died at the Ocean of the End."

Madara turned to the captain. "There are _always _reports, haven't I explained that?"

Hinata breathed a sigh of relief.

Pein's sudden appearance, for once in her favor, cut short the extremely nerve-murdering silence left by Hidan when he conveniently jumped off the ship (yelling "Jashin!" with a shit-eating grin in the lamest alibi _ever_, because Madara had a way of killing brain cells through eye contact) and swam to the other side. Only Hinata's tightly-screwed manners prevented her from leaping off after him.

"I'm hardly apologizing," Madara said airily to the captain. "I am even giving my valuable time to check up on my infamous legacy." Then, his face twisted like it had done acrobatics for years, the cool façade dissolved into stark, raving madness. "You scumbags are falling apart without me!"

Pein, who was so obviously used to this from his days as the former's boatswain, didn't bat an eyelash.

[PEIN REASSURES]

Madara, who treated friends and enemies alike with equal contempt, didn't even bother to listen. Hinata wondered if all megalomaniacs acted like such when forced into each other's presence.

"Madara," Another voice breathed out. Itachi had also come on deck, shirtless as everyone else, because laundry had become as nigh impossible as Ye Jolly Akatsuki going legal. Itachi's eyes, Hinata noticed, were a fraction wider than usual.

"Itachi," Madara suddenly stopped gesticulating about the downhill careen of Pein's administration, which didn't make sense to anyone but himself, and regarded Itachi with something akin to a pleasant expression. To Hinata's utter surprise, he was actually capable of it.

Meanwhile, there was a general sense of dread hovering over Itachi.

[MADARA-ITACHI-HINATA INTERACTION]

[Itachi, sarcastic: "I might kill myself in shame."]

[Itachi: "I am, frankly, not surprised."]

[Madara to Team Art: "As I expected, you actually amounted to something."]

[Madara to Kisame and Kakuzu: "Come near me when you are more entertaining."]

[Hinata, who could blather in six languages if need be, was speechless. Itachi's tact, thus far, was famous for its non-existence.]

* * *

"We are distantly related," Itachi explains.

[SOMETHING]

"When in Rome, do as Romans do. When with the Akatsuki, do not even think about it."

["We all derive several benefits from being affiliated with Akatsuki."

_Good food wasn't one of them._]

["I'd rather shoot myself in the foot." "Okay." "I was kidding!"]

[Hinata: "Why didn't you get rid of it?"

Itachi: "It makes you happy, does it not?" "I cannot seem to find it in me to add to your miserable existence."

Hinata's face glazed over. "WHAT?"]

[SCENE: ItaHina ROMANCE development – mutual kindness, uncertain attraction]

Hinata, wryly: "Ah, y-your kindness is blinding."

["You are abounding with enough contentment to get fat with it."

_EHHHH?_

Although it didn't make itself known very often, to the point where everyone thought it didn't exist, Hinata actually _did_ have a temper. For years it had been suppressed, buried, talked and trained to making itself as small and concealed as possible (because tempers caused irrationality, conflict and unnecessary embarrassment).

But, darn, this was just too much. ]

[Hinata: "You are more mild than your reputation suggests."

Itachi: "I gather that when you start getting known, they will paint you as a bloodthirsty beast. Then we will see whose reputation precedes them."]

Itachi: "Whilst I admire your confidence, your deduction is erroneous."

His smile was a crime in itself.

After nearly a fortnight of trying, she still didn't seem to understand that underhanded tactics of that level doesn't work on him.

* * *

Itachi contemplation:

He wondered if he was the only who noticed the sheer effort she put in to please them, never doing less than her best and frequently pushing herself to exhaustion with all the training and cooking and chores and never backing down. What _wasted_ loyalty.

_Really, why was this princess of a girl working so hard as though _she_ had something to prove to _them_?_

He supposed he really could admire that kind of spirit.

* * *

"Hinata, don't ever feel that you're not my equal." The genius said to her, his eyes serious, his hand gripping her shoulders. "All things considered, you might even be above me."

Hinata tried not to flinch at his accusing words, despite them being said in such a casual tone.

The real Itachi, she decided, was even more complicated than the faux one.

* * *

["Did no one want you?" This was an unofficial rule. No one was to ever, ever ask about Hinata's home.]

[Hinata wonders how she'll ever resolve this sudden conflict of interest. Ah well, she'll cross that bridge when she comes to it. The apocalypse must happen eventually.]

[Hinata remembers that she was actually engaged to someone. She could imagine their reactions.

Hidan: "Just a technicality, bitch."]

[Itachi: "Ah, a little too in-your-face?"]

[Ever since she'd been captured, she'd not acted like an engaged woman at all. But surely, being in situations of mortal danger (yes, despite the unexpected warmth, this whole fiasco still counted as mortal danger from both within and without) allowed deviations from decorous behavior. _Deviations_ – yeah, right – as if her current conduct wasn't a full one-eighty from everything she'd ever been taught.]

_Uchiha Sasuke_. One of the conundrums in life no one was ever meant to understand.

* * *

**THE SASUKE FLASHBACK**

[Hinata remembers childhood and Sasuke, only a little bit: climbing trees, exploring ships, piggyback rides, carriage rides [CHILDHOOD SCENES!]. She had been confused as to when she stopped being the princess of the castle (fort) to being the dragon that encroached it. Looking back, she should have known it would have happened eventually but she'd been disgustingly blinded by their supposed closeness to believe it would ever happen to them. But it happened, swift and fast and she was suddenly looking at cold shoulders and turned-away backs.

_Sasuke: "I don't have to answer to you."_

]

PRESENT: Sasuke, while still nice enough, wasn't someone she could imagine sharing her life with. Notwithstanding the fact that he could be such an utter prick at times (_like the time when they kids he shoved her off the pier and nearly set off a catastrophic chain of events_), he was too much like _her_ – a born, bred aristocrat.

_Jaded. Overindulged. Taut as a bowstring._

If they were ever married, they would both be doomed to living in constant luxury and ostentatious surroundings and making superficial social calls and pointless small talk with others in their circle.

They would both go mad in months.

(Especially Hinata, now that she'd experienced the zest and vibrancy and sheer thrill of the outside world.)

And things had happened.

[Sasuke going to school, the Uchiha-Hyuuga competitive thing (Sasuke very competitive) that wasn't at all helped by their statuses as the heirs, spending time with different circles, Sasuke going all emo on her and always finding disdain in other people's laughter and enjoyment (what _wasn't_ about his angst anymore?), their adolescent years had been disastrous. etc.]

They'd simply drifted apart, the same way she and Neji had come dangerously close to doing.

When he'd finally gotten over that (or over himself, more appropriately, the self-absorbed bastard), it had been too late.

[ENDING SASUHINA ANGLE ONCE AND FOR ALL:

Once upon a time, they could have been born for each other – but there was too much water under the bridge now. It was wonderful that they were friends again, _good close wonderful friends_, but it was impossible for them to go back to the way they were.

The marriage was just so very convenient for their families (and for themselves) that they decided to ignore the elephant that was always, always in the room loudly stomping and stomping on their bittersweet childhood memories.

It wasn't the love match their parents had always wanted, nor was it the passionate affair his admirers reviled with fervor. It really wasn't worth all that melodrama everyone had to waddle through after they announced the engagement.]

* * *

THE CLEANING SCENE

Cleaning the side of the ship and checking for weak spots, wiping off barnacles

Deidara: "Damn things affect our speed, yeah?"

Who actually cleans? Hinata (best at cleaning, through a lack of pride), Kakuzu (good with ropes) and Kisame (can swim).

Disaster. Rope breaks.

Deidara and Tobi manage to catch Hinata, despite running interference with each other. Kakuzu and Kisame fall. "Why, yeah? Hinata is a beautiful work of art whereas you're ugly. We can afford to have _your_ faces wrecked, un."

* * *

[It was a statement only pure bile could come up with.]

* * *

THE HURRICANE SCENE

Freak hurricane, some people actually go out of their way to save her, like she was valuable, and not because they _had _to.

Hinata was fighting to keep her breakfast in stomach as the ship suddenly lurched. _Again_.

The sky was terribly dark. Howling winds battered the ship, cutting at the sails and threatening to overturn and thrust them all into a whirlpool. There was a conspicuous flood on the upper deck, making them all slip and fall as they tried to regain some control over the vessel.

Deidara made common cause with the storm and started sinking the ship as well.

[Hidan: "Mother nature, you dirty rotten pagan bitch!"]

[Everyone on deck fell down from the crashing impact, except Itachi. But even he had to grab hold of something.]

[some terribly dramatic scene in which Hinata is knocked around.]

[Hinata blanched as the massive wave ripped toward the ship, propelling it around as if it was nothing more than a toyboat.]

[The cold saltwater hit her with enough force to send her flying into the mast.]

[Pein/Konan: "Get her, you fools!"]

[_Oh_, she thought, disoriented. _That might've broken a few bones._]

* * *

The day had started out normally enough, if not for the fact that everyone was in bad spirits from the previous night's rain.

Deidara was especially frustrated, his fists trembling as he fought not to smash his best telescope while the others shouted up at him for navigation. "All I see is fog, un!"

Yes, it started out an okay day. That was why, even with pairs of very good eyes on the ship, they hadn't seen the freak hurricane coming.

(Hidan's words: "Itachi! You're the one who's always prattling on about fucking storms! How the hell did you miss this one?")

* * *

AFTERMATH OF HURRICANE

"I told you all it was bad luck! It's the _thirteenth_, you stupid assholes! I _fucking_ told to stop the _fucking _ship and _fucking _wait out the day!" Hidan yelled as he fought to keep the sails from ripping up. His voice pitched a little higher than usual.

["Do we use the secret weapon?" "Hell yes, let's go."]

["Kakuzu, you're killing her! You don't jostle a person who might possibly have broken bones!" "Hey, who's the fucking medic here?" "Oh, don't start getting prissy, you fucking charlatan."]

[A stinging slap brought Hinata back to painful consciousness (yes, absolutely no mercy even for the injured.)

"Am I finally dead?"]

["Oh, is that what happened?" Hinata asked dazedly.]

* * *

The soft caw of sea birds poked at the heavy stupor of unconsciousness.

Dazedly, she opened her eyes and took stock of her surroundings.

Salt air in tranquil breezes. Warm, shimmering _sand_ beneath her. The warm glow of the _sun_.

_Land! Oh god, land!_

Quite unashamedly, she kissed the shore.

* * *

**THE BLENDING-IN-WITH-TOWNSFOLK CHAPTER**

Ship in cove. There was most assuredly going to be a problem in organization here. And Pein's administrative problems…were totally her concern.

"We'll be staying in the village. It's neutral territory but I _advise_ everyone to lie low. Hidan, Kisame, find smaller weapons." "Hell no!"

In the end, they managed to pry Hidan from his scythe. It was nothing short of extreme sacrifice.

"You up for some recon work, Hinata-chan?" "Yeah! Let's do some intel!"

"Why do we have to rob _that_ building? There are plenty of others to choose from!" "Because. We. Can."

[Haggling. Pretending to be legitimate.]

["Do you know how to kill a mockingbird?" "There's a damn book on it. Check it out."]

[At the sides, Hinata could see the glint in the women's eyes as they decided who to bring home. She wanted to warn them something fierce.]

It did little effect to strip them of their weapons. The way they were acting it would be a miracle for people not to peg them as pirates.

They ate like they had tapeworms, which they probably did.

Normally, Hinata would have hesitated, but at this moment, nothing mattered more than piggily stuffing her face like the rest of them. Ah, caloric heaven.

[It was amazingly ghastly how often the crew was hit on. Didn't their façade scream _thug! _loud enough?]

"So you can be feisty…" (Wench scene) [Jiraiya-pervert makes an appearance! Konan remembers him.]

[It would be the height of rudeness to flee this guy, screaming, though it was very, very enticing.]

Yes, a good serving of prudence was in order.

["Fine, we will compromise." That meant, of course, that they ended up doing exactly was Konan wanted. This was real power at play.]

[DESCRIBE JIRAIYA]

[While in the past several days Hinata had done more dirty, underhanded deeds and taken more hits to her pride than she had in her entire lifetime, there are certain lines she will never cross. Fluttering around an aged pervert like an excitable school girl was one of them.]

"Didn't say you were such a good singer, Girly. Really brought the house down." "_Shut up_." Hinata hissed venomously.

["Jiraiya," Pein nodded respectfully. Then he glanced in askance to the woman beside his former mentor. "– and _Tsunade_." The woman practically snarled at his lesss-than-respectful tone.]

[Everyone except for Konan had dropped jaws. Wasn't _he_ the pervert earlier? Oh god, they were so doomed.]

["We're…grounded." Pein explained rather lamely.]

["Meet the geriatric brigands." Tsunade looked about ready to kill him.]

[LIVING WITH JIR/TSU: It was like having a dysfunctional band of brothers in a sick parody of a normal household.

Jiraiya – as if he needed more virility than what he was currently radiating.]

JirTsu: It wasn't quite as appalling as she imagined but it wasn't the luxurious estates she imagined retired pirate lords to have. But what the heck, it was heaven compared to the life at sea. What did she expect? Plush carpeting? Hidan also brings up the issue the next morning. "Hey fuckers," he greets. "Couldn't you spare fucking money to get a bed that actually stays intact?" That explained the splitting nocturnal scream everyone ignored.

[Whoa. No one could mistake him for a girl now. (referring to Deidara)]

["Just admit you like her." "Fuck you, un. I don't like her like _that_." Hinata giggled, even though her face must be all sorts of red now.]

[Itachi: "I didn't save you. You crashed into me."]

[When in doubt, deny.]

[Hinata stood there, looking gleeful.]

"You got a tattoo." It wasn't a question. "Erm, _yes_?" "…" "It's okay! It's a nice little leaf-like thing called _Konohagakure_! I was going to get the one they called _Caged Bird_ or _ANBU_, but then I saw this!"

["Why do you insist in being so difficult?" Itachi blinked. _HE was difficult?_]

[It occurred to her that someday she was going to have to leave all this behind. Or it will leave her behind, more likely.]

Life in town: touring the village, naval officers, bouts of paranoia, women green with envy as she toured around with Itachi (sunset scene!), easily discovered attempts at escape, Tsunade whom Jiraiya is connected to – tells them about a party in the next town. She and Itachi go around marketplace, communing with civilians, where all the young mothers and their little girls swarmed to him.

[Jiraiya: "I am personally acquainted with many of them, had dinner with the families, went fishing with the husbands…"

"…slept with the wives…" Tsunade added dryly.]

[Itachi liked his morning coffee with a boatload of sugar and a splash of alcohol. He wasn't aware Tobi kept spiking his early mix, but he clearly appreciated the effort.]

[Hidan's response was appropriately barbaric.]

["Your heart is in the right place." "In my chest cavity?" "Yeah, unlike _someone's_, whose heart is probably shoved up his ass with a number of other things, yeah?" Hinata had to be blind to miss Deidara's pointed glance at Itachi.]

* * *

**GOVERNOR's BALL CHAPTER**

[SEQUENCE: (1) naval officers in the morning – recognize them as pirates and think Hinata is one; another chase around town – they get her picture; (2A) preparation for crashing the IMPORTANT ball for scroll on Kyuubi and Hachibi treasure – primping and team-making; (2B) OPTIONAL – Governor's ball in next town very tight security, they enter by acting as a funeral – Hinata as the dead? (3A) Entering the ball and establishing fake identities – at least 1 team member in the ballroom at all times; (3B) Hinata/Deidara/Hidan; (3C) Hinata and the Condescending Socialite; (3D) Hinata and the rumors on the Hyuuga; (3D) Hinata/Itachi; (3E) Escape]

"The governor's ball." "What? Do you even realize how _tight_ the security will be?"

"Mission: the treasure, the map, and pick up on gossip – tis useful.

Sneak into the town under the guise of a funeral – so they won't have to answer too many questions. Just say the late person died of some exotic tropical disease and act completely aggrieved and everyone, even the well-meaning but heinously gossipy ones, will give them space.

"Why do I have to be the priest? Jashin-sama will have my head, seriously."

"You look like one, un."

[The scapulare disturbingly fitted Hidan perfectly. Before he opened his mouth, he was benevolence and grace personified. "Fuck! Jashin-sama will fucking castrate me for touching these goddamned heathen shit!" _Before he opened his mouth._]

_Just like I look like a dead body? _Hinata thought sardonically.

"Yes, yes, it's a fu– _it's a shame_. But she's lived a good, long life." Someone – Hidan possibly – said somberly. _I heard that, you imbecile. Good long life indeed, but only by Akatsuki standards perhaps._]

[Hidan opened his mouth to speak, remembered he was supposed to be an anointed member of a heathen clergy, and silently cursed the lack of alcohol to take the edge off.]

**[**"His Reverence is fed up," Sasori prudently (or not) intervened.

"He curses, despite his calling." One villager whispered to another so quietly he might as well have shouted it. Hidan turned a ripe shade of purple.]

["Hell, I spent the hour buttering up some nuns who wanted to ask about my fucking sermons. I deserve some rum!"]

[They were hiding out in a funeral parlor. Oh dear god.]

"We need a codeword – how about _rum_?" "We might as well advertise the fact that we're pirates." "_Jashin_?"  
"No!" "Boom?" "How can we even say that?" "Pirate." "…okay. The other one?" "Treasure?" "That'll work."

[_Team_ _Pirate _– Hinata, Hidan, Kisame, Kakuzu and _Team Treasure_ – Itachi, Deidara, Sasori, Tobi]

["Pardon my rudeness, sir, but _what the fuck?_" "Can't we just sneak in through the sewers or something?" "No!"]

[Hinata regarded herself critically in the looking glass.

The _cheekbones_. It was the cheekbones that were a dead giveaway. The way they jutted out like that…]

["Now that we're all dressed like fucking cockatoos…"]

["Now, it's unseemly to enter without –" "Shut up, girly, you think we haven't done this before?" _Oh dear gods. They've done this before. Must communicate to Hanabi to have strict guest lists_.]

[And just what were they going to say? "Good evening, we represent the estates of the ethically challenged under his lordship Captain Pein."]

[From the pirate's point of view, nobles did seem like they had more mannerisms then manners. But she was not going to comment on that.]

[They prowled closer from ostentatious estate entrance. For a while, at least. Prowling was rather tiring and the house, as all opulent edifices are wont to be, was another mile at least.]

[Hinata was well-versed in all matters of small talk was did not feel as out of place as she should've.

A few polite inquiries here and there about their health and children and businesses and political empires, a gaily smiling face, a light blush – All done to make her seem like a sweet girl who posed no danger at all (be it to their social standing or material self).

With a start, she realized she had them at the palm of her hand, ready to tell all at the slightest prompting. Of course, it was easy because they didn't perceive her as a threat. Still, she didn't recall herself or Hanabi being as bad as this, letting down guards so easily. Then again, it was _her_ and it was _Hanabi_.

_Weren't these ladies brought up on the same political mind games as her and her sister?_ Or were the Hyuuga just unique in that regard?

Across the room, Deidara and Hidan seemed to be doing a fine job as well, entertaining the men with tales of their audacious exploits as affluent, island-hopping merchants. Their flashy personalities and bold sweeping gestures and comical expressions were rapidly gaining attention. Hinata had to give it to them – their rakish mannerisms only hinted at a passion for adventuring, not pillaging. ]

[When Hinata was young and callow, she'd let the silly condescending little comments and snide remarks affect her. Now, with much help from Hanabi who'd never found reason to doubt herself, she'd learnt to take it in stride. They were not worth listening to. Now, she was parrying them off without making it look like she was experienced at this sort of verbal and gesticulation warfare. She'd heard worse, and on a daily basis at that.]

[Hinata bristled at the carelessly thrown comment. It was one thing to airily poke and stab at petty little things like choice of dress, makeup or man, but it was an entirely different thing to insult _both_ pirates and naval officers. The former were her friends, the latter her… family.

Hinata did not realize it but she was suddenly morphing into the Hyuuga heiress that she was born to be, the true-blooded Hyuuga who stood her ground unyielding when her pride and friends came under attack – her posture straightened, her eyes turned icy, her chin tilted just right to convey the maximum amount of superiority and condescension.

"Is that how you talk of people willing to lay down their lives to guard you?" _Politely chilly, Classic Hyuuga_.]

["The Hyuugas haven't been making any appearances lately."

Hinata blanched. That statement will inevitably, by Murphy's great truth and law, lead to gossip the Akatsuki shouldn't be hearing.]

[(DESCRIBE SAKURA)

Hinata recognized her. No, more than that, she _knew _her. Hinata knew her parents, her family history, her family wealth, her personal history and her current boyfriend.

Who was, incidentally, Sasuke's best friend.

It was Haruno Sakura.

Hinata paled. This little gala was going blow up in her face if she didn't do something. And soon.]

[EVADE SAKURA]

[Hidan and Itachi, posturing:

"Fascinating, do tell."

"Why yes. Thank you for noticing."

"Splendid."

"Delightful."

Hinata's eyes bugged. Knowing the man, she was pretty sure he would have preferred slitting everyone's throats all cool and efficient-like and going directly for the targets instead of having to expend any social graces or stayed at the ship, if he couldn't go with the first option. But Itachi had been willing to go through _this_ to back her up. It was such a ridiculous thought that she could cry. Instead, she pulled out all her acting chops, smiled and moved to save him.

"Tachi _dahling_, what a pleasant surprise! I haven't seen you in ages. Have the _pirates _gotten to you?"

Itachi so easily fell into the role of long-lost acquaintance that if she hadn't initiated the play herself she'd have thought it planned well in advance.

"Nata? I _say_, is that little Nata? Look how you've grown. Look closely, gentlemen, you'll _not_ see another _treasure_ like this lady. _Men are still looking_ for any cache that could compare."

"You flatter me, Tachi, I'm sure _pirates have long found gold_ and jewels that I cannot match up to."

"Well, is that so? They've been _looking at the wrong place_ then."

"Honestly, Tachi, you exaggerate. But you are such a _treasure_ that I'm considering we _go over to the other house_ to renew our acquaintance."

"Now, now Nata my dear, do choose your words more wisely. I fear you might not be _understood _well."

"Oh dear me, I did sound rather foolish. Then perhaps you might come over to my estate some time, I'd love to hear your _second story_. The first one was all about _traps_. And, Tachi, I suggest you be on your _guard_ – my sister has recently turned _sixteen _and you _understand _how young ladies are at that age."

"I _understand_ very well. My, I haven't had the opportunity to _meet_ your sister since she was still playing _pirates_. I would love to see her _later_."]

[Getaway: "Would you care to dance?" Hinata would have loved to think the invitation was something more than just another portion of their farce. Swirl across the dance floor in a glorious sweeping waltz.

Where the heck did Itachi learn how to dance?]

["Au revoir, shitheads." Hidan flipped him off.]

["How'd you find the treasure so quickly?" "We stumble upon it, literally." "Like a bunch of dominoes, yeah?"]

[She'd had the advantage. She had the chance to make a near flawless escape. But, somehow, Itachi wasn't surprised she was still here. Hinata was a person who _stayed_.]

[No one mentioned that they should've stopped holding hands a while ago.]

[The epic disaster intervened at the last possible moment.]

[While they were sneaking out the back, an understatedly grand horse-drawn carriage pulled up at the front. The Hyuugas had decided to make an appearance after all.

Neji looks at the bright, happy surrounding, pretty lights and flowers that he, in his constant anxiety, can't appreciate.

_Hinata-sama should have been here. _Neji thought despairingly.]

**OTHER LINES:**

**Party: **They should've come in town as a circus instead. Just as attention-deflecting but infinitely more appropriate.

**Party: **It did seem somewhat theatrical.

**Party: **"Pity it's not a masquerade, isn't it?" "Yes, Itachi has a wonderful collection of porcelain masks." "It was Tsunade's." Itachi'c voice may or may not, depending on one's level of optimism, have a shade of defensive in it.

**Party: **The whole set-up stank of 'get-away carriage'.

**Party: **Hidan stepped on the train of her dress, effectively tripping them both. He, rather than her, had a fit at the close contact.

**Neji after Party: **We have never been his guest so we have no right or duty to hold him in contempt.

* * *

**THE KUMO CHAPTER**

(Actual raid using the scrolls from the everywhere – which points to a boy named killerbee who'd encountered the 'beast treasure' once! Refer to Flashback Chapter for setting!)

[Enemy: KUMO – Hinata vs. Samui, Raikage vs. Itachi (reflect Saske vs Raikage in canon!), Pein and Kisame vs. Killerbee, by a freak incident long long ago, who knows the location of the bullion and the legend behind it]

Collision course. With Kumo. Oh vay.

[It was disturbing in principle, but it was gruesome in practice.]

[The ship was hidden by the clouds. Much like Suna was hidden in the sand after Team Art was done with them.]

There is a time, Hinata, to throw all caution to the winds.

"_You_ – you would trust me to watch your back?" Hinata felt deeply honored. That is, until he spoke again. "Well, I would trust you not to run way." Hinata deflated.

Hinata could almost hear the dramatic background music. All they needed now was warpaint – oh wait, they had that too.

"AH!" A yell of utter delight. "Deidara's like that whenever we raid something with priceless pottery on it. He loves to blow them up in his spare time."

Eh? So none of them were willing to give up. That's one thing in common at least. They were all willing… victims. No other word for it.

"I've faced a runt like you before." "Is that so?" "Yeah, slammed his head into the ground and all." "I imagine it was a horrible experience."

"Where did you learn to dodge like that?" Without missing a beat, "dance floors!"

"Boom, un!"

"Intelligence is overrated." "I can't believe _you_ said that!"

"Go for the runt!" "Go for WHO?"

Being choked to death… was awful. [Why did he feel so furious?]

Tossed like a ragdoll.

"You really must all stop acting like you hate each other!"

"_Of course_ we leave survivors. We need someone to carry the fear of us into the next town!"

[Callous, mean-spirited and huge jackasses. They may not have been the best of men (Hinata gagged at the understatement), but they were still _her _crew.]

[Why hadn't anyone mentioned Itachi's stupid selflessness? "It's his character flaw."]

[Capture Bee]

["You sow disaster wherever you go."

"You got us on a collision course with Kumo."

"On orders."]

**Other LINES:**

**Kumo: **I promise to venerate you when you die, un. So long as it happens soon.

**Kumo: **The island was so inaccessible, the surrounding seas so hostile, the terrain so ugly that is probably necessitated the invention of planes.

**Kumo: **The smell alone was enough to knock them off their feet.

**Kumo: **Sasori – "If you wanted a guess, we should have stopped for fortune cookies."

**Kumo: **Counting death one smile at a time.

**Kumo: **"What did you say?" "Want me to blast the wax out of your ears? Nothing up there to hurt, un."

**Kumo: **Hinata wondered how they would sneak out a two-hundred pound man on a platter without garnering attention. Ye Jolly Akatsuki, faux priests and all were miracle workers.

**Kumo: **What am I? Your fucking mother?

* * *

**THE OROCHIMARU SCENE NUMBER ONE**

Refer to Hinata in hooker-disguise: "Oi, oi, oi! This new one's practically a princess!"

She blinked. _Did he just call me a – _She blushed in outrage and embarrassment.

["You're lying." "How would you know?" "Byakugan." "Dementia."]

[ "Well, well, well, look what we have her… a little spy from that Akatsuki, those _dogs_." (Orochimaru fleet)]

["Shit! Itachi! Seduction techniques! Now!" "_No_."]

["He had his hand cut off in a skirmish." (Orochimaru – the only one with a hook)]

[Sasori affected absentmindedness like a pro.]

["He was with Jiraiya and Tsunade when we met them." "He hates the Akatsuki." "Was he ever surprised to see me and Pein again? The little brats he wanted to kill were now kicking his ass."]

["We'll do the best thing to do when someone starts showing animosity: we hit them first and wait for them to retaliate."]

[Then, very neatly, the two of them put hands on her shoulder and pressed her down just in time as a sword whizzed where her face had been, slicing off some of her hair in the process. Hinata watched in wide-eyed horror as the wisps of indigo hair drifted down.]

[For the first and only time, Itachi's temper skyrocketed. He was _furious._

The woman was crazy! Sure it was just her hair that got lopped off this time, next time it would be her _head_. Just who did she think she was? _Hidan_?

"Don't," Hinata cringed, fully expecting a bawling out. Itachi reminded himself that he wasn't supposed to have a temper. "_Don't do that_, okay?"]

["You're still so naïve," Itachi said, his mouth taut, his glare almost accusing.]

["Orochimaru," His blue eyes noticeably darkened. "Him and his first-mate Danzo have something personal against Itachi. It was their fault he –" He abruptly stopped speaking, his mouth clamping shut at the sight of a pair of livid red eyes.]

["An important part of being a pirate – is knowing when to run away." "To fight again another day, right?" "No, because the bombs are going off soon."]

**[**"Cross the palm with silver, honey." And Tobi, Madara, whatever, very methodically drew a silver dagger deeply across the man's palm.]

[Watching pirate duke it out with cutlery was an incomparable sight.]

[**KAGUYA ARC** – famous pirate family who tried to take on the Mizukage crew, last member Kimimaro taken in by Oro, uses the bones of enemies as weapons.]

[**Hinata GUN Arc**:

(Much Earlier) – "Here, girly, hide this in your skirts for me. Careful, it's loaded."

(Scene itself) – Itachi at gunpoint, disconcertingly unfazed. Hinata flounders and panics and acts all vacuous (ala Mary in Immaculate Deception by Iain Pears. "I can't believe you'd take on a stray this horribly pathetic." "We did try to remedy that." The moment he turned the gun away from Itachi, she emptied the entire barrel into his chest.

She was a murderer. _Holy fucking hell._

(Immediate Aftermath) – "Don't you think it's a little pointless to be screaming now?"

She had none of their levity, it seemed, even when bloodthirstiness had seeped into her.

(Late Aftermath) – Hinata and Itachi: "It was self-defense, well, not _self _per se but he would have gotten you eventually as well." "I _killed _him." "Would you rather I have died?" "I guess not." "You _guess_?"]

[Everyone stared as the _ arched in the air, slowly, gracefully, perfectly. Then everyone scrambled for it.]

[Oro crew escapes but Akatsuki won.

Hinata didn't know whether to laugh or die.]

["What a mess." Nobody could argue with that.]

[Sasori: "You really pick the most indecent times to be outrageously brave, you know that?"

Deidara: "Yeah, I think all her nerve comes out when she's about to die, yeah?"]

* * *

Hinata wonders if she could ask to send communication to home. No, because it was line that should not be crossed, she'd jeopardize the shaky trust they had in her, it wasn't in their mind that she had a home (thinks she's like them), what would it do anyway? Neji and Akatsuki confrontation – that was something no one could ever mediate.

* * *

**THE HANABI SCENE**

[Hanabi: in this world, she was the problem child, not Hinata. Although when she turned fourteen, her father eventually came round. Hinata, who had always endeared herself to everyone she met. Who loved Hanabi like no one else did.]

If the civil uprising due to the distress of Hinata's absence did indeed occur, Hyuuga Hanabi was determined to be at the head of it.

Tough little Hanabi, who showed signs of growing up to be either a tomboy or the most plucky and dangerous lady one will ever meet, who loved her sister to the bone, was fanning the flames of the pandemonium if only half-consciously.

Hanabi had always been notably awkward with commoners. Unlike Hinata, she'd never had a natural talent for winning people's favor with a mere smile and never had much opportunity to interact with them either. She _tried_, put in the same amount of effort as she did all her endeavors, but, in all truth, dealing with the townspeople had never been Hanabi's domain.

While she meant well by getting everyone excited about Hinata, the teenager had no idea about the levels of vitriol and bloodlust she mustered up or the general mess she'd made of things. As always, all her devious little plans backfired violently in Neji's face (he used to share that damage with Hinata and remembering this made him all the more desperate to find her – he will _not_ handle the hellion alone).

* * *

"Oh dear," Hanabi gasped sarcastically when Neji _gently_ demolished another wall. "Father said you should really stop wrecking your own ship. Temper, temper, _dear_ cousin." She tapped his shoulder twice in reprimand with her fan.

[HanabiSasuke Interaction – Describe Hanabi and Sasuke (really tall, really handsome, actually) – fight for superiority, elegance, wealth and power – lots of Uchiha vs Hyuuga squabbles – supposed to be an exploration of both their characters – "Don't think just because you're a Hyuuga you can get away with that insult." "I think I can." They went from insulting everything from the family ideals to the family symbols to each other's mothers. "Myopic pigs!" "Blind leeches!" "Freaky tomato!" "You're mistaking me for my sister!"]

Neji felt the blood drain from his face. _Kami, the repercussions this conversation could cause…if it ever escaped the confines of this room… _Hyuuga and Uchiha may very well descend on each other and eyes will clawed out for sure.

It fell to Neji to nip it in the bud.

"Hey."

[Descend to worse insults.

"You were just dying for this, you little brat. Without Hinata, you'd be the heiress!" Hanabi turned white. Neji thought that was a little below the belt.

"Don't bother pretending you're worried, you selfish jerk, you never gave a crap about my sister. You only like her because she's the only one who genuinely thinks you're worth something!" Okay, that was a little below the belt too.]

[Even worse insults.]

Neji's head seemed to grow very large and a vein stuck out threateningly. "SHUT UP!"

[After Sasuke leaves, Hanabi lashes at Neji again with renewed vigor. Like a cucumber freshly pickled.]

In the end, Neji could forgive Hanabi because, for all her spunk and seemingly flippant attitude, she was genuinely worried about her sister. He'd heard her crying at night, after all.

And judging by the ferocity with which he responded, Sasuke may actually be just as worried. To Neji, it was an unsettling thought. He hadn't seen ever seen Sasuke grieve yet, but he knew enough to prepare for an all-consuming inferno.

* * *

"Neji," Rock Lee called to him, striding faster than any man should be able to manage. _Rock Lee_, his absurdly eccentric first-mate who, by some miracle, managed to rise up to his position despite being incurably vulnerable to sea legs.

(Neji will never know what made him take on the endlessly seasick disaster that was currently calling himself his admiral.)

Ever since his appointment, Neji had been subject to Lee's endless blathers on the flames and power of youth. Lately, however, Lee had quieted down a lot, much affected by Neji's alternately somber and tumultuous moods. _Why was he approaching him now?_

"Sir, there are reports of a woman who looked a lot like Lady Hyuuga appearing in the eastern towns." Neji's attention level skyrocketed.

Neji's eyebrows rose. They had been in that region for that stuffy, pretentious ball that had rapidly descended into pandemonium when a robbery had been uncovered. They had been in a hurry to get away from that crowd of furious, indignant nobles before they got sucked into an international diplomatic incident.

They should have stayed.

"Report everything. Leave out no details."

_Hinata-sama, where are you?_

…

"She sure looks a lot like your wonderful cousin, Neji."

"It is my cousin, idiot." But his words didn't have much sting at all.

_She's alive. She's alive. She's alive._

* * *

An important question: w_as the crew trying to match-make them or were they just trying to get someone killed?_

**THE ITAHINA MAIN DEVELOPMENT CHAPTER**

["What's that?" "Sweets, you want some?" Itachi offered automatically, holding out the pouch.]

[Itachi knew he'd always liked sweet things.]

[Hinata tried not to mind his singularly unappealing appearance.]

["You know, Itachi, I do not _understand_ you. Mostly I am so sure you are nothing more than a cold, emotionless, sadistic *bastard*, but sometimes… you become this, _god forbid_, gracious… intelligent… _selfless_… person… who is completely the opposite of the other you!"]

["And how do you know how a lady should act?" She stared up at him questioningly.]

[Why did the girl constantly defy being lumped in a category? It only made her all the more interesting.]

["Hey Itachi, have you ever considered playing poker?"]

["Itachi here would be perfect for seducing them nobles' wives and daughters – he's got the dark, handsome and mysterious part that they so love down – if only he wasn't so against the idea."

"Yeah, he's our closet romantic, un. Reserving himself for that one special love of a lifetime."

"Or maybe it's because he can't be bothered to mask his social ineptness for such a frivolous purpose." Said Sasori, who honestly wasn't much better.

Hinata giggled into her hand. They really _did_ love to talk about Itachi behind his back.]

[Konan: "You know what you should do to really gain their respect? Shoot without a second thought and don't follow orders – you _are_ a pirate, after all." _That I am._]

["We really need to find a better healer than Kakuzu." "What? You don't enjoy the little meatball surgeries?"]

["You know the power of wealth, but do you know the value of it?"]

["It's hard to respect ignorance but it's harder still to respect those who knew better but still did nothing." SOCIAL COMMENTARY? Find a context!]

[Itachi deliberately added a trace of mocking in his voice.]

[Itachi sent her a look. Hinata giggled, covering her mouth with a hand. Yeah, their own nonverbal conversations that made a whole lot of sense only to themselves.]

[When did she become so attuned to him?]

[Ah. She never ceased to surprise him. Hinata, he thought to himself, was so endlessly _amusing_.]

["Is there a problem?" Itachi calmly asked.

_I am rather a little bit in love with you. Will that be problematic? _Hinata's face suddenly felt warm. "N-Nothing."]

[They really should've added a clause to their engagement in case of kidnapping by charming rogues.]

[Whatever this was, it was far too precious to be the subject of laughter on a pirate ship. Of course, that didn't stop the crew from making it exactly that.]

["What is hell is this? Is someone stalking the princess as she sleeps?" "How fucking intriguing."]

["You are… _persona non grata _here, yeah?" Konan, apparently exiled, sputtered in indignation.]

["Hey, what sort of gay voodoo is going on here?"]

["That is sufficient." Itachi said coldly.]

["Oi, if you're hurting, don't pretend you're okay." Hinata just didn't want to face Kakuzu or his treatments again.]

["Even I can't control time, Hinata." Reference to Tsukiyomi]

[RATIONALE: Itachi and Hinata do things together: eat, train, steer, sleep (nightwatch!). Like a couple gravitating towards each other without ever verbalizing it.]

[THE 'AH' MOMENT: Itachi with a wide grin as bright as the clear blue skies framing him. The world shifted.]

[They really should've added a clause to their engagement in case of kidnapping by charming rogues.]

[Itachi's upbringing: Hinata had always suspected Itachi to be educated.]

[Hinata: "My fiancé, you know, he was brilliant and the ladies were all over him." Itachi: "Gee, should I be jealous?"]

* * *

**MORE ITAHINA DEVELOPMENT**

[She really did look too delicate to stay with them for too long. Already, the hard life at sea had taken its toll on her – she was getting awfully pale and thin, if her stick-like arms protruding from the baggy clothes they gave her were anything to go by. She'd weathered through everything magnificently though, showing a stubbornness and determination that was unexpected, and lasted far longer than he'd thought.]

["Are you perchance trying to get me to _leave_ the Akatsuki?" Her reaction confirmed all his suspicions: the thought never even crossed her mind. Hinata had never been one to act like she had to right for decide for others.

"I'm _never _going back, not for anyone and certainly not for _you._"]

["Hinata-chan, we practically raised Itachi and, believe me, he acts differently with you. He _trusts_ you."]

["Damnit, it's so sweet _I'm _getting sappy! Seriously!" Itachi glared imperiously at the lot of them. "Face it, Itachi, you'll never find someone as perfect for you as Hinata. Hell, she's the only one you allow to touch you – physically and figuratively." "Are you _blind_?" "Who could've known this would happen?"]

["I have to say, Itachi, it sure is awkward having to deal with relationships as knotty as yours especially since we're all stuck in the same boat, I mean, ship." "You fucking drift to each other!" "Honestly, all this he's-mine-he's-not-mine nonsense has got to stop already!"]

["You got a good one, Itachi! You should marry her, yeah?" Hinata spat out her drink. **OR** "Better not go around making babies, yeah? Too troublesome." Hinata spat out her drink.]

[**Dusk. Weird, melancholic, sunsetty poetic mood. Itachi taking care of his ravens and talking to himself.**

Someone pounded at the entrance.

"Suddenly there is a tapping, as of an idiot coarsely rapping, rapping at my chamber door. Quoth the raven?"

"_Caw!_"

Itachi smiled briefly at that, not really expecting anything else, then reverted back to his stoic expression as he opened the door.

_Quoth the idiot?_

"Why did you take so fucking long to open the damn door, you fuck?"

It was Hidan… and everyone else it seemed.

"What is it," Itachi asked, mindful of the sense of antagonism in the air. He wondered if it had something to do with missing last night's meeting. "Everyone?"

"Itachi, as pansy-ass as this is going to sound, we're going to have a fucking sleepover. _Seriously_."

For once, Itachi was speechless – not by choice but because he honestly didn't know what to say. This was Konan's doing, he was sure of it.

"Break out the rum, boys."

"This toast is for all you ill-suited couples!" Itachi punched a hole through the wall, seemingly by accident. Unfortunately, that wall opened out to sea.]

["We're all fucking sick of it already!" "And that is my concern – how?" - Itachi]

["Ah," Deidara suddenly exclaimed, at no one's prompting. The man was, _obviously_, witlessly insanely drunk. "That is one question all of us men struggle to ask ourselves: do I love her because she is beautiful or is she beautiful because I love her?"

He, to the best of his impaired ability, glared pointedly at their dark-haired ever-reluctant host.

A tic developed in Itachi's cheek.

He wondered if he should slaughter them all now, or do it one-by-one later to savor it more. There was no fun in murdering people already too sloshed away to feel it.]

["Oi, Itachi, I don't fucking want any heathen fornication, okay?" Itachi ignored him.]

[Kisame: "Admit it Itachi, she is cute when she's happy."

Itachi:"Only when she's happy?"

Deidara: "Damnit, he's whipped!"]

["I might snatch her up for myself, yeah?" "_Don't you dare_."]

[The girl didn't even know what an excellent thief she was – sly and fast and gone before he ever realized he'd lost something important.

Itachi's mouth slowly turned up into a very slight smile.

"Thief," he accused flatly.

Hinata's brow scrunched up. "W-whatever you are talking about, it wasn't me."

_It was most certainly her_.]

["I feel like this is it, blondie." "That's just heartburn, un."]

[Pein "Well, their joint performance is exceptional. You agree, Konan?"]

* * *

**MORE ITAHINA DEVELOPMENT**

[Their hurricane romance, because whirlwind was entirely too mild a word to convey the horrific destructiveness of the relationship.]

"She won't survive, Itachi." (Pein)

* * *

[Weather cold and night clear]

The sea breeze was cold and he caught her shivering.

The feel of his soft hair against her face… slender fingers lightly brushing her cheek with uncommon gentleness…

Lidded eyes… peace and contentment… a sudden well of tenderness… (the cliché kiss in moonlight scene!)

He leaned his forehead against hers and gave her the ghost of a kiss. It would have to be enough for a lifetime.

No, actually, it wasn't even enough for a minute.

* * *

**ANOTHER 'AH' MOMENT**

He felt something in him still at the sight of her stumbling with their breakfast, smiling to herself, sunlight kissing her skin… then something very _warm_ and very _scary_ flooded his chest, making it a tad difficult to breathe…

Then the world suddenly shifted and he knew then that something was going to have to give.

_Damn, of all the girls in the world…_

For the first time in his life, although the moment will pass quickly, Itachi was at a complete loss of what to do. _So much for genius._

Nonetheless, despite the unpleasant spin his hitherto relatively peaceful life just took, Itachi couldn't find it in him to feel displeased.

* * *

It wasn't supposed to be this way. She was never supposed to get this attached, this addicted. And to a pirate!

Certainly not one who acted no differently from before he tore out her world from its axis.

Funny how things work out. If things hadn't gotten all fucked up, they shouldn't even be breathing the same air. Now they were sharing saliva.

But, from an elliptical and decidedly blind point of view, they were a perfect match.

[Poofy hair and bloodshot eyes. And Itachi saw her in even worst conditions – say… covered in swamp muck.]

* * *

Gah, didn't he know people _avoid_ getting into situations as apocryphally awkward as this?

**THE AWKWARD MORNING AFTER (the kiss)**

[Itachi broke the silence first. "Well, this is rather awkward, isn't it? And stupid?"

_W-what?_

"I would dearly like to pretend I was highly imbibed last night, but I can't. And I was hoping we could do it again."

Well, maybe _some_ things have changed.

But his imperviousness to embarrassment hadn't.]

["It wasn't the first," Itachi said quietly, after Hinata left.

**First kiss** – five-year-old Itachi and infant Hinata, Itachi doted on both her and infant Sasuke, before the kidnap]

["You don't have to… love… me."

"It's mine to give." He said, almost waspishly. The universe blinked in incredulity.]

["For some reason I couldn't possibly fathom, the problem always leads back to you."]

* * *

**CONFLICT?**

"I love everything about you." She turned away defiantly, not wanting to be convinced that something somehow went wrong somewhere. She was conflicted enough as it was, with a brain sending out danger signals like never before and a heart that screamed out "_Home!"_.

Itachi's face was unreadable.

"You believe we have a future." It wasn't a question, only a statement of fact and it clearly implied that he believed otherwise.

* * *

**THE OROCHIMARU SCENE TWO:**

**Lines:**

["July?" "Are you accusing me of being a damn liar?"]

**[ **"If I'd been there..." "We still would've lost." "Yes, but the body count would have been much hire." "And how does that help?" "Sorry, you royal fucking leniency."]

[A majority of her senses had taken leave indefinitely.]

[It felt like something out of a bad opera. The delusional speeches, the posturing, the cuecards.]

**[**"Did you dispose of the evidence?" "I ate it." "Sufficient."]

[Probably for the first time in his life, Itachi saw red.]

["We will eliminate the competition, _literally_." "Hear, hear!"]

[Itachi, thankfully, had complete control of what goes on in his mind, and the ability to easily store away thoughts until he could deal with them more effectively. That meant he, unlike all other lovesick fools, didn't have to have her running through his mind at every moment and generally distracting him.]

[**Itachi's back story** – kidnapped by Danzo as a kid (_their fault he had to be separated from his family_) – they weren't pirates back then – meant to be trained as their protégé, that's why he was their Itachi-sama – escaped easily. REFERENCES TO SHISUI.]

[Tayuya vs. Hidan – raw, unparalleled strength]

[Kidomaro vs. Konan]

[Jirobo/Suigetsu and Kisame]

[Kakuzu and Sakon]

[Juugo, Karin and Suigetsu and Team Art]

[OROCHIMARU. Kimimaro vs. Itachi. "Now Itachi, don't either of you die before your fight ends." (DIDN'T THEY BOTH DIE OF TUBERCULOSIS?) "What is _that_ supposed to mean?" "I can feel it in my bones."]

[It's a real death match.]

[Hidan and Itachi interaction:

"Who told you to jump in?"

"Blahblahblah, Itachi. You might be willing to risk your gamble your life but, hell if we're going to take on your lookout duties if you die."

Itachi paused, then gave resigned sigh (with a little difficulty because, you know, bruised ribs).

"I do wonder whatever happened to _appreciation_."

"I do wonder what happened to _the crew that knew how to mind each others' business_."

"Your girlfriend's fault, asshole."

"You are insinuating about things that are non-existent."

"And you are in denial."

"The Nile is a river in Africa."

"Coming from you, that was pathetic."]

[(missing for several minutes to set up) Deidara, in a magnificent display, exerted his dominion on all things combustible by thoroughly detonating the enemy vessel.]

[Hidan seemed intent on splattering everything on deck with his blood.]

[Hinata couldn't believe it. She'd just stabbed someone in the back. Literally.]

["Hinata, just play dead yeah?"]

[Deboned Kimimaro: The sight would remain in Hinata's nightmares the rest of her life.]

["Don't cry, the sea is salty enough." Hinata cried even harder.]

* * *

["It had crossed my mind that I might one day have to die for you, but I certainly did not expect it to be this soon or in this manner." "Itachi, _you idiot_, stop talking!"]

**DATE SCENE! With the entire Akatsuki spying.**

[Hinata groaned. Forget ladies-in-court and clan matrons (who were almost evil incarnate when it came to matters such as this) – deadly pirates were the most tenacious matchmakers in the universe.]

[Itachi was staring intently at the sign. "Would you prefer chicken or fish?"]

["And they said it was not a date." Five heads poked out (Deidara, Sasori, Kisame, Hidan, Tobi – some still injured) of the bush. "Bah, it's not even a proper date. They're standing a meter apart!" "I'm disappointed in Itachi, un."]

["It's a nice sunset."

"I suppose so."

(from the bushes)"This is not turning out as well as I hoped, yeah?"

(from the bushes too) "Since when did you start playing matchmaker?"

"Itachi, do you –"

"They have been tailing us since we left the ship, Hinata."

"Oh."]

[AKATSUKI EAVESDROPPING SCENE:

Kisame went sprawling into the room.

"Eh, I didn't interrupt anything, did I?" Kisame asked awkwardly. Hostility poured off Itachi in almost visible rivulets, even though his face remained as stoic as ever.

"You should know, you've had your ear flattened against the door for a while now."]

["Messenger, don't shoot."]

["Even if you stumble, I won't laugh. Even if you stutter, I'll understand. Even if you are an inconvenience, I'll still love you." Itachi recited.

"You really have a lot of confidence in me, don't you?"

"It was the best the crew could come up with."

"I should have known."

"Good."

"I do appreciate it though."

"Do you wish for me to repeat it?"]

* * *

**MADARA WANTS TO MOVE ON TO HUNTING THE DEMON TREASURES AGAIN**

**(Which are actually Animal-Islands - think Lion-turtle in Avatar or the Vanishing Isle in Aladdin 3)**

["I know who you are, most of them know too, your features aren't exactly that common. _Hyuuga_."]

["Hyuuga Hinata. Goddamned first-in-line," Hidan muttered spitefully.]

["Can I at least know your name?" Itachi sighed. "It's Uchiha." _Ouch_. Hinata felt like she'd been slapped. He was tossing one of her very first lies back into her face.]

["You signed a deal with the devil." "What the _devil _are you blabbering about?"]

["The beast treasures _do_ exist," He intoned quietly, whispering it into her hair. "We have… _seven_… of them. That's what's below the third landing. The legends behind them _are_ true – it's power beyond imagining. But it's dangerous, far more dangerous than anything you've ever encountered with us."]

[The severity of his gaze was outstanding.]

["You have to leave, Hinata." _You have to live, Hinata._

_You've got to stay alive somehow._ ]

["You may pawn this." In his hand was the family heirloom she could have been executed by mad Uchihas for losing, her engagement ring. The one she'd left behind when she'd (attempted to) fled the Akatsuki. The one worth about three islands.

Her throat closed up. "It's an Uchiha heirloom." She somehow managed to choke out. "Y-your family's…"

She flinched at the reminder of the earlier mockery.

"And yours." Itachi said as he slipped her the ring.

Hinata wondered if that was a proposal or merely a reminder of her own lies.

But she never had the chance to ask.

Without further ado, he knocked her out.]

[Akatsuki leaves Hinata. Lonely, morose, lethargic atmosphere following the farewell.]

"Um, Tobi has something to say…"

* * *

"Tobi! I'm gonna kill you, un!" Deidara yelled, straining against Sasori (who luckily had the foresight to get any bombs out of reach the moment Tobi began to speak).

"You stowed her in? What do you think all those fucking goodbyes were for? _Practice_?" Hidan's rage threatened to surpass even Deidara's.

[The rest of the crew threw cautious glances at Itachi.]

Itachi himself didn't make any move to attack Tobi, although his fists were clenched so tightly the knuckles were white.

"No, please, don't try to leave me _again_." They squirmed almost guiltily.

* * *

**Encounter with Neji and Sasuke**

"Damn, we knew you were rich, girly but, seriously, _HYUUGA_? _An entire fleet_?" Hidan was joking, but she could not help but see the way sweat beaded on his brow and the way his face paled at the mass of ships in the distance, the _Hakke _in the forefront.

[Hinata points to the massive ship in the distance. "I need to go over there!"

"What are you crazy? That ship's impenetrable!"

"_Kaiten _has a blind spot! I _have _to go there!"

"Because, after all is said and done, I still outrank Neji. He _will _listen to me." Her eyes narrowed. "Or else."]

["Now that she's over there… we can't use the beasts, right?"

"Affirmative."

"Holy shit, that girl really is more trouble than she's worth."]

[Hinata felt like crying at the sight of the two men.

"Neji! Sasuke! STAND DOWN!"

It was rather shocking to see Lady Hyuuga, meek sweet woefully-polite Hinata-sama, looking like she'd been dragged through the gutter and shouting down orders.]

[Neji was _floored_. Hinata had never, never, _never _held her position as heiress over him before, not a single instance, and now she was taking control of his _fleet_.

It was then that everything he knew to be true about his shy little cousin took a nosedive off a cliff.]

[Hinata, yelling wildly: "Belay!" "Belay!"]

[Sasori, wryly: "Captain, aren't you supposed to go down with your ship?"

Pein threw him a look that clearly said that if they somehow survived this, he'd kill him.]

[HINATA IS TOO LATE.]

Sixty-four cannons let loose in a melodious burst of staccato fire and blew everything into oblivion.

* * *

[_Bodies. _A scream tried to tear its way out of her throat and came out choked and painful. _No. No! NO! _She can't be seeing the things in front of her eyes. The ruins of a once-great ship, all aflame with great clouds of black smoke rising from the decks, and _bodies_…_ and faces she knew almost as well as her own_…]

[They burned the ship. Everything and everyone on it perished away in a fiery blaze that turned the skies red like blood. Hinata felt like she was choking on the ashes.]

* * *

["Oh my God, Hinata-sama, what happened to you?" Hinata flushed in furious embarrassment. _Did they really have to act like that?_ She was perfectly fine… okay, she was not. Her skin was burnt, her hair choppy, her hands callused and limbs bruised all over, she probably looked a great deal worse off than she actually was. Still, despite being a frightful mess, they should at least be glad she was still in one piece. _Unlike her heart_, which was still thankfully numb, as though it was still expecting to be woken up from a bad dream…]

[Someday she will stop gibbering in denial.]

[Hinata felt like she'd been widowed before she even got married. She felt cheated. She felt a loss that tugged sharply and painfully on her insides.]

[No, she would not blame Neji for this. She would not blame Sasuke. They had been doing what they felt was right (what _actually_ was right) – the Akatsuki had it coming anyway, evil soul-sucking bastards that they were… such _wonderful wonderful wonderful _evil bastards…]

[She was going to go unpunished. She may have possibly murdered a man but he was another pirate.]

["He licked your face?" Sasuke was utterly blasted by this Hinata.

"Among other things, the whole debacle had been abominable. How did I ever stand it?" Hinata said flippantly, attempting a bright smile.

Sasuke watched in dismay as her face crumpled.]

* * *

**THE Oh-ITACHI-WASN'T-LYING-WHEN-HE-SAID-HE-WAS-UCHIHA SCENE**

["It's Lord Uchiha."

She turned – _and there was Itachi_.]

(BREAK)

**Hinata: surprised, overjoyed, anguished, astonished, everything**

"_Lord _Uchiha?" She laughed nervously as she stood up, dizzy from a whirlwind of emotions, hanging by a thread to consciousness. "I knew I should have known better than to believe you were being honest with me."

Then she promptly burst into stupid tears.

* * *

**PROPOSAL SCENE**

"I've realized a few things," Itachi said solemnly. "The beast's treasures can wait."

"There are no horizons left to chase."

"This is where my treasure is."

* * *

_**This is where my treasure is**_**.**

* * *

_Denouement_ – which is just a fancy word for _end_.

* * *

**EPILOGUE**

_The bodies were puppets. What happened to the crew? How did Itachi survive and why was he Lord Uchiha? _

Maybe someday she can tell their children a story about cannibals and crows, pirates and soldiers, rum and wenches, treasure and adventure and falling in love under the moonlight.

_And, if anybody mentioned how Lord Uchiha sometimes vanished and that Itachi of the Sharingan rose from the dead from time to time… well, they were just rumors._

* * *

**Omake 1: Nightmarescape**

When Hinata awoke, she was lying on the deck of an unfamiliar ship with the warm sunlight shining down on her. She groggily pushed herself up when she noticed the flurry of activity around her.

About three dozen blond men were walking around, wearing blindingly orange tunics and boots. Three of them were arguing over a map, two were fighting over the helm, about five more were engaged in a sparring match while the rest did the usual duties. They all looked exactly the same. In fact, they all looked like Sasuke's friend, Uzumaki Naruto.

"Hinata-chan!" They shouted simultaneously. In their fight to get to her, some of them vanished in a puff of smoke.

_What the –_

"It's okay, Hinata-chan! _Kage bunshin no jutsu!_" A dozen more Naruto's popped up. "Isn't this more efficient than the Akatsuki ship?"

Hinata, staggered, was about to ask what (_the hell_)was happening when they were suddenly pelted by clay projectiles and paper shuriken. It was coming from what resembled the Akatsuki ship except that it had a humongous statue in the middle.

"Give back Hinata, un!" Deidara yelled impossibly loudly from atop one of the statue's fingers, birds and spiders made out of clay flying around him and popping out of orifices in his hands.

Beside him, on another finger, was Sasori, surrounding by dozens of murderous-looking puppets, and hung up by string himself. His face more _wooden_ than ever (pardon the pun).

"We're under attack, Hinata-chan!" Naruto yelled, making several more of himself. They immediately vanished in another onslaught of paper shuriken, coming from Konan whose body disintegrated into and reformed from paper. Beside her was a grotesque-looking, blood-covered Hidan, his scythe more malevolent than she'd ever seen.

"You are already within my illusion." A voice suspiciously like Itachi's resounded and the sky turned black as raven's wings and where the sun had been was a glowing red orb with three tomoe, spinning madly and forming a kaleidoscope. "In the next seventy two hours your ship will be continuously destroyed by a hurricane."

Hinata screamed.

Back in the real world, Konan and Itachi held the screaming, thrashing girl down while Deidara and Hidan were screaming at Tobi to hurry up and make the antidote to the hallucinogenic poison he'd accidentally fed Hinata as Sasori tried to manually draw out the poison from her system.

**Omake 2: Neji's First Day as Captain**

"No," The tone of finality to that voice was unquestionable. It was the same tone that allowed a teenager to rise meteorically in the naval chain of command, that sent a number of village girls into despair, that finally got rid of Hinata's absurd timidity and got Hanabi to stop when she intentionally crossed a line.

Hinata and Hanabi paused where they'd been passing by the entrance hall, curious at what their cousin was so adamant about.

"I refuse to wear a wig."

_Ah._

Neji glared at the offending item in his subordinate's hands as though it were something vile instead of a badge of his ascendancy in rank.

"I have the most remarkable hair in the Navy." Neji continued, still scowling.

_Well, no one would dispute_ that_._

"How can you expect me to cover it up?" The Hyuuga finished, crossing his arms over his chest.

Hinata and Hanabi looked at each other and choked on their giggles.

_No wonder those kinds of rumors started_.

**Omake 3: Itachi runs (walks) away from Danzo.**

"Itachi-sama," The six-year-old child looked up at him and took off the animal porcelain mask he'd been (ineffectively) using to disguise himself. His dark eyes were disturbingly adult-like and solemn. "You should be in bed."

"I need to catch some pirates," The child deadpanned, his expression unchanging. There were no indications to wariness save for Itachi's tightened grip on the large pouch he carried.

"Itachi-sama, please go back to bed. You can catch pirates in the morning."

Itachi's eyes narrowed ever so slightly.

Then, he let his little shoulders droop. He set down his pouch and the bird cage with a single raven in it. He rummaged through the former, carefully pulling out his neatly packed things: a set of clothes, a bag of sweets, a small knife the guard immediately confiscated, a can of rare beans that only nobles can afford…

Itachi offered him some. Delighted, the guard plucked one out and chewed on it. Itachi-sama stared up at him, then proceeded to nimbly pack up his things.

Too late the guard realized that he couldn't move anymore.

"The paralysis should be gone in an hour," Itachi said and walked on.

By the time he reached port, the can of beans was empty.

For years afterward, none of the guards ever quite forgave him.

**Omake 4: Itachi and Sasuke**

"So you're my brother."

"I'm very pleased to meet you, Sasuke."

"And you stole my fiancée." Sasuke nearly said 'childhood sweetheart' but that was clearly pushing it.

"I hope we could get past that as I look forward to having a good relationship with you. Otherwise, I might have to rip your eyes from their sockets."

"And you _think_ we'll get along."

"Of course, we are brothers after all. Unique, certainly, but still _brothers_."

Sasuke was speechless at Itachi's audacity. _This guy was _really _good._

_No wonder Hinata was so completely taken. Maybe… maybe there was still a chance… _He clenched his fists. "Next time…"

Itachi read him perfectly. "I'm sorry, Sasuke, there won't be a next time."

**Omake 5: Akatsuki doing babysitter duty**

"_No_." Pein thundered. "Not happening."

* * *

**Notes: **Credits to the reviews and music that kept on being inspirational until it got too much for me. Music – especially Kamikazee's "_Para sayo_" which, though completely inappropriate, keeps running through my head as I write – all my song inspirations are in Filipino, sorry.

**REVIEW! **_**Come on**_**. IF YOU READ THIS TO THE VERY END, I AM OBLIGING YOU TO REVIEW/FLAME/WHATEVER. I'm not kidding. Horrible crack and cheesiness it may be, but this story was a trial to write and apparently it was worth your time reading.**


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